Wednesday, February 28, 2018
I Am Aware- A For Accountability
A:
The next “A” letter we look at points to that of
“accountability.”
“But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of
stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes.
For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom
men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.”
Luke 12:48
“Accepting
responsibility for our actions…”
It’s a
well-worn phrase, especially in addiction/recovery circles. But it cannot be
emphasized enough. It is the realization of the part we played in our ugly
realities.
But there is
more to the accountability issue than that. It also incorporates the hopeful
opportunity to be a light and an encouraging guide to others. It’s evident in
the twelfth step…
“Having had a spiritual awakening as
the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to
practice these principles in all our affairs.”
If we can
make the shift from viewing ourselves as doomed disordered eating sufferers to
honest, transparent, real-life helpers, we move from imprisoning self-obsession
to healthy connection and acceptance of ourselves and others.
Copyright
© 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
I Am Aware- AM
Let’s
examine the two letters comprising one little word: am.
A-
Admit
First, the “a” of that word. What if it
represented “admit?” The first step
of any 12 Step program hinges on us admitting we have a problem.
1.
We admitted we
were powerless over a substance or behavior ─ our lives had become unmanageable.
We won’t get
any further in healing without it.
“He who covers his
sins will not prosper: but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have
mercy.”
Proverbs 28:13
And, hand in
hand with that challenging truth is another truth; we don’t know what we’re
doing.
“For what I am doing,
I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice: but what I
hate, that I do.”
Romans 7:15
This is all the more reason we need, perhaps,
to turn to our next letter in the word, “am.”
We need to see the “mission” in the
letter “M.”
M-Mission:
We need to
embrace a mission, something that is larger than the struggle and pain we are
in when it comes to the present moment.
“Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but
blessed is the one who heeds wisdom's instruction.”
Proverbs 29:18
The New
Living Translation’s interpretation of that same scripture is as follows…
“When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild.
But whoever obeys the law is joyful.”
Oh yeah,
that’s an understatement.
I believe it
was the late Johnny Cash who said, “We all need someone to love, something to
do and something to look forward to.” That’s where mission can come in.
When we
recognize there is meaning to us, significance, we can possibly endure the
present moment and do what’s necessary to improve our lives and heal. It’s not
about perfection, just ongoing, meaningful progress which extends beyond us as
individuals.
If we can
admit there is a problem and commit to our healing of it, we are in the present
state of “am.”
Copyright
© 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
Monday, February 26, 2018
I Am Aware- The Week Begins...
Once again,
we are at that time of year, the awareness week for disordered food, weight and
body image issues.
From
February 26th - March 4th, 2018, the emphasis is on
promoting awareness, reducing shame and isolation and getting help, wherever
and however we find ourselves.
“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to
do, that I do not practice: but what I hate, that I do.”
Romans 7:15
“I am aware.”
Let’s take
some time and really break down what those letters can spell out for us…
starting with “I.”
Information:
We have to
realize we don’t have the necessary information, especially if we are in the
grips of disorder. We all lack some wisdom and are on a continuum of needing to
learn. We all have the capacity to learn and improve our lives; we all have The
Most High, guiding us…
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask Elohim,
who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to
you.”
James 1:5
Recognizing
there is more to learn can often be that very important first step. Take it;
get information!
Copyright
© 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
Sunday, February 25, 2018
Success Is...Grace
“And of His fullness
have all we received, and grace for grace.”
John 1:16
As someone
recovering from disordered image, food and weight issues, I’ve long wrestled
with the perfection issue. There was a mandate, both self-imposed and emanating
from others, to be perfect in behavior, achievement and appearance.
However,
this last goal was the most frustrating and demoralizing.
As a child,
I was overweight, inheriting my mother’s own negative body image perceptions. Later,
throughout adolescence, I was bullied, teased and rejected.
And then,
adding insult to injury, I felt I could never win when it came to my dad and
his expectations.
“...I desperately wanted my dad to notice me.
I learned very quickly that one surefire way to do that was by winning awards.
When I won something, I wasn’t completely worthless or useless. I was
productive; I was “earning my keep.” I set impossible standards for myself. Try
as I might with award after award, I’d eventually disappoint everyone,
including myself, proving that I wasn’t worth anything after all.
My perfect attendance record in
school is an excellent example. For three years in a row, I did not missed one
day of school, knowing that I would win a perfect attendance certificate,
tangible proof on paper that I was worthwhile. It became a standard I had to
maintain because my dad seemed pleased in my performance. Of course, he never
said that he was proud of me, but he did lay off the criticisms briefly. So for
the next few years, I went to school with colds, sore throats and influenza. I
remember going to school once with a temperature of over 101, sitting at my
desk, on the verge of throwing up, yet only thinking of that certificate.
When I reached junior high, I became
so sick once I had to stay home. I felt defeated and anxious. My dad, who had
never really been sick with so much as a cold, was unsympathetic to my
condition. With each passing day I stayed home from school, the tension
mounted. Three days at home, according to my dad, was enough. He became upset
at my mom for being “such a terrible mother.” After three days home, he had
enough. He decided he would take me into school to make sure I got there.
On the way to school, he was fuming
and I was scared to death, but my fourteen-year-old mind wanted to know
something. We’d never had any father/daughter talks about anything, much less
about the existence of a loving relationship, but I got up the nerve to ask
him, ‘Do you still love me?’ His answer? ‘If you do this again, I won’t.’
His answer proved it. It was my
fault. I had to prove myself in order to be loved. I wasn’t the cute, good
little daughter he should have had. If I could just look right and act right,
he’d love me. All I have to do, I decided, is be perfect. That’s all.”
(Excerpt from Cruse’s book, “Thin
Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder”)
So, in all
of my efforts to be perfect, I learned I was not only unacceptable, ugly,
stupid and fat, I was also a hopeless failure.
“Success isn’t about perfection. It’s
about progression.”
I wish I
knew who uttered this wonderful quote.
But, little
did I know I was eventually and slowly actually
practicing it, via one of God’s most powerful truths: grace.
In fact, you
could replace the word, “progression” with “grace” and it would still hold the
same potent meaning.
It’s because
grace is critical to life, destiny and healing. None of us would have any hope
without it.
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of
yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.”
Ephesians 2:8-9
Grace has
been there from the start because, simply stated, we NEED it!
God provides
it for each one of us, equipping us for this thing called our lives, and yes,
our sins.
“But when it pleased
God, who separated me from my mother's womb, and called me by his grace.”
Galatians 1:15
“For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not
under the law, but under grace.”
Romans 6:14
That is
vital for those of us obsessed with unrealistic, paralyzing perfection. It goes
beyond the anorexic or the bulimic. It covers anyone who struggles.
And hello, last time I checked, that was the human race.
But knowing
that reality and absorbing/applying it are two different things.
To achieve any
kind of healing requires seeing the personalization God has given to grace when
it comes to each of us.
“And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that
ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good
work.”
2 Corinthians 9:8
Grace is not
some nebulous theory; it is relevant, accessible and pro-us.
“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that
we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16
Who out
there needs help in time of need?
Exactly.
But coming
to terms with God’s personal, individual dispensation of grace can be tricky
because of the lies we’ve absorbed. These lies can dictate oppressive terms,
convincing us of such things as...
I am not good enough.
God doesn’t think about me.
God doesn’t love me.
I need to earn my worth.
It’s too late/hopeless for me.
For much of
my life, I lived each of these statements. They pushed me to anorexia, bulimia,
suicidal thoughts and numerous lost, self-destructive choices.
It had a lot
to do with my stance on grace.
For as much
attention as there is to the importance of accepting Jesus Christ as personal
Lord and Savior, there is not equal emphasis on us having a personal
relationship with God’s grace. Jesus and Grace: one can argue how they are,
indeed, one and the same.
“Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together
with Christ, (by grace ye are saved).”
Ephesians 2:5
But do we
choose to accept this?
“I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness
come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.”
Galatians 2:21
The process
of living our lives in and with grace is not dependent upon our performance.
It’s in spite of our performance. If
we are in a constant state of “earning,” we not only frustrate the grace of
God, we frustrate our lives, our health, our recovery and our irreplaceable
meaning.
We are all
in this same boat of being dependent upon God’s grace. No one has it together.
No one is mistake and sin-free. We have all blown it.
Therefore,
it is upon us all to heed 2 Corinthians 6:1...
“We then, as workers together with him, beseech you also that
ye receive not the grace of God in vain.”
It’s an
ongoing, flaw-filled process. However, committing to- and following it-
eventually reveals the transformation reality.
“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the
glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to
glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 3:18
And that
truly is living, breathing progression in us all!
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
The Still, Silent Challenge: Do We Sit With Our Hearts?
I admit it.
I have a difficult time being still.
I like
background noise, action and movement. This probably explains why I am pathetic
at relaxation exercises, Tai Chi and yoga. I just can’t seem to settle down.
The room may be completely quiet, yet my thoughts, “to do” lists and anxieties
are often at record-setting decibel levels.
And this
noise is often a part of the addiction package. Why? Because it’s distracting.
And anything that promises to provide escape from reality is tantalizing.
So, bring on
the vices, the noise, the social media, the cell phone apps, the adrenaline
rush and the frenetic pace of distraction. We don’t want to face unpleasant situations.
“Social
networking already accounts for 28 percent of all media time spent online... on
average using platforms such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
18
percent of social media users can’t go a few hours without checking Facebook,
and 28 percent of iPhone users check their Twitter feed before
getting up in the morning.”
“Social Media Addiction: Statistics
& Trends,” Shea Bennett, http://www.adweek.com/socialtimes/social-media-addiction-stats/504131
Yet, often,
instead of finding relief, let alone, solutions, to our less than ideal
realities, we find ourselves even more anxious.
And so, like
any true junkie, we need our “fix” faster, more furious and in larger
quantities than when we started our great escape plan.
But we are
no closer to health and blessing. And that result often points to the fact we
do not want to get searched.
"The unexamined life is not worth living.”
Socrates
Let’s go
back to the junkie for a moment. Imagine there he is, caught red-handed, with paraphernalia
and substances right in his pockets. Now, did that junkie voluntarily desire to
get caught and searched? Of course not. He does not want all of the truth,
hidden from view, brought into the unflinching light. He doesn’t want quiet,
stillness and self-reflection. He wants to be distracted by using.
But the benefits
which can arise from getting quiet and honest, from voluntarily granting spiritual
search warrants, are profound.
- Heart rate, respiration, blood pressure and oxygen consumption are all decreased.
- Meditators are less anxious and nervous.
- Meditators were more independent and self-confident
- People who deliberated daily were less fearful of death.
- 75% of insomniacs who started a daily meditation program were able to fall asleep within 20 minutes of going to bed.
- Production of the stress hormone Cortisol is greatly decreased, thus making it possible for those people to deal with stress better when it occurs.
- Women with PMS showed symptom improvements after 5 months of steady daily rumination and reflection.
- Thickness of the artery walls decreased which effectively lowers the risk of heart attack or stroke by 8% to 15%.
- Relaxation therapy was helpful in chronic pain patients.
- 60% of anxiety prone people showed marked improvements in anxiety levels after 6-9 months.
“Statistics on People who Meditate,” Joel
Sparks,
This
comes from allowing the Divine complete access to our hearts.
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my
anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in
me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalms 139:23-24
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that’s meditation.” I
hear that response murmured from some of you.
What
about those of us who pray instead of
meditate?
What
about those findings?
Again,
there are astounding benefits.
“For the past 30 years, Harvard scientist Herbert Benson,
MD, has conducted his own studies on prayer... ‘All forms of prayer,’ he says, ‘evoke
a relaxation response that quells stress, quiets the body, and promotes
healing. Prayer involves repetition -- of sounds, words -- and therein lies its
healing effects.’ ...”
Whether
it is prayer or meditation, it goes beyond mere semantics. Spiritual power is
found in the real, raw, honest assessment and heart connection with a Force
greater than ourselves.
“ ...‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the
earth.’”
Psalm 46:10
That
often cannot happen in noise and distraction. It originates from silence,
stillness and a spirit of true yearning. It exists in the moments of probing
questions...
What am I wanting right now?
Why am I wanting it?
Where’s my heart?
Often,
it’s not in the spectacle of a morning church service. It’s not in the right
speech repeated in a many a religious context.
“‘...This people honoureth me with
their lips, but their heart is far from me.’”
Mark 7:6
Instead,
many times, it occurs when everyone has gone home, when all activities and
business are finished. It happens when everything is quiet and it is just the
individual and the Most High, intermingling. It is a sacred, intimate
experience, should we dare to tap into it.
We
cannot escape this reality; life issues are heart issues. And, applying God’s Word to them is the ongoing
work we need to engage in. It speaks to the power and meaning of relationship
over religion.
Therefore, addiction,
often, is a substitute for our Divine connection with the Most High. Addiction
wants to circumvent intimacy with a failed, temporary substitute which short
circuits our spiritual selves; it interferes with our physical, mental and
emotional recovery processes.
Indeed, at
any given moment, we are in a position to ask ourselves...
Am I facing my truth or am I running
away from it?
How close is my heart to the Most
High God?
Am I dealing with who I am?
Are we truly
sitting down with our honest answers to those questions?
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
Saturday, February 24, 2018
I Am Aware
Once again,
we are at that time of year, the awareness week for disordered food, weight and
body image issues.
From
February 26th - March 4th, 2018, the emphasis is on
promoting awareness, reducing shame and isolation and getting help, wherever
and however we find ourselves.
“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to
do, that I do not practice: but what I hate, that I do.”
Romans 7:15
“I am aware.”
Friday, February 23, 2018
Not All Surprises Are Bad
In recovery
from my disordered eating and image issues over the years, one thing I had to
face was the complicated, unresolved father/daughter factor in my life. No, I
did not get the loving father/daughter relationship I so craved.
It’s taken
me years to connect the dots concerning my disordered mindset. Unfortunately,
yes, the family environment I experienced played a role.
Families of people with Anorexia Nervosa:
•• Enmeshed, overprotective,
conflict-avoiding
•• Unresponsive to patient’s
self-expressions
Families of People with Bulimia
Nervosa:
•• Parents are critical and detached
•• Characterized by hostile enmeshment
•• Non-nurturing
•• Emotionally unresponsive
Ohio State
University FactSheet. Used with permission
Still,
within that reality, I’ve had to look at a much bigger factor: the spiritual
one. And a large part of my healing has come from seeing how God, as Father, intentionally chose, wanted, desired and
loved me, regardless of what my human
father did or did not do.
“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”
Isaiah 43:4
“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”
Isaiah 41:9
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto
me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with
lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah 31:3
“The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty
One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with
His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17
And,
although I cannot change what was concerning my imperfect reality with my dad,
I can choose to embrace the real and eternal truth of my father/daughter
relationship with God, the ultimate
Father.
In the popular
television series, “Mad Men,” an episode entitled, “The Fog,” captured a
beautiful exchange between the protagonist Don Draper and his daughter, Sally.
In the
scene, father and daughter discuss the birth of the family’s second son.
Everyone thought it would be a girl, to which Draper responds…
“I thought you were
going to be a boy. Not all surprises are bad.”
This heartwarming
bit of dialogue again reminds me of how God views each of us through His
Fatherly, loving lens. We are specifically loved and chosen.
“All things were made by
him; and without him was not anything made that was made.”
John 1:3
There was no
regret or second thought about us, about who He created us to be.
Perhaps,
you’ve not had the unconditional love experience with your parents. Maybe
disorder and addiction have left their marks, fracturing family relationships
and healthy self-perceptions. Don’t believe the lie you were a mistake, an
accident, unplanned. Nothing could be
further from the truth as far as God is concerned! You may have been a
“surprise” to someone, but you have been intentionally, spiritually created,
with purpose, by God, from the start.
Again…
“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”
Isaiah 43:4
“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”
Isaiah 41:9
It’s not too
late. Right now, God loves each of us, is thinking about us and desires a
wonderful future, filled with restorative love, healing and blessings. Right
now.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the
Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Therefore,
choose to embrace a loving Father Who knew exactly
what He was doing when He created you.
“...I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Psalm 139:14
And yes, you
will be surprised at just how much, how completely and how uniquely, He will
love and connect with you!
Indeed, not
all surprises are bad!
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
Our Hummingbird Ways?
I love
hummingbirds. And here’s an interesting little factoid about them:
“Hummingbirds are continuously hours
away from starving to death, and are able to store just enough energy to
survive overnight.”
I immediately
thought of my anorexic experiences.
I recount my
mindset, offered in my book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the
Living Death Of An Eating Disorder.”
“… I knew that what I was doing was
wrong, but I still kept going. I had to. Progress—just a few more pounds, then
I’ll be done. So I’d continue every morning: six hours of boot camp torture on
little or no food or water. I had gotten to the point now where I feared
drinking water would make me fat.
Every morning, my heart and pulse
would pound and race. I could feel throbbing from veins that were sticking out
on the backs of my knees and the crooks of my elbows. Every morning, I would stand up, shaky, dizzy already, only to then have everything go black.
And then, I’d wake up, lying on the floor. Passing out was now a regular part
of my day.
I was scared now, not only for my
health, but scared of the danger of being discovered. What if I did this in
front of someone? You see, these daily blackout sessions always happened during
my exercise routine at midnight. I started exercising at midnight because I
could be alone for my required six-hour exercise punishment...”
I didn’t
know it at the time, but I had my own obsessive hummingbird thing going on. It
was driven by fear- and it didn’t have to be that way.
Fear had
convinced me the absolute worst things in the world that could happen to me
were eating and gaining weight. So, the torture game became “don’t eat- go as
long, as far as you can without eating- just keep going.”
But, what I
didn’t know was that this was not what God wanted for me. He didn’t want to
punish me; that was not His Will towards me. This, rather, was, instead:
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the
Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
God never
created me to be like the every frenetic hummingbird. He wanted me to have a
life- and one which wasn’t running desperately on fumes.
“…I am come that they might have life,
and that they might have it more abundantly.”’
John 10:10
The fear I
was experiencing, driving me to emaciation, exhaustion and misery was not of God.
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear;
but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7
I didn’t know that at the time.
I didn’t
know that fear is a spirit, distorting the truth of things; fear lies to us. It
tries to convince us God doesn’t love us, God will fail us and life is a
horrible, hopeless thing.
All lies.
God repeatedly
tells us NOT to fear…
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am
thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee
with the right hand of my righteousness.”
Isaiah 41:10
“Fear not: for I am with thee…”
Isaiah 43:5
“Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good
pleasure to give you the kingdom.”
Luke 12:32
“And he saith unto
them, ‘Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?’ Then he arose, and rebuked
the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.”
Matthew 8:26
This last scripture struck me especially hard as I looked at the words “there was a great calm.”
Ever see a
hummingbird? Not a lot of calm going on there.
And that’s
the reality check. For those of us struggling with eating disorders and
obsessive/compulsive thoughts and behaviors, are we acting more like a frantic
hummingbird or a peaceful child of God? Where are we falling within that
spectrum? We are somewhere.
So, wherever
we are, how imperfectly we are, let’s first start with Psalm 46:10:
“Be still, and know that I am God…”
From there, let’s live
as His Child. Let’s cease from our hummingbird ways.
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
Glamourizing the Triggers?
“Pain is beauty.”
As a female,
I certainly heard that phrase and took it to heart. I believed the lie that it
was a female’s obligation to endure pain and suffering for beauty. Hence, my
dark battle with eating disorders developed.
Recently, I
caught a fashion ad which disturbed me.
Fashion
photographer Danil Golovkin did a layout in which she featured model, Anastasiya
Kolbasko. This, in my opinion, was a glamourized depiction of eating disorder
behavior.
Rather than
wearing the jewelry designs, the blonde model “eats” the adornments of gold
styled by Liliya Simonyan.
But, the
photos go further. There is posing of the model and the jewelry to suggest
actual purging; in some photos, Anastasiya appears to be vomiting the jewelry. And, in every photo of the series, of course,
the model has dead eyes and looks, quite frankly, cadaverous.
Triggering.
That’s an oft-used word for those of us recovering from disordered eating and
harmful, negative body image issues.
Looking at
this “artistic” layout, I couldn’t help but think “ding, ding, ding!” Triggered
ALL OVER the place!!!
And it
angers me, because it represents rampant thoughtlessness and reiterates how
harmful images are embraced and promoted.
I don’t know
if any of these people involved in the creation of this ad had any experience
with the horror of eating disorders. Perhaps none of them had loved ones
touched by these painful disordered conditions. But still, is there no sensitivity?
“…make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or
obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.”
Romans 14:13
“But take heed lest by any means this liberty of yours become
a stumbling block to them that are weak.”
1 Corinthians 8:9
And it, yet
again, it brings the importance of God’s real estimation of us, our value and
yes, our beauty…
The Song of Solomon:
2:14: “O my dove…let me see your form…for your form is lovely.”
4:1: “Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast
doves' eyes...”
4:7: “Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.”
6:4: “Thou art beautiful, O my love...”
“For I know the
thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of
evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
I guess we all have to work overtime focusing on these scriptural images, just to cancel out
the images like this “glamour” ad campaign.
May we all absorb Psalm 139:14 as a defense
against the warped fashion image messages…
“...I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
A Way That Seems Right?
Recently, a
young girl reached out to me concerning her struggles with disordered eating;
she informed me she just took up the habit of smoking.
“For what I am doing, I do not understand...”
The Apostle Paul in Romans 7:15
She’s
currently in a facility, being treated for bulimia, a mood disorder and
self-injury behavior. I asked her what her treatment center thought about this
habit. She told me she thought it was a better action than engaging in the
eating disorder and self-injury behaviors.
But, to me,
it smacks of cross- addiction. Indeed, someone afflicted with an addiction,
obsession or disorder can often become convinced if they just switch it for another
passion or behavior, he or she will be fine.
I did this
myself.
Back in
college, when I experienced my infamous intervention with my roommates and the
college’s social services department, I was called out on my own dysfunctional
behavior: calling psychic hotlines.
I am not
joking.
Desperate as
I was for hope, answers and relief, I racked up an enormous phone bill,
spending hours each weekend, dialing these hotlines. I tried to distract myself
from my eating disorders, chaotic emotions and despair.
But nothing
worked. The psychic hotlines could not heal my behaviors, my feelings or my issues. Only complications, more
resentment, anger and frustration resulted from me calling these spend-y phone
numbers.
Substitutes
could not change things; facing and dealing with my truth, via God’s help,
however, did.
“There is a way that
seems right to a man. But its end is
the way of death.”
Proverbs
14:12
Dealing with this
smoking issue is tricky, particularly for those of us who are in recovery. How
many meetings are filled with people chain smoking and drinking endless cups of
coffee? Sometimes, from a recovery vantage point, the smoking vice appears to be
the lesser of two evils. I’ve
personally witnessed how my own family members obsessively cling to cigarettes
and coffee, for fear of drinking again. Every opportunity for a smoke or coffee
break, sometimes, every fifteen minutes, is a must do for them.
It’s hard. I don’t want
to be judge-y here.
But, again, substituting
one addiction for another is not the answer and furthermore, may even be more
of a complication to long term health.
I have had family and friends die of cancer because of their “substitutes.”
There may be a way which seems right, but we need to pay attention to what comes after that “but…”
“…its end is
the way of death.”
Proverbs
14:12
Let’s make every
attempt to choose life, instead.
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
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