Monday, April 1, 2019

Reflection: A Study of Life


 

The infamous mirror. We do battle with it every single day, don’t we? How many of us pick ourselves apart, critiquing, judging and hating every feature? How many of us, upon seeing our reflection, are disgusted and disappointed with what we see?

There is a use for everything, mirrors included. They serve a purpose. Let’s face it- if it weren’t for mirrors, there’d be more instances of lipstick on- and spinach in- teeth. We’d look much messier than we do when we present ourselves to the world.

But mirrors are not the end all, be all to our eternal worth and value. They are far from it.

“But the LORD said…‘Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature… for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.’”

1 Samuel 16:7

I once saw a photo of the legend, Lauren Bacall, getting dressed. You see her next to some of her clothes on a hanger, as she adjusts her belt.
And, accompanying that photo is her quote:

“Looking at yourself in a mirror isn’t exactly a study of life.”

Lauren Bacall

I was struck by that. I mean, here is this world famous beauty, movie star and glamour icon who should be paralyzed by any imperfect image reflected back at her.

Yet there she is, looking calm and unaffected. It is like she is at peace knowing her appearance is just a fraction of who she is.

Oh, if we could all learn and embody that lesson.

When I was a teenager, I drew various still life studies in my art class. I drew plants, bottles and even a collection of old toys.

And it is that last still life study which, years later, reminds me of how, yes indeed, there is more than meets the eye. For, as I drew that inanimate object, that’s all it appeared to be: inanimate. But the truth was so much more. The truth involved hours of imaginative play. The truth involved happiness, comfort and friendship. What appeared to just be a stuffed animal or doll could not explain how alive, how real and how valuable the subject actually was.

The still life just depicted a grouping of inanimate objects. That’s all.

And how similar things are when we look upon ourselves in any mirror. We see shapes and configurations of shapes. We see colors, lines and textures. But we do not have our entire history and value assessed in that reflection. We cannot see memories, traumas, scars, life lessons. We cannot see God’s ultimate purpose and estimation of us. One can argue we cannot even see His love for us.

But it is there. Oh, it is there.

“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”

2 Corinthians 3:18

“…being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 1:6

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11

It’s something to keep in mind each day as we prepare ourselves to face the world. As we choose dresses, skirts, ties and suits, apply makeup, fix our hair and make sure we don’t have anything in or on our teeth, let’s not neglect how valuable our unseen qualities are.

It’s the invisible which is most glorious. And it is what casts the largest refection.

It is so much more than a still life. It is a masterpiece.

“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”

2 Corinthians 3:18


Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse

 

And Action!


 

I was a theatre major in college. Yes, I was “one of those.”

And part of that involved studying directing. As a director, I was in charge of the lighting, the staging and the actors involved the scene. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, I was able to play God, be all powerful and call the shots. So, it’d be no problem whatsoever for control freak me, right?

Yikes.

For those of us with addictions, disorders and compulsions, it can be tempting to believe the answer is if we’re just in control enough, perfect enough or powerful enough, then life will be solved. And so, we chase playing God, often using our vices to propel us to such a state in which we feel in control of our lives, comforted and confident. But we aren’t. The exact opposite occurs, actually.

And that’s where, yet again, we come back to God and His Word; we can’t do anything without Him:

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.”

John 15:4-5

That’s the cold hard truth, whether or not we want to accept it. In fact, God’s fully aware of our vulnerable condition.

“For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.”

Psalms 103:14

And that’s precisely why we need Jesus. We cannot “get it together” enough in our own strength.

But, with Jesus?

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Philippians 4:13

We must never forget we are not alone in life; God’s always there, always offering to help us.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

Psalms 46:1

“Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.”

Psalm 73:23

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye.”

Psalm 32:8

But HE is the ultimate Director, not us! Are we insisting on calling our own shots? God knows better.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11

Let’s allow Him to do better by us, call action and direct us to incredible lives and blessings! It is possible!

Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday, March 30, 2019

Discovering the Ever Changing Image…


 

 “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” That’s how the saying goes. But what if that eye keeps changing?

As someone who’s in recovery from disordered eating and image issues, I’m inundated with the physical image factor. In my childhood, like many other females, I wholeheartedly believed beauty looked a certain way…and that estimation was an unchanging, certain gospel. And, of course, the lion’s share of that gospel message was a thin aesthetic. That’s part of what contributed to my dicey experiences with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating and diabolical self-loathing.

Over ten years ago, I just scratched the surface of these issues when my book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder” was published. Now, however, I’m not only navigating through my dysfunctional body image potpourri, but I’m also encountering females, younger and younger, plagued by it as well. Perhaps, once upon a time, only teenagers and young adults were predominantly vulnerable to eating disorders. However, now, it affects children who are afraid to “get fat.”

Still, an insidious issue impacting the female gender is specifically linked to beauty. Think about it. From the time we hear our first fairytale or see an animated depiction of it, princesses, heroines and good fairies are beautiful. And part of that beauty involves their slim bodies. “No fat girls allowed” appears to be the message indoctrinated, early on, into the female gender’s value system. For all of the supposed strides we’ve made with body acceptance, diversity and beauty definitions, come on, let’s get real; the thin standard is still the look we flock to the most. It’s a default beauty setting.

But it has not always been this way. Part of the recovery work I do is exploring and discussing the ever changing beauty image.  Most of the time, young girls come to me fully convinced only an emaciated image is attractive. Since they are not that image naturally, they often develop eating disorder behaviors to achieve that look. And, of course, they reject themselves during the entire process. Often, unfortunately, these females are unaware of and immune to the reality of changing image.

Discovering this reality of the ever changing beauty aesthetic can, indeed, be liberating. There have been varied definitions existing throughout time. And the meaning they possess reaches beyond the actual image itself. It’s about representation and dangled promises. Therefore, awareness of these beauty trends and their representations may be a key to more accepting self-perceptions. The application of knowledge IS power- and toward a healthier and happier life to boot.

So, let’s take a stroll down beauty history lane and see what images were heralded as the “must have” look.

We begin with the 17th century artist, Sir Peter Paul Rubens. He was obsessed with the voluptuous female figure in his work, including his ode to the spectacular derriere, “The Three Graces (1635).
This was long before Jennifer Lopez. “Rubenesque” women possessed rounded backsides, breasts and abdomens, all representing prosperity. Their bodies looked like that because they could afford to eat well. And hey, wealth has always been attractive, right?

And, speaking of wealth, what about 19th century’s corset trend? The tiny waist was in demand as it exemplified well-bred beauty, again, associated with the rich crowd.

 So, “Tight Lacers” were born.
A little ditty from the time period…

“In my hourglass corset I’m laced every day. My little wasp waist is shrinking away. The stays squeeze me inwards so small and so nice, in a pattern of lacing that grips like a vice.”

Yes, women often fainted while pursuing this beauty trend. And this was just one of the various health complications experienced while striving to be a tight lacer. Some women suffered serious harm to their internal organs as whalebone corsets actually reshaped their bodies to the rigid form of the undergarment.

Delightful.

Next, we enter the 1900’s, complete with its moving pictures. We have our first film star, Mary Pickford, “America’s Sweetheart.”
With her head full of ringlets, she resembled a porcelain doll; there was no hint of sexuality- or womanly curves. Simple, uncomplicated and reassuringly girlish, Pickford embodied the easily controlled female. Her helpless beauty signaled to all she needed to be taken care of.

So, when the roaring twenties with its notorious flapper exploded, it was an unsettling game changer.
Now, all traces of the virginal ingénue were gone. In her place, instead, was the rebellious, sexually free party girl. She smoked cigarettes and drank booze. Her hair was bobbed short and her small busted silhouette exposed a lot of leg in her short, fringe dresses. This look was a declaration of independence.

But we’re just getting warmed up.

With the 1930’s in full swing, here comes screen siren Marlene Dietrich.
Often dressed in tailored men’s suits, she took it a step further; she flirted with sexual identity. Both her style of dress and her body needed no one’s permission to look that way. Indeed, Hollywood was clueless what to do with her bisexuality. Everything is up for grabs.

Which is, perhaps, why 1940’s war time returned us to the conventional safety of the curvy female form. Betty Grable and Rita Hayworth were its notable pinups, decorating fighter planes.
Dependable depictions of traditional beauty soothed us with Americana: Mom, God and apple pie. And, since there was the presence of Rosie the Riveter in the workplace, filling the gap left by men in the military, beauty, possibly needed to be a traditionally safe feminine image.

And so, curves continued their popularity in the postwar 1950’s, as American suburbia and family became the focus. Rosie the Riveter was required to be domestic again. Women were encouraged to be wives and mothers, while exemplifying the ultimate feminine demeanor. So, now we celebrate our best known sex symbol, Marilyn Monroe, as the ideal of womanhood.
 

And here’s a reality check, everyone; Marilyn was a size 14.

Still, it appears the curves of Betty, Rita and Marilyn had a limited shelf life as, with the 1960’s, change comes again. Now we have Audrey Hepburn from the 1961 film, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and First Lady, Jacqueline Kennedy.
There seems to be a streamlining occurring, exalting the thin female appearance.

And this lays still more groundwork for the thin body type to solidify its presence as the 1960’s continue. Emerging from Great Britain’s Mod scene is the model, Twiggy.
Named for her stick- like legs, she showcased short hair, painted on eyelashes and a gamine form. This was a radical departure from the curvy association with feminine beauty. But perhaps this trend’s message wasn’t strictly about fashion. Could it be that during this turbulent decade, with the Vietnam War, civil rights and a strong baby boomer presence, curves were now seen as antiquated and irrelevant?

Regardless, image trends continue to change.

Next, the 1970’s promoted the “natural girl;” this included models Lauren Hutton and Cheryl Tiegs. The standard emphasized health food, nature and less make up.
Maybe, because of the disillusionment from the Vietnam War and Watergate, there was an emphasis on being real. The less artifice, the less smoke and mirrors, perhaps, the better.

Contrast that “less is more” trend with that of the excessive 1980’s; fashion, image and lifestyle are all larger than life. “Supermodels” Cindy Crawford and Naomi Campbell were two of its dominant icons, driving the frenzy to be “model thin.”
 

And the 1980’s fitness explosion certainly did nothing to discourage that sentiment. Jane Fonda’s aerobic workout tapes fed a lucrative diet and fitness industry which validated the decade’s doctrines:  “You can never be too rich or too thin,” “Feel the burn” and “No pain, no gain.”
 

So, once the 1990’s and Seattle’s music scene arrived, yet again, there seemed to be a gigantic shift. Grunge bands, Nirvana and Pearl Jam wore flannel shirts and were disinterested in glamour. Were we, therefore, moving into an era unaffected by physical appearance?

Not so fast. For now, we have “Heroin Chic.” This look embraced Grunge’s flannel on its fashion pages and runways, via its emaciated muse, Kate Moss.
Designers like Calvin Klein courted controversy for their use of Moss and similar waif-looking models. Ads were filled with provocative imagery which often suggested drug use and child pornography.

So, the beauty image continues to have a disturbing, ever changing, go of things.

And yes, those changes continue into the Millennium. With the information age, surely, now, we can embrace a healthy and accurate view of image?

Right? Right?

Perhaps. Yes, there has been some body type diversification in this new century. Celebrities like Jennifer Lopez, Kate Winslet and Beyonce are famous for their prominent derrieres.

Yet, despite their “fuller figures,” there is still the emphasis on svelte and toned frames.

And this preoccupation ushered in yet another troubling trend post-2000: the “Scary Skinny” movement. Its goal was “Size 0,” and, in some extremes, “negative sizes.”

Celebrities who experienced extreme weight loss, like former Spice Girl/style icon, Victoria Beckham, actress, Lindsey Lohan and pop star, Lady Gaga have all been held in question.
Were they extremely thin because of healthy lifestyle choices or were they, in fact, suffering from anorexia, bulimia and/or substance abuse? Speculation circulated.

But the severity of their appearances could not be denied: frail looking frames, prominently jutting shoulder blades and the now disturbingly coveted “thigh gaps.”

Ah, yes, here we go…thigh gaps…

With prominently hollowed spaces between the legs, this trend currently occupies many “thinsperation,” or “thinspo,” pro-eating disorder websites. It is now a desired “beauty” image.

And, who knows what the next big beauty trend may be? It is coming, just as surely as any of these other looks have arrived.

Image is cyclical. What is old is new again. “Retro” looks litter fashion lines. There’s a hint of the 1940’s here, the 1960’s there. And so on and so on…

All things are subject to change. That’s important to remember in any life issue. But the changing image factor is certainly a fickle beast. And, yes, that beast changes its body image with the fashion du jour.

Regardless, we need to be consistent with ourselves, to accept ourselves, as ourselves.

Indeed, what remains a constant is how spectacular we already are.

Therefore, in all of your discovery about the ever changing image, please discover that truth for yourself!

Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse

 

The Wandering of Distractions


 

“He wandereth abroad for bread, saying, ‘Where is it?’…”

Job 15:23

Within recovery, there is often the need to commemorate the struggle, the courage and the life-affirming process, via tattoos and piercings.

Indeed, I’ve encountered many young people who have significant dates and meaningful logos marked on their skin. Likewise, eyebrows, nostrils and lips are also pierced, in the declaration of some kind of personal freedom from pain.

John Lennon once stated in his lyrics, “Whatever gets you through the night, it’s all right, it’s all right.” I certainly can understand that viewpoint. My darkest moments had me looking for any point of light. When one is desperate to overcome seemingly hopeless circumstances, any avenue will do.

“For what I am doing, I do not understand...”

The Apostle Paul in Romans 7:15

In my communications with young people, pursuing the tattoo and piercing avenues, the argument is often made about how getting a certain body modification will reinvent, empower, and heal them from whatever they have faced in the past. This includes abuse, disorder, addiction, loss and pain. Indeed, many have, therefore gotten NEDA heart logo tattoos, a date of his/ her last drink or a pierced septum to symbolized freedom from self-defined slavery. The list goes on and on, unique, specific and personal.

And, while they may know exactly what they want and what they think it represents, all too often, they may be clueless about the why question and the state of their hearts.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”

Jeremiah 17:9

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

Proverbs 4:23

“Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:”

Ephesians 4:18

So, these commemorations becomes distractions- and can produce that disappointed result of feeling continually lost.

 

“He wandereth abroad for bread, saying, ‘Where is it?’…”

Job 15:23

The tattoo or the piercing is not the problem; rather, its significance is. When that body modification becomes the answer, there’s where the idolatry and unrealistic answers can often come in.

“For all the gods of the nations are idols: but the LORD made the heavens.”

Psalms 96:5

The word’s definition reads as follows:

1) image of a deity, etc., as an object of worship. 2) the object of excessive or supreme adulation, a graven image icon, effigy, symbol, fetish, totem, god, hero or heroine, star, celebrity.

Yes, if we’re looking for any kind of mark on our physical bodies to be our answer and our salvation, we are setting ourselves up for great disappointment. The Most High is the only way the lost can be found.

 “That the saying might be fulfilled, which he spake, ‘Of them which thou gavest me have I lost none.’”

John 18:9

“For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.”

Matthew 18:11

Accept no substitutes. Body modification stops at the body. It does not transcend the soul and spirit.

Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse

 

 

 

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