Tradition

I love this nativity Christmas pageant scene from the 1945 classic film, “The Bells of St. Mary’s.”

Aside from the inherent cuteness of the small children, the simplicity of the children’s approach hits such a relevant chord. The famous scene involves the children, offering a rehearsal glimpse of their Christmas pageant to the characters of Father O’Malley and Sister Mary Benedict, played by Bing Crosby and Ingrid Bergman. Being the kids they are, focus and consistency are not exactly at the top of their priority list. They put their own ever changing spin on the telling of Jesus’ birth. It’s adorable. If you have a chance to catch the film, I highly recommend it. And, in all of their “adaptation,” the children end the pageant, not by singing a traditional Christmas carol like “Away in a Manger” or “Silent Night,” but instead, by employing their rendition of the “Happy Birthday” song, to, of course, the Baby Jesus. Like I said, it’s adorable and if you get an opportunity to watch the film, I think it’ll amuse and warm your heart. And watching the movie again, this Christmas season, the “happy birthday” song element brought the main point home: it’s about Jesus; never mind the traditional fuss of what’s always been done before. Christmas is big on the tradition issue, isn’t it? Look at the family, cultural, church and food traditions. There are certain things we only do in particular ways this time of year. Putting up and decorating a Christmas tree, making eggnog and gingerbread houses, singing Christmas carols and sending Christmas cards are all a part of these yearly traditions. Your family may have its own unique variations on those things. Yes, traditions can be wonderful. They represent familiarity and consistency. However, when we shift to from the festive side of tradition and turn it into an oppressive, “must do list,” then the festivity goes completely out the window, doesn’t it? And that’s where stress, arguments, depression and disappointment comes in. You and I may be so fixated on singing a traditional Christmas carol, we completely lose sight of power of the “Happy Birthday Song.” Traditions were never meant to be oppressive, “do or die” rules. The definition of tradition is as follows: “a long-established action or pattern of behavior in a community or group of people, often one that has been handed down from generation to generation.” However, if we make that tradition an oppressive rule, don’t we then choose to ignore the reason for Christmas? It’s about Jesus, not traditions and certainly not about rules. Anyone here ever hear of the word grace? Don’t we choose to override/cancel God’s love and very embodiment of grace and a love gift in the Person of Jesus? How’s that for a” fa- la- la- la- la” approach to the holiday season? “Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that." Mark 7:13 I mention this not to condemn, but to remind myself, just as much as anyone else out there; it’s hard not to get caught up in all of the “must do” stuff of the holidays. And it’s even more challenging for those of us in recovery from addictions, disorders and compulsions. Those of us driven by disordered eating, in particular, tend to have track records all about perfection, maintaining order, routine, food and exercise rituals. The holiday season can, indeed, feel especially vexing to us. But again, we need to keep the main thing the main thing: Jesus. It’s not tradition which will ever be our answer or our safety; it is Jesus. If we stop fighting that, we can release ourselves from that unnecessary torment and pressure; we can let God be God, Jesus be the Reason for the season. And we can stop ruining the whole holiday season for ourselves. Let’s stop doing that. And, again, to offer further support, here’s some holiday help for those of us with eating disorders: 4 Ways To Navigate The Holidays When You Have An Eating Disorder By MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, MS The holidays can be a difficult time for people recovering from eating disorders. There’s the abundance of food and the potential for family conflict. There’s the addition of tons of tasks to your list. It can be overwhelming, no doubt. That’s why I’m pleased to share some insight from experts at the Eating Recovery Center on how to overcome these kinds of obstacles and stay healthy. 1. Have a plan. Dr. Ovidio Bermudez, MD, chief medical officer and medical director of child and adolescent services at Eating Recovery Center, stressed the importance of communicating with your treatment team. Create a plan for the holidays that emphasizes recovery, and prepare for the what-ifs that might come up, he said. For instance, consider how you’ll navigate the stressors that used to trigger a relapse for you. Consider the many healthy options you’ll use to cope with stress and potential challenges. 2. Be gentle with yourself. Recovery takes practice. According to Bonnie Brennan, MA, LPC, clinical director of Eating Recovery Center’s Partial Hospitalization Program: If you do find yourself overeating or resorting to disordered eating behaviors, be gentle with yourself. The holidays are the hardest time of the year for individuals with eating disorders and you are not expected to be perfect. It is important to remember that a healthy relationship with food takes practice. You wouldn’t expect a piano student to play a concerto perfectly in front of an audience would you? Use any slips this holiday season as opportunities to reinvest in your recovery rather that beat yourself up and add to the pain. 3. Focus on what you value. Cultivate gratitude about what’s important to you this holiday season. According to Elizabeth Easton, PsyD, clinical director of child and adolescent services at Eating Recovery Center’s Behavioral Hospital for Children and Adolescents: Try focusing on the holidays in a broader context with an emphasis on what you value. This can help individuals in recovery from an eating disorder shift from getting lost in the details that may trigger feelings of anxiety, sadness or fear. When we focus on the “bigger picture” during the holidays, the chance to spend time with friends and family, finding [a] present for a loved one or the opportunity to slow down and recognize what you are grateful for, the holidays no longer focus on eating disordered behaviors, but rather our values. “Remember that you are celebrating and honoring traditions, both within your family and, when applicable, of your religious and cultural upbringing,” said Karen Trevithick, PsyD, CEDS, clinical director of outpatient services at Eating Recovery Center. 4. Focus on relationships. Eating disorders tend to narrow your world, and separate you from the people in your life. During the holidays, instead of isolating yourself, try to connect with others. This can be as simple as starting a conversation. “When you are spending time with friends and loved ones, try to engage in conversations,” Trevithick said. “It is OK to be curious about others and their own experiences this past year.” These are additional tips from Eating Recovery Center’s press release: • Turn the focus from food. Make togetherness, rather than food, the central theme of your holiday season and seek opportunities to plan and attend events that do not center around a meal. • Avoid “overbooking” your schedule. Prioritize your health and wellbeing over attending every holiday party, and be realistic about what you can manage. • Surround yourself with people who have healthy relationships with their bodies and food. If possible, bring a trusted family member or friend with you to holiday gatherings for support. Surviving the Holidays: A Primer For Family and Friends of Those Struggling With an Eating Disorder We are coming up on the holidays. For families this is a time meant for joy, festivities and socializing. These are times meant for us to draw closer together and to re-affirm what it is to be a family, a time to catch up on what has been going on and share with one another the prospects for the New Year. To the individual suffering from an eating disorder, or in the throes of recovery, these occasions can be overwhelming and threatening. We want to be helpful and supportive, but nothing seems to come out right. What do we say? How can we let them know that we care and are there for them, without being so awkward about it? Those patients who are struggling are often at a loss during the holidays. They, too, have expectations for the holidays; and, oftentimes being perfectionists, they don’t want to let down their loved ones who are worried about them. Not only do they have to deal with the normal stresses of the holidays, they worry that they will fail—either their families by engaging in their eating disorder; or, conversely, their eating disorder by losing control and gaining weight. Surely, everyone is looking at them, wondering if they are eating enough, eating the right things, getting enough rest. Surely, everyone knows that they just got out of treatment and are talking about them. They smile and put on a brave face. They wonder if people are avoiding talking to them. Maybe it’s for the best. Some family members ask innocuously: “How are you doing?” Well, they think, before they respond with an obligatory, “Fine, thanks,” they feel…pretty much like a failure. Some of them have had to drop out of school, leave jobs, see their friends move on with their lives as they stay stuck. What happened to the person who was an honor student, track star, the one voted most likely to success? You’re at home with your parents? That’s great. Maybe you can use this time to get closer together. There’s always a silver lining to our struggles. Even worse: “You’re looking really good. You look…healthy.” Great, they think, I look fat. This dress is making me look fat. My face is all puffy. Everyone is talking about how fat I am. Maybe I need to stop eating right now. No wonder they sometimes hide in corners, avoiding eye contact. Their body language is closed, forbidding. Don’t talk to me. Don’t tell me that things will get better. Don’t ask me how I’m doing or if I’m going back to school or if I’d done with treatment. Don’t ask me anything. The best approach is not to ignore the eating disorder individual’s presence, but to approach them with kindness and sensitivity. Let them know you are glad to see them. Instead of commenting on their clothing; praise their shoes, jewelry or hairstyle if appropriate. Did they have a hand in decorating the tree or preparing a dish? Maybe you have a happy memory that you want to share with them to let them know that they are an important part of your life. Maybe you want to share something interesting that happen to you to help take the perceived focus off of them. To engage in conversation is important and a positive optimistic twist such as talking about their pets, new people in their lives, or television shows will go a long way to make the holidays brighter. The holidays are, ideally, a time to connect—a time to let each one of us know that we are not alone, that we are part of something greater than ourselves, that we are part of a family. You can count on us. We’ll be there for you. Call 1-800-445-1900 or visit us at www.remudaranch.com. For more information, please call 1-800-445-1900 or visit www.remudaranch.com God bless you, your family, your recovery process, your traditions and your holiday season!!! Copyright © 2012 by Sheryle Cruse