Tuesday, December 21, 2021

Bifurcation: Addiction’s Jeckle and Hyde

 


“A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”

James 1:8

The word bifurcation means “the division of something into two branches or parts.” It may not be a widely known and used word within our vocabulary. Yet its prevalence abounds.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are two figures which describe a person who is radically, even morally different, depending upon the circumstance.

Indeed, Robert Louis Stevenson’s novella appears to capture the chaotic struggle, as an individual wars in the battle between good and evil.

It’s an excellent portrait of addiction.

For, according to the literary classic, Dr. Jekyll, endeavoring to win that battle, creates a potion. Doing this spurs the persona of Mr. Hyde, who increasingly gains more power.

And we see how the regular consumption of this potion becomes destructive. Eventually, the personality of Hyde becomes so strong, the person of Jekyll grows dependent upon the potion to simply function.

Again, this Jekyll and Hyde schism mirrors addiction. How many times have we heard, witnessed or behaved in a manner which is diametrically opposite of our “normal” selves? We encounter examples of “the angry drunk” or “the happy drunk.” We see the introvert who, because of various substances, becomes the life of the party.

Personality is altered. And, frequently, that alteration has adverse results.

Concerning our addiction experiences, it would, therefore, be beneficial to examine the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde within each of us.

Willingness

“…‘Do you want to get well?’"

John 5:6

First, we have to face our attitude about willingness. There is no neutrality here. We veer toward yes or no: to face our truth and to admit we need help.

Dr. Jekyll in us may, indeed, be cooperative. But, let’s be real, even if that is the case, at best, we are often clueless, even if we are agreeable.

“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice: but what I hate, that I do.”

Romans 7:15

That’s where the recovery programs come in, touting “trust the process” and “surrender.”

“For now we see through a glass, darkly...”

1 Corinthians 13:12

We need to admit we are not capable of objectivity and of successfully running our own lives when it comes to our addictions, disorders and vices. Clearly, we cannot.

If we could effectively do that, we wouldn’t be where we are in our assorted messes.

We may be well intentioned, like Dr. Jekyll, not wanting to cause harm, believing we have things under control. Yet, we are unsupervised with our personal solution potions; and a door to someone-and something- else opens.

“...the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Matthew 26:41

So, most of the time, our “no response” to both matters of willingness and wellness, ushers in Mr. Hyde.

 “Where there is no vision, the people perish...”

Proverbs 29:18

There’s another translation to this powerful scripture:

“Where there is no vision, people cast off restraint.”

I believe that particular translation speaks more accurately of us. Here exists our dangerous addiction alter ego, Mr. Hyde. We are confronted by self-sabotage. Many of us are wrestling with various demons, compelling our passions. We possess psyches which, already broken and bruised, operate from negative assertions, things like...

I am worthless.

I am pointless.

I am joyless.

Indeed, what drove Dr. Jekyll to look for something outside of himself? Deep insecurity? Some form of “less than?”

We certainly don’t see this character as content with himself and with his life. He believed he needed something extra, something more, to enhance things.

“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...”

Proverbs 23:7

He, in essence, believed the hype of his Hyde; he believed that persona was his answer.

And that makes the next reality even more challenging.

The Tricky Heart:

“…‘Do you want to get well?’"

John 5:6

Before Mr. Hyde, exists Dr. Jekyll. Before behavior, comes the issue-laden heart.

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Matthew 6:21; Luke 12:34

Failure to know, to acknowledge and to deal with that truth leave us even more vulnerable to Matthew 26:41’s point.

“...the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

But, if Dr. Jekyll is oblivious or hardened to that perspective, inevitably, Mr. Hyde surfaces. He is the attitude which refuses to accept and deal with individual, flawed humanity.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”

Jeremiah 17:9

He is that direct defiance of addiction as ugly truth.

“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.”

1 John 1:8

And, once we allow that to be our “normal,” we cross into another dangerous level. We are emboldened to believe our actions will never catch up with us.

 “He hath said in his heart, I shall not be moved: for I shall never be in adversity.”

Psalms 10:6

Mr. Hyde, sooner or later, will kill and destroy. My Hyde rages against our lives.

And that affects the rubber meets the road truth of active recovery.

Doing the Life’s Work:

 “…‘Do you want to get well?’"

John 5:6

The recovery phrase, “doing the work” not only addresses the healthier action of sobriety, but to an improved life overall.

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

Proverbs 4:23

And again, our baseline is Dr. Jekyll. He is our vulnerability and our potential for destruction.

“...the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Matthew 26:41

“One day at a time,” therefore, is the necessary, daily commitment we make. When we recognize both our need for willingness and our fragile humanity, we, in essence, say “yes” to John 5:6’s question. We engage in our work and welcome the Divine intervention which oversees the entire process.

“And I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God: for they shall return unto me with their whole heart.”

Jeremiah 24:7

However, if we say “no,” Mr. Hyde rears his destructive head again. He comes with toxic defiance.

 “He hath said in his heart, ‘I shall not be moved: for I shall never be in adversity.’”

Psalms 10:6

“...‘God hath forgotten... he will never see it.’”

 Psalms 10:11

Mr. Hyde’s lifeblood is denial. And this mocks our need to do the recovery work, to change, to heal.

Our Creator knows us: every thought, motivation, delusion and sickness. He knows. He knows if we are Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde right now, right this second.

“The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will. Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts.”

Proverbs 21:1-2

This is comprehensive knowledge of our entire health. And that health must extend beyond ourselves.

Being Mindful of Others:

“…‘Do you want to get well?’"

John 5:6

Dr. Jekyll has enough common sense and decency to realize he is not an island unto himself. There is a sphere of influence close to him. Impressionable souls are watching.

“Let us not therefore judge one another anymore: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.”

Romans 14:13

This stumbling block factor amplifies where we stand on health and recovery. For, if we truly have embraced the tenets of sobriety, we take ownership of our influence on others. In our addictions, we have caused pain; in our addictions, we have caused others to stumble.

 “...the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Matthew 26:41

But, again, refusal to face that invites Mr. Hyde to do what he does best: destroy.

“Where there is no vision, the people perish...”

Proverbs 29:18

Again, we’re back to casting off restraint.

Addiction, much like our dear Mr. Hyde has, at its core, rampant, potentially murderous, selfishness. All we chase is our high. How much was laid waste because we let it rip?

Recovery unflinchingly challenges the addict to face his/her personally executed desolation. And, part of that healing addresses our role as destructive influencer, luring others into disease.

Again, no person is an island unto himself/herself. The ripple effect, unfortunately, can drown anyone in its undercurrent.

Let’s face it: Mr. Hyde would rather have his potion than anything else. Nothing bothers him in the throes of his passion. A relationship or even a person could die and it would not matter. He has his beloved. Everything and everyone else is expendable, save his cherished addiction.

“A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”

James 1:8

This Jekyll and Hyde factor, to a certain degree, affects all of us by its precarious duality.

But those of us prone to addiction have an even more intense vulnerability.

Bifurcation’s definition, indeed, is “the division of something into two branches or parts.”

If we refuse to acknowledge and deal with that, we convey we are agreeable to any misfortune which inevitably follows our self-destructive decision; it is synonymous with our potion/addiction and its madness for which we see no reason to quell.

Right now, we have a decision to make: we can choose the single or double minded path. We can confront our Dr. Jekyll, our Mr. Hyde and our disease.

We can choose to stop or continue the division. We can choose.

Copyright © 2021 by Sheryle Cruse

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gaslighting Red Flags


 

4 Ways To Let Go

 


Monday, December 20, 2021

Coincidence...

 


A Holiday No

 


As we get closer and closer to the holidays, the anxiety levels seem to amp up. Or am I the only one feeling it? We’re inundated with family, obligations and all manner of “should’s.” Festive, isn’t it?

And it’s during this time, fear, guilt, regret and resentment come hurdling toward us. A running thought is whatever we do or don’t do, “it’s not good enough.”

Again, festive.

So, I’ve become quite aware of an important holiday word. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? No.

Not snow. Not ho, as in ho, ho, ho. No.

The holidays- let get real- are just too much. Too much food, too much decoration, too much too much stimulation, too much stuff. And it all demands we say “yes” to it.

And, in doing so, we are anything but merry.

So, this holiday, let’s give a different kind of gift- the gift of no. It, perhaps, is not the most noble or fuzzy choice, but it’s still very much an acceptable one for each one of us.

We have limits, even concerning the holiday season and everything surrounding it.

We need to keep in mind the people pleasing thing running amuck, driving us into some kind of emotional, physical or spiritual ground. It’s okay. If no one has told you that already, please let me be the one to tell you now.

It’s okay. You have permission to say no. The world will not end.

I love the advice from NEDIC, advising eating disorder sufferers on how to navigate the stressful holiday season. Here are a few of their tips. I believe they work for us all:

Predict high stress times and places; decide which events you will and won't attend, and plan to have some time to yourself to restore yourself and take care of your own needs.

Predict which people might make you most uncomfortable and plan appropriate ways of excusing yourself from their company.

Predict negative thoughts that you might have during the holidays, and practice thinking differently.

Carry with you a list of phone numbers of friends and crisis lines, and a list of self-soothing activities.

It may be helpful to realize that the "picture-book" holiday sense is not a reality for many people. Some cannot afford it, there are many single people who are not close to their families or do not have a family, and there are many families that do not fit into the dominant cultural model of "family." Do not blame yourself for family or friendship conflicts. People are not different during the holidays than any other time of the year. Remember that you are responsible only for your own actions and for taking care of yourself.

For more info:top
NEDIC Bulletin: Vol. 7, Coping With the Holidays

Again, it’s okay. Say no if you need to.

And remember…

Have a wonderful and guilt-free holiday season!

Copyright © 2021 by Sheryle Cruse

 


 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Traditions: No Effect

 


“Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.”

Mark 7:13

The holiday season is all about traditions. Families build their own, everything from the food to the decorations to the outings.

Traditions can be wonderful. However, seen through the prism of eating disorder rituals, they can be imprisoning.

“Rituals are both a tactic not to eat and also a piece of obsessionality associated with anorexia. When eating disorders are starting, people will try to make it look like they are eating by cutting things up and shifting food around on the plate so as to not draw attention to how little they are eating.”

Cynthia Bulik, PhD, eating disorder specialist at the University of North Carolina- Chapel Hill

Traditions, rituals- it all represents the same unrealistic expectation: perfection and a sense of safety.

These rituals can be anything: counting to a specific number how many times one chews his/her food before swallowing, meticulously counting calories or eating from the same bowl and spoon, in example. There’s an exacting precision attached to keeping these behaviors- and a dreadful fear if one is unable to do so.

It certainly doesn’t make the holiday season very joyful. And God has desired abundance for us:

“…I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”’

John 10:10

Furthermore, God has given us freedom to choose:

 “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.”

1 Corinthians 10:23

“All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”

1 Corinthians 6:12

For someone struggling with disordered eating, however, that’s easier read than lived.

Yet, if we face our own truth about why we do what we do, fully aware of perfection’s demanding and impossible nature, we can ease up on ourselves and be fully present with the holidays as they occur.

“It may be helpful to realize that the "picture-book" holiday sense is not a reality for many people. Some cannot afford it, there are many single people who are not close to their families or do not have a family, and there are many families that do not fit into the dominant cultural model of "family". Do not blame yourself for family or friendship conflicts. People are not different during the holidays than any other time of the year. Remember that you are responsible only for your own actions and for taking care of yourself.”

NEDIC Bulletin: Vol. 7, Coping With the Holidays

National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC)

www.nedic.ca

And that’s more powerful and life-giving than any ritual!

Copyright © 2021 by Sheryle Cruse