Our Desire Puppy (Asking Amiss)

While surfing the internet, I happened upon a funny meme. A little girl held a beast in her arms. And the caption read:

“When you write a letter to Satan instead of Santa asking for a puppy.”

When we get on-n-n-n-e little thing off in our desires and requests, we can, indeed, often generate a different, perhaps unpleasant, result. Scriptural translation popped into my mind in response to both the image and the sentiment:

“Ye lust, and have not... Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.”

James 4:2-3

Years ago, I had a spiritual experience which impacted my faith and my recovery from eating disorders. Based on a revelation I received about Jairus’ daughter (Mark 5:35-43), I was on fire! It had everything to do with my future in The Most High. I convinced myself I was living for Him. Really, though, I chased that spectacular future more than an actual relationship.

But I was still intoxicated by “finding God,” nonetheless.

“What is man, that thou art mindful of him? And the son of man, that thou visitest him?”

Psalms 8:4

Everything was intertwined. It was Jesus; it was me. It was promise; it was desperation.

Plus, there was a surge of my personal creativity during this quest. (This, years later, became my book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder”). I felt the rush of heady emotions: excitement, fear and uncertainty. I felt like my destiny would happen immediately!

Well… not quite. It took longer than the initial two weeks I believed it was going to take.

But, during that spring, Jesus and new possibility were everywhere in my life.

Scriptures which clinched it for me spotlighted the “whatsoever” hook…

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.”

John 15:16

This promise encouraged me with evidence I was on my destined way.

“Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.”

Mark 11:24

I wanted Elohim to make it all up to me. So, He became my dispenser of goodies, not the loving Most High, Father and Creator Who deserved my love and praise. It was all about give me, give me, give me!

I was asking amiss. And this spilled into the next phase of my spiritual experience.

I was convinced I was, indeed, changing for the better. But I wanted MORE. So, within my clueless state, I wrote in a diary entry: “Lord, change me!”

Oh, really?

One small detail though: I saw only the words “bless me” whenever I looked at “change.” I wanted my life to improve. But I didn’t understand the hard, painful, long, continuous work often involved in that process. Again, I thought He would make it happen fast and easy. Nope!

So I prayed, “change me!” Me; who fought every bit of change. Change me, Lord (but just let me keep control and let me do things my way).

I’ve never been a great poster child for patience. And that was the case here. As time passed, with no evidence of this vague destiny thing, the more I obsessed about it.

The trouble was I never defined exactly what would realistically happen; I only expected it to be perfect.

We mistake our self-imposed ideas of our desires for His time table, involvement and Presence. We have to get real about this.

As frustrating as it is, you and I are not running the show according to our bright ideas. And that’s a good thing.

Think about it. Do we really believe it’d be a great idea to have the world run according to our feelings- all of ‘em? Our feelings, in a frustrated moment, can lie to us, telling us just because life isn’t going swimmingly, Elohim has forsaken us.

Or perhaps, we’re experiencing a time in which we do feel a wonderful spiritual connection. Everything seems possible. It’s just as frustrating, ultimately, to believe the lie that life will always go this way. It doesn’t. Some time periods are easier and more fulfilling than others. And we can set ourselves up for disillusionment, believing a decision to say yes to our Higher Power makes everything easy. It doesn’t. Sometimes, our lives experience the exact opposite effect.

Sometimes, yes, we do experience a seismic shift in our spirituality.

But could this perceived seismic shift actually be a replacement for an actual relationship with Him? That’s where danger often comes in.

None of us have perfect, infallible GPS, all of our own doing.

 “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned everyone to his own way...”

Isaiah 53:6

Instant gratification and achieved desires: both can be such illusions.

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Matthew 6:21; Luke 12:34

Why’s the thing so important?

We can pin our entire heart upon a designated thing to make us happy and complete. Addiction is all about that.

I saw myself as walking the path to my “on my way” destiny; and yeah, the Divine was endorsing it. I was certain of it. But as years went by, I became more frustrated.

Let’s get this thing rolling! C’mon!

But again...

“Ye lust, and have not... Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.”

James 4:2-3

The painful truth? I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was.

And that’s difficult to face when you want what you want- RIGHT NOW!!!!

So, what do you want right now and why do you want it immediately?

 “…The thing that thou doest is not good.”

Exodus 18:17

Do you still overdrive your passions? Do you even use the self-soothing promise, dangled in addiction, all to create this counterfeit feeling of a Divine relationship, purpose or experience?

Underneath every motive, we want The Most High. And so we seek our designated Divine substitutes to fill whatever black hole exists.

During my spiritual rededication, what I believed to be an “end of a thing,” was actually “the beginning of the journey.” I didn’t see the drudgery, the years, the tears, the boring uneventful moments, the disappointment, the numerous loads of laundry and the heartache. No. I only saw the glory.

It’s easy to get caught up in a vision; it’s exciting. It may be valid, even Divinely-given. It can even be our healthy commitment TO our recovery processes. But that still doesn’t negate the reality of time, imperfection and the need for patience.

Our Creator will act. It just probably won’t be according to our specifications. Get used to that. Unfortunately, we don’t like that process. We like “instant.” But are we ready? Are we strong enough? Are we mature enough?

When we ask for our proverbial puppy, are we asking Santa...or Satan?

How healthy, indeed, is “our asker?”

Copyright © 2020 by Sheryle Cruse