Wednesday, November 25, 2020
Jabez Prayer or Bust!
Scripture is still a part of my life and faith. I’ve branched out.
I’ve learned about some different philosophies and practices. Yet, I admit,
post- cancer diagnosis, The Jabez Prayer still influences me.
This prayer swept the Christian publishing world years ago. Workbooks
and seminars were created to explore its attributes.
For those unfamiliar with the scripture, it’s a tiny little
marvel, lost in what is not exactly the most exciting book of the Bible: 1
Chronicles 4, documenting Judah and Israel’s history. The
little ditty goes like this…
“Now Jabez was more honorable than his
brothers. His mother had named him ‘Jabez,’ saying, ‘Because I bore him in
pain.’ And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, ‘Oh that thou
would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, and that thine hand might be
with me, and that thou would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!’ And
God granted him that which he requested.
1 Chronicles 4:9-10
Now, before I’ve completely lost you in
this Bible-y context, let’s just stop briefly and examine this prayer’s bullet
points, in a more human framework.
Indeed, post- cancer diagnosis, I started
viewing the prayer through this imperfect lens. It has become even more
personal and, dare I say it, relevant.
Let’s break it down a little.
“Now Jabez was more honorable than his
brothers. His mother had named him ‘Jabez,’ saying, ‘Because I bore him in pain...’
Okay, so we’re off to a fantastic start.
Names tell us a lot about a person. And it’s
not confidence-instilling to be presented to the world as “Pain.”
We need to tackle first the ugliness of
our origin story, even if/when pain is its central character. Breast
cancer shoved me headlong into the reality of my past. I could no longer avoid
it, especially as now, this dreaded diagnosis embodied fulfilled pain for me.
No more dancing around it.
…And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying,
‘Oh that thou would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory…
We need to call for help. There’s no passivity
when it comes to crisis moments.
And, underscoring that, we need to decide, what do we want? To be
blessed or not? It’s not such an easy question to answer. How many of us
self-sabotage? How many of us are sadistic with ourselves? How many of us think
that we deserve pain and curses?
Yeah.
This part of the prayer not only calls a deeper
911, it confronts who we are and how we live.
Years ago, when I first encountered the Jabez
Prayer, I saw it as the “gimme gimme” loophole to beg the Divine for my
goodies. And those goodies included an enlarged territory of acceptance and
acclaim.
But now, post-diagnosis, I see it
differently. It’s about loving and accepting my own self-terrain. For as much
external love, praise and applause out there, it means nothing if I
cannot experience it within myself. I need to become more adept at
self-love, self-compassion and yes, the infamous word, self-esteem.
I need HELP enlarging that territory indeed!
How about you? Can you say the same?
…and that thine hand might be with me…
My past experiences taught me there was a
malevolent force, not a loving one, ushering me into life circumstances and
dictating outcomes. How many of us only see a wrathful God?
Part of my healing now, post-diagnosis, is to
allow for good to guide me. Again, it all sounds so simple. But this is
hard work. It involves trust in something beyond the finite human self. That
is scary. It’s not about being naïve or stupid. It’s not about forsaking our
own sense of responsibility for our choices. It’s about allowing for more.
More can exist, without giving detailed explanations or soothing
reassurances. A first step to experiencing the benefits of that “more
presence…” is to ASK for it.
…and that thou would keep me from evil…
Further piggybacking that sentiment, we can
make the choice to ask to be protected. We can make this request of
ourselves. We don’t need to be subjected to harm.
We can make another choice. And part of making that different choice is
that we allow protection from our own malevolent intentions and actions. We can
be our own worst enemies. The cliché is true.
What are we willing to do with that?
…that I
may not cause pain!’…
Accurate self-assessment and personal
responsibility are central themes to this part of the prayer. Again, many of us
can often have distorted definitions of what constitutes “our fault,” versus
what we should be accountable for. It’s tricky.
But we do have an inner knowing about right and
wrong. It goes beyond religion. You and I know when we have crossed a line.
With that knowing, however, human beings are far too adept at creating
pain. No matter how nice or loving or sweet we claim to be, that reality
humbles us.
Perhaps, for everyone and everything we have
the potential to help and heal, we also have the potential to harm. Therefore,
we need an accurate assessment of ourselves, even while we pray any altruistic
or desperate prayer. We have not transcended being imperfect and all the
wreckage that can come with that state of human being. But we are not
responsible for every evil, either. We’re in the murky middle.
…And God granted him that which he requested.”
Here is probably the most concentrated “Bible-y”
point of the Jabez Prayer: God. Lightning rod. Controversial statement. Conjectures,
debates, maybe even bar fights abound because of this point.
“I don’t believe in God.”
“This isn’t the ‘right” or the ‘true’
God.”
“There’s no such thing as God.”
“It’s all just a con job.”
I still adhere to the tenets of my Christian
faith. But I concur with yet another scripture that that’s states how I see
through this spiritual looking glass darkly, at best (1 Corinthians 13:12).
No one has the exacting answers. And here is
where the “F-Word” usually gets trotted out: Faith.
Faith is an infuriating concept, because, after
all, I want to KNOW!!! I WANT ANSWERS!!! I demand to speak to the cosmic
manager already!
But all that I’m left with is getting
“Ma’am-ed” to Kingdom Come.
Faith declares that we don’t know for certain.
How very dissatisfying! Still our spirit, soul, inner being, instinct, aura
yearn and reach for something beyond finite, tangible answers. There has to be
something to that, right?
My cancer diagnosis has got me reaching. And
yet, even, slamming down my “Cancer Card” hard doesn’t qualify me for all
answers, all certainty.
But it is possible that I am being granted all
that I seek, in-process, right now. In messy, imperfect,
frustrating process, I am my own interpretation of Jabez. A well-known
scripture, cited ad nauseum, admonishes us to “ask, seek, knock.”
Isn’t that we are doing, somehow, someway? Even
in the most content and complacent of us, we still want something more?
Jabez is about wanting more. It’s not greed.
It’s human need, the essence and the dignity of humanity. We don’t need to
apologize for or be ashamed of that.
I apply the prayer, in earnest.
I await and engage in the results from-
and because of-it.
Copyright © 2020 by Sheryle Cruse
The Blue Poodle
Possessions:
what do they mean to us?
One
of my earliest memories was being with my mother in this gigantic gymnasium,
filled with kids. There were all kinds of games and colorful balloons,
contrasting this, otherwise, austere, white space.
I
have no memory of interacting with those kids or playing those games. Instead,
what I remember was getting a small plastic toy from a gumball machine, this
blue poodle, pictured here.
I
still have this toy, decades later. It’s weathered a lot. My cat chewed its
cheeks; it’s lived in four different states within the U.S.
But
it revealed the connection- the dysfunctional connection- I’ve had with
possessions.
Perhaps,
you’ve heard this phrase…
“Love people; use
things.”
Sure, no problem with mixing those two up, right?
The fancy term for this behavior, collectively, is
“Object Fetishism,” subscribing more value to objects than they hold.
Think you’re so enlightened, to be beyond the grasp
of a material object’s hold on you?
How do you relate to your possessions, like your
car, your, house, your I-Phone?
Ooh, now we have struck a nerve, huh?
For me, I was presented with an unflattering reality
concerning possessions; I related more to stuff than to human beings.
Love:
Starting with the basics, I loved my stuff.
Perhaps you’re familiar with the premise of “Love Languages.” It’s a concept that
each person has a dominant “love style,” a way of expressing the sentiment,
like words of affirmation and acts of service. Not surprising, “gift-giving” is
the love style that fits me.
I wish I could say it had its origins in accessing
the “it’s better to give than to receive” scripture I was raised on. Nope.
It had more to do with effective ways of keeping me
quiet. As the tiniest of tots, I had become addicted to pacifiers. Once, on a
family trip, away from home, my mother forgot mine. And, of course, I responded
with understanding and reasonable acceptance.
Just kidding. I raged with unholy tot-ness, making
the family trip miserable.
So, I suppose, concerning my mother, it was lesson
learned. And mercenary tactics were implemented to ensure, in the future, I was
“pacified.”
Therefore, to keep me quiet and well-behaved in
grocery store shopping carts, or any public forum, my mother gave me some
rubber toy to hold onto. I was preoccupied with it, especially if it had a cute
face.
And true love was born. I was happy and entertained-
and quiet- with my new true love. Mom could get stuff done; I didn’t
rage and cause a scene.
Win-win, right?
Eh…
However unintentional, I wrongly “imprinted” onto
those cute rubber toys. I related to them as real sources of love, a/k/a,
nurturance.
As I grew, the object of my affection simply changed
form. Rubber toys became dolls that became figurines. Unaddressed issues,
addictions, dysfunctional behaviors and abusive dynamics certainly didn’t do
much to alter my relationship with – and my dependency on- an inanimate object.
If anything, it further convinced me, this was the only way I was going to get
nurtured.
Since I have always gravitated toward faces, how
much stronger was this bond? A sweet loving face, whether it be a toy, a
doll, a stuffed animal or a reassuring figurine, conveyed a nurturing caretaker
to me. The sweet expression and/or smile of that face was never taken away or
replaced with a hostile scowl.
Nope, just unconditional- unchangeable- inanimate
love.
What about you? Do you receive love from your
possessions? Do the luxury and “status symbol” items, like cars, expensive
shoes and the latest gadgets nurture you?
And it doesn’t necessarily have to be these “big
ticket” items that accomplishes this. What about a favorite toy? A stuffed
animal? A, seemingly, ordinary necklace? Are you deriving love from those less
flamboyant items?
The “thing” is immaterial; it’s about the love
feeling you believe it generates. What IS that? Why is that?
It can be a sense of being seen, heard and valued.
It could mean protection. Perhaps, some of us came from abusive homes and we
designated a certain teddy bear to be our bodyguard. We may have done this when
we were five, yet, here we are, at thirty-five, forty-five, fifty-five and on,
and still, we look for that protecting, nurturance from that object.
It is still transmitting “love,” especially when,
perhaps, in human form, love was scarce, more painful and more difficult to
come by.
Comfort and Companionship:
Not far removed from the quest for love, is our need
for these two essentials. We want to be soothed and we don’t want to be alone.
I was an only child. Often, I was lonely.
Only children already have quite a bad rap as
spoiled, selfish and yes excessively needy, a/k/a, lonely. This loneliness cliché
is often the major argument used, pressuring people to have more than one kid.
“You don’t want them to be lonely,
now, do you?”
Yes, there are those of us who are only children, but
we’re human beings first. And no human being is immune from loneliness.
Indeed, it is an excellent teacher in self-soothing.
And right here, many of us go off the rails. Imperfect humans seeking to
self-soothe. What could possibly go wrong?
I had kids I played with, but I spent most of my
time by myself, trying to entertain myself. And, again, the pacifying method
was employed as I was given a lot of toys to keep me occupied.
Pinky was such a toy. A three-inch doll, she was all
pink: pink dress, pink hair, pink skin. Hence the name.
I know, original.
I took Pinky with me everywhere. And I lost Pinky
everywhere, because she was, well, three inches tall and I was five years old.
And epic trauma and search efforts ensued. She went missing in couch cushions,
behind the humidifier, in the car and even outside.
Yes, that outdoor harrowing search and rescue
mission found her in a pile of freshly mowed lawn. The lawn mower, mercifully,
did not decapitate her when it spit her out. It did, however, give her an
unflattering Terminator Cyborg haircut and a scar above her left eye. But my
relationship with Pinky continued until one day, it didn’t.
I don’t know how or where I lost her, but it was
devastating, nonetheless. If I no longer had my companion, what shall become of
me? Do I turn to other loving people to comfort me?
Eh, not so much.
I had imprinted on objects, not humans, as love
sources. I obsessed with getting a replacement, instead of working through my
issues. And, because it kept me preoccupied and quiet, family encouraged it.
With this subtle message, as I grew, I learned things
were the pleasurable answer, not people.
Let’s face it, when you line up a possession next to
breathing human being, often, it’s the human that will disappoint,
betray you or cause you pain. Not the object.
What’s your “Pinky?” What possession would bring
utter devastation to your world if you lost it? Why have you chosen it to be
your companion? What relational need is it fulfilling?
It IS fulfilling something.
Identity:
Possessions can promise us identity; they’re aspirational.
They can reflect what era we are in and where we desire to go. Here is really
where the “status symbol” comes into play.
Most of go through stages as we mature. I had my
Garfield stage, my purple stage, my theater mask stage. You can imagine the
amount of stuff I have acquired as I moved through each of things. Each
represented what caught my attention and how I could derive a sense of self
from it.
Garfield inspired me to start my very own Garfield
fan club at the age of eleven. My organization skills probably started budding
there, as I created worksheets and word finds (yes, really) for my three club
members at our weekly meetings. My purple stage came quite naturally, as I was
a teenage girl and, I think, somewhere, in the Cosmos, it is written each female
will, at one time or another, be obsessed with all things purple. The comedy
and tragedy theater masks were next on my list as I became more involved in
acting as a high school student. I had masks on everything, including hair
barrettes. As a theater major in college, they even crept into my final Senior
project, a performance art piece which incorporated the masks on the face of
one of my characters.
What were your eras? What were the markers of
individuation, of personality, of dreams and goals? We can attach power to
those totems. We can believe that, by simply possessing representations
of them, we will somehow will those things into being in our lives.
I did.
There’s nothing wrong with dreaming, having goals
and aspirations, but we need to ask ourselves: do I have this goal or
dream or does this thing have me?
And what do we do if/when that era, that hobby, that
obsession has passed?
What do we keep; what do we let go of?
That needs to be a part of the identity process as
well. I have had to get rid of a lot of Garfield memorabilia, for instance. I
mean, really, does the person I am now need a miniature stapler with the orange
cat’s likeness on it? I think I can release that already.
We learn who we once were and can move through it,
beyond it, becoming another incarnation of ourselves. That, ideally, is what
you and I should be up to as we view the possessions of our various eras. We
can- and we need to- let things go. We won’t lose the essence of our
identities, only the stuff that helped to get us there.
Meaning:
Ah, yes, the meaning of life.
Cancer should have brought it, crystal clear, to me.
Now my priorities are perfectly aligned; now I have wisdom. Now I know what truly
matters. I have the answers; I’ve figured it all out.
(I can hear you laughing at my declarations, by the
way).
When I was first diagnosed with Breast cancer, over
two years ago, I decided to make Kewpie dolls my official cancer-coping mascot.
I derived the meaning of irreverence, strength, the whimsical imp characters
coming to my aid, all by collecting some of these small doll representations.
Can you just stop and imagine how many Kewpies I’ve
racked up since then?
Yeah.
They’re small in stature, the tallest being about
three inches. They mostly decorate my office. And yes, they’re cute. Yes, they
remind me of my Breast cancer experiences.
But that notorious side eye on that mischievous face
is no longer serving the purpose it once did when I was first diagnosed.
Not surprisingly, I need more, and I’m not talking
about more Kewpies.
No, I need the more substantial stuff of life. And
here is where cliché triumphs Kewpie.
I need mindfulness and gratitude.
As my health, life and body have all changed over
these past two years and counting, I have become aware of what remains and what
is.
It’s easier to focus on what’s missing and what if.
That’s where need and greed get confused, as a pang
to somehow, fill this unfillable big black hole of insecurity,
woundedness and pain seems to be overpowering to us mere mortals. We can become
possessed. We think in terms of “bigger, better deal,” “What’s next” and, of
course, “More.”
Satiety?
Forget it! Just gimme gimme!
Cancer has thrown its life-altering wrench into
those old patterns of thinking that promised me personal meaning.
But now, I have all too much limbo in my reality.
Recurrence, things being out of my control, a death that, despite my efforts, I
may not be ready for. Yeah, Kewpies cannot give meaning to that.
What has been working, as it is an ongoing,
daily endeavor, is the gratitude in embracing what I do have and
what is… even if it’s just for today, in this moment.
Things like…
I am still alive. I can breathe.
I have my limbs and they work.
I can think and create.
I have the love from my
Kewpie-enduring husband and my Joan Jett of a cat, Glory.
I have my daily lessons and
opportunities of faith.
Stopping, praying and consciously thinking about these
things has given meaning to me, beyond a three-dimensional object.
Yes, I have stuff; I have possessions. And yes,
some of them mean special things to me.
But there is more. There’s a letting go that
is transpiring where I once would have defended to the death (or would have at
least given a black eye or two), at the thought of letting go of my
possessions.
Again, cancer.
And the phrase, “You never see a U-Haul attached to
hearse.”
I am more mindful about what I allow in my life.
That is meaning, not stuff.
What about you? When you think of your
possessions, are they more in the “what I don’t have” group, chasing the
“bigger, better deal?”
Or are you familiarizing yourself with “what is”
and what you are already experiencing as blessings?
Spiritual teacher, Ram Dass once encouraged, as a meditative
practice, focus on who and where we are, stating, “I am not my (insert
whatever you like, be it possession, object or personal characteristic); I am loving
awareness.”
Each of us can do this. There’s nothing we need to
buy.
And maybe that has been the lesson: there is nothing
to buy. Love, comfort, companionship, identity and meaning are free to roam
around in, without any purchasing whatsoever.
Therefore, I wish you love, comfort, companionship,
identity and meaning of the truly “loving awareness” kind!
Copyright © 2020 by Sheryle Cruse
Tuesday, November 24, 2020
What do you s-a-a-ay?
“In everything give thanks…”
When my aunt was a little girl, while
visiting family friends, she and my grandparents were given some bread for
lunch. She was then immediately prompted to display good manners, from my
grandmother, prodding her with the question, “What do you sa-a-a-a-y?” Everyone waited to see if my aunt would provide the
correct response.
So, what was her answer, after an uncomfortable,
pregnant pause?
“Butter!”
Ah, yes, let’s hear it for Ms.
Manners, everyone.
It’s humorous, but too true about
human nature, isn’t it?
Thanksgiving. Gratitude.
We’re inundated with these words and
sentiments this time of year. Kicking off the holiday season in our culture now
means getting a huge turkey which will hopefully not be under or overcooked,
invading family (or being invaded by them), overeating from the all-day feast,
watching football and feeling stressed about the next big holiday- and all the work that one requires.
Thankfulness? Gratitude?
Ideally, yes, that should be our
response.
“Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the
circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God
for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will].”
1 Thessalonians 5: 18
But in reality? Eh, not so much.
“Butter” seems to be more like it.
Saying this isn’t to condemn anyone into feeling like a pathetic
worm. Human beings are human beings. Sometimes we’re stressed. Sometimes we’re
selfish. Sometimes we’re thoughtless. Sometimes we’re thankless, even when we’ve encountered a holiday which
touts the great gratitude message.
But that doesn’t mean that we, upon
awareness of our imperfect human status, are not capable of being
thankful…grateful for something!
That’s even more important if we’re
faced with the challenge of recovery from disorders and addictions. We need a
God who has already promised us He would be our help:
“For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto
thee, Fear not; I will help thee.
Isaiah 41:13
That means everything concerning us.
It covers our issues, our addictions, disorders, problems and yes, our holiday
stress. And you and I are stressing, aren’t we?
And there’s more good news: God’s
Mercy.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning: great is thy
faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22- 23
God loves us constantly,
overwhelmingly. He’s been so good to each one of us. Again, in our lives, no
matter what we’ve experienced, there’s always something to be thankful for. Having trouble coming up with a list?
How about considering these possible reasons for gratitude?
1) You are alive; you have the gift of your life.
God’s not content to just have you survive, however. Jeremiah 29:11 informs us
of His Will:
“For
I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace
and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
2) You have a God Who loves you beyond
understanding:
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me,
saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with
lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah
31:3
You may not know it or feel it- you
may even feel the opposite of that great
love- but God has already made up His Mind about you- as you are right now. He loves you. Nothing will
change that.
“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor
principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height
nor depth nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the
love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39
3) What about your health? Have you
ever thanked God for keeping your heartbeat going? Have you ever thanked Him
for your breath? Have you ever thanked God for keeping your systems and organs
functioning in a healthy manner?
4) Even if you’re ill, have you
realized- and thanked God for being
your healer?
“…I am the LORD
that healeth thee.”
Exodus 15:26
5) And for all you have: in family,
friends, freedom, prosperity, wellbeing and comfort, have you thought about
God’s role in that reality?
“The LORD will perfect that which concerneth
me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth forever...”
Psalms 138:8
No, life isn’t perfect.
There are problems and issues we face- even on a holiday. And yes, holidays,
like Thanksgiving itself, often amplify the stress and issues in our lives.
Still, God is working with us and fully aware our every thought and feeling.
“How
precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more
in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.”
We’re never alone and left
helpless. God IS there; He loves unconditionally and desires a better life for
us.
“Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and
be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.”
3 John 1:2
Stress shouldn’t be an
excuse to be thankless about our lives; it shouldn’t be an excuse to be
thankless to a loving God who thinks about us more than we know. If we’re
stressed we can talk to Him- not in King James English, but as ourselves. Part
of that process needs to include gratitude…
“Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything,
but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite
requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.”
Don’t make gratitude or thanking
God more difficult than it is. It’s simple. It’s recognition of the good
things, the help and the life you’re living right now.
“We give praise and thanks to You, O God, we
praise and give thanks; Your wondrous works declare that Your Name is near and
they who invoke Your Name rehearse Your wonders.”
Take a moment- not even an
hour or a day- and simply stop.
Reflect. Breathe. Thank God now. This
time of year is a great time to practice gratitude. Thanksgiving is more than a
holiday. It’s a way of being. Be thankful.
What do you s-a-a-a-a-ay?
You can get through the
holiday season, as challenging as it is. Why not start with prayer right now, right
where you are?
“Father, I come to You in
The Name of Jesus, thanking you for helping me with my life. You know where I
am. You know my struggles, challenges and stresses. Help me navigate and deal
with them, supplying me with Your help, power and resources. Forgive me for
being thankless and taking my life for granted. Help me, instead, to celebrate
it, starting this holiday season. Show me not only Your goodness and blessings;
show me Who You are and who you’ve created me to be. Thank You. Amen.”
And remember: God loves
you, is for you and will help you
through it all! God bless you in your holiday season!
Copyright © 2020 by Sheryle Cruse
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)