From the Inside Out

 

Wouldn’t Versus Couldn’t

 

At the risk of being a Debbie Downer who deflates all positivity, we live in a life with limits.

Why am I bringing up this fun topic?

Because we tend to beat our heads against several walls, trying to force one answer where another already exists and will not change.

Situations like addiction and abuse highlight that reality. How many of us, especially us codependent types, will hang in there, enable, try, and blame ourselves for the self-destructive actions our loved ones make? It is often within this realm, we are confronted with will versus disease, and personal choice versus circumstances beyond our control.

Wouldn’t Over Couldn’t:

One such loved one for me was a female family member, “Jenny” (not her real name, of course).

Jenny grew up in a physically abusive home, regularly watching her father beat her mother with his fists and hammers. Unable to do anything to stop the chaos, Jenny, not surprisingly, focused on simply surviving.

And that meant she turned to food as her coping mechanism. She ate to feel better. She ate to escape. She ate to numb. She ate to deal with her “unacceptable,” unsafe, and repressed rage. She ate for every other reason, except to nourish her body.

This set the stage for her struggle with food, weight, and body image for the rest of her life. Constantly either dieting or binging, Jenny became a depressed individual. And, as an adult, she chose not to seek therapy for her issues. She became convinced her answer was only found in a diet and the achievement of a weight loss goal.

There were multiple factors impacting Jenny, not the least of which, was her depressed state. One can bring up the point of how much her depression was there from the start, eliciting her self-medication, or how much of it was brought on by her daily, abused trauma.

Chicken or egg: which one came FIRST?

Still, her “wouldn’t” exerted a strong will over her “couldn’t,” in the respect that, she was aware of professional help, therapy, and counselors. As a child, she was powerless to seek those things out, as her adult parents had the final say in her life. But as an adult, she could make a different choice. And she did not choose therapy.

She chose, instead, to insist she didn’t need counseling (that was for OTHER people), she was healthy, compared to her alcoholic siblings, all while dieting and binging, chasing an unrealistic and faulty solution in being thin as the remedy to her pain. She did this all while simultaneously becoming morbidly obese.

It’s not to shame or judge. It merely illuminates, despite the complexities of life and trauma, in this case, those of Jenny’s life, ultimately, her decision was to choose to say no to help. You and I can make that exact same choice, despite our different lives and painful issues.

Scripture has a couple of great ditties that underscore this concept.

First…

“‘If You will, Thou canst make me clean.’ And He stretched out His hand and touched him, saying, ‘I am willing; be clean.’”

Luke 5:12-13

There is help. Do you and I ask for it? There are therapists, doctors, programs, books, support people… and even prayer, itself.

Do we reach out, admit we need help, and grab those tools and lifelines? Because the overwhelming response from these helpful resources, usually, is this…

“I am willing. Be clean.”

Fairly straightforward, wouldn’t you say?

Ah, but here’s where another scripture ditty comes into play concerning the help/get clean issue…

“…‘Do you want to get well?’"

John 5:6

Boom! Mic drop.

Is our “want to” busted?

Would we rather stay sick?

Would we rather say no to help?

Each one of us has had moments in which we appeared to choose disease over health, chaos over peace, misery over fulfillment.

We all know the common sense answers: eat healthy, exercise, get enough sleep, be around people who treat us with love, dignity, kindness and healthy behaviors, delay gratification. Even if that hasn’t been our direct experience, we know, because, again, there are resources. There’s social media, the internet, television, and people offering to give us these very things.

Do we accept or do we refuse?

Most of us, if we’re honest with ourselves, can probably admit to, at least one instance of saying, “Nah, I’m good. I wanna get loaded, get high, binge on junk food, stay with this toxic person, etcetera.” We know the answer we “should” choose.

And then we choose its opposite.

Couldn’t Over Wouldn’t:

“…The spirit is indeed willing. But the flesh is weak.”

Matthew 26:41

As Jenny grew older, her weight ballooned. Her decades of dieting and binging caught up to her one day in the summer of 2009. She woke up on a Sunday morning, had a stroke, and collapsed. She wasn’t found until two days later, when a welfare check was done. Hospitalized for days, it was soon determined she had lost the ability to walk because of the stroke. And her excess weight made everything more difficult to achieve, including the restorative therapy to repair some of the stroke’s damage. She was moved to a care facility, where she spent the remainder of her life.

And now, her obese body is confined to a wheelchair. Despite exercise being a regular part of her daily routine, as part of her care, she cannot do what it physically takes to lose enough weight that would place her in a “healthy” range. She is monitored, on a multi-drug regimen to deal with her slew of health issues.

But, by and large, the window for Jenny’s ability to make significant changes to greatly improve her life and her health has closed. Try as she might, especially in the early days, post-stroke, Jenny was adamant about walking, insisting she’d be back to her normal self in no time flat.

 Her legs said otherwise.

Stubborn at that reality, she often overdid things, pushing herself past what was doable or safe. She fell many times, all while maintaining she could walk.

This was a woman who once avoided physical activity, loathed it as punishment, and only a means to get “thin.” Now, she desperately wanted to be active… and could no longer be.

Perhaps, now she was willing. But, like Matthew 26:41 stated, her physical body was, indeed, weak.

It has been a painful cautionary tale for my family members and I to behold.

When the “Wouldn’t Window” Becomes the Closed “Couldn’t Window…”

We can delude ourselves into thinking we have all the time in the world. We have endless opportunities laid before us. We have chance after chance to do something. We will get to it “later.”

But what if “later” is “too late?”

I mention this, along with Jenny’s situation, to illustrate how, as despair-filled and hopeless this outcome may be, it also does have a silver lining attached to it.

When we flawed, vulnerable, human beings encounter life moments that show us that maybe, a moment or opportunity has passed us by, that maybe it does feel “to late,” a grace can flow from that broken place. And that broken place asserts that in human weakness, be it physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual, compassion is something we qualify for when we simply just “can’t.” It doesn’t need to be life and death matters, or something as severe and attention-getting as not being able to walk, like Jenny. It can be anything that we “give way” on.

When stress, pressure, and, well, life, come at us, we will find ourselves giving way to it. And there is no shame in that; there is only humanity.

And I hate to break it to ya, we’re not being excused with any kind of hall pass from that humanity.

Pesky little sucker.

So, when you and I simply can’t, for whatever reason, remember, humanity. We’re all subject to it.

Back to Wouldn’t Again:

Jenny was faced with opportunities and experiences to embrace and refuse help. She encountered the consequences of exerting her will, and of being fragile and limited concerning her desires and wishes.

For the past few years, she has settled into a resignation about her life.

Seeing it as largely over, living in a wheelchair, in a care facility, and unable to be the person she once was, she, not surprisingly, is not interested in exploring anything new. I’m not just talking about a new hobby.

Again, I am referring to the concept of getting therapy for herself.

And her refusal to do so is not simply because of her age and health limitations. Her decision, again, largely falls on her steadfast belief she doesn’t need the help, and, therefore, would not benefit from it. Maybe she believes she is “too old,” or it is “too late.”

 But, mostly, she doesn’t want to enter into that therapeutic space, because of fear, pride, ego, and discomfort. To a certain degree, she’s content with her discontent. She’d rather exist in her status quo than live in better health and well-being.

I say this because, within her care facility, there are options and offers for her to discuss with a counselor, her issues, and circumstances, including her disordered image and abuse issues. She has refused them, insisting, again, therapy is for “other people,” and she is fine as she is.

Because of this choice Jenny has made for her life, I have had to sever contact with her. For, her refusal to help herself impacts on my ability to lead a healthier life. And since my cancer diagnosis hit my life years ago, “healthy” has become a non-negotiable for me. To waffle on this now could cost me my life, not to mention my sanity and my spirit.

Her disease cannot be my disease.

So, I made the painful decision. Jenny is no longer in my life.

“Do you want to get well…

…or not?”

The question cuts through reasons, excuse, lies, and circumstances.

There will never be a “good time” to deal with our pain and our issues. There will never be the perfect cocoon, the ideal environment. So, with that in mind, what is keeping us from transcending our “wouldn’t?”

The answer: us, you and I making the willful choice, even after life changing circumstances and insights have altered our worlds and our perspectives.

Maybe the wakeup call didn’t wake us up.

Maybe the death or the health issue didn’t get our attention enough to change.

Maybe the loss of a relationship was not a powerful enough motivator to get us to seek help and deal with ourselves already.

Wouldn’t or Couldn’t Within Us:

We can make the choice, to improve, to get healthier, to deal, to heal. We make thousands of choices every single day. We can choose even while powerless in our lives. The choice in those paralyzed moments, is to choose to embrace and accept, not abandon ourselves.

We deserve to not abandon ourselves… ever.

Easier said than applied. It may feel like an impossible, harsh, judgmental standard, asking way too much of us.

Still, we choose, regardless of if we think we’re making a choice.

We choose.

Copyright © 2022 by Sheryle Cruse

 

 

Burn the Carousel (The Bad Boy/Girl Perils)

 

The Burning Carousel Ride of the Bad Boy/Girl

“The Bad Boy.” “The Bad Girl.” The alluring, sex-on-a stick person who just captures your attention, your heart, your time, your money, etcetera.  How many of us have been caught up in such a relationship? And how many of us have believed, to one degree or another, the equivalent of this meme’s humorous sentiment?

“What’s it like partying with you?

Well, it’s a bit like a merry-go-round…

Oh, that’s sounds fun!

I’m not finished yet.”

(And then there’s the image of a carousel ablaze, with fiery horses. That’s fun).

The burning carousel. Why do we ride the ride, then?

If we know it’s harmful, if we’re only going to get burned by it, what lures us, in the first place?

The First Burn: Option Versus Exclusive:

“The Bad Boy” or “The Bad Girl” can pursue and persuade us by the “lack of desperation/confidence” vibe they throw off. Too cool for school. Someone operating out of abundance. Someone who has it together so much, they have options galore.

They flirt with us. They wink at us. They make us feel chosen, like we’re the “one and only.” Only thing is, we are NOT. The harem, the system, the arrangement is in place to support how while we are led to feel exclusive and special, we are one of many options in his/her stable of interested parties.

They may choose to steal kisses and embraces from us, all while simultaneously being involved with and impregnating someone else. And they have no shame or conscience about that fact. They may feel they’re entitled to it. Perhaps they say things like, “You knew the score,” “We’re all adults here,” and “No one forced you to do this.”

You know, invalidating-to-our-self-esteem kind of statements.

And throughout it all, we can operate from a place of total commitment, devotion, loyalty, and investment. We hang by the phone, waiting for their call or text. We abandon our plans and goals, in favor of theirs, because “it’s just more convenient.” We give our energy, our time, our resources, all for those intermittent scraps of reward. The look they give us. The embrace in a dark corner. The validation. And they have it to give because it requires nothing of them. They, after all, have their first-choice reserve “elsewhere.” They come our way for the ego stroke, the financial perks, the carnal satisfaction, whatever we so willingly offer up.

And sooner or later, the carousel ride isn’t so fun, so thrilling. We get burned. It’s the moment of truth when we realize that they didn’t love us. They used us. We were a fun, convenient, easy, advantageous means to an end. And when they are done with us, they move on, sprinting. And we can be left there, loving them too much, without it being mutual or meaningful to them, the way they were to us.

Salve For the Burns:

It can sound like cold comfort, to say that we fell for them because we have loving hearts and spirits; we’re good people. Often, as we get involved with these individuals, we feel less than. We feel degraded.

Un-chosen.

In the 1990 film, “Dick Tracy,” starring Warren Beatty and Madonna, there’s a great bit of dialogue between the two characters.

Dick Tracy: “What side are you on?”

Breathless Mahoney: “The side I’m always on…mine.”

We need to choose our side.

“I choose me.”

Really? It’s that easy? It sounds too cliché to work.

After getting burned from an experience with Mr. or Ms. Unlimited Options, we can lick our wounds, knowing that we have the life wisdom to now redirect our attention to someone who is truly worth our love, time, and attention: ourselves.

Now, I hear the eyerolls and the sighs. But this fiery carousel ride has done us a favor. It has showed us the power of priority, what it feels like to have top priority, what it feels to have little-to-none. Now, armed with that experience, we possess the opportunity to practice the over-used word, “self-care.”

This goes beyond taking a bubble bath. We have the chance to do a personal emotional autopsy on what had us starving for that situation with the options kind of person. Did we need attention? Communication? Touch? Excitement? Whatever our answer is, now we can give ourselves permission to indulge those hungers through prioritizing our needs. We can pay attention to ourselves now. Soothing, flirty, self-talk, expressing ourselves through journaling, art, music, dance, and therapy can ignite our sense of self all over again… safely.

When we make ourselves the priority, not the convenient option we may or may not choose consistently, we are less likely, as we gradually, and, yes, slowly, heal, we become a smidge more bullet-proof toward the next exploitive individual.

We learn we don’t need to be chosen because we already are. We choose ourselves.

The Second Burn: “The Charming Psyche Destroyer:”

Again, this alluring person can approach us, disarming us with some form of exciting attention, seemingly, lavished upon us in an overwhelming way. We feel good about this, wanted, chosen.

And this often sets the stage for the predator to inflict damage on our psyches. For eventually, that attention becomes filled with a darker edge, or vacillates between two opposing mixed messages of how we are good/no good.

A new acquaintance can initially, for instance, compliment us, flirt with us, fixating their bedroom eyes upon us.

Wow. We feel desired.

We, therefore, may long to “bump into” them at school, work, or in our community. We live for the bits of attention, that build us up. They have a way of making us feel so good. However, after a short period of time, the attention they pay us becomes laced with some backhanded compliments. Maybe, they make a comment about our personality, our appearance, or correct us for making a mistake.

“Are you sure you should wear that?

“When someone asks you, ‘how are you?’ you don’t respond, with ‘Fine.’ You say, ‘I’m well.’ The word, ‘fine’ is used to describe food or hair, not your current state of being.”
Suddenly, now, those remarks undermine us.

But again, these people may be exciting, desirable, popular, and even “experts.” So, we reason, maybe their points are valid. And, after all, they have paid such intense attention to us, validating us in other ways. Surely, it is we who are taking things “too personally.”

Salve For the Burns:

Life is filled with misunderstandings and honest mistakes. But there’s a major difference between those circumstances and instances in which we have felt zapped, gutted, and slimed. When it seems to be indirect, passive-aggressive, and a means to “take us down a peg,” we genuinely feel it. We feel the smirk and the power imbalance.

Therefore, we need to recognize this is real for us. And valid. Perhaps, it may not have been intentional once, but if it keeps happening, that is a pattern, not a mistake.

And, bottom line, we still feel awful about ourselves. Why do we want to keep experiencing that?

We can approach the person, address them about the incident, calmly observing their reaction. Remorse? Defensiveness? Superiority? Or do they even double down, aiming even more severely, for our throats?

Watch. If it’s no big deal, and the person is not a sadist, he/she will apologize, and that behavior won’t happen again.

But if they are a psyche destroyer, they will not take ownership for their actions, and find a way to make us feel wrong, stupid, ashamed, and worthless.

How do we feel when we’re around them? How do we really feel? That reaction is real, informative, and protective. Let it be the bodyguard that can keep us safe.

The Third Burn: The Narcissist in Plain Sight:

This can, perhaps, be the most disturbing person we come across. This person declares, “I’m a Narcissist.” With that unnerving statement, they can come across as brazen, “self-aware,” “self-deprecating,” even refreshingly honest. But are they?

We are drawn to this person, possibly impressed by their self-assessment. We may believe there is honor in them knowing they have these flaws. Hey, at least they’re aware of it and working on it, right? They may spout phrases like, “work in progress,” “nobody’s perfect,” and “I’m focused on becoming a better person.”

These are all lovely sentiments, tickling our ears with hope and the perceived need to extend patience to our fellow human being. Those of us codependent types may even desire to save him/her. We just need to support them until they figure out their issues and transcend their Narcissism.

No problem. Everyone enjoys a project, right?

But we wait and wait and wait and wait. Meanwhile, they keep being the Narcissist. And, if we dare complain, they retort with such arguments as, “You knew, going in, who/what I was,” “I’m trying my best here,” and “You said you’d support me. Why aren’t you doing that?”

We can be made to feel like the unhealthy, maladjusted one. After all, they were upfront and honest. We didn’t need to get involved with them; we chose to do so.

Therefore, this fun, “refreshing honesty” of the Narcissist is now weaponized against us. It is no longer fun.

Salve For the Burns:

It can help to get some perspective on the motives of this supposedly refreshingly honest Narcissist. They declare they are they way they are, not to warn us, not for our best interest, but for theirs. It is in their best interest, using their self-aware declarations, all to manipulate others. It can serve as a “get out of jail free card” to allow them to keep doing what they do, without any pesky accountability or expectation from us to, I don’t know, actually change.

They won’t. They can’t. Our best friend, concerning that disturbing tidbit, can be radical acceptance. The cessation of romanticizing hope, of fashioning them into our fantasy as the cute little fixer upper. They are not that.

They are, instead, “the taker downer.”

Shy of getting out of the relationship, which may not always be possible, it would serve us well to realize their declarations are designed help them, not us. What we do with that stark reality is up to us.

The Common Burning Denominator?

Us.

That’s the jarring, inconvenient answer. We are not the non-participating bystander here. We are engaged.

And we are responsible for seeking our own help, for changing our responses to these tempting, fiery people if we want to get off the ride already. And some of us need to deal with another fun possibility: we may not want to stop the riding the ride.

Whatever the case may be, we do not deserve to be burned by harmful relationships.

We deserve fun that doesn’t damage us.

Copyright © 2022 by Sheryle Cruse

 

 

A Spirit Like Yours

 

Success...

 

Perseverance: The Race Set Before Us

 

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,”

Hebrews 12:1

Gaman is a Japanese term of Zen origin which means "enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity". The term is generally translated as "perseverance" or "patience."

And, within Scripture, this principle is, indeed, a faith focal point.

“... we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience. And patience, experience; and experience, hope:”

Romans 5:3-4

“For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.”

Hebrews 10:36

I don’t know about your physical education experience when you were a kid, but my class always participated in the annual presidential physical fitness test.

Is anyone out there groaning yet?

As part of that test to assess kids’ fitness levels, things like pushups, sit ups and pull ups were measured. But the thing which caused me the most dread- and the least success- was the 600 yard run.

Now, is anyone out there groaning?

If you’re not familiar with this test, let me break it down. It required some hyped up kids running around the football field twice to measure their personal stamina and speed. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? Perhaps, if you’re a long distance runner, you wouldn’t sweat the field one bit. But, for me, year after year, I feared it, anticipating the worst possible outcomes: face plants, side aches and of course, coming in last.

And, sure enough, each time I ran this race, clumsy me would surface as I endeavored to complete the run. I’d start out, running fast, with my blue Nikes pounding the grass. Sometimes, at the start of the race, I’d even think, “this isn’t so bad.”

But reality would show up soon enough.

Eventually, one by one, the other kids would pass me. “Everyone else” seemed to finish as a herd, in a timely fashion, while I was the one stray loser, stumbling to the finish line. And, as I crossed that finish line (if that’s what you want to call it), the other kids laughed at me.

It was further confirmation I was subpar. And it impacted my life, into adulthood.

 I repeatedly set myself up for failure. How? I required perfection of myself. Whether it was by procrastination, eating disorder behaviors or unrealistic expectations from ever- changing achievements, the core focus was still unrealistic and harmful perfection. It’s one I’m still working on to this day.

Indeed, part of my definition of perfection involved “getting it” quickly. I felt I never caught on to something “everyone else” seemed to automatically pick up with no problem.

How’s that for a tidy little lie?  Comparing ourselves against others is dangerous. We lose sight of ourselves.

Runners are often instructed not to look at their fellow competitors when they’re in the middle of a race. Why? Is it some savvy intimidation strategy? No. Simply put, it’s to keep the runner from getting distracted, so he/she won’t face plant into the ground because he/she isn’t paying attention to where he/she is going.

Lesson: run your own race.

“…let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”

Hebrews 12:1

Easier said than done? Yes. But is it achievable? Yes, it is.

It’s not because we’re perfect. It’s not even because we’re fast. Some of us pick up things at a slower pace.

But it’s about continuing the race, at whatever speed you and I find ourselves running-or walking-or crawling. It’s about the Gaman concept of two words, “keep going.”

“I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.”

Ecclesiastes 9:11

There are times in our lives when it appears no movement is happening. No one is immune from these setbacks. Each of us is subject to “time and chance,” like Ecclesiastes tells us.

However, like Reverend Charles Spurgeon once stated, “By perseverance, the snail reached the ark.”

Do you feel like a snail, like you’re losing your own race? Where are you looking?

“Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.”

Proverbs 4:26- 27

For every race you’ve participated in, football field or no football field, Elohim is running with you.

“For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him...”

2 Chronicles 16:9

That includes the race of recovery. It is an ongoing marathon. Therefore, within that context, 2 Chronicles’ use of the word “perfect” doesn’t mean “perfect” at all; it means focused on our Divine Source.

That’s the real challenge, isn’t it? We’re called to persevere in our lives for the Most High, however imperfectly that may be.

 “…let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”

Hebrews 12:1

Indeed, we need look no further than to that of our own Messiah. His excruciating death exemplifies the endurance.

“... the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Hebrews 12:2

Pain, trauma, recovery, self-improvement, goal setting and a healthy perspective and relationship with both ourselves and our God all require we run the race of perseverance. There are no shortcuts. But the rewards? They transcend the spiritual, touching our physical, emotional, mental and imperfect selves.

And they all contribute to our unique, personal and triumphant finish lines.

But we need to begin running our race. Movement starts within the spirit and spreads through our persevering feet.

The victorious race is meant for you; start running it now.

Copyright © 2022 by Sheryle Cruse

 

 

 

Steps To the New Year

 

My new year’s resolution is… or was (fill in the blank)…

Sound familiar?

Yes, it’s that time of year again. The infamous New Year’s resolutions have started and/or have been broken by now. How many of us feel “what’s the point?” Adding to that already negative experience, those of us in recovery can often feel all the more hopeless pressure and failure if we “resolved” to stop a behavior which relates to our addictions, compulsions and disorders. Be honest: what did you swear you’d do or never do again?

So, we’re into a brand new year. Are we already off to a disappointing start?

The old adage states a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. So, what does that say about each one we take in this new year?

Some steps in the recovery journey are steps of progress. But what hits us with devastation are those other steps, right? Sometimes, in recovery, the step we’re taking feels like one of failure or relapse. We may even feel like the best we can hope for is to trudge and sink our footsteps into barren cold snow.  How are we to regard those kinds of steps? As hopeless? As final? As paralysis? No. they are just as much a part of progress as any victory, “good day,” or “good step.”

Motivational speaker, John Maxwell, wrote a book on a wonderful concept to consider, especially in moments of failure and relapse: “Failing Forward.”

Think about that.

In life, unfortunately, we often will fail. Recovery is not immune from that failure reality either. But there is hope; with each failure; whether you feel it or not, you and I are moving forward, making progress. One of my favorite scriptures, encouraging me through many dark, trying steps, has been that of 2 Corinthians 3:18:

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

Recovery means going from step to step, glory to glory and even, sometimes failure to failure. But please know that God’s in control of our every step, regardless of our feelings about where we’re going. We are moving forward; God is too wonderful to allow us to be left.

“I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Hebrews 13:5

It may be at a snail’s pace, this progress we’re seeking. But that snail; gets a bad rap. A hugely inspiring quote is from the 19^th century English preacher, Charles H. Spurgeon:

“By perseverance the snail reached the ark.”

We need to keep that slow movement in mind. Slow movement does not mean no movement. And the end result for the snail was the goal, the ark. Did the snail have obstacles, rough terrain and dangers along the way? Probably. Did that stop the snail? No. The snail moved slowly, in small increments. As do we.

“For who has despised the day of small things? for they shall rejoice..”.

Zechariah 4:10

Yes, progress seems slow, if it can be even seen at all. You don’t see any positive results from all of your efforts, tears and pain. You feel like you’re going nowhere, nowhere good, anyhow.

But there is meaning in this tiny, gradual step each of us may be taking, whether it be in life, in recovery- or in both, at the same time.

Taking these tiny steps, one by one, does have a cumulative effect. It builds upon our future and individual destinies. And yes, that applies to the new year, resolution or no resolution.

We need to remember that God is our loving Father, seeing us as His children. Because of that perspective, He’s always helping and preparing us. It doesn’t matter if/when we fail or fall. He’s still our loving Father, who desires to bless His children. In fact, scripture tells us…

“So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who keep on asking him!”

Matthew 7:11

So, take that next step. Remember Jeremiah 29:11. It includes- it never excludes- you!

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

It’s all in how we look at it. How then, are we choosing to look at our recovery processes and our lives? Do we see beauty, value and potential? Or do we see ugliness, worthlessness, failure and a pointless existence? We can choose.

“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.”

Deuteronomy 30:19

The fact is, just because we feel a certain way, doesn’t mean that’s truly the way it is.

“When I was a child, I spake as a child,I understood as a child, I thought as a child:
but when I became a man, I put awaychildish things. For now we see through a
glass, darkly; but then face to face: nowI know in part; but then shall I know even
as also I am known.”

1 Corinthians 13:11

We may feel hopeless or like a failure. But those are feelings. God’s Word, instead, is the Truth! And yes, once again, here’s what God says about us:

“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”

Isaiah 43:4

“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”

Isaiah 41:9

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11

Let’s see ourselves differently. We may feel we are one way, but why limit ourselves to that, especially if it’s harmful? God has more for each one of us than just our present situation, perception and condition.

We’re in a brand new year right now. What kind of step are you taking today in this new start? Whatever it may be, please realize that it is one which is lovingly guided by God. Having a great step today? Wonderful! Thank God for it! Having a struggling step or a “failure” step today? Please recognize that God’s allowing it to move you to another place of victory, recovery, success and help. You will get there; you ARE getting there. Remember your journey, not just today’s step. There’s more to your life, more to God in your life than you realize!

Happy New Year! Have a wonderful, healthy, grace-filled journey this next year and beyond, step by step.

Copyright © 2022 by Sheryle Cruse