If you’re a
recovering perfectionist like me, you may be frustrated with who- and where you
are in your life right now. Questions like, “why aren’t I (fill in the blank)?”
or “when will I ever get there?” may be rolling around in your brain. Ah yes,
negative self-talk. And this time of year is the perfect time for that kind of
negative chatter: New Year’s, with all of its promised- and- on- the- way- to-
be- broken resolutions.
Years ago,
the scripture Mark 9:24 helped me so much as I struggled and doubted not just
myself, but my own faith in God. It was simple, real and to the point:
“Lord, I believe. Help Thou my unbelief.”
A zinger-
and a sentence which changed my life!
But, much
like the excitement around making a New Year’s resolution, after the thrilling
dust of that impact settled, tedious life came into the picture with not as
much dramatic evidence of powerful transformation as I would have liked. Nope.
I wanted “presto, change-o;” God wanted my trust, a slower, gradual, deep kind
of thing, built up over time. A long time. A long, long time. Years.
Enter the
next little scripture ditty:
“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the
glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to
glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 3:18
Yeah,
somehow, this one wasn’t quite as thrilling as Mark 9:24. And that was
the mistake on my part. It wasn’t grabbing onto the scriptures that was the
problem. The scriptures are Truth, relevant and powerful. The issue was
affixing my impatient “quicker than a microwave popping out popcorn”
expectations to them. It’s just like the instant promising lie of a kept
resolution, huh? Classic. And I fell for it. I wanted things done in my timing
not God’s timing. Because my timing was such great hot stuff, right?
Yeah.
And so, my
little noggin ran away with the thought, “it’s not working.” Are you thinking
that about your own resolutions, however successfully kept they may be? I just
couldn’t seem to make the connection that God had a much better handle on me,
on my life and the situations going on than I did. I was too busy… with what?
With my study of God’s Word and will? Nope. With the study and the practice of
being more patient with the process? Nope again.
So, what was
the deal?
Me, me, me. That’s
what I was so busy with. That was the deal; that was the problem. And that was
part of what was blinding me to my ability to believe- or at least blinding me
to a healthier perception of believing, anyway.
Again,
classic.
I mentioned
the microwave earlier. In popular culture today, the word “microwave” doesn’t
just refer to the oven that’s in most homes; it refers to instantaneous results
which require no time, no waiting and no patience. Hurry up! Hurry up!
(I hear that
Queen song of the same sentiment playing in my head).
“I want it
all. I want it all. I want it all. And I want it now!”
But faith,
perseverance, belief, recovery and life are all about being actively in
process. All of these things are ongoing, living organisms. They’re alive. We,
as human beings, often have a way of creating what we believe, for good-or not
so good.
“…Because of your faith, it will happen."
Matthew 9:29
Yikes!
This new year, are you in process or
have you, instead, imposed an oppressive, perfectionistic and harmful deadline
on yourself? An impossible resolution? There are even those of us in eating
disorder and addiction recovery process who just transfer the same
perfectionistic tendencies which got us mired in our struggles into our actual
recovery. There is no such thing as a perfect recovery; there is no such thing
as a perfect life! All of us fall short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23)!
We will blow it. It’s not a case of
“if,” but “when.” But God knows this- and He still is calling us to believe,
nevertheless.
“As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith
unto the ruler of the synagogue, Be not afraid, only believe.”
Mark 5:36
“… ‘Fear not: believe only...’”
Luke 8:50
Just because
we don’t see something we want instantly happening, doesn’t mean the entire
thing is hopeless. What if it was all just simply “in process?”
Maybe, right
now, the word “believe” isn’t spelled out completely, satisfying our wishes for
a brand new perfect life in this brand new year. But believing is powerful. And
what we put our attention to is powerful. What do you want to believe? The best
or the worst?
God has not-
and will not- give up on you as you’re going through your life, trying to spell
everything out.
God is on
your side!
“What,
then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against
us?”
Romans 8:31
Choose then
to tweak your believing. Instead of believing that you have to be perfect, that
you’re hopeless or that “it’s never going to happen,” believe that you are
getting there, with God’s help every step- and breath- of the way!
You’re in
process; faith is being spelled out for you and indeed, you are going “from
glory to glory.” And this new year is, indeed, a part of that process.
No microwave
required. Only God.
Copyright © 2015 by Sheryle Cruse
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