Thursday, June 30, 2016
The Toxic Gender Role Dance
Featured in
June 29th’s Christians In Recovery, Cruse discusses the negative
fairytale image, via “Sleeping Beauty,” one which focuses on external beauty,
to the exclusion of attributes like wisdom and kindness.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
(The Distraction Dragon) Confronting Your Log Ride
Featured in
the July 2016 issue of Serene Scene Magazine, Cruse discusses the
counterproductive effect “none of our business” distractions and avoidance of
doing our personal inventory can play concerning our recovery processes.
Monday, June 27, 2016
Are You a Caricature?
Featured in
June 27th’s Christians In Recovery, Cruse discusses the role
exaggeration and distortion can play in our image issues.
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Perfect Or Effective?
As a
recovering eating disorder sufferer, I’m keenly aware of the perfectionistic
component to the creation, maintenance and challenging treatment of the
disease. It’s often an uphill battle. Perfectionism, fueled by deep anxiety and
pressure, can kill. According to statistics...
·
Eating
disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness
·
A study
by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders
reported that 5 – 10% of anorexics die within 10 years after contracting the
disease; 18-20% of anorexics will be dead after 20 years and only 30 – 40% ever
fully recover
·
The
mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the
death rate of ALL causes of death for females 15 – 24 years old.
·
20% of
people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related
to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems
(From South Carolina Department
of Mental Health:
So, the word
“perfect” is not just a word; it can be a threat.
The
perfectionistic person, in recovery or not, is therefore, left to grapple with its
meaning for his/her life. How important is it?
According to
the dictionary definition, it reads as follows:
“Being
entirely without fault or defect: flawless; satisfying all
requirements; corresponding to an ideal standard”
So, of
course, with that definition, it’s
all too easy for a perfectionistic eating disorder sufferer to take it to its
extreme limits. I did.
What are we
to do then, if the definition of the word and its presence both seem to be so
epidemic, harmful and hopeless?
What if we
changed the view of the word?
Being a
Christian, doing my “faith walk,” I’ve had to examine not just what I believe about
the word, “perfect.” I’ve also needed to look at what God believes about it as well.
And the word
IS in the Bible.
After all,
God is described as perfect.
“As for God, his way is perfect...”
2 Samuel 22:31; Psalms 18:31
And most of
us can acknowledge that fact. A perfect God isn’t so much of a problem to us as
an imperfect humanity. That’s us. And that’s where things go awry.
I’ve often
prayed about and pondered the “perfect” word in the Christian context. I’ve
wondered what, exactly, is required
of us. Perfect is there, applying to us.
“That the man of God may be perfect,
throughly furnished unto all good works.”
2 Timothy 3:17
“Thou shalt be perfect with the LORD
thy God.”
Deuteronomy 18:13
“I in them, and thou in me, that they
may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me,
and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.”
John 17:23
Looking at
the mention of the word, it can appear bleak. It looks downright impossible. But
are we viewing the word correctly?
And,
perhaps, here’s where a shift in thinking- or, rather, defining the word
“perfect” comes in. And that word is “effective.” Does that work? Now, let’s
take a gander at the scriptures.
“That the man of God may be effective,
throughly furnished unto all good works.”
2 Timothy 3:17
“Thou shalt be effective
with the LORD thy God.”
Deuteronomy 18:13
“I in them, and thou in me, that they
may be made effective in one; and that the world may know
that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.”
John 17:23
Indeed, God
knows we fall short of His perfect glory (Romans 3:23). But, nevertheless, He has desired
for us to use what He’s given us: “power, love and a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). Wouldn’t that mean we’d need to be effective? Again, let’s check out
the dictionary definition of the word:
“Producing
a strong impression or response; Prepared for use or action; Operative”
So, are we effective
in our recovery, our life and our faith?
It is not a onetime event; it’s ongoing. It is a process, an
imperfect one, requiring patience.
“But let patience have her perfect work, that
ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”
James 1:4
And that’s often
discouraging. But I think we need to be more imperfect process minded than
perfection minded. And none of us
have arrived. As long as we’re in this life thing, there will be pressing and
reaching; there will be some form of recovery process.
“Not as though I had already
attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may
apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:12
And perfection only will occur when we’re
completely reconciled, spirit, mind and body, back to God.
“Till we all come in the unity of the
faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the
measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ:”
Ephesians 4:13
So, in the meantime, there’s grace.
“And he said unto me, My grace is
sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly
therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may
rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
Grace exists in spite of our inherent
imperfection. Grace empowers us with effectiveness. It is not oppressive; it’s
freeing.
The same, however, cannot be said of
perfectionism.
There’s a lot to recover from; there’s a lot
to change, heal and correct. Those of us, grappling with addictions, disorders
and compulsions will not be helped by rigid and unrealistic standards.
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so
is he...”
Proverbs 23:7
We will, however, be helped by God…
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go:
I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8
So, as we go through life, let’s think in
terms of being effective, not perfect. God is both; He has it covered!
That’s worth thinking and living!
Copyright © 2016 by
Sheryle Cruse
Saturday, June 25, 2016
For Every Comment, For Every Like
I recently
came across an image post on the internet. It was a female’s body, in workout
gear. And it was accompanied by this statement:
“For Every Comment,
I’ll do 10 sit ups, For Every Like, I’ll do 5 squats. Go, go, go!”
Furthermore,
this post was also followed by a series of emoticons to emphasize its message: three
arm curled biceps and one gold trophy.
(Sigh...
Here we go again...)
Exercise,
goals, striving for improvement/perfection...This is where I squirm, faced with
posts as these.
Indeed,
there is much emphasis on fitness in today’s culture. There are countless gyms,
trainers, exercise equipment, programs, workout clothes and shoes, as well as a
variety of athletic activities from which to choose. It’s overwhelming.
Yet there’s
still a rise in eating disorders and in such health issues as childhood obesity
and Type 2 Diabetes. How do we explain that?
I believe it
has a lot to do with focus and priority, the personal, daily decision to put
exercise and health in a healthy balance for our lives.
For God, in
fact, tells us that, yes, there is some benefit to exercise...
“For bodily exercise profits
little: but godliness is profitable to all things, having promise of the life
that now is, and of that which is to come.”
1 Timothy 4:8
It lowers
blood pressure, combats heart disease; it also improves circulation and mood,
just to name a few positive results.
But, like
anything used to excess, it can harm, even kill. That’s what it could have done
for me, back in the day, when I exercised for six or more hours a day, while
starving myself at the same time. That was not God’s Will. That was not profitable.
“For God is not a God of disorder
but of peace…”
1 Corinthians 14:33
So what is profitable? Moderate exercise that is
a part of life, but not our ENTIRE life. If exercise is preventing you from experiencing
other people and things in your life, to the point of disruption, that is not
profitable.
So, this
importance of “every like and comment,” where did it start?
I believe its
genesis is the heart, usually that of a wounded heart...
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of
it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
“For where your treasure is, there will your
heart be also.”
Matthew 6:21; Luke 12:34
Long story
short: we believe the solution to our pain is found in the external, including
the external appearance.
“‘…man looks on the outward
appearance...’”
1 Samuel 16:7
We
shortchange ourselves, not taking into account the entirety of the outward
appearance situation, especially from a spiritual perspective...
“‘…For the Lord
sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord
looks on the heart.’”
1 Samuel 16:7
Yet, we value
other people’s validation over God’s, more often than not. I suppose, one can
argue, it’s because with man, there is the 3-D evidence. God, is nebulous; we
view Him via the if-y faith tactic.
So, in our
hearts somewhere, perhaps God is not “as real” as other people... and their
opinions of us.
And that can
set us up for a snare...
“The fear of man bringeth a snare...”
Proverbs 29:25
We fear
other people’s disapproval, along with our own fragile sense of self. We want
to belong; we want to be accepted, liked and included...
“Do not be
conformed to this world...”
Yet God tells us there is health and blessing if we prioritize Him, above anything of this world, appearance issues included.
“Beloved, I wish above all things
that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers.”
3 John 1:2
“...whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.”
Proverbs 29:25
“Do not be
conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that
by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable
and perfect.”
Doing so is more important and beneficial than any like,
comment or opinion. Do we want something which is fleeting or something which
lasts? It’s up to us to decide.
Therefore, let’s view ourselves, most importantly, through God’s eyes and
comments, not anyone else’s.
“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”
Isaiah 43:4
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying,
‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness
have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah 31:3
And let that
influence how we take care of ourselves, including outward appearance and
exercise matters.
“Don't you know that you yourselves are God's
temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?”
1
Corinthians 3:16
Let’s believe
that and accept that in everything we do!
Copyright © 2016 by
Sheryle Cruse
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Your Temple Body
Once upon a time, as children, summer represented freedom,
didn’t it? We looked forward to being sprung from school for those glorious
three months of fun, sun and play. Once upon a time, I wore my navy blue
swimsuit with white footprints on it, never once preoccupied that I was too fat
to wear it.
But then something changed. We started to change. Growing
up, in various ways, was not for the faint of heart. As we entered adolescence,
all of a sudden, summer started to take on a different tone. As responsibility
increased and adulthood loomed large on the horizon, we started to focus more
on less fun things: summer jobs, preparation for college and, especially if you
were female, conforming a rapidly changing female physique into a thin and
acceptable enough one, at least, according to swimsuit criteria, anyway. Now,
the navy swimsuit attired little girl changed into an overweight teenager who’d
never be caught dead in a swimsuit. Now I believed I was too fat for anything
of the sort. Now I spent each summer devising a different, revolutionary and
transforming diet which would help me lose that unwanted weight and fix me,
once and for all. And I wasn’t the only one in similar pursuits, was I?
Indeed, as adolescents and as young adults, a lot of us
started looking for escape and comfort from the pressure of our increasingly
complicated, high stress lives. Enter addictions, compulsions and disorders.
Suddenly, coping becomes the answer, via drugs, alcohol, food, diets, eating
disorders and all types of external promises of hope and happiness. You may
have never dieted or developed and eating disorder, but you probably have
sought out some release valve to endure the pressures, pain and stress of your
life, right?
The summer season focuses a lot on the body. Starting as
early as January and February, fashion and health magazines seem to contain all
kind of articles promising “makeovers,” “new bikini bodies” and “the perfect
diet plan” to ensure losing that dreaded winter weight. And summer is all about
skimpy swimsuits, revealing clothes, prom/pageant dresses and, brides and
bridesmaids to be, let’s not forget that end all, be all event, known as the
summer wedding!
I know I sure couldn’t forget that event myself; an excerpt
from my book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an
Eating Disorder” illustrates my own descent into madness, only to discover the
answer was not found in my thin bridesmaid frame.
“... One of my 'goals' was fitting into a
bridesmaid dress for my cousin’s wedding. She asked me in March to be a
bridesmaid in her summer wedding... I really started obsessing the two
weeks prior to the wedding. Looking back on my diary entries, I wrote a
repetitive string of comments like, 'I’m not going to eat today or tomorrow,'
and 'I can’t blow it now. I’m so close...'
... The
August wedding eventually came and proved to be both anti-climactic and tense.
The build up, the hype, the 'end-all, be-all' quality I had attached to it was
replaced with a disappointing reality... I tried on the dress and
discovered that’s all it was—just a dress.
Yes, it was hanging on me, but it
didn’t really mean anything anymore. I was too exhausted for it to mean
anything to me...
...All
day, I got double-takes and felt constant stares. Family and guests at the
wedding, one by one, stared just a little too long, making me uncomfortable.
Here I was, my whole life craving attention, but not this! People stammered
things like, 'Sheryle, you look, pretty' and 'My, you’re thin. I didn’t
recognize you...'
... It
was a long day. I focused most of my concentration on just staying vertical and
not fainting. I had accomplished my goal; I was skinny for this wedding. I was
just too exhausted and hollow to enjoy it.”
A frequently used phrase, both in and outside of Christian
circles, has been that of “the body is a temple.” Most recently, in the diet
and fitness arena, it’s taken on even greater prominence, as emphasis on
maintenance and lifestyle, including the upkeep of physical attractiveness,
seems to be of the utmost importance. So, temple it is! We concentrate on the
outward structure.
But we miss the point of the temple, the sacred point. A
temple is not simply a building. It is a place in which God’s Spirit resides.
“Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that
God's Spirit lives in you?”
1 Corinthians 3:16
So, we would do well to take care of that structure, not
simply because we want it to look pretty, but because each one of us is
entrusted with such a great and honorable responsibility and opportunity. God
has chosen you; God has chosen me. How will we respond?
It’s shortsighted and harmful to only look to the quick fix,
whether that be the crash diet or the addictive substance we designate to be
our “solution.” Only God is meant to be that.
This summer, as we lighten up in our summer wear and become
more body conscious, let’s remember that our bodies and not merely “things.”
They are precious vessels; let’s treat them as such. That may mean eating
healthier, exercising and seeking and maintaining professional treatment and
programs. But is also means viewing ourselves as the incredible spiritual beings
God has called each of us to be.
“What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy
Ghost which is in you, which ye
have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price:
therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Let’s think of that as we view summer!
20 WAYS TO LOVE YOUR BODY!!
Compiled by Margo Maine, Ph. D.
- Think of your body as the vehicle
to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.
- Create a list of all the things
your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.
- Become aware of what your body can
do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an
ornament.
- Create a list of people you admire:
people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world.
Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and
accomplishments.
- Walk with your head held high,
supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.
- Don't let your weight or shape keep
you from activities that you enjoy.
- Wear comfortable clothes that you
like and that feel good to your body.
- Count your blessings, not your
blemishes.
- Think about all the things you
could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying
about your body and appearance. Try one!
- Be your body's friend and
supporter, not its enemy.
- Consider this: your skin replaces
itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver every
six weeks, and your skeleton every three months. Your body is
extraordinary--begin to respect and appreciate it.
- Every morning when you wake up, thank
your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.
- Every evening when you go to bed,
tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do
throughout the day.
- Find a method of exercise that you
enjoy and do it regularly. Don't exercise to lose weight or to fight your
body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you
feel good.
- Think back to a time in your life
when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that
again, even in this body at this age.
- Keep a list of 10 positive things
about yourself--without mentioning your appearance. Add to it!
- Put a sign on each of your mirrors
saying, "I'm beautiful inside and out."
- Choose to find the beauty in the
world and in yourself.
- Start saying to yourself,
"Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."
- Eat when you are hungry. Rest when
you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner
strength and beauty.
Reprinted
with permission from the National Eating Disorders Association. For more
information: www.NationalEatingDisorders.org.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Candy Month
I recently found out June is candy month. Huh? I know. It
started me thinking. Typically, the “candy holidays” are geared more toward
autumn and winter: Christmas, Valentine’s Day and, of course, Halloween. So, no
one really thinks candy when they think the summer season, right?
I remember my college days when, of the many wacky
disordered eating patterns and crash diets, I went on a “candy diet.” Nothing
but candy, day in, day out, for a period of time. I’m surprised every tooth in
my head did not rot and fall out. Grace of God.
And then I hit a point in my life/recovery in which sugar
was taboo. Keep that demonic white stuff away from me! To say I was paranoid
was an understatement! I felt it would “do me in” if I had the tiniest trace of
it.
Years later, I’m more at peace with the candy situation.
It’s not been an easy road, but scripture has helped me tremendously. It’s the
cliché moderation stuff. You know…
“All
things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful
for me, but all things edify not.”
1 Corinthians 10:23
“All
things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are
lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”
I know candy is not “health food.” Vitamins and minerals
aren’t found in the stuff. But I also know that one gram of sugar is not going
to kill me either. And I know God wants to bless me; He wants me to be healthy.
“…I am come that they might have life,
and that they might have it more abundantly.”’
John 10:10
That does not require perfection. So, even if/when I believe
I’ve “blown it,” there is no condemnation:
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in
Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
Romans 8:1
There is grace, no matter what. I think of that now whenever
I see candy.
“For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not
under the law, but under grace.”
Romans 6:14
So, happy
June, happy candy month!
Copyright © 2016 by Sheryle Cruse
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Is It Time To Let the Cat Out of the Bag?
Featured in
June 14th’s Christians In Recovery, Cruse discusses the importance of
disclosure with in our recovery process.
No Obligation
“I’m under no obligation to make
sense to you.”
Obligation
and the word “no” go hand in hand. That may not seem to be the natural
association. But let’s truly look at what obligation means.
Its
definition...
something that you must do because of
a law, rule, promise, etc.
something that you must do because it
is morally right
And that’s
where it can often get murky for us, especially if we struggle with people
pleasing.
Furthermore,
factoring in our challenges with addiction and recovery, things seem to slant
away from what is best for us, all in the name of sacrificing for someone
else’s wants or needs.
“Which say to the
seers, See not; and to the prophets, Prophesy not unto us right things, speak
unto us smooth things...”
Isaiah 30:10
Ah, yes,
smooth things. That is at the crux of the request for a people pleaser
response. People want smooth things for themselves, sometimes, at our expense
Yet, even
the Messiah, Who could do all kinds of miracles and blessings, said no; He was
not interested in being a people pleaser.
“As many as I love, I
rebuke and chasten...”
Revelations 3:19
And we could
all benefit by taking a page from His instruction. For there is a vital
principle of stewardship at hand here.
“Don't
you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in
you?”
1
Corinthians 3:16
“Let all things be done decently and in
order.”
1 Corinthians 14:40
It is
central to good health and wellbeing.
And it is
critical to our recovery processes.
“...there are often many things we
feel we should do that, in fact, we don't really have to do. Getting to the
point where we can tell the difference is a major milestone in the simplification
process.”
Elaine St. James, Living the Simple Life: A Guide to Scaling Down and Enjoying More
Elaine St. James, Living the Simple Life: A Guide to Scaling Down and Enjoying More
Indeed, not
everything is good for us...
“All
things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are
lawful for me, but all things edify not.”
1 Corinthians 10:23
“All
things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are
lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”
“We must say ‘no’ to what, in our heart,
we don't want. We must say ‘no’ to doing things out of obligation, thereby
cheating those important to us of the purest expression of our love. We must
say ‘no’ to treating ourselves, our health, our needs as not as important as
someone else's. We must say ‘no.’”
Suzette Hinton
Suzette Hinton
Therefore,
we need to employ the power of the “no” word whenever needed...
“Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,'
and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
Matthew
5:37
We need to
honestly answer for ourselves, concerning any request or need...
Is a “yes” good for me?
Is a “yes” good for the person asking for it?
There’s no shame in discovery “no” would
be the best answer and choice.
Sometimes, our “yes” would be too costly
and destructive for both ourselves and for the person (s) involved.
We need to be honest about that possibility.
But it is both a healthy- and a holy- act of realizing our value
and purpose.
That transcends any obligation’s
importance.
Copyright © 2016 by Sheryle Cruse
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