“He that getteth wisdom loveth his own soul: he that keepeth understanding
shall find good.”
Proverbs 19:8
As with most
families this time of year, my husband and I commemorate the season with holiday
decorations. That décor, however, is threatened by two factors: our cats,
Gracie and Glory.
And, it is
in this holiday decoration/feline context where I started thinking about the
power of negative consequences.
The Book of Proverbs
is especially loaded with helpful warnings for particular behaviors. It comes
down to wisdom versus foolishness, pride versus humility, willingness to learn
versus stubbornly and repeatedly making the same poor choices.
“Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that
thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.”
Proverbs 19:20
“Judgments are prepared for scorners, and stripes for the
back of fools.”
Proverbs 19:29
Like it or
not, we live in a cause and effect world. Many of us who battle with addiction,
disorder and compulsion have already felt certain unpleasant consequences like lost
jobs, wrecked relationships, health issues and excruciating moments of
embarrassment.
We’ve heard
about reaching our personal “bottom.” The concept is if we have something
detrimental enough happen to us, something which gets our attention, then we
will be motivated to make drastic healthier decisions.
The Twelve
Steps are all about that principle. Each step, should we choose to heed it, may
prevent us from achieving worst case scenario destruction.
Step number one...
We admitted we were powerless over our
addiction/compulsion - that our lives had become unmanageable.
We are not running the show; we are quite
imperfect and vulnerable.
“For he knoweth our frame; he
remembereth that we are dust.”
Psalms 103:14
My husband and I certainly know we
are responsible for putting up the tree, not our rambunctious felines. Therefore,
we, perhaps, take on the role of God, while our cats embody flawed humanity’s
role.
And the decorated tree? Well, I suppose that represents the addiction, the
lure which pique’s our susceptible, human interest/obsession.
(Hey, back in Genesis, temptation all started with a tree, right)?
Anyone who has experienced the combination of Christmas trees and cats knows
the lure’s power. It can be impossible for kitty to “just say no” to a shiny
ornament or a full-tilt climb.
“For all have sinned and fall short
of the glory of God.”
Romans 3:23
Hence, destruction takes place. I have encountered enough cats to know they
first only see the “good idea” of the short-term curiosity. They rarely
entertain the longer-term consequences of their actions. No one is thinking,
“Is this tree stable enough to hold me?” “What would happen if I grab this
funny looking mouse?”
No. Instead, their thought process is more like, “I must climb the tree or
capture this unusually shiny looking prey. This is going to be extremely satisfying.”
We are more like these creatures than we care to admit. Unflattering, isn’t
it?
It’s all the more reason we need to take our feline resemblance, including
its catastrophes, to God in the second
step.
I learned some cat trivia which asserts felines are naturally more
equipped, through their claws and instinctual abilities, for the climb up, not the climb down. Animal or human, therefore,
a universal principle seems to be in effect: it’s much easier (and fun) to get into a mess than it is
to get out of one.
Via the Christmas tree, I have had incidents of some feline, scaling its
heights. And then, once there, Kitty-Cat has a realization: “I don’t know how
to get down; I’m stuck.”
And so, there is a pathetic cry until I attempt to extract the cat from the
tree and reunite it with its much missed ground.
No matter how fierce, big and bad Kitty may believe himself/herself to be,
there is an acknowledgment then and there: “I can’t do this. Please help me.”
“Be not far from me; for trouble is near; for there is none
to help.”
Psalms 22:11
And yes, I suppose, in that moment, I, again, can resemble God here.
Somehow, the cat understands I can do what he/she cannot do.
“Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there
anything too hard for Me?”
Jeremiah 32:27
But, before we get too puffed up in our God-like abilities, this cat
predicament should also be a reminder of our own flawed natures in relation to
a capable God.
What power it could mean if it translated into the third step for us...
In moments of peril, a cat has a choice: to accept or to
fight help.
Once again, kind of like us.
I’ve encountered both decisions these
creatures have made. I have the bonded love relationships- and the physical
scars- as proof.
Concerning, again, the holiday décor issue, when a cat
gets in a Christmas tree, there comes, with it, a swaying instability which
elicits feline panic.
And it is here where I break out my rescue plea: “Here,
Kitty, Kitty...”
Spiritual equivalent quoted by Jesus? “Come to me...”
“‘Come unto me, all
ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.’”
Matthew 11:28
I know; it’s a stretch.
Or, is it?
After all, distress calls transcend species, right?
Do we believe our “hitting bottom” experiences to look
more dignified and less desperate than a cat stuck in a tree?
Indeed, whatever the creature, a decision must be made
concerning that help. With cats, that means the use or non-use of claws, teeth
and a flailing body. That involves cooperation or the struggle/retreat further
into the mess.
I’ve had cats who trust me, deciding not to fight my
help. They may not be happy about the situation, but their limp bodies tell me
I don’t need to worry about an eye gouge.
On the other hand, there are felines who violently resist
any kind of help. Loud, guttural growls, spit-take hisses and a right hook any
boxer would love to possess are the unfortunate realities in those scenarios.
And so, it gets messy and painful.
How many of us, caught in intervention situations,
respond like the fear-stricken cat? How many of us, when confronted by loved
ones, react in defensive anger? How many of us retreat? How many of us hiss and
growl? How many of us fight our help? And how many of us create mess and pain?
Therefore, the power of the third step speaks to the good which comes in trusting God, even
with our chaos.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in
trouble.”
Psalms 46:1
My frustration often surfaces when a terrified, uncooperative
animal shows itself to be unwilling or incapable of realizing I am there to
help, not hurt them.
Therefore, how much more
does God share this sentiment when it comes to petrified, desperate us?
“How often I have
longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her
wings, but you were not willing.”
Matthew
23:37
“For I know
the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not
of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
So, a critical element in experiencing the third step’s
healing requires each of us to examine what “as we understood Him” really means
for us. When we view God as ally, not enemy, we can, perhaps, escape- or avoid-
calamity more easily.
And this viewpoint, perhaps, may make steps three through seven much more
effective. They focus on attitude- and action.
Step Four...
We made a searching and fearless moral
inventory of ourselves.
Here’s the reality of this cat/holiday décor dynamic: felines, by nature,
typically don’t have a lot of introspection going on.
My husband and I have seen our cats scale the tree or obsess over a
fragile ornament, compelled by some drive which tells them pursuing this action
will make their lives perfect. They are driven by what they want.
Sound familiar?
Yet we do not see Gracie and Glory probing their psyches, asking questions
like...
“Am I
bored?”
“Am I
frustrated?”
“Am I
fulfilled?”
“Why am I
drawn to doing this?”
Nope.
Regardless of past experience, consequences- or even their bond with
us- cats are not known for their self-reflection. Again, they go by instinct, with
little regard for the impact their actions have on others.
But, before we pipe in about how much different we are from them,
again, there’s still an unflattering resemblance going on here.
When it comes to matters of addiction and personal vice, we can often
take on this feline perspective concerning our right and wrong attitudes or actions.
That’s the selfish, animalistic choice; we’re all too capable of making it.
But God has created consciences within us. Therefore, we have the
ability to delve into our issues and our souls. But the core question remains:
are we willing to do that?
“Search
me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:”
Psalms
139:23
Saying yes to that question opens us to pain, discomfort, change and
facing our ugly realities. That takes courage and humility.
And that takes a willingness to learn the lessons from our addictive
natures.
Therefore, cue step five...
We admitted to
God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Here, again, we
often resemble the stuck feline. And, it is here again, I’ve encountered
another truth about cats: they are not apologetic.
Repeatedly, our cats have gotten wedged in the tantalizing Christmas
tree. Repeatedly, in that predicament, they cry for rescue. They’re too high,
too unstable or their collars are stuck in the branches. So, the wailing meow
begs for help.
And I respond to set Kitty-Cat safely on the floor.
And then she does it again.
There does not seem to be a shred of remorse or lesson learned.
Again, often, just like us.
“Of all the animals, man is the only one that is
cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.”
Mark Twain
Mr. Twain’s scathing observation illustrates how, despite resembling a
feline in that unflattering moment, we, however, are a species which has the
capability of making an active decision. We don’t have the luxury of blaming
our actions solely on animal nature.
Therefore, it can be all the more damning, when, knowing this, we still
choose to do the wrong, evil and hurtful thing.
And most of us struggling with addiction have all had that experience.
The fifth step,
therefore, is not about saying “I’m sorry,” as it is about learning how our
actions wreak havoc on others. It’s about owning those choices, while making a
quality commitment to make a better decision in the future.
“Repent
therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine
heart may be forgiven thee.”
Acts
8:22
It is about repentance. And that repentance dovetails into step six...
“You can lead a horse to water, but you
can’t make it drink.”
That expression, one can argue, has its roots in scripture...
“If ye be
willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land. But if ye refuse and
rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the LORD hath
spoken it.”
Isaiah 1:19-
20
We should not underestimate
the power of our willing spirit. It takes willingness to face truth, accept
responsibility, admit wrongdoing, ask for forgiveness and make necessary
changes.
Concerning feline behavior
and our resemblance to it, however, more often than not, there is no
willingness to be found. The feline chooses its wants over a better choice; we
can, in our own addictions, also do the same. There’s an unruly attitude in
both creatures: “I know what I’m doing. I’m going to keep doing it.”
Possible results from that
attitude? Let’s see... wrecked trees, shattered ornaments, incarceration,
divorce papers...
Again, consequences or
“hitting bottom” experiences transcend species.
So, it is no small thing for
us to embrace willingness and humility, asking for God’s intervention. That
spills into step seven...
We humbly asked Him to remove our
shortcomings.
Cats, however, don’t display humility. They come from a place of curiosity.
“Curiosity killed the cat.”
And how many of us have mimicked this feline trait when it came to trying
something that eventually became an addiction?
Our cats have often investigated an unsafe tree or holiday decoration situation,
fully convinced only good could come from it. And then the unpleasant reality
hits them, all too late. Now they enter into humility out of necessity, not
proactive searching for wisdom on the matter.
Again, there is not self-examination going on. They just want help. And,
because there is not a deeper revelation going on, yet again, there may be a
repeat of the behavior.
And again, this is just like us.
We can either choose to get it- or not.
But, should we choose to be willing, admitting God needs to correct some
things in us, now we can get somewhere.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God;
and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and
take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and
uphold me with thy free
spirit.”
Psalm 51:10- 12
And that place concentrates on the origin of our crimes; therefore, we often
need to “go to our brother.”
“Moreover if thy brother shall
trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if
he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two
more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be
established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let
him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican.”
Matthew 18:15-17
This lays the groundwork for steps eight
and nine...
We made direct amends to such people
wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Here we are going to have to admit wrongs, ask for forgiveness and endeavor
to repair the destruction we’ve caused. None of these are easy to do.
Cats, by their nature, don’t seem to possess the ability to execute these steps’
behaviors. Again, when our two have tipped over the Christmas tree, broken
ornaments or leaped into some unattended holiday feast, there typically has
been no remorse.
I have heard it said that goldfish have extremely short-term memories. May
I, therefore, say, then, they have nothing on cats.
And, for many of us, mired in our addictions, there can, likewise, be
memory loss, blackouts or just simple unawareness of the disasters we’ve
created.
Nevertheless, the damage, be it from feline or human, is done.
And, while, at first glance, these particular steps may seem primarily
healing for the injured party, we should not lose sight of the healing work
which comes to us, the injurers, taking responsibility for our behaviors.
“Beloved, let us love one
another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and
knoweth God.”
1
John 4:7
Step Number Ten: We continued to take
personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
God is about reconciliation. He is always about this work. So, if we
cooperate instead of fighting that truth, the greater the possibility for healing
may be.
With the tenth step, focusing on
our personal heart issues, what is desperately needed is a new perspective.
We need some things removed and replaced with something more life-
affirming, something healthier.
“A new heart also will I give you,
and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart
out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh.”
Ezekiel 36:26
When it comes to viewing the feline perspective on the matter, it’s quite
safe to say this is not their strong suit.
Again, how often have we encountered our cats repeating the same enticing,
yet bad, behavior?
When it comes to the yearly Christmas tree, those tantalizing ornaments,
dangling on branches, appear to send out a siren call.
Bat, bat, bat, (the sound of crashing/breaking follows).
But before you and I chuckle with human superiority, let’s stop and think:
have we repeatedly engaged in bad
behavior, stuff which, inevitably, brings some kind of crashing or breaking of
our lives?
On numerous occasions, while catching Gracie and Glory “in the act,” they
have stopped briefly, only to brazenly resume their destruction.
You know, once again, kind of like we often do.
This “comfort in familiarity,” even if it’s an unhealthy, destructive
familiarity, eventually seems too tempting for our resistance. We have to, in
our own unique, addictive ways, go after the shiny ornaments over and over
again.
But, we need to remember upon doing just that, the famous definition of
insanity:
“It’s doing something repeatedly,
yet expecting a different result.”
So, yes, a new heart, some new habits, some new attitudes and some constant
assessment are in order to locate where, exactly, we are in this thing called a
recovering life.
And no matter who we are and how well we may be doing, we each need to
fully acknowledge the reality: we have more, ongoing work to do.
I think I hear step eleven
calling…
We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we
understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power
to carry that out.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives
generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
James 1:5
Yeah, again, not a feline strength here.
I have yet to see any cat, much less, our Gracie or Glory, meditate and
pray for God’s perfect will to be revealed to them. It’s more like animal
instinct…go!
As predatory creatures, therefore, many a decoration, beyond the Christmas
tree, is their designated prey.
Case in point: the Baby Jesus from our nativity scene. Year after year, Gracie
and Glory have nibbled on His fingers and toes and, depending on the nativity’s
placement, have even attempting to push Him off whatever surface He’s on.
So, yes, I have stopped displaying the nativity scene on our dining room
table.
Neither of our cats have ever paused to reflect on the consequences of what
they’re doing to Baby Jesus. There is no “If I keep doing this, there could be
broken shards of porcelain everywhere. I could hurt someone that way. What
would be a better choice in my tempted moment?”
No. There is none of that going on.
Instead there is, “This looks like fun, pleasurable, something I want. I’m
gonna do it.”
Again, chuckle if you want to, but make sure you don’t see you own self
here coming from a similar perspective.
For, here’s an example of feline consequences from décor
nibbling/destroying: the fear-inducing sound of breaking decorations.
When that consequence happens, as big and bad as our two may believe
themselves to be, panic still grips them, followed by a furry streak zipping
through our living room. Now we have trauma: holiday ho, ho, ho.
They’re underneath a piece of furniture for the rest of the day.
What started out as fun or enjoyable quickly turned to terror and
unpleasantness. Seeing yourself here by your own addictive actions and their
consequences? I know I am.
And that, therefore, sets the perfect stage for step number twelve...
Having had a spiritual awakening as the
result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to
practice these principles in all our affairs.
As we face the ugly, unflattering reality of ourselves, our addictions and
the ramifications of those suckers, we are confronted by our neediness for a
relationship with God.
As personal as that realization and relationship may be, we are presented
with the choice of pursuing or rejecting Him. Neither choice is cut and dry.
Rather, either is part of our individual continuum.
I say that to encourage, not discourage, all of us. Once
again, God knows we are “but dust” (Psalms 103:14). He is not expecting perfection from us. Instead,
He longs for our commitment, imperfect as it is. That involves our messy love
responses.
“And he answering said, ‘Thou shalt love the
Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy
strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself.’”
Luke 10:27
Both love and recovery are ongoing, flaw-filled works in
progress.
And, it is in this context where, once again, our felines
bring this theory to life.
Gracie and Glory, while true to their feline natures,
still show their love for my husband and I. The cat reputation, yes, is known
to be fickle. Still, they have the capacity for affection, cuddling and other
outward signs of, if not love, than certainly, a kind of bonding dynamic. We,
as cat owners, know better than to expect our perfect definition of love from
them. Again, concerning the cat personality, it’s unrealistic.
Yet, they are pure and honest with where they stand
concerning us. So, in essence, I suppose they love us with all they are, such
as they are.
And it is this lesson, we can, as human beings, practice
in both our faith and recovery journeys. Honest acknowledgment, sincere effort
and an ongoing lifetime commitment may, indeed, sound too lofty to achieve, too
unrealistic.
Yet, if we take the old adage, “one day at a time,” it is
doable. Just for today; just for now.
And if there’s one thing I have observed about feline
nature, it is their skill concerning “living in the moment.”
So, whether or not we may consider ourselves to be “cat
people,” we would benefit from assessing our current resemblance to that of a
feline’s. How flattering- or unflattering- is it?
This holiday season is all about self-reflection. Are we
stuck in a proverbial Christmas tree? Are we shattering proverbial ornaments?
Are we experiencing negative consequences?
When it comes to the feline example, are we learning
cautionary tails?
(Sorry, I couldn’t resist that pun).
Copyright © 2017 by Sheryle Cruse
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