Friday, April 27, 2018
Are You Eyeing Some Envy?
“A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness
of the bones.”
Proverbs 14:30
Proverbs 14:30
I
love Sophia Loren; I love Jane Mansfield. So, when I saw a photograph of them together,
the fan in me squealed. Perhaps you’re familiar with the image. It’s the two stars,
seated together at a table at some Hollywood event. Sophia Loren’s eyes look
off to the side, staring at Jayne Mansfield’s cleavage. Could this be, perhaps,
an example of envy being photographed?
We
know both women are popular culture and beauty icons; they’re sex symbols. Ms.
Loren, to this day, is an embodiment of exotic beauty. How many of us have
unsuccessfully tried to achieve that dramatic “Sophia look,” only to poke
ourselves in the pupil with the liquid eye liner?
And, the
late Ms. Mansfield’s ample bust, supposedly measuring anywhere from 40D to 46 D,
is frequently mentioned and even compared to that of Marilyn Monroe’s figure. How
many of us have stuffed our bras with tissue to look just like her? (Somehow,
we never did).
Anyway,
this photo reminded me of a pesky, less than flattering reality: envy of others.
Hardly any one of us is immune from it. Adolescence certainly makes sure of that!
“For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived,
enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy,
hateful, hating one another.”
Titus
3:3
And,
although most of us aren’t celebrities, we can find ourselves in the same club
as Sophia Loren, eyeing-comparing-
ourselves against our self-defined “competition.” It becomes a race. Who is the fairest of them all?
We
envy, eyeing something which belongs to another, wanting to possess it for
ourselves. And it doesn’t always have to be about cleavage, either!
“Thou
shalt not covet thy neighbor's house… nor anything that is thy neighbor's.”
Exodus 20:17
By
now, you’ve probably seen the film, “The Silence of the Lambs.” If not, spoiler
alert. In the movie, a serial killer has taken to murdering women and wearing
their skins because he, himself, wanted to be a woman. Anyway, the FBI agent on
the case reluctantly enlists the help of convicted prisoner and yes, folks,
cannibal, Hannibal Lector. In a discussion with the FBI agent, the Lector character
brings up the issue of coveting, stating, “we covet what we see.”
Now
you and I probably wouldn’t consider ourselves to be serial killer evil, but
are there things we covet in our lives? What-who- where are they? Is it an
obsession with beauty and being thin? What about money? Fame? Power? Achievement?
Career? Family? Do you want something you see which belongs to someone else?
“But
if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be
arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down
from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish
ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.”
James
3: 14-16
What
are you and I “eyeing?” Why aren’t we enough?
It’s
tricky, isn’t it?
You
and I are unique, valuable creations.
But how can we see and
experience that truth if we’re always looking at someone else’s hypothetical
cleavage?
You’re
not hopeless. But look at what you’re wanting. Are you coveting? Are you envious, even to the point of being
bitter and hateful?
Remember you have worth already- as is!
“…I am fearfully and wonderfully
made…”
Psalm 139:14
You’re incredible, loved, worthwhile and enough as yourself. Don’t wish you away! Someone else’s stuff does not
detract from who you are. You are the only one of you; God’s unique purpose is wrapped up in that
Truth! Keep your eye on that instead!
Copyright © 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
Yes or No
Choice is an often used word today. Let’s face it; we have a lot of choices at our disposal.
Experts say, on any given day, we think 60,000 thoughts
daily, 48,000 of which are negative. We choose to do that.
Yikes.
Scripture tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that
love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (Proverbs 18:21).
And, while it’s dangerous and foolish to
believe we’re all powerful, it’s just as dangerous to believe we’re all power-less.
Yet how many of us do that?
Each day, we think 60,000 thousand thoughts.
Things like, “I’ll wear this,” “I’ll drink that,” “I’ll believe or doubt this
bit of information,” “I’ll have this attitude.” The choices span the mundane,
to the extraordinary, to the life- altering variety.
Yet each thought has this in common: it has a
yes or a no possibility attached to it. That’s no small thing. If we say yes in
one particular thought, we also answer no, and vice versa.
Recently, I had a situation in which a
collective family opinion did not accept my unpleasing “no’ of an answer.
That’s not surprising. After all, how many of us enjoy being told “no,”
especially if it’s in regard to something we REALLY want?
Exactly.
Yet, for those of us in recovery, blurred
boundaries, conflict avoidance and healthy self-mage are all challenging for us.
We want to be pleasing, be a rescuer and be considered a “nice person.”
But that’s not always the healthiest choice
for us; it’s not the best choice.
Scripture gives us the permission to say “yes”
or “no.”
“Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,'
and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
Matthew
5:37
There are results from either path. And we
need to accept that. Our thoughts will produce something. Is it something we
really want in our lives? We need to think about that carefully.
And, make no mistake about it, there are no
free passes when it comes to the results of our yes or no decisions. Something
will happen. We, therefore, cannot choose both options simultaneously. To do so
is to be “double minded.” And let’s see the results of THAT choice:
James 1:8
We are to be good stewards, not perfect stewards, of our lives.
God has given each of us free will. Will we choose well?
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
I Think You Are Wonderful
I recently came
across this child’s drawing once sent to the legendary Marilyn Monroe. Children
often get right to the truthful point.
“I think you are wonderful.”
What an
astounding thought. Yet, how many of us experience
that sentiment?
Yeah.
Most of us
struggle with this positive self-image thing. We may have had negative people
and experiences in which we were told- and believed-
the exact opposite. Coping with that pain, therefore, it’s no surprise some of
us have turned to our addictions, disorders and any number of “comforting”
vices. We want to feel we are wonderful. And the drug, the drink, the food or
any other object of our desire supposedly tells us precisely that.
Meanwhile,
however, we completely lose sight of a Truth, if we ever knew about it in the first place. God already thinks we’re
wonderful.
He thinks
that…about us… right now. And God isn’t short on these kinds of thoughts…
“How precious also are thy
thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand:
when I awake, I am still with thee.”
Psalm
139:17-18
However, how
much time, how many negative, self-destructive and toxic thoughts do each of us
spend, draining ourselves, dragging ourselves down and engaging in
self-destructive choices?
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...”
Proverbs 23:7
And then,
what if we have the audacity to believe these
negative thoughts are actually God’s
thoughts? Things like...
God hates
us...
God wants to
punish us...
God doesn’t
care...
God can’t do
anything for us; it’s hopeless...
You can see
how motivating these kinds of thoughts are in promoting a happy and healthy
life and recovery.
Yes, we need
to remember there’s a difference when it comes to the area of thoughts. Our
negative self-image does not equal God’s perspective about us…
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my
ways, says the Lord. For as the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My
thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
Some
examples of those higher thoughts include…
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go:
I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the
Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made
perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
Yep, that’s already over our heads, isn’t it?
But wait, God’s just getting warmed up. We haven’t
even gotten to the love stuff yet.
“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”
Isaiah 43:4
“…‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting
love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah 31:3
“The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty
One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with
His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17
Whew! He sounds like a love struck Romeo, doesn’t
He?
But that’s the point. He is besotted with love for us; He just can’t help Himself.
Can anyone say Song of Solomon?
“If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way
forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherds'
tents.”
Song of Solomon 1:8
“Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves'
eyes.”
Song of Solomon 1:15
“Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou
hast doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear
from mount Gilead.”
Song of Solomon 4:1
“Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.”
Song of Solomon 4:7
And I’m just citing the tamer verses here. Song of Solomon, known as the most
erotic book of the Bible, symbolizes the passionate love between God and us.
Depicting the chatty commentary of two young lovers, this book has some pretty
steamy pages. “Fifty Shades of Grey” has nothing
on His love!
And, as if that
wasn’t enough of a love fest, proving how much God is “into us,” check out these
next two ditties:
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while
we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his
only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have
everlasting life.”
John 3:16
These aren’t just some random musings here.
Jesus.
God’s Son.
Died
for us.
Still feel unlovable?
Need more?
All right, let’s truck on over to Genesis, the beginning of the whole
shebang.
“So God
created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them…
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them…
God
saw all that he had made, and it was very good...”
Genesis 1:27; 31
God, from
the start, created us to be glorious “mini me’s” of Himself...
“And God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness...’”
Genesis 1:26
From the beginning, He thought we were wonderful.
Why can’t we then?
“…I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Psalm 139:14
Why should
that wonderful thought be any more difficult to believe than any negative,
insulting thought we entertain in our daily lives?
“I think you are wonderful.”
Let’s endeavor to start thinking that way about ourselves. God already does.
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
Fear Versus Faith
Faith is big
when we speak of all things God; it’s a key element. And we may nod our heads
in assent to that reality. Or maybe, we can feel intimidated, discouraged or
baffled about the issue. I know I’ve gone around and about it myself,
questioning if, indeed, I had the right kind of faith or enough of it.
I discuss it
in my book:
“As I plowed through the Bible, I
found a Scripture that summed up who I was and what I was going through.
“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
Mark 9:24:
That was me! I knew I couldn’t be
enough, love enough, believe enough, and have faith enough unless God helped me.
When
I began to feel that I wasn’t hell-bound after all, I experienced an opposing
tug in this battle. Another thought popped up: “How do you know you even
believe in God, or want to believe in God?” This scared me. My life showed me
repeatedly that I couldn’t trust my own heart. Maybe this desperation for God
was a new lie.
I
decided to fight as hard as I could, not because I was nobly seeking after God,
but because I was scared to death of my life without Him. I had to find this
story of Jairus’ daughter, but more than that, I had to find God Himself.
The
guilt and shame over my past took a backseat to my new urgency in finding God. Some
days, I felt like I was saved and on my way to a wonderful life with God. Other
days, I left the lights on and slept clutching my Bible for dear life, like a
child clutches a teddy bear. I cried. I laughed. I shouted. I cowered. I
whispered and whimpered. But through it all, I kept praying, “God, be real to
me, be real.” And I kept reading the Bible.”
Indeed, as cliché as it sounds, actually reading God’s Word
has helped me come to terms with my faith. And part of that process was
recognizing that having perfect, problem and question free issues regarding the
matter was not the same as having faith in the first place. Indeed, again,
according to scripture...
"For by the grace given me I say to every one
of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think
of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God
has given you."
You have
faith; I have faith. And, it’s a living organism, constantly being developed in
some way. That may mean it is going through some awkward stages. But we’re
never to fear, including the tricky process of our faith development:
"Don't be afraid; just believe."
Mark 5:36
“Be not afraid of
sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.”
Proverbs 3:25
So, I guess
we’re back to the close connection between the presence of faith as the
antidote, however imperfect, dwelling in us, to the fear issue.
“The LORD is my
light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?”
Psalm 27:1
Our fears, running amuck, do nothing good for
us.
“The fear of man
bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.”
Proverbs 29:25
Yes, the
world can be a scary place. But again, that’s where faith in God comes in:
"Don't be afraid; just believe."
Mark 5:36
Ultimately,
is the world, in all of its threats, lies and arguments, subject to God’s Power
or not? Check out Matthew 8:26:
“And he saith unto
them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the
winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.”
Are you intimidated by the faith issue, feeling only your fears are
calling the shots? Remember an acronym to the word, “fear:” “false evidence
appearing real.” Fear appears real, but God IS real- and He is really there,
helping you now!
“Fear thou not; for
I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea,
I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my
righteousness.”
Isaiah 41:10
Challenge your fears and what you perceive to be your weak, less than,
faith- With God’s gift of Jesus Who, indeed, is…
“…the author and the
finisher of our faith…”
Hebrews 12:2
Have your faith, believe in its development and live, freer of any
fear!!!
Copyright © 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
Thursday, April 26, 2018
You Don’t Have To Support Me
Frequently,
young girls and women approach me concerning their disordered eating issues and
the recovery processes. And, quite often, they want support.
However, my
perspective is that the word “support” is often code for something else
instead. It is code for approval of their choices and even help with
self-destructive behaviors.
A young
woman in recovery (let’s call her “Sissy”) I have known for years recently
started a conversation with the following: “Can ask you a question?”
My first
reaction to that question, already, contained great trepidation. I usually
brace myself for certain questions asking for weight loss or secrecy tips. It’s
happened like that too many times before. So, I said yes. And, sure enough,
Sissy asked me if I would help her calculate her BMI (body mass index). I asked
some why questions, trying to get to the root of its importance. At that point,
she became defensive, adamantly stating she was “recovered,” had finished her
treatment and was not going back.
At one
point, she also stated, “It’s okay. You don’t have to support me.”
It was here,
the following scripture was ringing in my ears:
“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we
will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head,
that is, Christ.”
Ephesians 4:15
That’s what
I was trying to do, repeatedly expressing my concern for her well- being and
the subtle triggers which can affect eating disorder behavior and recovery.
And it’s a
delicate line to walk because I know God is powerful, a miracle working healer;
I also know each individual’s recovery story is unique.
But, all too
often, I think, as human beings, we mistake support for approval or
endorsement. It’s akin to asking for advice as well. Do we really want to hear the truth? Or, do we want to hear what we want
to hear?
In my own
life, I’ve had a few “intervention moments.” During college, especially, family
and college roommates tried to express their concerns for what they saw in me:
disordered eating, weight loss, followed by extreme weight gain, stealing food,
eating out of the garbage. The list goes on and on. And, as they expressed
their concern, my reaction, of course, to
that concern was defensiveness, anger, feelings of betrayal and hurt. But,
I wasn’t in a healthy place to see anything but
those things. I bought the subtle lie of my eating disorder behavior and because
of it, I would/could not hear anything, God included, which opposed that line
of thinking.
Again,
scripture states:
“Keep thy heart with all diligence;
for out of it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
The truth is
only God fully knows what our issues are and how they’re affecting us. Each of
us, however, in life, is vulnerable to temptation, to imperfection and to sin. There
may, indeed, be incredible miracle deliverances. But, for most of us in
addictions and disorders of any kind, it, more often than not, is a daily
process, requiring our attention to healing and healthy choices. And support,
in real terms, may not always feel great, warm and fluffy. We may not always
hear what we want to hear.
And, even God doesn’t always tell us what we want
to hear. Yet, He still loves us:
“For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth;
even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.”
Proverbs 3:12
So, we need
to remember that truth, in the context of support. Do we want something to
tickle our ears and tell us everything’s okay, or do we want the truth and real
help? It is a challenge for any of us. What does support really mean? Are we
getting it now or are we even rejecting
it?
Let’s
examine what support means, is and is not
to our own recoveries and life situations. And let’s never say, to the
true, helpful and healing kind of definition, “You don’t have to support me.”
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
What’s My Spinach?
“In the day when I cried thou answeredst me, and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul.”
Psalm
138:3
When I was a little girl, I remember buying into the Popeye-
eating- his- spinach- and -becoming powerful –thing hook, line and sinker. I
believed it so much so, after eating my spinach, I would then take to running
around the farm, waiting for that strength to suddenly kick in and I guess,
launch me into the stratosphere.
Yeah, I’m still waiting on that one.
I started thinking about this incident in relation to my
eating disorder development and recovery. And I started seeing idolatry in how
I saw spinach.
Now wait, I haven’t lost my mind. Please give me a minute
here.
I equated spinach with something more than what it was. Most
of us, as kids, go through a stage in which we hate it. Some of us, perhaps,
never grow out of that stage. But, most of us are told to eat it because it’s
“good for us.”
So, it’s not the spinach itself, but what it represents.
And as the spinach went, so went other things in my life. (Does
this statement sound like a soap opera voiceover to anyone else except me?
Never mind).
Anyway, back to the idolatry thing. When I was a child,
through watching the Popeye cartoon, I was convinced of the spinach’s effects,
believing outside things could strengthen me and make me somehow better. And indeed,
a definition for the word, idolatry cites anything from which we derive
strength and energy or anything to which we willingly give our strength. Yep,
ding, ding, ding! Sounds about right. When I was a kid, zooming around the farm
after my bowl of spinach, I had no clue whatsoever that I was buying into a
spiritual lie. I was just fully expecting to activate into my own version of a
super hero Popeye, taking complete charge of my life; I would never being weak
again.
But the problem was, I was setting myself up for the
disappointment of the “overpromise and under-delivery” of my chosen idol.
And I kept going with the same idol throughout my life.
Only, the “spinach” changed.
As a girl, I next bought into the beauty idol. In the
context of fairytale princesses, magazines and television, I didn’t stand a
chance. Beauty was a force; it was aesthetic spinach. If, therefore, I could
only obtain, possess and sustain it in my life, I would be strong, happy and
perfect. Beauty would magically propel me through life at 1,000 miles an hour.
I’d be set.
My beauty spinach drove me to such extremes as the pursuit
of impossible thinness and perfection. Enter: eating disorder havoc; enter;
eating disorder idolatry. What started as another innocent diet, turned into a
sinister thought process of “keep going, lose more weight and go further.” That
turned into anorexia, with food restriction, exercise obsession and punishing
rituals. Unless I met a certain standard of specific daily calories, sit ups
and hours on an exercise bike, I was worthless and weak. If, however, I
achieved that quota, I was omnipotent. I was Popeye, strong and invincible.
My bulimic phase, however, threatened that position. As
physical, spiritual and emotional hunger overtook me, I soon spiraled into a
monster which had none of the self-control I prized. Now, it was about doing
damage control, which meant an endless cycle of bingeing, exercising six hours
a day, using diuretics and laxatives. And then, what followed was the shameful
secrecy and desperate self-protection- even though I got “caught” on my
behavior numerous times. New spinach? Was this new idol making things all
better? Was I safe? No. Was I healthy? No. Was I in control? No. But was I
chasing that unrealistic spinach effect, oh yes!
And now, years later, in my recovery, I see how that
unattainable spinach kept changing; it was a moving target, that, no matter how
much I focused on it, I still couldn’t get it. Addictions, obsessions and
compulsions work like that, don’t they? Food, alcohol, drugs, shopping and
gambling are just a few examples of that strong spinach, promising, that if we
consume them, we’ll find our answer, ourselves and our peace. However, we never
do.
We run and run and run, chasing after this thing or that
thing, panting, exhausted as these promised solutions only dissolve into
mirages. We reach our hands out to them, but only retrieve emptiness. Or, if we
think we’ve found a permanent answer, we discover, eventually, it is not
sustainable. It cannot continue to promise the answer indefinitely. Everything
has its expiration date. And sooner or later, we experience that reality,
feeling confused, bereft and betrayed. We’re never left feeling better though, are
we? Idolatry failed us. We are shocked and saddened to accept that news because
of the hope we invested in it.
And that’s largely because idolatry isn’t the answer; no
substitute ever works. God is who, what we need as that answer to our lives,
not anything else.
“My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the
strength of my heart, and my portion forever.”
Psalm
73:26
Maybe you never bought into the Popeye/spinach connection of
strength. But what is your chosen spinach, your answer? Is it things like substances,
money, power, image, material possessions or approval? Or is it something else, something so personal
and meaningful to you, but not on a given list? Do you know what your hearts
longs for? It is a heart issue:
“Keep thy heart with all diligence;
for out of it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
Don’t despair about the current state of your life. It’s not
hopeless, even if you’re struggling. Take your heart to God. He’s your
strength, He’s the answer you’re looking for.
“The LORD is my
strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my
heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.”
Psalm
28:7
Nothing and no one else can take that place. Accept no
substitutes. Assess your idols. Where have they brought you? Whatever state you
find yourself in, it’s never too late. Take your heart and life issues, even when
you fall in life. And let God be your spinach, Popeye.
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
Carefully Taught
I am astounded by the number of young people who
approach me with such intense self-loathing. I frequently hear them say things
like…
“I hate myself; I’m so ugly, disgusting and stupid.”
“I hate myself. There’s nothing good about me.”
When I ask them, however, why they feel that way, I usually get this response:
“I don’t know.”
“For what I am doing, I do not understand...”
Romans 7:15
Statistics show…
“One in every 200 girls
between 13 and 19 years old, or one-half of one percent, cut themselves
regularly.”
“The three leading
causes of death for 15 to 24-year-olds are automobile crashes, homicides and suicides – alcohol is a
leading factor in all three.”
“About
20 percent of teens will experience depression before they reach adulthood.”
“Suicide is the third- leading cause of
death for 15 to 24 year olds in America.”
www.dosomething.org. (Used with permission).
It reminds me, of a South Pacific musical number, “You’ve
Got To Be Carefully Taught.” Its theme was learning racism. However, the song’s
lyrics are too eerily close to teaching self-hatred:
“You’ve
got to be taught to hate and fear. You’ve got to be taught from year to year. It
has to be drummed in your dear little ear. You’ve got to be carefully taught…”
It seems to be reflected in so many young people’s
minds now. Self-hatred is never far from the conversation. Threats of suicide
and self-injury often pop up.
“For as he thinketh in
his heart, so is he...”
Proverbs 23:7
Unrealistic body images, consumerism, and conditional
love statements are just a few examples of things which are “carefully taught.”
And we usually don’t see the damage until years later
when, for instance, “all of a sudden,” someone has an eating disorder or is a
cutter. And then we ask what happened?
The reality is, often times, eating disorder sufferers
and self-injurers, these kids with tremendous self-hatred, are the “good kids.”
They’re the pleasers, the overachievers and the ones we tell ourselves we’ll “never
have to worry about.”
Perhaps, we didn’t teach these kids as carefully as we
should have about their inherent,
everlasting value. The kids learned all too much, all too often, toxic,
manipulative and distorted lessons. And they didn’t learn our Creator’s lessons
about their worth, beauty and identity.
“For my thoughts are not
your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My
ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
Things like…
“Since you were precious
in my sight… I have loved you…”
Isaiah 43:4
Whenever I speak with a young person, a large challenge
I have is convincing them of this scripture’s relevant truth for them,
individually and personally. They are not excluded.
“…‘God
is no respecter of persons.’”
Acts
10:34
But that Truth has such toxic competition with this world’s
harmful messages.
And today’s youth, unfortunately, are repeatedly
“carefully taught” its destructive “exclusive” lesson. Whether it’s the
preferential treatment of high school popularity, bullying or the emphasis of
celebrity status, the message conveyed is often the beautiful/worthy people are
included, while the worthless, ugly and defective people are to be shut out.
And another toxic message, the “conditional love”
message, is also constantly bombarding us- and of course, today’s youth.
Indeed, this “conditional love” can come from such avenues as popular culture,
school or even from the family unit itself. Whether it’s conscious or not,
intentional or not, the message is this: results are prized, warranting love,
affection and positive affirmation. If, however, the individual does not obtain these desired results, then
he/she feels worthless.
Vulnerable youth are often left to personalize this
conditional love message. Besides eating disorders, body image and self-esteem
issues, addictions, self-injury, and suicidal thoughts/actions can also occur.
These toxic messages exalt a temporary or nonexistent
estimation, like image, fame, achievement or money to make someone loveable and
valuable. When we, therefore, subscribe such god-like importance to them, the cries
for help from our youth often occur.
Any message which promotes hatred/rejection of self is
not from the Divine.
“Hatred stirreth up
strifes: but love covereth all sins.”
Proverbs 10:12
That’s, perhaps, the most
dangerous message a young person can receive: God hates him/her. 1
John 4:16, sadly, is not their experience.
Again, we have allowed
ourselves to be carefully taught, seemingly everything else except Elohim’s Love and Word.
Repeatedly, He tells us He loves each one of us- unconditionally, faithfully.
“…‘Yea,
I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have
I drawn thee.”
Jeremiah
31:3
“But God demonstrates His
own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8
He commands us also love each other…
“This is my commandment, That ye love one
another, as I have loved you.”
John 15:12
But that love must begin with self. We may nod our heads and roll our eyes at that statement, but
we still have so much difficulty living
it. We hate ourselves in the name of achieving acceptance, popularity, success and
unrealistic beauty and image standards. I’ve seen it; I’ve done it.
How many addictions, disorders and suicides does it
take? Who’s expendable enough to be the sacrificial lamb? When does the insane self-hatred
lesson stop being taught?
Our Father is not the enemy; often times, we are. In every harmful and wrong
message, when will we accept and teach this one, when it comes to a person’s
value?
“For
God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth
in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
John 3:16
Copyright
© 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
Sunday, April 22, 2018
My Best Enemy
"Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an
adversarial relationship to myself."
Nathaniel Brand
Nathaniel Brand
“I’m my own worst
enemy.”
Isn’t that how the saying goes?
Yet, for a lot of us, perhaps, there’s a more accurate
phrase by which we live:
“I’m my own best enemy.”
We get a payoff for self-loathing, judging and berating
ourselves.
“But mine enemies are lively, and they
are strong: and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied.”
Psalms 38:19
It can give us a license to continue our self-destructive
ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we’re so awful, so unworthy, so ugly, so unlovable.
Therefore no one, not others, not God and not ourselves should require anything
more of us, right?
Wrong.
But we love to revel in being wrong.
And, come on, it takes far less hard work to hate than love, to reject than accept, to destroy
rather than to build.
So, we often take this path of least resistance. We create
and nurture our own best enemies, be they addictive behaviors, disorders or
unhealthy choices.
However, it’s not hopeless.
After all, we have God- and His perspective on enemies:
“Ye
have heard that it hath been said, ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate
thine enemy.’ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you,
and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in
heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth
rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what
reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your
brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye
therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”
Matthew 5:43-48
“But I say unto you which hear, Love
your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and
pray for them which despitefully use you. And unto him that smiteth thee on the
one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloak forbid not
to take thy coat also. Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that
taketh away thy goods ask them not again. And as ye would that men should do to
you, do ye also to them likewise. For if ye love them which love you, what
thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to
them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the
same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for
sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love ye your
enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall
be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the
unthankful and to the evil. Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is
merciful.”
Luke 6:27-36
I know, I know. It’s a tall order. I guess these scriptures
fall under the heading of Isaiah 55…
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your
ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
His thoughts, our thoughts. But here’s the things about
God’s thoughts: there’s nothing enemy about ‘em…
“For I know the thoughts that I think
toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a
future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
So, nine times out of ten, if there is an enemy in our midst, it’s coming from us. We are our own
worst/best enemy.
And again, that would be completely hopeless, were it not
for one thing: God (Thank God)!
And His different perspective on the enemy issue. God
doesn’t seemed to be intimidated by it at all.
He appears to have a plan, even while our enemies, outside
ones or self-inflicted, are creating havoc in our lives.
“Thou preparest a table before me in
the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth
over.”
Psalms 23:5
In fact, there’s even some built-in reconciliation going on
there, in spite of us…
“For if, when we were enemies, we were
reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we
shall be saved by his life.”
Romans 5:10
With that being said,
however, there’s still some work which needs to be done on our part; we’re
responsible for our thoughts and their impact on us:
“For
as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...”
Proverbs
23:7
“Death
and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the
fruit thereof.”
Proverbs
18:21
It’s not entirely up to us; after all, there’s God. But we
DO need to accept responsibility for our part in the behaviors.
We need to get honest with the unflattering reality.
And then, it’s up to us to choose what we’ll do from then on…
“I call heaven and earth to record this
day against you, that I have
set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life,
that both thou and thy seed may live.”
Deuteronomy 30:19
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things
are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever
things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good
report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these
things.”
Philippians 4:8
And so, once again, concerning our self-destructive thoughts
and behaviors, be
they addictions, disorders or compulsions, we can purposely
concentrate on viewing ourselves differently. We can choose NOT to be our own
worst/best enemy.
As one recovered from disordered eating, these affirmations
are just a sampling of positive affirmations.
Body Image Links
20 WAYS TO LOVE YOUR BODY!!
Compiled by Margo Maine, Ph. D.
Compiled by Margo Maine, Ph. D.
- Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.
- Create a list of all the things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.
- Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.
- Create a list of people you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments.
- Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.
- Don't let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.
- Wear comfortable clothes that you like and that feel good to your body.
- Count your blessings, not your blemishes.
- Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!
- Be your body's friend and supporter, not its enemy.
- Consider this: your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver every six weeks, and your skeleton every three months. Your body is extraordinary--begin to respect and appreciate it.
- Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.
- Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.
- Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don't exercise to lose weight or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good.
- Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age.
- Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself--without mentioning your appearance. Add to it!
- Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, "I'm beautiful inside and out."
- Choose to find the beauty in the world and in yourself.
- Start saying to yourself, "Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."
- Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.
Reprinted
with permission from the National Eating Disorders Association. For more
information: www.NationalEatingDisorders.org.
Scripture gets right to the point…
“What shall we then say to these
things? If God be for us, who can be against us?”
Romans 8:31
God’s not our enemy. But if WE are our own notorious
adversary, what are WE going to do about that?
Copyright
© 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
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