Jane* once reached
out to me concerning her struggles. She was in a treatment facility, getting
help for bulimia and self-injury behaviors. Jane informed me she just started smoking.
And, as a way of “honoring” her challenges with eating disorders, she also got
a tattoo and a nose piercing.
I asked her
what her treatment center thought about these choices. She told me they
preferred she focused on her recovery, not any distraction from it. But, since she was an adult, she was free to make her own
choices. They could not stand in her way. Indeed, Jane was so excited about
these choices, telling me how smoking, the tattoo and the piercing were far
better than the eating disorder and self-injury behaviors which landed her in
the facility.
But I saw something
else instead. Indeed, someone struggling with an addiction or disorder can
often become convinced they’re improving if they just switch one behavior for another.
I tried to
do this myself.
Back in college,
when I experienced an intervention with my roommates and the college’s social
services department concerning my disordered eating, I was confronted about calling
psychic hotlines.
Desperate
for answers and relief from my bulimia, I spent hours dialing these phone
numbers.
But the
psychic hotlines could not heal my issues. Only further complications resulted,
the phone bill being just one consequence.
So, this quote
concerning substitution, for me, strongly resonates...
“Symptom Substitution has taught us
that if you don’t address everything all at once, you will forever be chasing
the symptoms instead of dealing with the root of the problem.”
Indeed, distraction/substitution is a tricky issue for
those in recovery. After all, how many meetings are filled with people chain
smoking and drinking endless cups of coffee?
And often, the
need manifests to commemorate the struggle, the courage and the life-affirming recovery
process, via body modification. Tattoos of a date representing someone’s last
drink, for instance, often surface.
Combined
with chain smoking and coffee drinking behaviors, we declare, “No, I’m not
using; no I’m not sick. No, I’m not enslaved.”
But, again, substituting one addiction for another
is not the answer and furthermore, may even be more of a complication to long term health. I have had recovering alcoholic family
members die of cancer because of their “substitutes.”
And some of my friends have regretted their piercings
and tattoos. Their recovery eventually moves on and they have come to view
their body modifications as ineffectual coping attempts.
John Lennon
once sang, “Whatever gets you through the night, it’s all right.” When one is desperate,
any avenue will do.
We tend to see
the substitution/distraction as possessing the power to reinvent and heal from past
wounds.
But, these external choices only produce the
disappointment of feeling lost when life is not perfectly solved.
Instead, the
substitution/distraction enables one to avoid the actual pain. But dealing with
the pain is the answer.
Accept no substitutes.
*Name changed.
Copyright © 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
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