That Sweet Tooth

My elderly mother is Type II Diabetic.

Since her diagnosis, I have experienced various adventures in her caregiving. I just didn’t realize how large her sweet tooth issue would be.

Indeed, her preoccupation with sugar has existed for decades. Yet, in recent years, I have experienced the fuller effect of her junkie ways.

The Sugar Set Up:

My mother has spent her life grappling with disordered food and weight issues. Childhood photographs of her show she was overweight. And, my aunt once told me about Mom’s sedentary habits growing up. She was studious, forsaking physical activity for quiet reading spots to devour a book. Because of all of that sitting, my grandmother, therefore, needed to constantly sew patches on her pants. Mom’s excessive sitting wore holes in different pairs.

As an adolescent and young woman, my mother was on diet after diet, like most females out there. She would portion chocolate candy by freezing it, allowing herself one piece a day. Viewing the photographs of this time period, I see a trim woman. However, her relationship with food and weight was not that simple.

Once Mom married my dad, things became even more difficult. Her marriage was abusive, stressful and stifling. She was isolated, forbidden from working outside of the home and, like many of us, turned to food for comfort. She overate and became obese.

And my dad’s food preferences didn’t make matters any easier. He was quite specific about what he wanted to eat. He demanded a “meat and a sweet” at every meal. Mom, being a farmer’s wife, had to execute breakfast, lunch, dinner and at least three to four snacks a day featuring these tempting foods. Pastries, chocolate cakes, pies and cookies were the finishing deserts to any meat dish, prepared, fried and/or dripping in lard, cheese or gravy.

That was what was in the house, day in, day out. Consequently, for years, Mom ate like that; I ate like that. We were both plagued with food issues.

Once my dad died, even though there was no reason to keep that food around, she continued to do so. Habits were formed and were hard to break. Mom gained more weight on her already obese frame.

Therefore, those realities, inevitably, brought on their consequences.

The Crisis and the Diagnosis:

 In 2009, my mother had a stroke episode while alone in her home. It caused her to collapse and left her unable to walk. She could not reach the phone and, after two days of my unsuccessful phone call attempts, I enforced a welfare check. We found her helpless, bruised and bleeding on the family room floor. While hospitalized, her Diabetic diagnosis was made.

But who knows how many years she had this condition before that actual diagnosis?

Morbidly obese for decades, in the years after my dad’s passing, she further isolated, hoarded and controlled her environment. She also avoided seeing doctors. She overate sugary, processed foods. And she stopped taking her blood pressure medication two weeks before her stroke episode. She wasn’t taking proper care of herself.

So, one early Sunday morning, she arose from her sleep only to-boom- be hit with this incapacitating stroke.

Now, she resides in a care facility. My mother can no longer walk without a walker, spending most of her time in her wheelchair. She is on medications to keep her blood pressure, blood sugar and assorted health issues stabilized.

The Jones-sing and the Deviousness:

There is a scene in the 1983 film, “Scarface.” In it, Tony Montana, a scrappy drug lord, has risen to power so much so, he has gigantic mounds of cocaine on his desk. In his addicted state, he doesn’t just do a line of the drug. Rather, his entire face dives into one of the mounds and he snorts away. When he finally lifts his head, we see the telltale white powder around his nose and mouth.

Mom is this “Scarface” scene concerning sugar. If she had her choice, there would be piles of the stuff at her disposal.

She has, indeed, gone to great lengths to get her sugar fix.

First, early on, at her care facility, when everything was unfamiliar, she saw no reason why she should not be able to eat the way she did before her Diabetes diagnosis. She wanted a steady stream of junk food and candy which were not a part of her new diet.

And, when my husband and I said “no” to her requests for these foods, she decided to have other people bring in the contraband for her.

Since 2009, there have been instances in which we have visited her and have seen candy boxes in her room. In the beginning, other individuals acted out of ignorance; they did not know about her health. Mom capitalized on that ignorance, convincing them she was healthy. I had to directly ask these individuals to stop bringing any further food.

But, occasionally, I will see a popcorn drum or box of chocolate covered cherries (usually around Christmas) in her room. I have also discovered chocolate bars and brown bananas stuffed in her dresser drawers.  She’s a food hoarder, when given the opportunity.

Mom is also capable of scheming. This especially concerns my mother’s determination involving a much-loved food catalog, known for its candy, pastries and cheese platters. She has been a customer for years- and that continued into her care facility residence. Therefore, assorted candy items appeared in her room. Her blood sugar skyrocketed to 200 or more.

After unsuccessful conversations with her, I finally decided to call the catalog company, inform them of her situation and cancel her subscription. I thought the issue was handled. That is until I continued to see more catalogs cluttering up her room.

But something was different about these catalogs.

Upon closer inspection, I saw her street address was the same. But her room number had changed. And it wasn’t simply an error. No, this room number was specifically her intake room from when, years earlier, she first entered her care facility.

And, there was one other change: the addressee. It was that of my late father’s name. That’s right, apparently my dad liked receiving food catalogs at her care facility. From beyond the grave.

By this point, I have learned to pick my battles; I did not confront her. She would not have admitted to it anyway.

So, I left the room, taking the catalogs with me and proceeded with cancelation attempt number two. On the phone, again, explaining my mother’s health issues, I asked the company to flag the address and not one, but two room numbers and two addressee names. The customer service rep was surprised by my Mom’s tactics. I was not.

There’s a recovery adage out there: “People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.” Mom knew ordering from the catalogs and gorging on the food items were not good choices for her.

Nevertheless, it didn’t deter her from pursuing these goodies.

Attempts at Compromise:

We know these cravings exist. And, because they exist, my husband and I have worked to make allowances for her. We recognize deprivation is not healthy, even for my Diabetic mother. Special food items can be eaten, sparingly, with close monitoring of her blood sugar. And, by residing at her care facility, that monitoring is done on a daily basis.

So, yes, Mom has special treats. We eat lunch with her often. Each year, we make some holiday food for her and we buy a birthday cake for her party.

And, since her birthday is close to Easter, we also bring her the Cadbury Crème Eggs she yearns for.

Years ago, we gave her an egg while prepping for her party. I wanted to get some photos of the birthday girl and, suddenly, I hear this crinkling noise. She just couldn’t wait. The egg was gone. I snapped a picture of her having just popped it into her mouth. Her facial expression was priceless.

This sugar issue is walking a tightrope between Mom’s pleasure and her health. Her cravings have educated us on who she is.

“For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.”

Psalms 107:9

Sugar addiction, representing that longing soul, is, indeed, a spiritual issue. For, as I’ve learned in my mother’s situation, it demands an unmet need, somehow, be filled.

The sweet tooth does not have any age limit; it does not outgrow its need for pleasure.

And, further complicating things, once someone is elderly, having more restrictions on his/her life, which are not pleasurable, like body, health and residence changes, sugar cravings can become even more all-consuming.

But it is not insurmountable. For we never forget: we are led by a loving Father:

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye.”

Psalm 32:8

And, yes, that includes all things sugar.        

Copyright © 2018 by Sheryle Cruse