Unpack, Rebuke

 

They say that one of life’s greatest stressors is moving.

Years ago, I came across this Scottish proverb…

“Learn to unpack or rebuke.”

The imperfect lesson.

And nothing like moving captures the totality of processing and deciding what to do with stuff, personal possessions or personal feedback and issues.

People have told you who you and I are. Do we believe that? And, if so, why so?

It’s all a big mess.

Unpack:

When we make the lifechanging decision to move, be it across town, across the country or across the world, part of that process involves the look of utter devastation. Our in-process transition, from one place to another, essentially looks like our abode was ransacked. There is stuff everywhere, because there needs to be stuff everywhere: our possessions, boxes galore, packing tape, suitcases. It needs to look worse before it begins to look better. We need to unpack those things, in order to see what we have and deal with it accordingly.

We reason we need to deal with it all. It’s overwhelming. Some of us feel the pressure to execute things perfectly. We place pressure on ourselves to get it all done, all at once.

Rebuke:

And, of course, this is unrealistic… and unhealthy. Therefore, we need to rebuke this thought. It cannot be done, all at once. No one can simply wiggle their nose and, presto, change-o, it’s accomplished.

Likewise, regarding our life and personal issues, it can appear that everything needs our immediate attention, including things like relationships, finances, marriage, children, work, legal, addiction and abuse issues.

It seems like it’s all laid bare, presented before us as urgent, maybe even, life or death. We need to do something!

Assessment.

Unpack:

We need to keep first things first. If we get too overwhelmed by the sheer overwhelming appearance of it all, concerning this move, we will blow a gasket before we even begin.

Where are we? Who are we? What does this move, this new phase of our lives, represent to us?

And are we even willing and able to ask the questions, to face the reality that is our current predicament?

Rebuke:

In a moving context, we determine what things we need, what things we use and how often we use them. Is there some furniture on its last legs? What things have we kept for the past ten or twenty years, never using it once? What have we outgrown?

It’s even more intensified concerning our personal issues.

What to Keep, What to Rid Ourselves Of…

Unpack:

In a moving context, are our possessions and furniture, consistent with what our lives are?

Are we moving from a house to a one- bedroom apartment?

Can we take those five china closets with us in this move? Probably not.

Is our current situation consistent with our new home, our new city, our new phase of life?

Moving requires we change our lives.

Not easy, by any stretch of the imagination.

Many of us are so intimidated by the prospect of it, we procrastinate, distract ourselves and do everything in our power to avoid it. Even though we have looming deadlines. We need to be out of our current situation: our house, our apartment, our town or city by this date or that date. The movers are coming. The U-Haul is rented. We have a certain amount of stuff we need to cram into a certain number of boxes.

Rebuke:

No one wants to do any of it. Why not?

Because it involves the drudging up of who we are, our issues, problems and pain. Material possessions represent that drudging. We have affixed meaning, trauma, grief and nostalgia to certain things.

And, just like our response to being rebuked and corrected in real life, we don’t want to be rebuked for these possessions that are loaded with meaning and issues. We don’t want to face truth and possibly say goodbye to things, for what they represent, including…

The death of status quo…

The death of a dream…

The death of a standard of living…

The death of economic prosperity…

The death of a meaningful relationship…

The material possession is the totem of power, impacting us, for good or not so good. We may have a pull toward an actual physical object, in and of itself.

But again, it often goes much deeper than that.

Rebuking the old way of life, with or without a material possession attached to it, is painful and difficult. We don’t want to lose and give up the things that require us to engage in that painful difficulty.

For some of us, that means we need to let go of things like baby stuff, because our children have grown up, our wedding china and/or our wedding ring, because divorce has ended our marriages, a family heirloom, because looking at it reminds us of the pain it represents… and that’s all we can see each time we look at it.

Personal issues, however, only present more complex, painful and soul-shaking actions. We are faced with tackling more than the material possessions we have accumulated. We need to tackle, things like fear, anger, and shame. We need to decide what to unpack and what to rebuke concerning these issues.

We are charged with energy, generated by the “stuff” we have accumulated in our lives.

Beyond the physical object, we are inundated with mistaken thoughts, beliefs and words that we have hoarded, for one reason or another. What was said to us? What was done to us? What damage was caused? What has been the fallout from that damage?

Many of us are operating from harmful words that were inflicted upon us by a family member, childhood bully or circumstance beyond any mortal’s control. What do we do with that? Do we confront it? Neglect it? Change it?

Here’s the work of both unpacking and rebuking.

And it can start by asking a question, from an objective, even clinical, stance, “Is this true?”

Researching for “facts” to support or dispute that thing in question, can help us determine whether we give credence to something as valid, or take the baby steps of healing to “let it go.”

The authentic life demands moving; our lives cannot, and will not, be static. Whether or not we ever change houses or locations is immaterial.

How we change our lives, learning what to keep and what to release, however, is.

Copyright © 2020 by Sheryle Cruse