Coming from
a theatre background, I’m no stranger to an audience.
“All the
world's a stage... And one man in his time plays many parts...”
In William
Shakespeare's play, “As You Like It,” Act II Scene VII, purpose-filled
life is compared to that of a theatre stage.
How much more
does that apply for those of us recovering from addiction, disorder or abuse?
Besides my
theatre background, I also have an eating disorder history as well. In college,
I battled both anorexia and bulimia.
Indeed, during
my sophomore year, desperate in my bulimic behavior, I began to dumpster dive...
“... I’d try to play it off,
pretending everything was normal as people passed by me scrounging in the
dumpster... in broad daylight... I couldn’t hide any longer from others what I
was doing... people were noticing...” *
*Excerpt from Sheryle Cruse’s book, “Thin
Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder”
This was an
unwelcomed audience for me.
Nevertheless,
people saw. And, no matter how I tried, I could not escape the Presence of the
Most High.
For a long time,
I fought Him.
Yet, after
college, I hit a faith crisis. I wrestled with Elohim and He revealed I had to
face my eating disorder reality.
“... in the midst of all of this disorder,
anger, guilt, shame, ugliness and desperation, I found myself tired and wanting
Him more than anything I’d ever wanted before...
... I had to make a decision... I
decided ‘Fine God, if others know about this, fine. I’m tired.’
...As I was lying in bed, the
picture of... Jairus’ daughter flashed... I remembered…
‘Little
girl, I say unto you, arise...’ *
I needed to
deal with my heart issues.
“Above all
else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Proverbs 4:23
Still, it
didn’t change daunting reality. The heart is tricky, even for the best of us.
“The heart is deceitful above all things and
beyond cure. Who can understand it?”
Jeremiah 17:9
So, how is it even possible to deal
with our issues?
I believe it begins when we allow a Divine
search warrant to take place.
“Search me, O
God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.”
And lead me in the everlasting way.”
Psalms 139:23-24
Jairus’ daughter (Mark 5:35-43) was
that search warrant, in not just my eating disorder reality, but concerning my
life as a whole.
It led me to my imperfect faith; it exposed me
as vulnerable. I needed help beyond my own efforts to make anything
happen.
“... I found a Scripture that
summed up who I was and what I was going through.
“...I do believe; help me overcome my
unbelief!"”
Mark 9:24
That was me! I knew I couldn’t be
enough, love enough, believe enough, and have faith enough unless God helped me...”*
At first, this realization felt paralyzing.
And then, there was peace. I had to surrender; the Most High God is in control
and I was not.
“…I am God, and there is no other; I am God,
and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from
ancient times, what is still to come. I say, 'My purpose will stand, and I will
do all that I please.' From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off
land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that I will bring about;
what I have planned, that I will do.”
Isaiah 46:9-11
Before the faith-changing revelation of Jairus’
daughter and Mark 9:24, I believed no good could come from my eating disorder
reality. I hid, lied and ran away from it. I believed facing it, owning it and
then sharing it with others was the worst-case scenario.
Yet, only when I reluctantly uttered, ‘Fine God, if others know about this, fine,’ did
I cross from oppression to freedom...from wounding to healing.
“‘Then you
will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’.”
John 8:32
It’s been years since my book was published. And,
as I have faced and shared my once taboo eating disorder history, Elohim has
helped me to experience greater healing. I have discovered commonality. It
shattered the lie: I was not alone.
And neither are you.
No matter the trauma, addiction, pain or circumstance,
there is a glory to come from it. You may be mired in a deep pit right
now. This, however, is not the end of you.
Instead, “The Great I AM” has you positioned
at a new place of blessings.
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs
up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in
the wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:19
And that includes the audience you are meant
to inspire and help.
“All the
world's a stage...”
So what are you to do with yours?
The Creator of all has astounding things ahead
for your life.
“... Always
be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for
the hope that you have...”
1 Peter 3:15
Will you take the stage?
Copyright © 2017 by Sheryle Cruse
No comments:
Post a Comment