“Blame holds us back.
Responsibility moves us forward. Constant self-blame is just as irresponsible
as insisting that others are always to blame.”
Thom Rutledge
For those of
us struggling with addiction and disorder, it is not too long before we
encounter blame. It is an insidious creature; it is virtually impossible to
escape.
Since our
addictive natures are usually heavily intertwined with other complicated life
issues, like abuse and trauma, blame often surfaces as a coping device, used to
enable us to simply function in our lives. Survival is as far as we can go;
healthy flourishing appears to be an out of reach luxury.
Rutledge’s
quote is a “no brainer,” at least, to our logical minds. It’s that emotional
world, however, which trips us up and prevents us from facing, addressing and
handling blame within our addictive reality, in a healthy manner.
I know this
is a large chunk of the recovery work I, myself, do. And honestly, the jury’s
still out on how well I am doing with it all. Objectivity is quite difficult to
achieve.
But, a key
factor which helps in my recovery process is that of Stewardship.
“Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found
trustworthy.”
I believe we
cannot even hope to attain any rung on the recovery ladder if we don’t, at
least, acknowledge that blame is in the room, no matter how subtle or obvious
it may be.
“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in
much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.”
No one is
unscathed by it. It’s been there from the start. Check out the Creation Story
in Genesis
just to see its origins for humanity.
And, before
we get too caught up in despair and discouraging feelings about blame, telling
ourselves, “it’s too difficult; it cannot be done,” the challenge invites us to
keep an open mind about the stewardship principle, what it is... and is not.
According to
the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Stewardship is defined as...
“the conducting,
supervising, or managing of something; especially the
careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care”
Again,
before we get too overwhelmed, we need to recognize the absence of one
particular word in that definition: perfection.
And that has
been a guiding and healing recovery revelation for me: stewardship is not perfection.
That’s an
important thing to remember in this addiction/recovery reality. In our human,
imperfect experience, there is no such thing as perfectly healed.
“The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a
stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy.”
Proverbs 14:10
Another
recovery adage I have come across as I bump along in life is this: “Hurt people hurt people.” And, of course, the emphasis here, in any recovery domain,
is the necessity of forgiveness. It’s the other side of the blame coin.
We’re told
over and over we cannot move forward or begin to heal if we refuse to forgive.
And that includes the forgiving ourselves.
And so, the
statement, “Hurt people hurt people” becomes the self-inflicted
wound all too easily.
I know I may
be taken to task here for being too self-indulgent when I say, for that reason
alone, our choice to value better stewardship of the blame issue is to our
individual advantage.
“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as
wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”
We need to
get downright mercenary with our stance on it. We need to take that approach
because it is, indeed, the most personal.
Everyone
else aside, recovery and blame issues ultimately reside solely within each of
us. And, no matter how we may try, we still cannot escape ourselves.
And, one
more thing concerning stewardship as a treatment to the addiction/blame factor:
it is the opportunity for us to use our gifts.
I direct you
to the passage of Matthew 25:20-21...
“And he who had
received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying,
‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.’
His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been
faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your
master.’”
I know it may be an
extreme stretch here, but if we view our addiction struggles through the filter
of being gifted with talents, the stewardship principle takes on an even more personal
and meaningful tone. Our recovery is, in fact, the significant soul work we
need to do to better ourselves- and others.
Maybe we can even see
the resemblance to our Savior’s Gethsemane moment. No, we wouldn’t choose this
pain for ourselves; likewise, our Savior, Himself, even tried to bargain
against HIS purpose.
“Going a little
farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass
from him. ‘Abba Father,’ he said, ‘everything is possible
for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.’”
Mark 14:36
Nevertheless, we have
the lives and the struggles we have. So, the question remains: what are we
going to do about that?
The Most High never
placed any limits on the promise of 2
Corinthians 3:18:
“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the
glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to
glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
A transformation
process is in effect.
We are different today
than we were yesterday.
And tomorrow, we be
different than today.
Blame- of anyone,
including ourselves, curtails the full potential of our glory transformation
process. Blame does not benefit us. Yes, pain happened to us; injustice
happened to us. And it terrible and agonizing. But it is not unique.
“…time and chance happeneth to them all.”
Ecclesiastes 9:1
So, if we can challenge
our thinking about the blame issue, taking on stewardship concerning even it, perhaps,
we can view it as part of the deeper spiritual work which has been entrusted to
us.
That’s right, I said
entrusted.
Addiction- pain- blame-
the stewardship principle itself- ALL entrusted to you and I right now.
What are we going to do
with that?
Copyright © 2021 by
Sheryle Cruse
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