No Begging!

When I was in college, I was cast in John Guare’s play, “The House of Blue Leaves.” I played  Bananas, a crazy housewife who barked like a dog. 

You heard me.

Anyway, years later, the concept of begging struck me. How many of us, at one time or another, have operated in this manner? It stems from a variety of reasons: poor self-esteem, abuse, unmet need and unhealthy relationships, in example.

For whatever reason, there’s a hole in us. And we seem to go to great lengths to try to fill it.
So, we beg, in one way or another. We sell our worth short, endlessly strive for perfection and expose ourselves to harmful situations and people, all while screaming, “Please, please, love me!”

I did it mainly through eating disorders. I believed if I was just pretty and thin enough, then I’d be loved and accepted. And, let’s be real, I had a lot of negative experiences in my childhood and adolescence to back up that theory. Bullying, rejection and disinterest from the “desirable people” cemented my “less than” status. I wasn’t worth it.

And so, I auditioned constantly, beyond my theatre study and dramatic roles. My begging like a dog didn’t stop as Banana’s in college. It was running the show day in, day out.

And yes, it was extremely attractive.

And it’s only been through God’s intervention in my life in recent years that I’ve learned valuable, truthful lessons about my worth.

First, it’s inherently there, not dependent upon anyone or anything’s approval or permission. God’s determined its reality, mainly due to His loving viewpoint of my value as His Creation and child:

 “Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”

Isaiah 43:4

“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”

Jeremiah 31:3

“We love him, because he first loved us.”

1 John 4:19

“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”

Isaiah 41:9

Is there instantaneous feelings and experiences upon hearing those scriptures? 

No. 

After all, it took time to learn destructive and harmful thoughts and behaviors. It will take some time, therefore, to learn healing.

Nevertheless, God, right from the start, desires us to be happy, healthy and healed, not hurt, diseased or in harmful situations:

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11

Anything apart from that, therefore, is NOT His Will or a representation of our value. His children are not created to beg, in any way whatsoever.

“I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.”

Psalm 37:25

We need to remember who we are: God’s beloved children, not beggars.

Let’s tap into that remembrance right now!

Copyright © 2014 by Sheryle Cruse