About That “Boys don’t like fatties, dear” Belief…

I saw an illustration of a mother/daughter duo from the 1950’s, both wearing those belted “shirt dresses,” smiling at one another, while cinching in their belts. Yeah, that makes for all kinds of smiles, doesn’t it? And there was an equally wonderful caption to go along with it, of course: “Boys don’t like fatties, dear.” Ah, yes, isn’t that amusing! The entire thing just brought back too many unpleasant mother/daughter diet buddy memories of my own. Pineapple only diets. Food scales. Measuring tape. And yes, using the same belt, week by week, to measure progress and see whether or not we cinched in yet another belt hole. And, while my mother never directly used the phrase, “Boys don’t like fatties, dear,” she did, however, frequently used the phrase, “when you and I get down to our right weight…” The subtext? I saw it as “If we just get ‘thin enough,’ life will be perfect, happy and problem-free.” Yeah, no problem, whatsoever, with receiving and trying to live out that message! And that message or the “boys don’t like fatties, dear,” message still rang loudly enough in my ears to exacerbate my own budding eating disorders, food, weight and body image issues as a teenager and a young woman. In high school, I certainly encountered the rejection, rude comments and bullying from both sexes. Dateless Friday and Saturday nights, unacknowledged Valentine’s Days and nada on the prom situation only solidified the message of appearance’s importance for my life and destiny. The ancient 1950’s thought of ““boys don’t like fatties, dear,” emphasized how to catch and keep a husband. But it speaks to something larger… It speaks to obtaining a higher, happier quality of life, the “American Dream,” the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, etc. Whatever “it” is, it’s worth having, trying and sacrificing for. Hence, the dieting, the obsessing, the constant unease all become mandatory; it’s all about not being “good enough.” “For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.” James 3:16 And that, unfortunately, can become a self-fulfilling prophecy… “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...” Proverbs 23:7 We believe the hype; we believe THE WRONG hype! Scripture warns us all about doing just that. “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23 Whether or not I knew it or wanted it to be so, believing the harmful lies became a toxic issue for me. It contributed to anorexic, bulimic and self-destructive thoughts and behaviors. It almost killed me. And it didn’t need to be that way. In my book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder,” I mention my wonderful husband’s reaction to my eating disorder past. He told me he loved me, that I was beautiful- and he hugged me. I’ve learned a lot about acceptance from Russell since. And I think it has a lot to do with the truth that Russell has the heart of an incredible man, not an immature boy. There’s a tremendous difference. Any child can call someone a name, bully or trip someone else. But a mature, loving, intelligent person operates from decency. And that’s what you and I deserve. It we’re catching ourselves putting up with abuse and mistreatment of any sort, from others or from ourselves, (we, often, can be our own worst bullies), then we need to examine the scripture of Proverbs 4:23. What issues are spilling into our lives? What are those issues doing to us? God wants different things for us. For starters… “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 Let’s live that future and hope; let’s make decisions which support that Truth. And let’s not forget love… “The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” Jeremiah 31:3 “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” John 15:12 And that, often, must start with ourselves. What can we do today, right now, to love and not hate ourselves? Let’s prize those Truths! We’re worth it; God thinks we are! “We love him, because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 Copyright © 2013 by Sheryle Cruse