"Damsels- All of us out there- Arise!": August 2016

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Princess Diana Remembrance (Beauty For Ashes)

I remember where I was when Princess Diana’s death was announced. My husband and I were up late watching movies. When we finished, we turned CNN on, to discover “breaking news” of her death. I suppose you could call it my “JFK” moment.

Princess Diana has always meant so much to me. As a little girl, her engagement and royal wedding to Prince Charles captured my fairytale dreams. Her beauty, style and glamour was the stuff of aspirations.

And then, when the media revealed a troubled marriage and her struggles with eating disorders, I gained a different view and respect for her; she was human, even while being a princess. She was fragile and imperfect.

Struggling with eating disorders myself, I watched how she dealt with the international disclosure of such personal matters. Secrecy and shame were such huge hindrances to my recovery; I only saw the ugly stigma of the realities I was living. But Princess Diana, by example, illuminated another possibility through her choices: empowering hope.

It’s been years since her tragic passing, yet Princess Diana has left a substantial imprint. Her legacy is in her sons, Prince William and Prince Harry. She’s also known for her charity, for her intuitive response to people and for her transcendence of seemingly hopeless and painful circumstances.

I reflected on my life as I viewed hers. I see how God can take anyone and anything, creating hope and redemption from the blackest of situations. He still is in the business of beauty for ashes…

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners…
to comfort all who mourn,
and…bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.”

Isaiah 61:1-3

He’s still in the business of restoration…

“And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. "You will…praise the name of the LORD your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; Then My people will never be put to shame.…”

Joel 2:25-26

And, of course, He still heals, not just bodies, but lives, reputations and legacies…

“…I am the LORD that healeth thee.”

Exodus 15:26

As we mark another anniversary of Princess Diana’s passing, let’s allow her legacy to remind us of God’s power, love and hope for each of us. Addictions, disorders, traumas, loss, death and failure may touch our lives, but they never determine our incredible value and hopeful possibility for prosperity, love, joy and restoration. God does that. And His determination always is as follows:

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Princess

When I was a little girl, I watched the royal wedding of Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana. I bought into the excitement and the promise of the fairytale. And yes, I wanted to be a princess. So, I woke up at four in the morning to catch the internationally televised coverage of the epic event and live vicariously through it. There I was, with a bowl of cereal in hand, watching that gilded carriage pull up, carrying the young Lady Diana Spencer and her father. And when she stepped out of that carriage? That incredible extravaganza of a wedding dress! Over the years, I heard people discussing that moment, likening it to an exquisite creature emerging from a large chrysalis. Yep, that’s about right.

As I watched the 1981 wedding and years later, the 2011 royal wedding between Prince William and Princess Katherine, I noted how the power of the fairytale continues to hit us hard. We still want to buy into the belief that if something appears beautiful, it’s perfect, pain free and “happily ever after.”

I know I certainly bought that concept.

It spilled over into my food, weight and body image issues until, years later, I found myself in the grips of disordered eating. I believed, wrongly so, beauty, a/k/a being thin, would make my life perfect and fairytale “happily ever after.” Unfortunately, I discovered that wasn’t the case. In that promise’s place, instead, were harmful, miserable compulsions, thoughts, self-hated and spiritual disconnection with God. Certainly, there was no reassuring feeling I was a beautiful, valuable princess.

And it’s not entirely lost on me the profound nature of the word “princess” in the “thinspo” movement. This destructive force has taken off now, largely due to the internet. With a proliferation of websites, blogs and social network sites, devoted to the encouragement and instruction of developing and maintaining eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia, “thinspo “ has seeped into our consciousness. And, of course, it targets young girls and women, promising them a perfect, controlled, beautiful life, if only they could be as thin as possible. Therefore, disturbingly, often the term “princess” is used to describe those females who victoriously keep their eating disorders going and their weight numbers down.

Since writing the book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder,” I encounter many young girls and women, at various stages in their disorders and recovery. And yes, some of them claim to be “princesses.” I often get asked if I am one as well. I tell them I’m pro-recovery, not pro-eating disorders, but I don’t know how much of that registers. They still seem to have “princess”- a thin princess, anyway- on the brain. Some things don’t change, do they? Fixating on that perfect princess, in one form or another, can follow us in life.

Princess. Yes, most little girls want to be princesses. Think about it: fairytales, dress up, costumes, wedding days. All princess stuff. We’re groomed to desire the pink girly dreams, seemingly, right from the start.

What is a princess then? Is she beautiful? Sweet? Lovable? Let’s be honest, do you and I feel like those traits every single day? Didn’t think so. And is this princess the reflection staring back at us? Most of us would probably answer “no.” Whether it’s seeking that ideal through beauty and size, even to the extremes of eating disorders or looking at a tangible female role model to embody that image, “princess” is never far from our thoughts. And still, we have difficulty accepting our inherent value in God’s eyes.

So, let’s look at the late Princess Diana. She was, after all, more than that breathtaking bride in the fairytale wedding. Years after her death, we continue to see her impact. In the 1980’s, she educated the world by touching and hugging people with HIV, something unheard of from a royal family member at the time. She sent the message that loving human touch is safe and vital to anyone who is suffering. And that included the mystifying disease of AIDS. Sounds like a princess to me.

And just before her death, she also brought attention the anti-landmine cause worldwide by walking through Angola, dressed in protective gear. Is that act becoming of a princess?

And, of course she raised two young Princes, William and Harry, both who continue her legacy of charity and service. Attributes of a princess?

Look at her life; look at who she was, apart from her title. Yes, she was beautiful, glamorous and, by royal title, indeed, a princess. But she was also a daughter, a friend, a girl, a woman, a wife, a mother.

And she was imperfect also. That imperfection surfaced as she dealt with her own eating disorder of bulimia. Yes, a princess had an eating disorder. That wasn’t in the perfect fairytale, was it? Did that reality turn us against her, make her any less appealing? No. In fact, we connected with her vulnerability and her humanity. Those of us dealing with eating disorders and recovery also empathized with her struggles. Being a princess didn’t prevent her from experiencing those painful challenges.

When she passed away in 1997, she was named “the people’s princess.” But that title had more to do with her compassion and her kindness expressed to others. It didn’t hinge on physical appearance or weight. It was about her heart.

So, are we, like her, princesses in our worlds? What does that mean to us? Is there the association of “thinspo” attached to it? Is there unrealistic beauty pressures attached to the definition? Are we only princesses, only valuable if we reach and maintain a certain criteria? What about our hearts? Where does that factor into the princess designation? Look around at your loved ones, your family and your friends. We just don’t get how much we’re loved and valued by others, do we? We just don’t get how much we’re loved and valued by God!

“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”

Isaiah 43:4

“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”

Jeremiah 31:3

No matter who you are, what you’ve been or done in your life, God has a soft spot for you, in which He sees you as His Princess. He sees ALL of you, every facet; you are this wonderful jewel!

So, the challenge, I suppose, is for each of us to view ourselves as a “princess,” recognizing that the word speaks to our uniqueness, not a crown on our heads, not ever changing beauty trends, not “thinspo” pro-eating disorder mindsets.

I have a different definition of the word. Yes, then. I’m a Princess. You are too! Walk with your head held high; you are a child, a princess, of the Most High God!

Monday, August 29, 2016

...So Can You!

Remembering a princess who battled with her own less-than-fairytale struggles...

Speech given by Diana, Princess of Wales on "Eating Disorders"

27th April 1993

“Ladies and Gentlemen:

I have it, on very good authority, that the quest for perfection our society demands can leave the individual gasping for breath at every turn.

This pressure inevitably extends into the way we look. And of course, many would like to believe that Eating Disorders are merely an expression of female vanity - not being able to get into a size ten dress and the consequent frustrations!

From the beginning of time the human race has had a deep and powerful relationship with food - if you eat you live, if you don't you die. Eating food has always been about survival, but also about caring for and nurturing the ones we love. However, with the added stresses of modern life, it has now become an expression of how we feel about ourselves and how we want others to feel about us.

Eating Disorders, whether it be Anorexia or Bulimia, show how an individual can turn the nourishment of the body into a painful attack on themselves and they have at their core a far deeper problem than mere vanity. And sadly, Eating Disorders are on the increase at a disturbing rate, affecting a growing number of men and women and a growing number of children…

…Yet all of us can help prevent the seeds of this disease developing. As parents, teachers, family and friends, we have an obligation to care for our children. To encourage and guide, to nourish and nurture and to listen with love to their needs, in ways which clearly show our children that we value them. They in their turn will then learn how to value themselves…"

Even if we have to dig a little...

Little Diana

As the anniversary of Princess Diana’s tragic passing approaches, I’m struck by not just her beauty or her relatable struggle with eating disorders, but also of one poignant reality: she was once a little girl.

For as much attention as there has been on her princess status, her fairytale bride image and that of her complicated, turbulent life, she, like all of us, once started as a child.

And, being the enormous fan that I am, I have come across many of these childhood photos of her.

We can search the internet and find Diana as a toddler, a little girl holding a hamster and a big sister to her brother. Like so many of us, she went through the phases and milestones which mark who we become.

And it’s important to remember those truths as we reflect on her life and sudden death. This “people’s Princess” was a vulnerable human being, coping with her own inner child- and everything representative of that. Just like each one of us.

So, as we go about our own lives, let’s stop and pause to examine ourselves, along with those childlike things which have meaning, pain and joy to us.

For all of the mention of the adult woman, Princess Diana, let’s never forget the very real little girl. As we ponder her, may we honor and acknowledge the challenge of our own child selves.

Each one of us didn’t just arrive at where we are. There is a child behind us all.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Just Be...

Not All Surprises Are Bad

In recovery from my disordered eating and image issues over the years, one thing I had to face was the complicated, unresolved father/daughter factor in my life. No, I did not get the loving father/daughter relationship I so craved.

It’s taken me years to connect the dots concerning my disordered mindset. Unfortunately, yes, the family environment I experienced played a role.

Families of people with Anorexia Nervosa:

•• Enmeshed, overprotective, conflict-avoiding

•• Unresponsive to patient’s self-expressions

Families of People with Bulimia Nervosa:

•• Parents are critical and detached

•• Characterized by hostile enmeshment

•• Non-nurturing

•• Emotionally unresponsive

Ohio State University FactSheet. Used with permission

Still, within that reality, I’ve had to look at a much bigger factor: the spiritual one. And a large part of my healing has come from seeing how God, as Father, intentionally chose, wanted, desired and loved me, regardless of what my human father did or did not do.

“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”

Isaiah 43:4

“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”

Isaiah 41:9

“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”

Jeremiah 31:3

“The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”

Zephaniah 3:17

And, although I cannot change what was concerning my imperfect reality with my dad, I can choose to embrace the real and eternal truth of my father/daughter relationship with God, the ultimate Father.

In the popular television series, “Mad Men,” an episode entitled, “The Fog,” captured a beautiful exchange between the protagonist Don Draper and his daughter, Sally.

In the scene, father and daughter discuss the birth of the family’s second son. Everyone thought it would be a girl, to which Draper responds…

“I thought you were going to be a boy. Not all surprises are bad.”

This heartwarming bit of dialogue again reminds me of how God views each of us through His Fatherly, loving lens. We are specifically loved and chosen.

“All things were made by him; and without him was not anything made that was made.”

John 1:3

There was no regret or second thought about us, about who He created us to be.

Perhaps, you’ve not had the unconditional love experience with your parents. Maybe disorder and addiction have left their marks, fracturing family relationships and healthy self-perceptions. Don’t believe the lie you were a mistake, an accident, unplanned. Nothing could be further from the truth as far as God is concerned! You may have been a “surprise” to someone, but you have been intentionally, spiritually created, with purpose, by God, from the start.

Again…

“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”

Isaiah 43:4

“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”

Isaiah 41:9

It’s not too late. Right now, God loves each of us, is thinking about us and desires a wonderful future, filled with restorative love, healing and blessings. Right now.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11

Therefore, choose to embrace a loving Father Who knew exactly what He was doing when He created you.

“...I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”

Psalm 139:14

And yes, you will be surprised at just how much, how completely and how uniquely, He will love and connect with you!

Indeed, not all surprises are bad!

The Calmly Speaking Voice?

Motivational Penquin (Apply as needed)...

The Synopsis...

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Ego Versus Soul

I recently came across a little gem about the ego and the soul.

It’s quite profound. It states things like…

“Ego looks outward. Soul looks inward.”

“Ego sees lack. Soul sees abundance.”

According to one definition of the word, soul is comprised of the mind, the will and the emotions. So, it stands to reason soul would be quite vulnerable to disease. Indeed, there is a battle going on.

And, let’s get real- a large part of that battle involves the toxic pride factor.

“Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Proverbs 16:18

“For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.”

1 John 2:16

And that pride rubs shoulders with rebellious foolishness.

“The fool hath said in his heart, ‘There is no God.’ They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.”

Psalms 14:1

And yes, that goes for even us Christians.

It’s not about being a good little boy or girl in the pews on Sunday. Instead, it has everything to do with the very real, very rebellious, prideful and diseased thoughts which have ensnared us in affliction. Saying “no” when we should say “yes.”

As is echoed in the “Ego Versus Soul” post…

“Ego rejects God. Soul embraces God.”

Again, profound.

And, while we may nod our heads in agreement with that statement, do we really examine any rebelliousness lurking in our tricky hearts?

After all, we’re not above being deceived…

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”

Jeremiah 17:9

For, once upon a time, there was a certain rebel who let some audacious, prideful attitudes rip.

“And he said unto them, ‘I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.’”

Luke 10:18

"But you said in your heart, 'I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God, And I will sit on the mount of assembly In the recesses of the north. I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.'”

Isaiah 14:13-14

And here were the consequences:

"…you will be thrust down to Sheol, To the recesses of the pit.”

Isaiah 14:15

“How you have fallen from heaven, morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations!”

Isaiah 14:12

“‘Thy terribleness hath deceived thee, and the pride of thine heart, O thou that dwellest in the clefts of the rock, that holdest the height of the hill: though thou shouldest make thy nest as high as the eagle, I will bring thee down from thence,’ saith the LORD.”

Jeremiah 49:16

So, one can argue if we do not embrace God and His perspective, we’re, therefore, embracing this guy’s attitude instead.

“For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.”

James 3:16

Are you squirming yet?

You may think I’m being over the top here. But is it really such an astounding leap?

After all, Jesus, Himself, said, “You are either for or against me.” (Matthew 12:30; Luke 11:23).

Addiction, like it or not, has some rather unflattering roots in pride, envy and self- interest, hence the ego. And, many of us have the wreckage to prove it: hurt loved ones, lost careers, jeopardized health, financial and legal issues. The list goes on.

But the soul…

“In whose hand is the soul of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind.”

Job 12:10

“Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.”

Psalms 62:1

“For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.”

Psalms 116:8

“Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.”

1 Peter 4:19

But there IS, indeed, some good news concerning our souls; God is not us.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Isaiah 55:8-9

So, because of those different perspectives, our thoughts not necessarily being those of God’s, we need to intentionally approach Him with a different response that the rebellious choices which have landed us where we are.

Enter the favorite recovery word, surrender…and its corresponding steps, such as…

1. We admitted we were powerless over a substance or behavior - that our lives had become unmanageable.

We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

All of that flies in the face of rebellious ego. But man, does it ever harmonize with soul!

One of my favorite quotes is from C. S. Lewis:

“You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.”

Again, returning to our definition of soul, that of our mind, will and emotions, we are, therefore, challenged to utilize those three components toward, not away from, God. No easy feat. Often, it’s not fun. Let’s just get real about it.

Yet, there is a more fulfilling, healthier path is choosing that direction.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

There is a question being asked of us. Our response is needed.

Which one do we choose to pursue, especially concerning our recovery?

Is it the ego? Or is it the soul?

Stop Believing the Lies...

Feminist Fairytale Godmother...

And Another...And Another...

Friday, August 26, 2016

Learning the Food Fight

Back in the 1970’s, the classic film, “Animal House” famously depicted John Belushi’s character starting a food fight in the college cafeteria.

Autumn’s back to school season strikes me with concern. Eating disorders are often triggered by the college experience. It’s littered with unhealthy food opportunities, everything from pizza delivery to vending machines; therefore, disordered eating opportunities can also abound. Life can become a food fight.

It certainly was my reality. As a child and a teenager who always struggled with her weight, I determined college to be my “reinvention.” If I could just be thin, I could be a new, better person.

Prepping for college, I engaged in a diet. However, I still was obsessed with food the entire time. There’s nothing like restriction to keep your attention on the forbidden object of desire, right?

But one thing I never bothered to deal with was my relationship with food.

“Is not life more than food?”

Jesus, in Matthew 6:25

And I did have a relationship, a quite dysfunctional one at that. Food was my comfort, my friend, my enemy, my reward and, as I became more mired in bulimia, my punishment. It took care of every need. However, that was not its job. It was meant to keep me alive and healthy. Period.

But my disordered thinking could not see that. Instead, I saw war.

“But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.”

Romans 7:23

And war didn’t stop at food. It spread to conflicting messages; it was all or nothing, thin versus eating, being a “good girl” or a “bad girl.” Eventually I was engulfed in anorexia, at an unhealthy two digit weight, starving for days at a stretch. And that anorexic condition eventually morphed into bulimia when my ravenous state took control; I gained over one hundred pounds within nine months. Now, I experienced heart fluttering, shortness of breath and suicidal thoughts. I was miserable and out of control.

Eating disorders don’t happen overnight. Often, these behaviors have been years in the making. However, college, with the major lifestyle changes, stressors and pressuring expectations of young adulthood can lay groundwork for disordered eating to thrive. Whether it’s the need to compete in athletics, measure up to parental or peers’ expectations or cope with anxiety and massive changes, many young men and women see their chosen eating disorder as their “answer.” And so, they learn the techniques, sometimes even teaching them to fellow roommates, practice the disordered behaviors and, before long, come to discover they have gone further than they ever dreamed possible. Personal health, goals and life plans are all threatened.

And, most damaging of all is the spiritual impact. The eating disorders’ lies often do an insidious and thorough job of convincing the young person of the ultimate lie: God hates you and will not/cannot save you; therefore, it’s hopeless. That’s where I found myself.

And, it’s taken me years to spiritually relearn God’s Truth.

“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”

Isaiah 41:9

“Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?”

Jeremiah 32:27

“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”

Jeremiah 31:3

But how much pain could have been avoided if, upon going to college, I was aware of the spiritual, emotional and physical dangers resulting from the eating disorder path?

“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…”

Hosea 4:6

Knowledge.

This time of year, back to school emphasizes education. And, it’s at this time of year I encounter many frantic college-bound young people, with food, weight, image and self-esteem issues.

So, along with God’s Word, which never comes back without its intended purpose accomplished (Isaiah 55:11), I’ve provided some questions and eating disorder symptoms to look out for if you believe someone is struggling, or if you, yourself are affected.

Eating Disorder Signs:

Perfectionistic about appearance and achievement

Obsessed with image, food, dieting, counting calories, etc.

Excessive exercising (hours at a time)

Isolation from family and friends and secretive behavior (in example: exercising in the middle of the night, binge and purge sessions when alone, constant weighing of oneself)

Drastic weight loss, weight gain, fluctuations, (may also have a puffy face, scraped knuckles and hair loss)

Possession of laxatives, diet pills, diuretics and “thinspo” material

Stealing family members’, friends’ or roommates’ food and money

Self-critical, depressed and/or displaying erratic mood swings

Displaying cross addictive behavior: in example, alcohol/drug consumption, shopping, sexual activity, self-injury

Wearing excessively baggy clothes

Frequent trips to the bathroom, especially after eating

Frequent absences from classes, work or other activities

Questions To Ask… Do I having an eating disorder?

Do I expect to be perfect?