Healing Not Impossible

“Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.” Jeremiah 17:14 When I speak about my eating disorder journey and recovery, I’m often asked about lasting physical damages of my experience. This was the case recently when I spoke to a Christian College youth group. In attendance, was a group of medical students and their teacher. She wanted to know about any significant physical damage I had experienced from my anorexia, bulimia and disordered eating patterns. It was a bit of a squirmy situation when I revealed how, mercifully, no, to my knowledge, I did not. I could almost hear her disappointment. I know what she was getting after. She wanted me to give gory details about all of the horrible things that can happen with eating disorders, things like heart attacks, strokes, organ failure and infertility, just to name a few. I know she wanted the worst case scenario stuff to be teaching tools for her students about how deadly eating disorders can be. And they are deadly. I did not escape unscathed. Spiritually, emotionally and physically, I have been marked. Here are some highlights: I was constantly freezing. My skin was crepe paper and just hung off from my bones. I started losing hair in patches at my temples. My teeth were thinning, the enamel wasting away. I was ashamed. I could feel throbbing from veins that were sticking out on the backs of my knees and the crooks of my elbows. I would stand up, shaky, dizzy already, only to then have everything go black. And then, I’d wake up, lying on the floor. Passing out was now a regular part of my day. Mom frequently told me, “When you lie down to sleep, I’m afraid you’ll never wake up.” It was physically uncomfortable—painful for me to even lie down or sit. My hipbones, spine, and tailbone stuck out so much, I could feel a stabbing pain whenever I tried get comfortable. I couldn’t get rest. Sleeping became impossible. I daily prayed, “God, just let me die.” But, with that being said, I still have experienced God’s Love, Grace, Mercy and, yes, healing. Has it been perfect and instantaneous? Nope. “And Jesus saith unto him, ‘I will come and heal him.’” Matthew 8:7 It’s ongoing, bit by bit, day by day, year by year. That’s less dazzling than the instant-poof-cure, but it is meaningful and real, all the same. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.” Psalms 42:11 Yes, I could have died. I could have had a heart attack or a stroke. I could have experienced many life-threatening outcomes. But I didn’t, by God’s power, not mine. Nothing’s too hard for Him, after all. “Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?” Jeremiah 32:27 Wherever we are in our healing process, let’s not forget about the real power of that God. Indeed, it may not be the instant cure. It may be a lifetime of gradual revelations, much like Isaiah 28:10: “For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.” God is in control, knowing exactly how to deal with us as individuals. Who are we then to argue with that? Copyright © 2013 by Sheryle Cruse