The freeing apology (You never get): Encore

(For my own edification today.)

“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never get.” I don’t know who said that, but it’s some challenging advice. The issue of forgiveness is tricky- and a certainty in each one of our lives. Things like abuse, neglect, betrayal are some of the major themes that force us, like it or not (and really, how many of us like it?) to confront forgiveness for ourselves personally. Tricky. And no one can get around the forgiveness issue, as far as God is concerned, anyway: “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15 “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:25 Who is feeling all sunny about that piece of information? Yeah. More often than not, our response to the forgiveness matter falls along the lines of Peter’s questioning… “Then came Peter to him, and said, ‘Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?’” Matthew 18:21 Can’t you just hear him grappling for some kind of loop hole or “good enough” rule? Peter thought, like I would think, seven times is certainly more than good enough. But Jesus comes back with His response… “… Jesus saith unto him, ‘I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.’” Matthew 18:22 Here is where you and I groan. This is not the answer we want. We want permission to smite, to avenge, to kill and to destroy. But God operates His Kingdom differently. “Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.” Matthew 18:23 And, guess what? He expects us to emulate Him in our behavior. That includes when others not only hurt us, but never apologize to us either. “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.” Micah 7:18-19 “For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.” Romans 8:29 Not fun stuff. Not easy stuff. But it’s still necessary, all the same. We may be stamping our feet in a temper tantrum, shrieking, “It’s not fair!” (Or is that just me? )And logically and emotionally, it isn’t. There have been instances when childhood bullies and even my own abusive dad have hurt me and have never bothered to apologize for their words and actions. It’s painful, difficult, infuriating and, if left unchecked, all consuming. But there’s a verse before Romans 8:29 which we need to pay attention to: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 Translation? God will make it right; God will make it up to us. He will avenge the wrongs done to us… “…‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’ saith the Lord.” Romans 12:19 That includes betrayals, spiteful deeds and injustices. You and I may never get the apologies owed to us. And that’s not fair. But, a reality check we need to keep in mind is the parable of the unforgiving servant, further detailed in Jesus’ response to Peter about the forgiveness quota: “…‘Therefore the Kingdom of Heaven is like a certain king, who wanted to reconcile accounts with his servants. When he had begun to reconcile, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But because he couldn't pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, with his wife, his children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down and knelt before him, saying, 'Lord, have patience with me, and I will repay you all!' The lord of that servant, being moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. "But that servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, who owed him one hundred denarii, and he grabbed him, and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!' "So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will repay you!' He would not, but went and cast him into prison, until he should pay back that which was due. So when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were exceedingly sorry, and came and told to their lord all that was done. Then his lord called him in, and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt, because you begged me. Shouldn't you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, even as I had mercy on you?' His lord was angry, and delivered him to the tormentors, until he should pay all that was due to him. So my heavenly Father will also do to you, if you don't each forgive your brother from your hearts for his misdeeds." Matthew 18:23-35 Like I said, reality check. For as many apologies which have been owed to us, how many apologies do we owe to others, God included, as well? Ouch! It’s sobering, but something to remember the next time we feel like smiting someone. Plus, there is the cliché response of forgiveness setting ourselves free. Something further to consider, isn’t it? And God does consider everything about us, everything which happens to us. In short, God knows. How much power and freedom could we experience it we allowed that to trump any bitter unforgiving thought? It’s worth considering and living. Copyright © 2012 by Sheryle Cruse