This article, appearing in the January issue of Serene Scene
Magazine, explores the influence belief has in recovery.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Not a feeling
“Keep thy heart
with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Ten Steps To Positive Body Image
Compiled by Margo Maine, Ph. D.
One list
can not automatically tell you how to turn negative body thoughts into positive
body image, but it can help you think about new ways of looking more
healthfully and happily at yourself and your body. The more you do that, the
more likely you are to feel good about who you are and the body you naturally
have.
- Appreciate all that your body can do. Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you --running, dancing, breathing, laughing, dreaming, etc.
- Keep a top-10 list of things you like about yourself -- things that aren't related to how much you weigh or what you look like. Read your list often. Add to it as you become aware of more things to like about you.
- Remind yourself that "true beauty" is not simply skin-deep. When you feel good about yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful regardless of whether you physically look like a supermodel. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.
- Look at yourself as a whole person. When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts. See yourself as you want others to see you -- as a whole person.
- Surround yourself with positive people. It is easier to feel good about yourself and your body when you are around others who are supportive and who recognize the importance of liking yourself just as you naturally are.
- Shut down those voices in your head that tell you your body is not "right" or that you are a "bad" person. You can overpower those negative thoughts with positive ones. The next time you start to tear yourself down, build yourself back up with a few quick affirmations that work for you.
- Wear clothes that are comfortable and that make you feel good about your body. Work with your body, not against it.
- Become a critical viewer of social and media messages. Pay attention to images, slogans, or attitudes that make you feel bad about yourself or your body. Protest these messages: write a letter to the advertiser or talk back to the image or message.
- Do something nice for yourself -- something that lets your body know you appreciate it. Take a bubble bath, make time for a nap, find a peaceful place outside to relax.
- Use the time and energy that you might have spent worrying about food, calories, and your weight to do something to help others. Sometimes reaching out to other people can help you feel better about yourself and can make a positive change in our world.
Reprinted
with permission from the National Eating Disorders Association. For more
information: www.NationalEatingDisorders.org.
Verbal Abuse (Break the Plate)
“Death and life are in the power of
the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
Proverbs 18:21
When I say the word, “abuse,” what first
springs to your mind?
Broken bones? Bruises?
Unfortunately, there are many different kinds
of abuse out there. The most obvious is physical abuse. But there’s also sexual
abuse, spiritual abuse, emotional and verbal abuse. And, when it comes to
emotional and verbal abuse, the impact is not so easily seen. Yet, the damage
is devastating.
Hence, the broken plate point…
Brilliant and on point.
So, below, I’ve attached an article by Beth J.
Lueders about emotional and verbal abuse.
Emotional and Verbal Abuse
by Beth J. Lueders
Denying
someone access to other relationships. Taunting on the playground. Yelling
degrading remarks. Downplaying accomplishments. Threatening to take the
children away.
From
bullying and manipulative mind games to sexual harassment and elder care
neglect, emotional and verbal abuse is rampant in our society. No one is immune
from encountering abusive people, but everyone can make healthy choices to end
destructive relationship patterns.
Emotional abuse
Emotional
abuse is difficult to define and many cases are never reported; nevertheless,
it's clear that this form of destructive behavior is based on power and
control. An emotionally abusive person may dismiss your feelings and needs,
expect you to perform humiliating or unpleasant tasks, manipulate you into
feeling guilty for trivial things, belittle your outside support system or
blame you for unfortunate circumstances in his or her life. Jealousy,
possessiveness and mistrust characterize an emotionally abusive person. Widely
recognized signs of emotional abuse include:
Rejecting or denying a person's value or
presence and communicating devaluing thoughts and feelings to another person.
Degrading, ridiculing, insulting or
name-calling to lessen the self-worth and dignity of another person. Examples
include humiliating someone in public or responding to a senior as if he or she
is not capable of making decisions.
Terrorizing by inducing intense fear in
someone; intimidating and coercing; or threatening physical harm to a person or
a person's loved ones, pets or possessions. Stalking, threatening to leave and
forcing someone to watch violence toward a family member are all types of
terrorizing.
Isolating, physically confining or limiting
another's freedoms. These restricting behaviors include denying a person
contact with others and controlling someone else's financial affairs.
Exploiting someone's personal rights and
social needs or using another person for profit or advantage. Enticing someone
into illegal activities for financial gain (drug selling, prostitution) is an
example of exploitation.
Detaching and denying emotional care or
affection. Shunning a person's efforts to interact or neglecting someone's
mental health needs are forms of this type of psychological abuse.1Although emotional abuse can occur on its own, all types
of abuse involve some form of emotional abuse. Similar to other forms of
relationship violence, emotional abuse happens most often to individuals with
the least power and resources. Over time emotional abuse brainwashes the
victim. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, it is
clear that for many, emotional abuse is even more devastating than physical
abuse.
Emotional
abuse tears at a person's self-esteem and can greatly impair psychological
development and social interaction. In children, emotional abuse can hinder
attention, intelligence, memory and the ability to feel and express emotions
appropriately. For both children and adults, emotional abuse can manifest
itself in social withdrawal, severe anxiety, fearfulness, depression, physical
complaints, avoidance of eye contact, self-blame and substance abuse.
Emotionally abused seniors may feel extreme guilt, inadequacy, depression or
powerlessness. Unfortunately, many psychologically abused elderly people are
labeled "senile" or "inept."
Because
emotional abuse is not as regularly reported as other forms of violence,
statistics are sparse. A Canadian study on abuse in university and college
dating relationships revealed that 81 percent of male respondents admitted they
had psychologically abused a female partner.2
According to a 2000 report by the National Institute of Justice, an estimated
503,485 women are stalked each year in the United States. Emotional abuse is a
worldwide problem for people of any age and any sex.3
Verbal abuse
The
well-worn chant, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can
never hurt me" is just not true. As Dr. Grace Kettering writes in her book
Verbal Abuse, "Cruel names and labels can hurt us — dreadfully! Many times
the emotional damage is unintentional. Crippling comments may seem so trivial
to the speaker as to be soon forgotten. But at a crucial moment or from an
important person, certain words spoken to a vulnerable, receptive individual
can make or break a life."
Verbal abuse
takes on many forms including criticizing, insulting, degrading, harsh
scolding, name-calling, nagging, threatening, ridiculing, belittling,
trivializing, screaming, ranting, racial slurring and using crude or foul
language. Disparaging comments disguised as jokes and withholding communication
are also examples of verbal abuse.
Hurling
hurtful words at another may sound like: "You're a nag just like your
parents!" "You don't know how to do anything right." "It's
your fault!" "You're too sensitive." "Come on, can't you
take a joke?" "That outfit makes you look fat." "You're
worthless in bed." "Who asked you?" "You don't need that
second helping." "All you do anymore is go to church stuff."
"Your ex sure screwed you up emotionally." Verbal abuse can happen
anywhere, at any time. Individuals who are teased and pressured at work or
school may in turn take out their pent-up frustrations at home. "Kicking
the dog" is not enough; instead, they verbally attack their spouse,
children, parents, close friends — no loved one is safe.
Wounds that
typically accompany emotional, physical and sexual abuse must not be ignored.
Both men and women inflict verbal abuse, but women tend to be more often on the
receiving end of this destructive behavior. What may seem innocent and infrequent
at first can escalate. Verbal abuse frequently plays a major role in violent
crimes. According to a 1998 U.S. Justice Department report on violent crimes,
women are five to eight times more likely than men to be victimized by an
intimate partner.4
All forms of
abuse follow a pattern that, left unchecked, will only increase over time.
Injuries from verbal and emotional abuse can run deep and leave lasting scars.
Many emotionally and verbally abused people reason that, because there are no
bruises or broken bones, their abuse must not be serious. But it is.
Fortunately, support and resources are readily available to guide individuals
into safe, loving relationships. In their well-received book Boundaries,
Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend state that, "Our pain motivates us to
act." If pain motivates you to act against emotional and verbal abuse,
then listen and act. You may be saving more than your life.
1
The National Domestic Violence Hotline, http://www.ndvh.org/
2
Ibid.
3
Ibid.
4
Ibid.
Copyright © 2002 Beth
J. Lueders. Used by permission.
See yourself here? There is help and hope. God
never wants you abused in any way! He loves you and has blessings for you
instead:
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto
me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with
lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”
Jeremiah
31:3
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the
Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
God wants to
restore your broken plate!
Copyright © 2014 by
Sheryle Cruse
Monday, January 27, 2014
That Adoration Look
Recently, I
saw of photo of a clouded leopard, lovingly gazing into its trainer’s eyes.
There was unconditional trust and affection in that gaze. At least, I hope it
was and not an entrée selection.
But, looking
at that leopard’s face, I was struck by that adoration look. It could be
unconditional love or a food craving, but the emphasis is still the same. It
can be person, place or thing. And that’s the thing about addictions; they can also be person, place or thing. But the
adoration answer is definitely there somewhere. It’s the magic solution to our
lives. It’s the promised fix of “happily ever after.”
That
adoration look frequently shows up on Harlequin romance book covers. Someone is
in a pirate’s outfit; someone’s in a bodice and petticoats. But when you look
at that the cover, there’s that gaze, that kind of “my life is now complete”
gaze.
And that’s
addiction. It’s addiction because it is a substitute for God, the spiritually
driven hunger for connection with our first love. We may not even know He is
just that. After all, God started the whole thing…
“We love him, because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:19
Love-
adoration- desire- God invented it.
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto
me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with
lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah
31:3
So, where
does it go wrong then? Answer: when we get involved (big shocker there). We get
it confused, taking our own eyes/attention off from God and having it traipse
somewhere else, to…I don’t know…to our chosen object of addiction…and BOOM!
There we are, staring at that thing lovingly, obsessively and, sooner or later,
destructively.
We believe
the lie we have found our reason to live and therefore, go on living/breaking a
notorious commandment:
“Then God spoke all these words, saying, ‘I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt,
out of the house of slavery. You shall have no other gods before Me.’”
Exodus 20:1-3
We believe
our answer is found independent of
God.
Big mistake.
In fact, it’s deadly.
“Let no one say when he is tempted,
"I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and
He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted
when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then
when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished,
it brings forth death.”
James 1:13-15
Fun, fun,
fun. We insist that, sooner or later, our addictions and compulsions will
deliver. God has become obsolete. But God is where it’s at. That’s the real
promise...
“Delight thyself also in the LORD:
and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”
Psalms 37:4
No Harlequin
book cover or leopard required. Being connected to God as that first and true
love is the answer. And it’s the only thing that will work. God loves us and is
enthralled with us…
“The Lord
your God in your midst, the Mighty One will save; He will rejoice over you with
gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with
singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17
At the core,
with God...
“Love never fails...”
1 Corinthians 13:8
And without
God...
“What profiteth the graven image that the maker thereof hath graven it;
the molten image, and a teacher of lies, that the maker of his work trusteth
therein, to make dumb idols? Woe unto him that saith to the wood, Awake; to the
dumb stone, Arise, it shall teach! Behold, it is laid over with gold and
silver, and there is no breath at all in the midst of it. But the LORD is in
his holy temple: let all the earth keep silence before him.”
Habakkuk 2: 18-20.
So, it’s do us some
good to love God, as we’re instructed to do...
“He answered, ‘Love the
Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
Luke 10:27
It takes just as much
time, energy and focus to devote our adoration look to God as it does to our
addictions and compulsions. We may believe it’s not fun or too difficult, but
God is the only working focus of our adoration.
And, on top of that, we
have His help...
“God is our refuge and strength, a
very present help in trouble.”
Psalms 46:1
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go:
I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8
So, let’s ponder our
adoration. Where does it lie? “Oh come let us adore Him” isn’t just a lyric
from a Christmas carol. How do we respond to it?
Again, God responds to
us THIS way...
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto
me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with
lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah 31:3
Let’s focus on
reciprocating!
Copyright © 2014 by
Sheryle Cruse
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Grumpy Cat
By now, you’ve probably
encountered several images of this painfully cute feline with the pout.
I have
spent a lot of time sucked into Grumpy cat posts; it’s a great distraction from
actual work.
Anyway, with all of
this emphasis of grumpitude, I started thinking about how scripture repeatedly
tells us to be joyful. You know, not grumpy.
“A glad heart makes a
cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is broken.”
“This is the day
which the Lord has brought about; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
Psalm 118: 24
Psalm 118: 24
There are experts who
study facial expression. According to them, we give ourselves away by our face.
Our words may lie, but not our body language.
Yet scripture tell us
to put this stuff on.
“Since you have heard
about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former
way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew
your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous
and holy.”
Ephesians 4:21-24
What are we supposed to
do with that? Fake it ‘til we make it? Or recognize that joy is different from flaky,
temporary- happiness.
“So we fix our eyes not
on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but
what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:18
And, while we’re waiting,
let’s not forget God…
“…the eyes of the LORD, which run to and fro through the whole earth.”
Zechariah 4:10
So, while we’re
challenged, let’s try to remember it’s not hopeless.
And then, go to Grumpy cat
images, if needed.
Copyright © 2014 by
Sheryle Cruse
To the point...
“For what I am doing,
I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice: but what I
hate, that I do.”
—The Apostle Paul in
Romans 7:15
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Jeremiah 29:11's still not cancelled
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,
says the Lord,
thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
It's a good day (Self- Care)
“Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's
Spirit lives in you?”
1 Corinthians 3:16
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Everyone falls for the bad guy
Yep, that about sums it up. A lot of you ladies know exactly
what I’m talking about.
We see him, the rebel, complete with dreamy bedroom eyes,
tousled hair and a certain taboo nonconformity, brooding in a dark corner
somewhere; we’re smitten.
There’s something alluring, dangerous and promising about
the bad guy, isn’t there? Its intoxicating argument of an exciting, romantic
and perfect life, however that’s defined, leads us into taking the bad guy up
on his offer. We make some choices- and, let’s face it, they’re not exactly
great choices for us, are they?
I’m not talking about the boyfriend on the motorcycle, the
latest “it boy” celebrity or even the famous rebel, himself, James Dean. No.
I’m talking about Sin.
Have you been properly introduced? I bet you have been.
Sin is irresistible. It promises us the world, whatever that
world means to us. Yet it fails to deliver. And it’s not like we haven’t been
warned. It’s just like our mothers or our girlfriends, trying to get our attention
about “that boy” with the bad reputation.
Scripture, itself, likewise, also tries to caution us about
sin:
“Let no one say when he is tempted,
“I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself
does not tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted
when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. 15 Then
when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished,
it brings forth death. 16 Do not be
deceived, my beloved brethren.”
James 1:13-16
But it’s still so appealing. It looks good; it sounds good. We’ll
be happy, only if we take a chance on this opportunity set before us. Besides,
we reason, we can “change him,” right?
Stop laughing. You’ve thought it and said it too at some
point.
But that’s the seductive power of sin. It made the apple
look delectable. It makes the bad choice look like the answer. There’s nothing
new under the sun about anything we choose to be that “end all, be all” thing
for us. Evil is still the core of it all. Temptation is the vehicle used. And
guess who is doing the driving?
“And no marvel; for Satan himself is
transformed into an angel of light.”
2 Corinthians 11:14
Nothing new. It can look
attractive, beautiful, sexy, decadent, promising, comforting, validating or
even good, possibly holy.
But, really, do we test its spirit?
“Beloved, believe not every
spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false
prophets are gone out into the world. Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: Every
spirit that confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God: And
every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not
of God: and this is that spirit
of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already
is it in the world.”
1 John 4:1-3
Is it “too good to be true?” Do we poke under the hood and
look around a bit?
What is “it,” really?
Are we falling for the “bad guy?”
It’s not to be hopeless and negative; it is about being
realistic- and empowered in the
process.
And let’s not forget a very big element IN that process:
God.
“Ye are of God, little children, and
have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in
the world.”
1 John 4:4
We don’t have to fall for every sin,
every kind of bad guy which crosses our paths. We can, with God’s help, see him
for who/what he is. And we can stand, in God, instead of falling for everything
self-destructive. It is possible, even if it’s imperfect, via our human
condition.
So, let’s not fall for that bad guy;
God, after all, IS the ultimate “Good Guy.”
Copyright © 2014 by Sheryle Cruse
Monday, January 20, 2014
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Words Be Few
As someone
who’s had instances of writer’s block, this scripture frequently comes to mind:
“Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty
to utter anything before God:
for God is in heaven, and thou
upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.”
Ecclesiastes 5:2
Granted, it
doesn’t always feel conducive to the writing process; words are kind of
important. Nevertheless, I suppose it is worth pondering.
“The tongue has the
power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
Proverbs 18: 21
I remember,
as a kid, having some cutesy stationery with babies, spouting statements like “Be
patient; God isn’t finished with me” and “It is better to remain silent and be thought
a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.” That one really stuck with me.
And, it was only years later I discovered that cutesy slogan was, in fact,
scriptural.
“He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an
excellent spirit. Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.”
Proverbs 17:27-28
Furthermore, there’s a little thing called
consequences:
“The lips of fools bring them strife,
and their mouths invite a beating.
and their mouths invite a beating.
The mouths of fools are their undoing,
and their lips are a snare to their very lives.”
and their lips are a snare to their very lives.”
Proverbs 18:6-7
Yeah, that’s
not appealing. I don’t know about you, but being ensnared does NOT sound like a
party to me.
I keep
thinking about Shakespeare’s character, Hamlet going on a tear about “Words,
words, words…” and we know how well THAT went. (If you don’t, please feel free
to look it up).
The point
is, words carry results with them, either positive or negative; they’re not
neutral.
“The tongue has the
power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
Proverbs 18: 21
Do we get it right?
Most of the time, probably NOT. Yet, that’s no excuse not to pay attention to
the principle at all.
So, worth considering,
words be few.
There’s some merit to
the writer’s block condition after all.
Copyright © 2014 by
Sheryle Cruse
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Zechariah Mountain on Tumblr...('Cause Blogger can't post photos now)
This is how I wanted to post it in the FIRST place!
Sigh...
Please check out Zechariah Mountain...
With photo (OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!)
http://aarisinlady.tumblr.com/
Sigh...
Please check out Zechariah Mountain...
With photo (OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!)
http://aarisinlady.tumblr.com/
Since Blogger is not enabling me to post photos...
I asked for the situation to be fixed. Still waiting. So, Tumblr will be getting more of my assorted thoughts and pictures.
Please check out at the following:
http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard
Please check out at the following:
http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard
What about Coincidences? (CIR)
This article, appearing in the January 10th issue of Christians In Recovery, discusses the relevant reality of God as He involves Himself in our daily lives.
If only...
“Every first draft is perfect, because all a first draft has to do is
exist.” Jane Smiley
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Zechariah Mountain
I must confess, I’m not the kind of person who would get a thrill from mountain climbing.
As far as I’m concerned, the ground is quite challenging enough, thank you.
Nevertheless, the mountain theme pops up a bit in scripture.
For instance…
“He replied, ‘Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.’”
Matthew 17:20
“‘Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.’”
Matthew 21:21
It’s relevant to each one of us, even for us ground dwellers.
Recently, however, I had a shift in thinking about mountains. It wasn’t so important to climb them as it was to SPEAK TO them. No gear required there.
Check it out:
“…‘This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit,’ saith the LORD of hosts.
Who art thou, O great mountain? before Zerubbabel thou shalt become a plain: and he shall bring forth the headstone thereof with shoutings, crying, ‘Grace, grace unto it.’
Moreover the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,
‘The hands of Zerubbabel have laid the foundation of this house; his hands shall also finish it; and thou shalt know that the LORD of hosts hath sent me unto you.
For who hath despised the day of small things? for they shall rejoice, and shall see the plummet in the hand of Zerubbabel with those seven; they are the eyes of the LORD, which run to and fro through the whole earth.’”
Zechariah 4:6-10
I think, for those of us in recovery especially, there can often be a tremendous emphasis on doing, on earning worth, goodness or even a “cure.”
But this scripture focuses on the power of words, SPEAKING TO, not CLIMBING the mountain. And then, God takes it from there.
The results are God’s business, not ours.
Again, reality check: What are we saying to the impossible, to the mountain?
“…‘This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit,’ saith the LORD of hosts.’”
Zechariah 4:6
God doesn’t leave us speechless OR powerless. No mountain is too difficult for Him!
“Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?”
Jeremiah 32:27
Be encouraged; that mountain of yours is coming down!
Copyright © 2014 by Sheryle Cruse
Monday, January 6, 2014
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Friday, January 3, 2014
Expect Problems (Not a New Year Failure)...
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Nothing Personal
Coincidences
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Hallway Power
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