“When the Japanese mend broken
objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They
believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history, it becomes
more beautiful.”
Billie Mobayed
My mother
once shared a memory she had of me when I was a little girl. Apparently, I
overheard her say, “I’m broke.” I, according my child’s understanding, decided
I would come and fix that problem. I brought her a tape dispenser.
“Let’s tape
Mommy’s broken pieces back together again.”
It’s been
years later and I now appreciate, from a recovery standpoint, just how poignant
the remark is.
“For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me.”
Psalm 109:22
We are
broken. No one gets out of this life experience without racking up some kinds
of cracks to our psyches. We can often reach the point of asking...
“Why is my pain
perpetual, and my wound incurable, which refuseth to be healed?...”
Jeremiah 15:18
We are at a
crossroads. We are confronted to take a stance on the vessel question. Are we
going to be vessels of destruction or of healing? This question is the final,
twelfth step...
Having had a spiritual awakening as the
result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to
practice these principles in all our affairs.
First, we have to see OUR brokenness.
In “Twelve Steps speak,” Step one fully assets we are
powerless against our addiction. And that could be an even more powerful if
paired with 1 Corinthians 15:43:
“It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory: it is sown in
weakness; it is raised in power.”
It confronts
our individual “bottom” experience. Seemingly, it looks hopeless. However, with
Divine help, it is possible to rise from any form of shameful, hopeless ashes.
It must go beyond us, however.
We cannot fix that brokenness
ourselves.
“He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3
Steps two and three surrender to that Truth.
“For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of
thy wounds...’.”
Jeremiah 30:17
How can we get any healthier if we constantly fight our Help?
“Woe unto him that striveth with his
Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay
say to him that fashioneth it, ‘What makest thou? Or thy work, He hath no
hands?’”
Isaiah 45:9
Next, we have to commit to our
imperfect recovery.
We must embrace our flawed nature. That is not the cop out is sounds like
it is. We are human, vulnerable. Realistically facing that fact prepares us for
the road set before us, where we encounter the work of steps four through
eleven.
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory
of ourselves.
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and
to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We humbly asked Him to remove our
shortcomings.
We made direct amends to such people
wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
We continued to take personal
inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we
understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power
to carry that out.
Stating that is much simpler than executing it. It is never a “one and
done” experience. It is the lifelong, daily, imperfect commitment.
And, it needs to be there long before we attempt to help others.
“‘...Can the blind lead the blind? Shall they not both fall
into the ditch?’”
Luke 6:39
“Why do you see the
speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your
own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your
eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log
out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of
your brother's eye.
Healing starts with us.
But, with that being said, we need to not confuse that with perfection.
There is no such thing concerning our human healing.
As we confront our mistakes, relapses, poor choices and harmful behaviors, the
humility comes.
Steps four through eleven are chock full of this return to our flawed
natures, again and again. It’s not to grind us into the dirt. It’s to recognize
we are not self-actualized- in anything, recovery included.
“Trust in the
LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy
ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
Proverbs
3:5-6
Next, we need to assume the responsibility
we have in our individual stewardship.
Only after this recognition takes place are we even in the ballpark to
implement the final twelfth step of “otherness.”
Having had a spiritual awakening as the
result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to
practice these principles in all our affairs.
Our imperfect healing is tied to connectedness with others, rather than our
own personal selfishness. None of us are created to exist in a vacuum,
especially a self-destructive vacuum.
Divine revelation is at our disposal if we are open TO it. I can only speak
for myself here, but part of what I believe is an obstacle to our healing
process is the focus we place on it being completely private, isolated, freed
from embarrassment or connecting intimacy. I know for many years, I just wanted
to completely “get myself together enough” so that I could let others in on who
I was.
But the imperfect mess is part of the entire healing point.
No one can relate to a problem-free person. He or she doesn’t EXIST!
So, from that perspective, we can see how, perhaps, this connected sharing
of our broken vessels, is a sacred, life-altering form of purpose.
“But we have this
treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to Elohim and
not to us.”
2 Corinthians 4:7
One can, I suppose,
assert that the reason behind the healing of our broken vessels comes down to
the temple argument.
“Don't you know that you yourselves are
Elohim’s temple and that His Spirit lives in you?”
1
Corinthians 3:16
Nowhere within
that scripture is the mention of our pristine temple existence. Cracks, breaks,
tears and chips abound.
“...when something’s suffered damage
and has a history, it becomes more beautiful.”
That is you;
that is me. That is the beauty of the healing work we vessels are created for.
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
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