Sunday, July 30, 2017
Name’s Sake (No Good Deed Goes Unpunished)
A friend of
mine who is experiencing some painful family issues has repeatedly asked
herself the “why” questions.
Why is this happening to me?
Why am I being treated like this?
Why is my loved one acting in such an
ugly manner?
She has been
blindsided by a situation and a relationship she never dreamed was possible,
rife with betrayal, deception and slander. This was once a close, bonded
relationship, one filled with unconditional love and trust.
So, the
events over the last few years were a definite shock.
“Brother will betray brother to
death, and a father his child; and children will rise up against parents and
cause them to be put to death.”
Matthew 10:21
This wasn’t
supposed to happen.
So, why did
it?
The question
often produces, unfortunately, only unsatisfying silences, with, perhaps, some exceptions,
as found in scripture...
“But all these things will they do
unto you for my name's sake, because they know not him that sent me.”
John 15:21
“And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.”
“And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.”
Matthew 10:22
“Then shall they deliver you up to be
afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my
name's sake.”
Matthew 24:9
I know, it’s
not comforting. But there appears to be a theme here.
“...for my name's sake.”
We’ve all
heard the phrase, “no good deed goes unpunished.”
This statement
is also not comforting, largely because it flies in the face of the Godly
principles we’ve staked our faith on: good triumphs over evil, we will be
blessed for our kind deeds and God is a just God.
So, how do
we reconcile this with a situation in which evil appears to be winning, wicked actions
are rewarded and God seems to be absent, incompetent or non-existent?
Once again,
we return to our theme...
“...for my name's sake.”
Living our
spiritual journey, our faith will be
tested; it’s a case of when, not if
that testing occurs.
No one is
immune. It is part of not just humanity, but the spiritual experience as well.
So, like it
or not, that means like Master, like servant...
“The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above
his lord.”
Matthew 10:24
Sooner or
later, we’ll encounter hurt and betrayal. After all, Jesus had Judas.
“But Jesus said unto him, ‘Judas,
betrayest thou the Son of man with a kiss?’”
Luke 22:48
(Check out Luke
22:3-48 for the entire gory story).
So, what
makes you and I think we’d get out of our lives unscathed?
And then,
complicating matters further (because, hey, life is already way too simple and
easy, right?), we have to deal with our recovery issues on top of everything.
No easy
feat, especially when boundaries are often blurry, at best, not everyone we
encounter is in a healthy, love and life affirming place and, oh yeah, “hurting
people hurt people” is in full force.
Goody.
No, it’s
more like good deed rubber, meet some getting punished road.
Here’s,
therefore, where we need to get a bit mercenary about our health, well-being
and yes, recovery. We need to remember how people vary widely- and their
thoughts, motivations and issues do as well.
So, with
that reality, we have the perfect storm for betrayals and persecutions of
countless scenarios.
The players
involved may or may not be aware of that. I’ve heard it said in my own faith
walk how human beings are tools either in the hand of God (good) or in the
hands of the devil (evil). We play a role in that; and often, yes, we can be deceived
and misguided. It would be ideal and much easier if everyone always choose to
be agents for good.
But we live
in a real world with free will and matching free moral agent human beings who
make choices- and not all of them are loving, informed or harmless choices.
Still more
great news to ponder.
Yet ponder
we must.
And, as we
think about the varying, often unpleasant, circumstances we encounter, we need
to have our reality check/action plan readied concerning our response when life
presents itself.
“The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above
his lord.”
Matthew 10:24
Nothing
Pollyanna about this and it certainly doesn’t make it feel any easier as we
encounter and endure hardship of being hurt and betrayed from seemingly
unlikely directions.
Scripture, again, reminds us...
“Woe unto the world because of offences! For it must needs be
that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!”
Matthew 18:7
The definition of “woe” means:
“great sorrow or distress; things that cause sorrow or distress; troubles.”
So, yes...
Woe is betrayal.
Woe is slander.
Woe is deceit.
Woe is the unexpected, unloving behavior from our
most unexpected loved one.
Again, Jesus had woe from Judas.
And again, it comes back to our theme...
“...for my name's sake.”
Therefore, a
core element of our battle plan, in spite of painful, unfair incidents, needs
to employ Ephesians 6:7...
“With good will doing service, as to the Lord,
and not to men.”
Life is tricky, filled with unanswered
questions. One can drive himself/herself crazy trying to answer the “Judas
kiss” kind of experience we face from those “least likely” individuals.
A lot can be chalked up to “things happen.”
A lot can be chalked up to “life is unfair.”
And yes, again, there are things which fall
under the “name’s sake” classification.
“If the world hates
you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the
world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but
I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you. Remember the word that I
said to you, 'A slave is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me,
they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also.”
John 15:18-20
So, it is important to bear this in mind,
coupled with the seemingly impossible directive given to us concerning our
troubled feelings/responses...
“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto
you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled,
neither let it be afraid.”
John 14:27
None of this invalidates our pain, our
heartbreak or our persecution.
Rather, it’s to remind us there is more going
on than just our finite experiences- and understandings of them.
“For our light
affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and
eternal weight of glory;”
2 Corinthians 4:17
There is, in fact, a Glory principle in
effect; and it doesn’t require we feel the positive feelings of that
Glory...
“But the God of all grace, who hath called us
unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while,
make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.”
1 Peter 5:10
Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and
co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may
also share in his glory.”
Romans 8:17
So, perhaps,
instead of asking our “why questions,” we should, instead, ask such things
as...
What spiritual lesson is being taught
to me?
How can I embody the Savior’s
behaviors? (Yes, I
know, that rhymes).
What is the Glory test here?
It is
unrealistic enough to be believe we will be unchallenged and have an easy,
pain-free life experience.
Likewise, in
the faith realm, when we encounter offense and human experiences which make us
feel judged, betrayed and persecuted, it also unrealistic to blame that stuff
solely on a human being. There is also a spiritual warfare element added to the
equation...
“For we wrestle not against flesh and
blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the
darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
Ephesians 6:12
And yes,
that especially applies to the “Name sake” issue.
So, it would
do us all some good to bear this in mind as we deal with whatever “blindsiding”
situation we face. We are not above suffering.
But, if we
remember this “Name sake” principle, we also realize how, yes, we are also not
removed from a deeper promise.
“If ye be reproached for the name of
Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on
their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.”
1 Peter 4:14
Indeed, it’s
not about being punished at all. Rather, it is about the Divine reward of
Savior resemblance.
So, let’s
choose to experience that.
Copyright © 2017 by
Sheryle Cruse
Tuesday, July 25, 2017
It Ain’t What They Call You...
“But now thus says the LORD that created you...‘Fear not: for
I have redeemed you, I have called you by your name; you are mine.’”
Isaiah 43:1
What’s in a
name?
We cannot
get around that question. From the start, we are named. As life continues, we bestow
more names to children, pets, toys, places, projects, et cetera.
This naming
business is far from insignificant. Consequently, it can often subject to negative,
extremely personal and abusive behavior. It can challenge the recovery from our
individual hurts, histories and obstacles.
I’ve
personally encountered this toxicity. I have had people call me derogatory names;
profanity and misogyny have often been at the center of those names.
It’s
startling, infuriating and potentially harmful to my health and recovery. Often
reeling from these encounters, my only recourse is to run to God in prayer.
Recently, I
came across a social media post about name calling. And it shed some insight regarding
personal attacks.
Here are these
reasons behind negative name calling revealed...
Bully
Cover up mistakes
Cause confusion
Deceive observers
Discredit or invalidate
opponent
Disarm opponent
Distract or divert
attention
Draw attention
Encourage criticism
Instigate reaction
Manipulate you into
compliance
Manipulate perception
or mislead
Manipulate your beliefs
and values
Project blame onto
others
Ranting
Reinforce social stigma
Personal Agenda: A Huge “Why”
“For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every
evil thing are there.”
James 3:16
As we look
at this list of “reasons,” it doesn’t take long to see how a personal agenda is
behind it all.
And it can
become overwhelming to discern and deal with that often destructive personal
agenda. Indeed, envy and self-seeking behaviors are often found there. Both
share unrealistic expectation, entitlement and, yes, selfishness. Possessing
these attributes is human. Like it or not, each of us is subject to falling
into this humanity.
With that
said, however, it still is not an excuse to eviscerate someone’s character,
feelings or circumstances.
Misunderstanding
is frequently at the root of negative name calling. We don’t see and know the
entirety of a person, their history and their situations. So, in our uninformed
perspective, we somehow justify, with unchallenged conviction, the
determination they “deserve” said name attached to them.
Someone gets
called a profanity, a slur or any other variation of an unflattering, hurtful
word.
And here’s where
we are confronted with a choice. In that unpleasant, real moment, how do we respond
to a derogatory name hurled at us?
“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”
W. C. Fields
This tests everything: our faith, our
character and our triggers. Over the years, I have tried various tactics
concerning the name calling issue.
I have...
...ignored
it, doing my best to not dignify it with a response...
“He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not
his mouth...”
Isaiah 53:7
(Yeah, this
Jesus kind of response was definitely not
easy)...
...just
walked away...
“Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest
not in him the lips of
knowledge.”
Proverbs 14:7
(Again, it’s NOT easy).
...attempted
to reason with the person, offering a plea for understanding and civility...
“Blessed are
the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”
Matthew 5:9
(Oh, don’t
get me started here)...
...responded
to verbal attack by stating, “Stop it!”
“Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,'
and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
Matthew
5:37
(This,
I’ve found, can shut all communication down)...
...put the
particular name through my questioning filter, attempting to assess if there
was anything “valid” to the incident...
“Search me, O God, and know my heart:
try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and
lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalms 139:23-24
(As if I’m
not enough of a masochist already)...
And here’s
where I run into a gigantic sticking point: negative name calling is
DESTRUCTIVE, not CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
“Even so the tongue is a little
member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire
kindleth! And the tongue is a
fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth
the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire
of hell.”
James 3:5-6
Unfortunately, when a person is in this reactionary mode,
they are often not the least bit interested in resolving, understanding or
being peaceful. They, because of fear, hurt or frustration, disguised as
personal offense, often only want to retaliate.
Again, no
one is immune from being in this place.
Nevertheless,
it still targets a pointy question for the name caller:
Why are you saying what you are
saying?
It comes
back to personal human agenda.
But Thank God, God is different...
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my
ways, says the Lord. For as the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My
thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
And because
of our unflattering agenda portrait, we need to return to God on this issue.
When
imperfect human beings make the choice to hurt with untrue, but painful verbal attacks,
how much more do we need to reaffirm God’s position on the name calling topic?
Called By MY NAME...
“Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my
glory, whom I formed and made."
Isaiah 43:7
We need to
learn, apply and bandage ourselves with how God sees us and how He names us.
(Once again,
this is not easy).
When painful
verbal abuse is launched our way, we need to keep first things first.
Our First Love: That Settles It...
“We love
him, because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:19
Our inherent
value and lovability are secure and decided upon long before we were ever in a
circumstance which challenged us to believe a harmful lie of a degrading name.
We were
specifically, intentionally, created in His Image and called good...
“And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was
very good...”
Genesis 1:31
“And God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness...’ So
God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and
female created he them.”
Genesis 1:26-27
And after
our creation, God celebrates us...
“The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty
One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with
His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17
That’s an
important thing to keep in mind whenever we’re in a name calling moment.
I mean, let’s face it, in that uncomfortable
scenario, there is nothing
celebratory going on.
Why HIS Name Calling?
“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”
Isaiah 43:4
So, whenever
we feel diminished in a negative context, we need God’s affirming naming
process. It comes from an agenda of love.
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto
me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with
lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah 31:3
At surface
level, this feels like a no brainer.
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, we know- God loves us.
Yet, when we
are bombarded with vicious, degrading and hurtful words, words which often
convince us of our worthlessness, this important love thing can be incredibly
difficult to accept.
Free To Transform Because God is
Decided...
“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”
Isaiah 41:9
Therefore, knowing
God is already decided about His love and decision to choose us can, however
slightly, make it easier for us to absorb.
And maybe
this absorption can facilitate our trust inthe grace-infused process of
transformation, even in spite of our wounds and issues.
“But we all, with
unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being
transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of
the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 3:18
One
of the reasons I frequently refer to 2 Corinthians 3:18 and an entire
slew of unconditional love scriptures as
I write, speak and mentor, is because life, without any sugarcoating, is
brutal. I’ve encountered many along the way who are walking wounded from
someone else’s fiery tongue.
Therefore,
part of the ongoing healing process is to frequently remind ourselves of these
love and value scriptures.
I
wish I could say I am completely finished and healed. I would love to say it’s
all resolved.
But
I would be lying if I said that.
My struggle, to this day, resides in not just
the memories of days and words gone by, but also in the current biting
experiences from people, especially when they are family, I experience to this
day.
This,
unfortunately, is a common reality for many of us out there. From what name,
insult or slur are you trying to process and heal? Who said it? Do you take over
where they leave off, calling yourself this horrible name for yourself?
While the recovery journey of truth, acquiring
tools and forgiveness unfolds for each of us, there’s one more thing which
needs to also be mentioned: Matthew 12:36.
“But I say unto you, That every idle
word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of
judgment.”
Do I offer this scripture because of the “get ‘em” promise of
vengeance on our enemies?
No.
Rather, it is to remind us all, myself included, of the
reality of individual accountability. Even on our best day, we still can only
control our own actions. That does not guarantee self-control and appropriate
behavior will spread to anyone else. So, yes, there is the risk of someone
else’s choice for bad and hurtful behavior to be aimed at us- and name calling
is included in that.
It’s important to believe God’s love and value estimation concerning
us is more powerful than any person’s opinion and the toxic results emanating from it.
Again, to quote W.C. Fields...
“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”
Let’s commit to the challenge of accepting ourselves, called
by our true names!
“...‘I have called you by your name;
you are mine.’”
Isaiah 43:1
Copyright © 2017 by
Sheryle Cruse
A Secret Club Agenda?
“Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden
that will not be known.”
“Fight Club” is a powerful film, cemented
within pop culture. It’s notorious, in particular, for the famous line of its
main character, Tyler Durden’s, often quoted within our society...
“Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of
Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club
is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!”
And it got
me thinking about secrecy.
I understand
the lure of club membership. There are benefits to joining such an entity:
socialization, improvement of like-minded skills and, of course, the
all-powerful “sense of community.”
Many of them
have rituals, handshakes, pledges and rules of conduct- and yes, quite often,
those elements are “secret.”
Indeed, for
many of us in recovery, that also applies to the numerous Twelve Step programs
out there; we do see the impact of people gathered together under a common
cause/interest, in a safe “anonymous” setting.
But, with
that being said, it still brings up the risk for potential mindsets and
behaviors that are far from constructive.
And, at that
center lies secrecy. Here’s where the unhealthy crutch arises instead of the
ideal focal point, actual recovery.
As the old
saying goes, “You’re as sick as your secrets.”
Secrecy’s
toxic impact in a “club setting,” first discounts the necessary need to admit
our powerlessness, as referenced by Steps
1-3.
- We admitted we were powerless over our addiction -
that our lives had become unmanageable.
- We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
- We made a decision to turn our will and our lives
over to the care of God as we understood Him.
“Secret-keeping”
enables the person afflicted to keep going about his/her usual routine, with
absolutely no acknowledgement of one’s
own powerlessness. The harmful delusion asserts itself: he/she is still running
their addiction-fueled show.
And, this
delusion further flourishes, as long as the addict keeps attending meetings;
all appears well. The attendance serves as a “smoke and mirrors” distraction for
destructive truth. As long as everyone is looking at the meeting attendance, no
one is actually paying attention to a member’s “using” agenda.
The addict
is at the meeting in body only.
And, before
anyone catches it, a cavalier attitude can insidiously extend to Steps 4-7, the actual wrongdoing of the
addict.
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of
ourselves.
- We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another
human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
- We were entirely ready to have God remove all these
defects of character.
- We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Emboldened
by his/her hush-hush “fight club,” the addict now feels no need to do that
necessary recovery inventory. He/she is playing the secretive game of lip service
with no action behind it- and it continues to go unchallenged.
And, again,
the addict may even believe he/she is “doing the work,” as they passively show
up to meetings. They may believe that is enough.
In full
denial, steps 8-10, therefore, are a
moot point to the addict, when in direct contrast to “secret keeping.”
- We made direct amends to such people wherever
possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
- We continued to take personal inventory, and when we
were wrong, promptly admitted it.
A toxic
pattern repeats itself, only now, it expands its reach. The addict reasons, “If
there is no need to honestly address, examine, discuss and change what I’m
doing, why should I do change my behavior with other people?
The
secretive all-important agenda, to the “crutch-y addict,” likewise, perpetuates
its resistance for the remaining steps, eleven and twelve.
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him,
praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of
these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice
these principles in all our affairs.
Again, if we
are “as sick as our secrets,” then what is our approach to these last two
steps?
Are we
transparent?
Or, are we
content to avoid the work and put on the mask of committed recovering addict
instead?
Perhaps we think we’ll “take things
more seriously” at a later time.
Perhaps we believe really aren’t
“that bad,” and, therefore, don’t need the implement the steps in our lives.
Perhaps we think we have the best of
both worlds as we keep and practice our secret, destructive behaviors: we have
the social interaction benefit without having to give up any of our vices. We.ve
got it great. We’re getting away with it.
Except...we’re
not.
“For nothing is hidden except to
be made manifest; nor is anything secret except to come to light. If anyone has
ears to hear, let him hear.”
Nope. You
can’t keep a secret, especially from the Most High God...
“Thou
hast set our iniquities before thee, our secret sins in the light of thy
countenance.”
Psalms
90:8
So, there’s
that. Buzzkill.
Therefore,
especially concerning the realm of our all-important recovery, it would do us
some good to come back with this response...
“... Cleanse thou me from secret faults.”
Psalms
19:12
It’s not about shame.
Rather, it’s about the healthy checkup of what we’re really doing.
Are we truly in recovery? Are we pretending we are? Are we going through
the motions?
The “Fight Club” speech
states...
“...The first rule of Fight Club is:
you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT
talk about Fight Club!”
According to scripture,
that secretive perspective is a vain imagination which exalts itself against
God and His Word (2 Corinthians 10:5).
And it does not profit
us. We may feel like we are “getting away with it,” but come on, is there
really unshakable security if we insist on secrecy?
And really, are we
blessed by that secrecy?
Honestly, we know that
answer is “no.”
“He who covers his sins will not prosper: but whoever
confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”
Proverbs 28:13
What are our secrets?
How are they playing themselves out?
“You’re as
sick as your secrets.”
Is that our true club
membership?
Copyright © 2017 by
Sheryle Cruse
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