Beyond the Mask

As a child, I dressed up as Tinker Bell and Cinderella for Halloween. Back then, there was less emphasis on realistic depictions of fictional characters. There was the plastic-y kind of “costume,” resembling more of a picnic tablecloth than fairy or princess attire.

And then, of course, there was the cheap plastic mask, with a painful elastic band keeping it in place. But somehow, it seemed to hang uncomfortably around the ear area and snapped with slingshot ferocity each time one tried to adjust the mask. I have many memories of my mask’s eye holes askew as I tried not to bump into the other kids and the neighbors’ front doors.

There were mixed results.

If any of you have had similar childhood Halloween memories, you know that those cheap plastic masks were not fooling anyone. No kid ever looked like Tinker Bell, Cinderella, Batman or the Incredible Hulk; no one was fooled into believing the child was a particular character. It was obvious. It was a mask.

Years later, dealing with my personal recovery from eating disorders, the mask issue takes on greater significance. We’ve heard about masks; we wear different ones to function in society and our individual life roles. In fact, for a lot of us dealing with addiction and recovery, the masks contributed to our choices and our problems. And, as is the case so often with addiction, we, the mask wearers, were often the last to know and see it. As we struggle to navigate our lives, trying not to bump into calamities of our own making, others look at us, unconvinced of the image we try to project. We may believe we’re presenting a together person, but other people only see our confused eyes poking through askew eye holes.

Like John Lennon once sang, “one thing you can’t hide is when you’re crippled inside.”

The dictionary definition of mask is as follows:

“face covering to hide identity: a covering for the face, worn by somebody to conceal his or her identity.”

But how many of us get that confused with our real selves? And, in doing exactly that, how many of us encounter relapses in our recoveries, that is, if we even start one in the first place?

This time of year is a reminder of masks; Halloween is all about pretending to be someone or something else. But there’s a difference between pretending and lying. When it comes to our recovery from addictions, pretending, to the point of lying, never promotes health and healing. We may see or believe the image, the lie or the relapse appears in a certain light, even a flattering light. We look out of askew eyeholes, never quite seeing things accurately. However, sooner or later, the entire story surfaces. Scripture states…

“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known...”

1 Corinthians 13:12-13

Truth pops up. So, then, what would ever make us think we could see the entire, accurate situation concerning our addiction and recovery?

Answer? Pride. Ah, yes, one of the subtlest threats to any recovery- our own pride. Pride convinces us we don’t need to stay on our programs, connect with our sponsors, attend meetings or be honest. No. Pride reassures us we’re in great shape, we’re doing okay on our own. Pride tells us to be lone rangers; pride shames us by condemning the need to get and maintain help in our lives. Pride keeps telling us, “You have it under control. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

But pride always overpromises and under-delivers. The famous scripture about pride itself warns us…

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Proverbs 16:18

Back when I was in a manic bulimic phase of my eating disorder behavior during college, I believed no one else could see what was going on with me. My increasingly puffy face and my one hundred pound weight gain were, certainly not obvious. Oh, no. Pride kept telling me I was doing okay. After all, I was still regularly keeping up with my classes and making the dean’s list. So, no problem, right? Meanwhile, my desperate behaviors caused me to not only binge and purge, but also steal my roommates’ food and dumpster dive for garbage when my compulsion for food ran rampant. How do you convince others you really have it so together when you’re caught scrounging the garbage for food? It’s not such a believable mask then, is it?

But all is not totally hopeless. For as much as we may have wrongly relied on our addictions, disorders and deluded, masked states of pride, we can also make another choice. The Book of Proverbs is often regarded as a book of wisdom in the Bible. And, one of the things I love about it is that it isn’t just a list of “don’t do this” instructions, it also contains a healthy, positive “do” option.

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

Proverbs 11:2

“Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor.”

Proverbs 18:12

Humility is mentioned more than once. Hmmm. There seems to be a theme here.

So, where are we with that reality? Again, the Halloween holiday focuses on masks, and pretending to be someone or something we are not. But how do we live that concept, beyond Halloween? Are we wearing the mask or is it wearing us?

Replace the mask with the truth.  

“…the truth will set you free."

John 8:32

Copyright © 2014 by Sheryle Cruse