Just a Cookie

What’s addiction all about? If it causes such pain and negative consequences, why do we continue to engage in it? As someone who’s struggled with eating disorders and worked through years of recovery, I see over and over again, how I kept looking to food, diets, rituals and all manner of behaviors to be my answer to my problems. In short, I put my trust in anything and everything except God. Scripture talks a lot about idolatry. It’s generally viewed as a big no-no. After all, God gets right to the point with the first commandment: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:3; Deuteronomy 5:7 But I saw repeatedly how my own eating disorder behavior directly flew in the face of that very commandment. I was trying, as an impossibly imperfect human being, to do things my way. Great. I had visions of Frank Sinatra singing the empowering song of individual freedom and independence. What I got, however, were stifling eating disorders. So much for my bright ideas, huh? Indeed, my desperate nature wanted to be soothed and comforted for a multitude of reasons: abuse, rejection, loneliness and fear, to name a few. And none of those reasons were sinful; they were what they were. But my choice to look outside of God was, dare I say, sinful. Yikes. Sinful. That’s a harsh word. Did I choose to have eating disorders? No, I don’t believe I did. But did I choose my choices which eventually led me down that road? Oh yes, I did. The word “sin” is often described as “missing the mark.” It’s a lighter touch than a descriptive definition of willful and evil disobedience to God. “sin” never is a feel good word; that’s for sure. I’ve gone several rounds with God praying for forgiveness of my sins, asking for help, trying not to look at and deal with them. But, for a moment, let’s just examine the “sin” word through that “missing the mark” definition. After all, God doesn’t want to pulverize anyone. Scripture tells us… “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9 So, that’s a breather right there. God’s opposition to sin is not because He wants to ruin all of our fun. It’s because that sin gets us astray from the best, most blessed and beneficial mark for our lives; we downright miss that mark by following sin. And that idea to miss the mark starts with a decision. And that decision starts with a thought. One tiny, seemingly innocent little thought. “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...” Proverbs 23:7 “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23 Again, yikes. For me, that one little thought was that food would be my answer: to comfort, to companionship, to control, to entertainment and to love. And with that thought as a baseline, it set the stage for all of my other disordered eating issues and behaviors. Later on, starvation, binge overeating, excessive exercise, deceit and control tactics were additional layers which were added, convincing me “this” was the answer I could trust. However, of course, none of them were. Instead, each one of them only pulled me deeper into prison, unhealthy choices, fear and shame. Not what I chose, but, by virtue of that thought, leading to wrong choice after wrong choice, it was exactly what I got. A lot of us like Chinese food. And, what comes as a dessert treat with the meal is the fortune cookie. We crack it open to reveal a tiny paper fortune. It’s usually way above my head, spouting something about wisdom or strength. But how many of us don’t even focus past the actual cookie itself for some answer? “It” may not be an actual cookie which is your Achilles heel, but it’s something isn’t it? Something you, yourself, through a thought, a decision, have ordained to be your answer. It could be a pint of ice cream, a shot of Bourbon, a line of cocaine, a hit of speed, another bet on the horses or a rendezvous with that person who is “bad”: for you. But whatever “it” is, it is not your answer. God is. Scripture reminds us… “….Blessed are all they that put their trust in him.” Psalm 2:12 So, what’s unsaid is, perhaps, “cursed are all they that put their trust in (Fill in the blank with your ‘it?’)” Again, it’s not comforting, like thinking on the word “sin.” But each of us really needs to get real with who- and what- we place our trust in. Nothing else will save or work for us. The fortune cookie will not work.

Only God…only God… Copyright © 2013 by Sheryle Cruse