Spelling Believe

If you’re a recovering perfectionist like me, you may be frustrated with who- and where you are in your life right now. Questions like, “why aren’t I (fill in the blank)?” or “when will I ever get there?” may be frequently rolling around in your brain. Ah yes, negative self-talk. Years ago, the scripture Mark 9:24 helped me so much as I struggled and doubted not just myself, but my own faith in God. It was simple, real and to the point: “Lord, I believe. Help Thou my unbelief.” A zinger- and a sentence which changed my life! But, after the thrilling dust of that impact settled, tedious life came into the picture with not as much dramatic evidence of powerful transformation as I would have liked. Nope. I wanted “presto, change-o;” God wanted my trust, a slower, gradual, deep kind of thing, built up over time. A long time. A long, long time. Years. Uh huh. Can you hear the sound of me pulling out my hair? Enter the next little scripture ditty: “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 3:18 Yeah, somehow, this one wasn’t quite as thrilling as Mark 9:24. And that was the mistake on my part. It wasn’t grabbing onto the scriptures that was the problem. The scriptures are Truth, relevant and powerful. The issue was affixing my impatient “quicker than a microwave popping out popcorn” expectations to them. Classic. And I fell for it. I wanted things done in my timing not God’s timing. Because my timing was great hot stuff, right? Yeah. And so, my little noggin ran away with the thought, “it’s not working.” Doing really great with that thinking, Sheryle. I just couldn’t seem to make the connection that God had a much better handle on me, on my life and the situations going on than I did. I was too busy… with what? With my study of God’s Word and will? Nope. With study of being more relatively patient with the process. Nope again. So, what was the deal? Me, me, me. That’s what I was so busy with. That was the deal; that was the problem. And that was part of what was blinding me to my ability to believe- or at least blinding me to a healthier perception of believing, anyway. Again, classic. I mentioned the microwave earlier. In popular culture today, the word “microwave” doesn’t just refer to the oven that’s in most homes; it refers to instantaneous results which require no time, no waiting and no patience. How many times have I impatiently tapped my foot, waiting for the two minutes to tick by on my food? It just wasn’t fast enough. Hurry up! Hurry up! I’m a grown adult. I should know better; I should respond more maturely than this foot tapping. Yet, I still keep finding myself complaining, fidgeting and twitching, doing everything in the realm of a temper tantrum, all because I want what I want right now. (I hear that Queen song of the same sentiment playing in my head). “I want it all. I want it all. I want it all. And I want it now!” Check out this image: The photograph is the way it is not because the person was bad at spelling the word, “believe.” The image is the way it is because it is actively in process. Believing is ongoing. It’s a living organism. It’s alive. We, as human beings, often have a way of creating what we believe, for good-or not so good. “…Because of your faith, it will happen." Matthew 9:29 Yikes! Are you in process or have you, instead, imposed an oppressive, perfectionistic and harmful deadline on yourself? There are even those of us in eating disorder and addiction recovery who just transfer the same perfectionistic tendencies which got us mired in our struggles into our actual recovery. There is no such thing as a perfect recovery; there is no such thing as a perfect life! All of us fall short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23)! We will blow it. It’s not a case of “if,” but “when.” But God knows this- and He still is calling us to believe, nevertheless. “As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue, Be not afraid, only believe.” Mark 5:36 “… ‘Fear not: believe only...’” Luke 8:50 Just because we don’t see something we want instantly happening, doesn’t mean the entire thing is hopeless. What if it was all just simply “in process?” Maybe, right now, the word “believe” isn’t spelled out completely, satisfying our wishes. But believing is powerful. And what we put our attention to is powerful. What do you want to believe? The best or the worst? God has not- and will not- give up on you as you’re going through your life, trying to spell everything out. So don’t YOU give up on yourself! God is on your side! “What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31 Choose then to tweak your believing. Instead of believing that you have to be perfect, that you’re hopeless or that “it’s never going to happen,” believe that you are getting there, with God’s help every step- and breath- of the way! Believe that! You’re in process; faith is being spelled out for you and indeed, you are going “from glory to glory.” No microwave required. Only God. Copyright © 2012 by Sheryle Cruse