"Damsels- All of us out there- Arise!"

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Language Barrier?

It’s that time of year again: Christmas, with all of its Christmas themed films, like “Miracle on 34^th Street” here. It’s one of my favorites.

And one of my favorite scenes in this classic is when a little Dutch girl, who doesn’t speak English, sees Santa Claus in the Macy’s department store. At first, it looks like the language barrier will pose a communication issue- until, low and behold, Santa starts conversing with her!

It’s a great reminder to all of us who feel intimidated by the big spiritual relationship with God out there. Often, we make it so much more complicated than it needs to be, don’t we?

For one reason or another, we convince ourselves that we simply cannot- or should not- talk to God. We may believe things like, we’re not good enough, it’s too difficult, God doesn’t understand or God doesn’t love us. Anyone been there?

Yeah, thought so.

It’s in these highly intimidating, discouraging moments, we need to remember God is unlimited; there are no barriers for Him. He will work with, work in spite of, whatever He needs to, just because He loves us that much and wants to be in our lives. He speaks our language, even when we, ourselves, feel speechless and befuddled.

“Likewise the Spirit also helps our weakness: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought but the Spirit himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”

Romans 8:26

Wherever you are, whatever you’re going through, holiday season, in, holiday season out, God loves you and is able to connect with you.

Right now.

Here.

In spite of who you are.

It’s not hopeless for you. Even if it seems too difficult for you, please remember God’s take on it…

“Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?”

Jeremiah 32:27

God will speak your language, no matter what. It’s called love.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Traditions: No Effect

“Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.”

Mark 7:13

The holiday season is all about traditions. Families build their own, everything from the food to the decorations to the outings.

Traditions can be wonderful. However, seen through the prism of eating disorder rituals, they can be imprisoning.

“Rituals are both a tactic not to eat and also a piece of obsessionality associated with anorexia. When eating disorders are starting, people will try to make it look like they are eating by cutting things up and shifting food around on the plate so as to not draw attention to how little they are eating.”

Cynthia Bulik, PhD, eating disorder specialist at the University of North Carolina- Chapel Hill

Traditions, rituals- it all represents the same unrealistic expectation: perfection, happiness and a sense of safety.

These rituals can be anything such as counting to a specific number how many times one chews his/her food before swallowing, meticulously counting calories or eating from the same bowl and spoon. There’s an exacting precision attached to keeping these behaviors- and a dreadful fear if one is unable to do so.

It certainly doesn’t make the holiday season very joyful. And God has desired abundance for us:

“…I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”’

John 10:10

Furthermore, God has given us freedom to choose:

“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.”

1 Corinthians 10:23

“All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”

1 Corinthians 6:12

For someone struggling with disordered eating, however, that’s easier read than lived.

Yet, if we face our own truth about why we do what we do, fully aware of perfection’s demanding and impossible nature, we can ease up on ourselves and be fully present with the holidays as they occur.

“It may be helpful to realize that the "picture-book" holiday sense is not a reality for many people. Some cannot afford it, there are many single people who are not close to their families or do not have a family, and there are many families that do not fit into the dominant cultural model of "family". Do not blame yourself for family or friendship conflicts. People are not different during the holidays than any other time of the year. Remember that you are responsible only for your own actions and for taking care of yourself.”

NEDIC Bulletin: Vol. 7, Coping With the Holidays

National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC)

www.nedic.ca

Used with permission

And that’s more powerful and life-giving than any ritual!

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

A Holiday No

As we get closer and closer to Christmas, the anxiety levels seem to amp up. Or am I the only one feeling it? We’re inundated with Christmas spirit, family, obligations and all manner of “should’s.” Festive, isn’t it?

And it’s during this time, fear, guilt, regret and resentment come hurdling toward us. A running thought is whatever we do or don’t do, “it’s not good enough.”

Again, festive.

So, I’ve become quite aware of an important holiday word. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? No.

Not snow. Not ho, as in ho, ho, ho. No.

The holidays- let get real- are just too much. Too much food, too much lights, too much decoration, too much activities, too much expectations, too much stimulation, too much stuff. And it all demands we say “yes” to it.

And, in doing so, we are anything but merry.

So, this holiday, let’s give a different kind of gift- the gift of no. It, perhaps,, is not the most noble or fuzzy choice, but it’s still very much an acceptable one for each one of us.

We have limits, even concerning Christmas and everything surrounding it. God knows this already.

“For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.”

Psalms 103:14

It’d probably be a great idea if we remembered the same.

We need to keep in mind the people pleasing thing running amuck, driving us into some kind of emotional, physical or spiritual ground. It’s okay. If no one has told you that already, please let me be the one to tell you now.

It’s okay. You have permission to say no. The world will not end.

I love the advice from NEDIC, advising eating disorder sufferers on how to navigate the stressful holiday season. Here are a few of their tips. I believe they work for us all:

Predict high stress times and places; decide which events you will and won't attend, and plan to have some time to yourself to restore yourself and take care of your own needs.

Predict which people might make you most uncomfortable and plan appropriate ways of excusing yourself from their company.

Predict negative thoughts that you might have during the holidays, and practice thinking differently.

Carry with you a list of phone numbers of friends and crisis lines, and a list of self-soothing activities.

It may be helpful to realize that the "picture-book" holiday sense is not a reality for many people. Some cannot afford it, there are many single people who are not close to their families or do not have a family, and there are many families that do not fit into the dominant cultural model of "family." Do not blame yourself for family or friendship conflicts. People are not different during the holidays than any other time of the year. Remember that you are responsible only for your own actions and for taking care of yourself.

For more info:

NEDIC Bulletin: Vol. 7, Coping With the Holidays

“No” is not an ungodly word. It can, however, be a way to steward your temple, your life, taking care of a precious vessel God needs very much in this world.

Again, it’s okay. Say no if you need to.

And remember…

God bless, have a wonderful and guilt-free holiday season!