Words.
As a writer and a speaker, words are my tools. I write
them, speak them, pray with them, study them and yes, occasionally, I probably
annoy others with them. But I cannot deny their importance in my life. They are
communication and often, life itself.
Scripture tells us words are simply not neutral.
“Death and
life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit
thereof.”
Proverbs
18:21
And two words, in particular, which have been particularly
powerful for me since childhood are “right weight.”
Mom introduced this phrase to me as a young girl. It
was a promised land goal as we both struggled to cope with the abuse we endured
in our home. We fluctuated from being “food buddies” to “diet buddies,” on
again, off again, on again, off again, for years. It became a matter of life
and death.
“Our buzz phrase was, ‘When we get down to our
right weight…’ Of course, that must
mean we were at our wrong weight... I was becoming so very aware of exactly how
unacceptable I was... It was frequently pointed out to me. Diets were first.
Then came the insults, the jokes, the strategies… Comments like, ‘You’re
looking a little pudgy lately,’ and ‘Be careful, honey, you don’t want to get much
fatter now’ came from my family and neighbors... I hated one comment most of all...
In a patronizing, sickly sweet voice, someone would say to me, ‘You have such a
pretty face, if you’d just lose some weight…’ There! So my body was what was
wrong with me after all! It hurt even more because this comment dangled the
hope of beauty, and yet placed the blame on me, a little girl, for not
achieving it. It was my fault...”
(Excerpt
taken from Cruse’s book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living
Death of an Eating Disorder”)
So, what was set in motion was my eating disorder road
of anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, self-hatred and a spiritual crisis, all
hinging upon the following lie:
“I am not acceptable- by anyone, God included.”
“Right weight…”
Words…
Death and life…
I risked my life, health and spiritual connection with
God, all due to the negative gravity of those words.
And, even though my mother never was anorexic or
bulimic herself, she still, however, has spent the entirety of her life (at
least what I’ve seen and known of her) grappling with her disordered over-promise/under-delivery
of “right weight” to be her ultimate answer.
By medical standards, she’s been classified as “morbidly
obese” for well over thirty years now.
And she has not been unscathed by chasing that dangled
carrot of “right weight.”
She has now been diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. She
has high blood pressure and has suffered at least two strokes. Those strokes
have left her unable to walk. She spends most of her time in her wheelchair.
Yet, even to this day, when I attend her doctor’s
appointments or care conferences, she still talks about reaching her “right
weight.”
I am challenged by feelings of frustration, hurt and
defeat whenever I hear her speak that way.
Old habits, I guess, die hard.
“Death and
life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit
thereof.”
Proverbs
18:21
There’s no denying it. We believe words. It’s just a
matter of which words capture our minds and our mouths.
Disturbing… Provoking… But still, not completely
hopeless.
Because, after all, we still have God…
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way
you should go: I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward
you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and
a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
“The
LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an
everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah
31:3
What would happen if we believed, spoke and lived these words instead of the more limited
words like “right weight?”
What
To Say To Someone Struggling With Disordered Food Or Body Image Issues...
1) Don’t
diet as a “buddy project.” If there is a legitimate health concern, seek
professional help.
2) Don’t
participate in “fat talk” or body shaming of any kind.
3)
Be aware of both what her opinions and feelings on
beauty, weight and personal worth are; likewise, be aware of and differentiate
your own for yourself as well. Don’t
belittle her on the basis of her differences.
4)
Don’t compare and comment on any other female’s looks in
a critical, negative manner.
5)
Don’t equate terms like “right weight,” “perfect
weight” or a specific dress size or number on the scale as being the solution
to a happy life or sense of self. Instead, emphasize health: mind, body and
spirit, incorporating a lifestyle of healthier foods and moderate, not
punishing, exercise.
Let’s be
AWARE of what we say- to ourselves, to our daughters, to our mothers, to our
sisters and to our friends. Words DO have power. Let’s use them wisely.
“Death and
life are in the power of the tongue...”
Proverbs
18:21
Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse
