Featured in the Serene Scene May 2014 issue, Cruse examines
the role coveting plays in addictions and compulsions.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Confessions of An Anorexic/Bulimic Theater Student
Featured in the summer 2014 issue of “In Recovery” Magazine,
Cruse discloses some personal experiences concerning her theatre study in this
article, as well as how they factored into her disordered eating and body image
issues. It’s a cautionary tale to the theater world at large and to those students
struggling with similar thoughts and behaviors, as they pursue the craft.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
The Feelings Button
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so
is he...”
Proverbs 23:7
Years ago,
there was a popular song, “Feelings.”
As the
lyrics go, “feelings, nothing more than feelings...whoa...whoa...whoa...”
(It’s bad
Karaoke, let me tell ya).
Anyway, I’ve
been giving some thought to the feelings factor. I’ve seen how it has done some
damage in my own life. Temper tantrums, crying jags, meltdowns of epic
proportion- whatever you want to call them- feelings, let’s be real, rarely
lead us to make great decisions which improve our lives.
But wreck
our lives? Well, that’s a different story.
And, for
those of us in recovery, for those of us coming from abuse, the feelings thing
is a tricky course to navigate. In my case, because feelings weren’t safe in my
home, growing up, I learned to suppress, stuff, until...boom! Explosion
happened. Not a good coping mechanism.
And so, a
girl of extremes, when life moved on, I was determined to fully express my feelings whenever I had them. Oh yeah. This was fun and games. No one was going
to control me!
Hence, I was
OUT of control.
The cliché
in life is true: it’s about balance and moderation. And that was NOT something
I was good at. Neither was I good at dealing, in a healthy, realistic manner, with
my emotions, with my feelings and driving issues.
Scripture
tells us, like it or not, we all need to do this:
“Keep thy heart with all diligence;
for out of it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
Years after
the immediate damage of both my eating disorders and my childhood abuse, God
has patiently- and gradually- led me into honestly looking at my heart, the
factory producing all of these blessed feelings in the first place.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart:
try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and
lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalms 139:23-24
It’s often
not pretty...or quick...or easy... But it is
necessary. Life will, inevitably, push our buttons.
You know, those things
which draw out those feelings, which,
left unchecked, can blow up our lives.
But we
aren’t left powerless. We choose what
we do with the feelings switch. We may not be able to control what, exactly
pops up, but we can choose our reaction to
it.
“He that hath
no rule over his own spirit is like
a city that is broken down, and without walls.”
Proverbs 25:28
Self-control
is something, yes, God has given to us.
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love
and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things
there is no law.”
Galatians 5:22-23
It’s up to
us to use it, practice it, apply it:
“For this very reason, make every effort to
supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge
with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with
godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with
love.”
2 Peter 1:5-7
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.
God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but
with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be
able to endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13
So, with
that in mind, let’s remember that when it comes to the switch, whenever we’re
tempted to just let life “push our buttons.”
We can make another choice. We can feel our feelings without allowing
them to wreck our lives.
It IS possible!
Copyright © 2014 by Sheryle Cruse
Monday, May 26, 2014
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Friday, May 23, 2014
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Name a Food and I Won’t Eat It (The Orthorexia discussion continues)...
I recently
saw this image making the rounds on Facebook:
This
sentiment disturbs me.
Triggering? Pro-ana? Pro-Mia? Anti-acceptance of self?
Yes to all three.
Again,
Orthorexia pops up.
Orthorexia Symptoms and Effects
What are the Signs and Symptoms of Orthorexia?
Orthorexia is
the term for a condition that includes symptoms of obsessive behavior in
pursuit of a healthy diet. Orthorexia sufferers often display signs and
symptoms of anxiety disorders that frequently co-occur with anorexia nervosa or
other eating disorders.
A person with orthorexia will be obsessed with defining
and maintaining the perfect diet, rather than an ideal weight. She will fixate
on eating foods that give her a feeling of being pure and healthy. An
orthorexic may avoid numerous foods, including those made with:
·
Artificial colors, flavors or preservatives
·
Pesticides or genetic modification
·
Fat, sugar or salt
·
Animal or dairy products
·
Other ingredients considered to be unhealthy
Common behavior changes that may be signs of orthorexia
may include:
·
Obsessive concern over the relationship between food
choices and health concerns such as asthma, digestive problems, low mood,
anxiety or allergies
·
Increasing avoidance of foods because of food allergies,
without medical advice
·
Noticeable increase in consumption of supplements, herbal
remedies or probiotics / macrobiotics
·
Drastic reduction in opinions of acceptable food choices,
such that the sufferer may eventually consume fewer than 10 foods
·
Irrational concern over food preparation techniques,
especially washing of food or sterilization of utensils
Similar to a woman suffering with bulimia or anorexia, a
woman with orthorexia may find that her food obsessions begin to hinder
everyday activities. Her strict rules and beliefs about food may lead her to
become socially isolated, and result in anxiety or panic attacks in extreme
cases. Worsening emotional symptoms can indicate the disease may be progressing
into a serious eating disorder:
·
Feelings of guilt when deviating from strict diet
guidelines
·
Increase in amount of time spent thinking about food
·
Regular advance planning of meals for the next day
·
Feelings of satisfaction, esteem, or spiritual fulfillment
from eating "healthy"
·
Thinking critical thoughts about others who do not adhere
to rigorous diets
·
Fear that eating away from home will make it impossible to
comply with diet
·
Distancing from friends or family members who do not share
similar views about food
·
Avoiding eating food bought or prepared by others
·
Worsening depression, mood swings or anxiety
What are the Effects of Orthorexia?
Orthorexia symptoms are serious, chronic, and go beyond a
lifestyle choice. Obsession with healthy food can progress to the point where
it crowds out other activities and interests, impairs relationships, and even
becomes physically dangerous. When this happens, orthorexia takes on the
dimensions of a true eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia. One effect of
this drive to eat only the right foods (and perhaps only in the right ways) is
that it can give a person with orthorexia a sense of superiority to others. This
can put a strain on relationships with family and friends, as relationships
become less important than holding to dietary patterns.
Maintaining an obsession with health food may cause a
restriction of calories merely because available food isn't considered to be
good enough. The person with orthorexia may lose enough weight to give her a
body mass index consistent with someone with anorexia (i.e., less than 18.5).
If the dietary restrictions are too severe, malnutrition can result. In rare
cases, particularly in the case of women with unaddressed co-occurring
disorders or another addiction, orthorexia may result in severe malnutrition
and weight loss, which can cause cardiac complications or even death.
How are Anorexia Nervosa and Orthorexia Similar?
Orthorexia is a term with varying levels of acceptance in
the eating disorder treatment community. Some eating disorder specialists
regard orthorexia as a discrete diagnosis like anorexia nervosa or bulimia
nervosa. Others, however, believe that patients with orthorexia symptoms are
actually suffering from anorexia. Sufferers of orthorexia and anorexia may show
similarities such as:
·
Desire to achieve control over their lives through control
of food intake
·
Seeking self-esteem and spiritual fulfillment through
controlling food intake
·
Citing undiagnosed food allergies as rationale for
avoiding food
·
Co-occurring disorders such as OCD or obsessive compulsive
personality disorder
·
Elaborate rituals about food that may result in social
isolation
How are Orthorexia and Anorexia Nervosa Different?
Obsession with weight is one of the primary signs of
anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders, but is not a symptom of
orthorexia. Instead, the object of the orthorexic's obsession is with the
health implications of their dietary choices. While a person with anorexia
restricts food intake in order to lose weight, a person with orthorexia wants
to feel pure, healthy and natural. The focus is on quality of foods consumed
rather than quantity.
Signs and symptoms of eating disorders must be evaluated
in the context of a person's feelings, emotions, and self- esteem. It's crucial
to seek appropriate clinical advice from a professional with experience
treating orthorexia, anorexia and other psychiatric conditions. The obsessive tendencies
associated with orthorexia can indicate a co-occurring disorder that should be
diagnosed and treated by a psychiatrist.
What Should Parents or Friends Say If They Are Concerned?
Orthorexia is a very serious eating disorder, particularly
if it is accompanied by co-occurring psychiatric or addictive disorders, and
significant weight loss or dietary imbalance. Like anorexia nervosa, bulimia
nervosa, and other eating disorders, orthorexia is a medical disease that can
result in irreversible health complications, including death.”
Hindsight has shown me I’ve also been
touched by this eating disorder. Concerning recovery, it’s about process. And
just as my eating disorders have morphed, one into another, so has my recovery
from them.
There was a time, with bulimia, I ate
everything “unhealthy” in large amounts. It was about feeling deprived,
hopeless and in desperate need for comfort. So, foods rich in fat, fat and sugar
were my answer. However, I learned they weren’t, as, no matter how much I ate
of them, my life was still painful. I was looking in the wrong direction.
And, I believe orthorexia started for
me in the early stages of my recovery process. As I got into therapy and dealt
with painful issues, my buzzword was “healthy.” I was obsessed with it. Now, I
wanted to eat completely healthy all the time. There’s nothing wrong with
healthy eating, in and of itself. We need to eat nutritious things which
encourage, not destroy health.
However, with my perspective on
healthy eating, I regarded it as an oppressive rule rather than a guideline.
The rule demanded perfection.
However, the guideline encouraged the
power of choice. And, whether I knew it or not, felt it or not, I could make another choice.
And so, the evolution of my recovery continues
to focus more on that principle. It’s not perfect. But it’s about not attaching
such extreme “worst case scenario” results to the food, be it healthy or not as
healthy. I can always make another choice about what I’m doing. It’s freeing
instead of stifling.
And what’s the most freeing in that
perspective is the relaxed approach toward perfection.
“All
things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are
lawful for me, but all things edify not.”
1 Corinthians 10:23
“All
things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are
lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”
Life is not perfect; I am not perfect.
It’s not an attainable standard. “Healthier,” however, can be. “Kind to oneself” can
be. “Human,” like it or not, is.
“For all have sinned, and come
short of the glory of God.”
Romans
3:23
“For He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust.”
Psalms 103:14
And, when we come up short (and we
will), God is there with His perspective and help, even dealing with these food
and “trigger” situations.
“I will instruct you
and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8
It’s acceptance, not rejection. We
need to remember that. So, let’s eat THAT on a daily basis!
Copyright © 2014 by
Sheryle Cruse
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Do Not Compare
“A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness
of the bones.”
Proverbs 14:30
Proverbs 14:30
I frequently muse at the famous image of Sophia Loren and Jane Mansfield, seated together at
some Hollywood event.
It captures the comparing issue. Sophia Loren’s eyes look
off to the side, staring at Jayne Mansfield’s cleavage. Here they are- two
beautiful women. Yet there still seems to be a “fairest one of them all” competition
in place.
See
yourself here? What do you and I use as a measuring stick? For those of us with
disordered eating and negative body image issues, it hinges upon a specific
definition, usually a thin one, of beauty.
It
certainly did for me. Four very specific words, in fact: “Cute, pretty, beautiful and small.”
As a
little girl, my mother and I had a rating system for females, focusing on those
exact words. I suppose it could be viewed as a four star system; cute was a one
and small (a/k/a, thin) was the highest four start assessment.
It
was not uncommon for the two of us to focus on a friend, a classmate, a teacher
or a celebrity and decide where she fell under the “Cute, pretty, beautiful and small” system. Great
mother/daughter bonding, huh?
And it wasn’t just a judge-y
sport, it also underscored a dominant rule which eventually sparked my
full-blown eating disorder behaviors: anorexia, bulimia, binge eating and, of
course, constant self-loathing.
“...They were now competition
for me. If I could be thinner than these women, then I’d be better than they
were as well.
Ah, at long last, control over something in my life. I couldn’t control
who loved me or what was going on in my family, but I could control this! I could control my body! And soon
this control did turn into something I’d hungered for, craved my entire life:
power, power in the beauty, the newfound thin beauty I was discovering...I was
the Sheryle I always thought I wanted to be.
Competition grew between me and
any thin girl or woman. Mirror, mirror: I had to be the thinnest one of them
all. It was life or death importance, anything less than that was unacceptable.
Gaining any weight, whatsoever, meant failure, simple as that.
So,
to keep going on my quest for perfection, a thin body deserving of love and
approval, I increased the amount of exercise and decreased what I ate... It
still wasn’t good enough...
...What I didn’t
realize at the time was that my eyes and mind were incapable of seeing anything
but a distorted image...”
(Excerpt from “Thin
Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death Of An Eating Disorder”)
Try as I might, no matter
what I did, I could never perfectly attain that fuzzy four star rating. And so,
what was I? Answer: an ugly failure.
Envy and coveting are both
spiritual issues; we’re warned about the risky behavior:
“But
if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be
arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down
from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish
ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.”
James 3: 14-16
James 3: 14-16
I
reference the film, “The Silence of the Lambs.” In the movie, a serial killer
has taken to murdering women and wearing their skins because he, himself,
wanted to be a woman. And so, the FBI agent on the case reluctantly enlists the
help of convicted prisoner and cannibal, Hannibal Lector. In a discussion with
the FBI agent, the Lector character brings up the issue of coveting, stating,
“we covet what we see.”
Now
you and I probably wouldn’t consider ourselves to be serial killer evil, but
are there things we covet in our lives? What-who- where are they? Is it an
obsession with beauty and being thin? What about money? Fame? Power?
Achievement? Career? Family? Do you want something you see someone else has?
What
are you and I eyeing? Why aren’t we enough?
It’s because we see ourselves in the wrong way; we don’t see what
God sees. Someone else’s stuff does not detract from who you are. You are
not “less than.”
Still need God’s
beauty/value rating system? Check out The Song of Solomon:
1:15: “Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves'
eyes.”
2:14: “O my dove…let me see your form…for your form is lovely.”
4:1: “Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast
doves' eyes...”
4:7: “Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.”
6:4: “Thou art beautiful, O my love...”
7:10: “I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me.”
This is
who you are- right now. No need for coveting, insecurity, pettiness or low
self-esteem. We don’t need to compare and believe we’re “less than,” in the
presence of someone we believe to be “more than.”
We are
ALL This!
“...I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Psalm 139:14
Copyright © 2014 by
Sheryle Cruse
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Monday, May 19, 2014
Facepalm Moments (CIR)
Appearing in May 19th’s Christians In Recovery,
this article addresses the power of our words and attitudes, especially those
which are careless and negative. They impact both life and recovery issues,
therefore, needing thoughtful consideration. In short, we need to think before
we speak (sometimes, it’s the ultimate challenge).
About Orthorexia...
This eating
disorder has gotten more attention recently. According to Wikipedia...
“The term orthorexia derives from the Greek ορθο- (ortho,
"right" or "correct"), and όρεξις (orexis,
"appetite"), literally meaning 'correct appetite', but in practice
meaning 'correct diet'. It was introduced in 1997 by Steven Bratman, M.D., to
be used as a parallel with other eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa...”
The disorder, indeed, touches on volatile triggers: the
promise of thin results, rigid rules and routines, perfection and self-esteem,
via intense self-discipline. It, like anorexia, is demanding upon attaining a
rigid standard of not eating certain foods, in attempt to be a better version,
in one way or another of self.
Orthorexia Symptoms and Effects
What are the Signs and Symptoms of Orthorexia?
Orthorexia
is the term for a condition that includes symptoms of obsessive behavior in
pursuit of a healthy diet. Orthorexia sufferers often display signs and
symptoms of anxiety disorders that frequently co-occur with anorexia
nervosa or other eating
disorders.
A person with orthorexia will be obsessed with defining
and maintaining the perfect diet, rather than an ideal weight. She will fixate
on eating foods that give her a feeling of being pure and healthy. An
orthorexic may avoid numerous foods, including those made with:
·
Artificial colors, flavors or preservatives
·
Pesticides or genetic modification
·
Fat, sugar or salt
·
Animal or dairy products
·
Other ingredients considered to be unhealthy
Common behavior changes that may be signs of orthorexia
may include:
·
Obsessive concern over the relationship between food
choices and health concerns such as asthma, digestive problems, low mood,
anxiety or allergies
·
Increasing avoidance of foods because of food allergies,
without medical advice
·
Noticeable increase in consumption of supplements, herbal
remedies or probiotics / macrobiotics
·
Drastic reduction in opinions of acceptable food choices,
such that the sufferer may eventually consume fewer than 10 foods
·
Irrational concern over food preparation techniques,
especially washing of food or sterilization of utensils
Similar to a woman suffering with bulimia or anorexia, a
woman with orthorexia may find that her food obsessions begin to hinder
everyday activities. Her strict rules and beliefs about food may lead her to
become socially isolated, and result in anxiety or panic attacks in extreme
cases. Worsening emotional symptoms can indicate the disease may be progressing
into a serious eating disorder:
·
Feelings of guilt when deviating from strict diet
guidelines
·
Increase in amount of time spent thinking about food
·
Regular advance planning of meals for the next day
·
Feelings of satisfaction, esteem, or spiritual fulfillment
from eating "healthy"
·
Thinking critical thoughts about others who do not adhere
to rigorous diets
·
Fear that eating away from home will make it impossible to
comply with diet
·
Distancing from friends or family members who do not share
similar views about food
·
Avoiding eating food bought or prepared by others
·
Worsening depression, mood swings or anxiety
What are the Effects of Orthorexia?
Orthorexia symptoms are serious, chronic, and go beyond a
lifestyle choice. Obsession with healthy food can progress to the point where
it crowds out other activities and interests, impairs relationships, and even
becomes physically dangerous. When this happens, orthorexia takes on the
dimensions of a true eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia. One effect of
this drive to eat only the right foods (and perhaps only in the right ways) is
that it can give a person with orthorexia a sense of superiority to others.
This can put a strain on relationships with family and friends, as
relationships become less important than holding to dietary patterns.
Maintaining an obsession with health food may cause a
restriction of calories merely because available food isn't considered to be
good enough. The person with orthorexia may lose enough weight to give her a
body mass index consistent with someone with anorexia (i.e., less than 18.5).
If the dietary restrictions are too severe, malnutrition can result. In rare
cases, particularly in the case of women with unaddressed co-occurring
disorders or another addiction, orthorexia may result in severe malnutrition
and weight loss, which can cause cardiac complications or even death.
How are Anorexia Nervosa and Orthorexia Similar?
Orthorexia is a term with varying levels of acceptance in
the eating disorder treatment community. Some eating disorder specialists
regard orthorexia as a discrete diagnosis like anorexia nervosa or bulimia
nervosa. Others, however, believe that patients with orthorexia symptoms are
actually suffering from anorexia. Sufferers of orthorexia and anorexia may show
similarities such as:
·
Desire to achieve control over their lives through control
of food intake
·
Seeking self-esteem and spiritual fulfillment through
controlling food intake
·
Citing undiagnosed food allergies as rationale for
avoiding food
·
Co-occurring disorders such as OCD or obsessive compulsive
personality disorder
·
Elaborate rituals about food that may result in social
isolation
How are Orthorexia and Anorexia Nervosa Different?
Obsession with weight is one of the primary signs of
anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders, but is not a symptom of
orthorexia. Instead, the object of the orthorexic's obsession is with the
health implications of their dietary choices. While a person with anorexia
restricts food intake in order to lose weight, a person with orthorexia wants
to feel pure, healthy and natural. The focus is on quality of foods consumed
rather than quantity.
Signs and symptoms of eating disorders must be evaluated
in the context of a person's feelings, emotions, and self esteem. It's crucial
to seek appropriate clinical advice from a professional with experience
treating orthorexia, anorexia and other psychiatric conditions. The obsessive
tendencies associated with orthorexia can indicate a co-occurring disorder that
should be diagnosed and treated by a psychiatrist.
What Should Parents or Friends Say If They Are Concerned?
Orthorexia is a very serious eating disorder, particularly
if it is accompanied by co-occurring psychiatric or addictive disorders, and
significant weight loss or dietary imbalance. Like anorexia nervosa, bulimia
nervosa, and other eating disorders, orthorexia is a medical disease that can
result in irreversible health complications, including death.”
But, we can look for God’s perspective
and help, even considering the temptations and issues we face, dealing with these
food and “trigger” situations.
“All
things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are
lawful for me, but all things edify not.”
1 Corinthians 10:23
“All
things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are
lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”
Any food, by itself, is neither evil,
nor good. It’s inanimate. There are varying degrees of nutritional value,
depending upon the food. The “moderation” issue, therefore, comes into play.
You and I will not die or have the worst case scenario, (whatever we define
that to be for our lives, such as the notoriously dreaded “getting fat” fear)
if we eat some of that “off limits” food, from time to time.
It’s about an overall healthy lifestyle,
taking into account positive relationships, sleep, nutrition, exercise, stress
relief and spiritual connection with God.
And let’s not forget, each of us has
help for our individual, unique lives.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very
present help in trouble.”
Psalms
46:1
Yes, it’s challenging. But remember,
God has called us to a life that includes enjoyment.
“…I am come that they might have life,
and that they might have it more abundantly.”’
John 10:10
Are you and I taking time to enjoy our
lives? For some of us out there, that may mean having some candy today; for others, it may mean
choosing another option.
Regardless of what we choose today, God
is in control and loves each of us unconditionally. He’s there, helping us,
wanting us to succeed and to experience His love and blessings.
Go to God, then, no matter what you
face concerning your struggles/disorders/issues with candy- or any other food,
for that matter. He IS there, now, for you!
“…I
am with you always, [even] unto the end of the world. Amen.”
Matthew
28:20
Copyright © 2014 by
Sheryle Cruse
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