The Assumption Steps

“Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.”

1 Corinthians 10:12

I’m sure you’ve heard the familiar saying, “when someone assumes, they make an a** out of you and me.” You can fill in the colorful language for yourself.

Assumption- it’s not just a miscommunication issue; it can be a recovery one as well.

It can be hazardous to our health and counter to working our twelve step programs.  Instead of working those steps, we employ what I like to call “The Twelve Assumptions.” Let’s give ‘em a gander, shall we?

Instead of step number one...

We admitted we were powerless over a substance or behavior - that our lives had become unmanageable.

We adopt assumption number one.

We have it handled; it’s all under control.

Yeah, that’s great. Our relationships and marriages are in shambles, we can’t make it to work on time, our health and our finances are breaking down, but we’ve got it all under control. Delusions of grandeur, anyone, with your choice of soup or salad?

We make the assumption things are okay as long as we have our “thing,” our drug of choice. Terrific. So, we keep our way going. Let’s see those quality choices made here.

Instead of step number two...

We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

We adopt our assumption number two.

We can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps- all by ourselves. We don’t need anyone’s help, even God’s help.

Yeah, somehow, we believe we can fix the explosions in our lives- simply because we believe we can and besides, things aren’t really all “that bad.” And, again, we have our wonderful coping tool of our addictions and compulsions; these things will CERTAINLY help us, won’t they?

Yet God seems to have a slightly different view to our grandiose bootstrap theory...

“There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death. A worker's appetite works for him, For his hunger urges him on.”

Proverbs 16:25-26

Ah! There’s that teeny tiny little detail, interfering with our perfect plans. Like Rosanne Rosannadanna , the Saturday Night Live character used to say, “It’s always something.”

But we insist on doing our steps our way.

So, instead of approaching step number three as follows:

We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

We pursue our assumption number three.

Instead of pursuing God’s Will and plan for our lives, we insist on our own; we worship our own idea of what we want for our lives.

The cold hard truth is, we’re really not that interested in God, anyway. Somehow, we determine, He’s a drag, certainly not a party God. We believe our way to be much better: more fun, more comforting, more exciting and happier. All we have to do is wait for it to pay off big time for us.

Any day now...

So, we keep plugging along, and instead of working good ole’ step number four...

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

We adopt our own assumption model.

We don’t want to face anything unpleasant, difficult or painful about ourselves. We’d rather just turn to our chosen coping mechanism.

After all, we are waiting for the promised payoff to come through. Why tax ourselves any further with tedious self-examination? Life’s too short. What we really need is to take our minds off our troubles. And look how handy our chosen solutions are; they’re right there, just waiting to help us out. Reliable.

So, we mosey up to step five, but instead of approaching it in its original manner...

We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

We cuddle up to our assumption number five.

We admitted to no wrongdoing whatsoever. In fact, we blame anyone and anything else we can, including God, instead of dealing with our problems.

We believe the lie that it’s so much better for us to escape than to “wallow” in reality. After all, we are in enough pain. Why add to it? We enjoy hearing only those things which tell us we’re okay and we don’t need to worry about accepting personal responsibility. Besides, we’ve already found our answer in our drug of choice.

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” we reason.

Except, it IS broken, But that doesn’t keep us from chasing our convenient steps. And so, instead of following number six...

We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

We create our assumption version.

We resist changing our behaviors, fighting God, our loved ones and professional treatment in general.

Piggybacking assumption five, we want to run fast and loose with our behaviors; we’re definitely not interested in changing them. And that leads us into our stubborn perspective of the next step, number seven...

We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Our version flies in the face of that “outdated” approach.

We stubbornly told Him to leave our weaknesses and self-destructive behaviors alone.

We want to be all cozy with our disease. Anything which interferes with our “alone time” needs to be kicked out of our lives, God included. We determine He isn’t fun any longer. Plus, He’s completely unreasonable and unrealistic, not like our real answers to life, our addictions, compulsions and vices. Again, they’re so bankable, always loyal.

Next!

And so, instead of step number eight...

We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

We adopt our own assumption number eight to better fit our lives.

We go out of our way to avoid people and/or start fights with people we’ve hurt instead of dealing with the truth.

This is a brilliant strategy: attack them before they attack us. And, by attack, we mean “state the unpleasant truth.” Nope, we’re not interested in that. Besides, they don’t know what they’re talking about. They just don’t get it. So, step number nine is how we deal with things in our lives, changing it, again, to better suit us. Instead of going with the stogie approach...

We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

We come up with our own handy assumption interpretation...

We never apologize; in fact we hold grudges against anyone who challenges our behaviors and choices. We cut people out of our lives.

Yeah, there’s nothing like isolation to fix a problem. After all, it’s them, not us who have the issues. We don’t need unsupportive people in our lives. We’re better off on our own. We’re going to start looking for caves.

And cave shopping is a good activity to keep us distracted. Pesky step number ten needn’t be a bother to us...

We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

No bother at all, especially if we adopt our assumption number ten.

We refuse to face who we are, where we are and the current state of our lives.

Yes, it’s important to make a stand and stick with it. We will do anything and everything to keep from looking at our reality. We will go full bore with our vices until we’ve “had enough.” (The problem is, however, there is no such thing as “enough”). Details, details...

So, we completely reinvent step number eleven...

We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

...To, yet again, suit our own assumptions...

If we pray at all, it’s only a “break in case of emergency” kind of prayer, pleading for a bail out.

We’re not interested in His Will or Plan for our lives; we just want to avoid trouble. We have no interest in changing our lives and our behaviors, let alone, pursuing a closer relationship with Him.

With that in mind, therefore, let’s round things out with an update to trusty dusty step number twelve...

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

And let’s apply the heck out of it with our own number twelve assumption interpretation...

Having learned nothing from painful consequences and loss, we still stubborn persist in our addictions and compulsions, thinking eventually they’ll make things better and everything will work out somehow.

To that, let’s visit a couple of scriptures, you know, just for fun...

 “And if any man think that he knoweth anything, he knoweth nothing yet as he ought to know.”

1 Corinthians 8:2

 “Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!”

Isaiah 5:21

Yikes.

So, are things really that bleak and hopeless? Not necessarily. Are they quick and easy instant cures? What do you think? There’s a path to some life and blessing, however. But it’s not a brand new product. It’s humility and honesty and yes, asking for help; it’s about getting over ourselves.

And does that tickle our senses and emotions? Again, what do you think?

Nevertheless, this recovery process is beyond our bright ideas. It’s been these bright ideas that got us in these predicaments in the first place.

We need to get real- AND get used the fact that recovery is a daily, imperfect, gritty process, one which doesn’t happen by accident. It takes thought, time, effort, honesty and God, lest we forget (or choose to forget). And it’s beyond our convenient way of thinking.

“Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way, walk in it, whenever you turn to the right hand, and whenever turn to the left.’”

Isaiah 30:21

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye.”

Psalm 32:8

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Isaiah 55:8-9

Let’s decide, however imperfectly, to not leave our lives up to our assumptions.

Let’s decide NOT to make an a** out of you and me!

Copyright © 2018 by Sheryle Cruse