“O my dove…let me see your form…for your form is lovely.”
Song of Solomon 2:14
When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? Most of us, if we’re brutally honest, would say, “no.” We’d pick apart some specific feature- or features. This is too big; this is too small. And usually, we always seem to want what someone else has: hair, nose, height and lips are just a few examples of this coveting list.
And I’m sure you’re like me when it comes to the situation of having a significant other wait on you, while you’re fretting away in the bathroom or trying on umpteen different outfits. The question we always ask in these situations? “How do I look?” And usually, what the answer we get from our sweetheart? “You look fine.” Do we believe that? Of course not!
But why can’t we believe we look fine, even great? Why is it so difficult to believe anything besides an overly critical, harsh and insulting judgment, often self-imposed?
That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? It’d be great to have a precise and completely healing answer to it. It’s easier said than done, however. The fact is, our lack of self-acceptance and self-appreciation happen for numerous, layered and, yes, folks, complicated reasons. Oh, goody! And it’s usually been a process of one negative thought connecting to another thought, to another and so on, over years. There’s nothing that just happens “overnight.” It’s been gradual and systemic.
I’ve heard it said that for every negative comment, like “you’re ugly,” it takes at least twenty-five positive, “you’re beautiful” comments to undo its damage. Not encouraging. After all, we live in a negative world.
And then there’s the theory which states it takes twenty-one consecutive days to establish a new habit. Again, it’s not always so encouraging. Positive affirming stuff seems to take more effort than choosing the negative approach.
So, what are we to do? We do have a choice. It may not appear like we do. It certainly may not feel like we do, but we do, all the same.
“…Choose you this day whom ye will serve…”
Joshua 24:15
Each of us, regardless of life history, can always make the conscious choice to be at peace with our imperfect selves. Doing so does not mean the problems will automatically go away; it does not mean we’ll feel instantly happy with life. But how long have we chosen to believe horrible things about ourselves? We certainly did not deserve the verbal abuse hurled at us. But, thought by thought, choice by choice, somewhere, we held those comments as valid enough to believe they were accurate about us.
And they’re not. They are lies. What’s the truth then? What God has to say about us…
“Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.”
Song of Solomon 1:15
“Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.”
Song of Solomon 4:7
Not too shabby, eh?
Each one of us is in some form of recovery, if nothing else, from life itself. We’re all notoriously imperfect beings, just trying to figure things out. Those of us dealing with eating disorders, addictions and self-injury behaviors may feel we’re approaching an impossible mountain whenever we try to see ourselves as acceptable, valuable and beautiful. But that is who we are!
Bishop T.D. Jakes has a great quote: “No one lands on a mountain top.” The effects we’re dealing with now, the consequences of our choices didn’t happen overnight. Neither will our recovery. It’s a process. I know that word is used a lot, but it’s true.
Again, a choice needs to be made. Will we choose the negative choices of self-hatred, destruction and abuse? Or will we look into the mirror and say, “I look fine. Even better than that, I look- I AM great, valuable, beautiful, loveable and wonderful?”
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. We hear about positive affirmations. It needs to start somewhere. So, how about these? Wherever you are, start the process. You’re worth it!
Copyright © 2013 by Sheryle Cruse
20 Ways To Love Your Body
Compiled by Margo Maine, Ph. D.
1.Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.
2. Create a list of all the things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.
3. Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.
4. Create a list of people you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments.
5. Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.
6. Don't let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.
7. Wear comfortable clothes that you like and that feel good to your body.
8. Count your blessings, not your blemishes.
9. Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!
10. Be your body's friend and supporter, not its enemy.
11. Consider this: your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver every six weeks, and your skeleton every three months. Your body is extraordinary--begin to respect and appreciate it.
12. Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.
13. Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.
14. Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don't exercise to lose weight or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good.
15. Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age.
16. Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself--without mentioning your appearance. Add to it!
17. Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, "I'm beautiful inside and out."
18. Choose to find the beauty in the world and in yourself.
19. Start saying to yourself, "Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."
20. Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.
Maine & Weinstein Specialty Group, LLC
Margo D. Maine, Ph.D.
Robert J. Weinstein, Ph.D., M.B.A.
Used with permission
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
You Look Fine
“O my dove…let me see your form…for your form is lovely.”
Song of Solomon 2:14
When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? Most of us, if we’re brutally honest, would say, “no.” We’d pick apart some specific feature- or features. This is too big; this is too small. And usually, we always seem to want what someone else has: hair, nose, height and lips are just a few examples of this coveting list.
And I’m sure you’re like me when it comes to the situation of having a significant other wait on you, while you’re fretting away in the bathroom or trying on umpteen different outfits. The question we always ask in these situations? “How do I look?” And usually, what the answer we get from our sweetheart? “You look fine.” Do we believe that? Of course not!
But why can’t we believe we look fine, even great? Why is it so difficult to believe anything besides an overly critical, harsh and insulting judgment, often self-imposed?
That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? It’d be great to have a precise and completely healing answer to it. It’s easier said than done, however. The fact is, our lack of self-acceptance and self-appreciation happen for numerous, layered and, yes, folks, complicated reasons. Oh, goody! And it’s usually been a process of one negative thought connecting to another thought, to another and so on, over years. There’s nothing that just happens “overnight.” It’s been gradual and systemic.
I’ve heard it said that for every negative comment, like “you’re ugly,” it takes at least twenty-five positive, “you’re beautiful” comments to undo its damage. Not encouraging. After all, we live in a negative world.
And then there’s the theory which states it takes twenty-one consecutive days to establish a new habit. Again, it’s not always so encouraging. Positive affirming stuff seems to take more effort than choosing the negative approach.
So, what are we to do? We do have a choice. It may not appear like we do. It certainly may not feel like we do, but we do, all the same.
“…Choose you this day whom ye will serve…”
Joshua 24:15
Each of us, regardless of life history, can always make the conscious choice to be at peace with our imperfect selves. Doing so does not mean the problems will automatically go away; it does not mean we’ll feel instantly happy with life. But how long have we chosen to believe horrible things about ourselves? We certainly did not deserve the verbal abuse hurled at us. But, thought by thought, choice by choice, somewhere, we held those comments as valid enough to believe they were accurate about us.
And they’re not. They are lies. What’s the truth then? What God has to say about us…
“Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.”
Song of Solomon 1:15
“Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.”
Song of Solomon 4:7
Not too shabby, eh?
Each one of us is in some form of recovery, if nothing else, from life itself. We’re all notoriously imperfect beings, just trying to figure things out. Those of us dealing with eating disorders, addictions and self-injury behaviors may feel we’re approaching an impossible mountain whenever we try to see ourselves as acceptable, valuable and beautiful. But that is who we are!
Bishop T.D. Jakes has a great quote: “No one lands on a mountain top.” The effects we’re dealing with now, the consequences of our choices didn’t happen overnight. Neither will our recovery. It’s a process. I know that word is used a lot, but it’s true.
Again, a choice needs to be made. Will we choose the negative choices of self-hatred, destruction and abuse? Or will we look into the mirror and say, “I look fine. Even better than that, I look- I AM great, valuable, beautiful, loveable and wonderful?”
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. We hear about positive affirmations. It needs to start somewhere. So, how about these? Wherever you are, start the process. You’re worth it!
Copyright © 2013 by Sheryle Cruse
20 Ways To Love Your Body
Compiled by Margo Maine, Ph. D.
1.Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.
2. Create a list of all the things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.
3. Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.
4. Create a list of people you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments.
5. Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.
6. Don't let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.
7. Wear comfortable clothes that you like and that feel good to your body.
8. Count your blessings, not your blemishes.
9. Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!
10. Be your body's friend and supporter, not its enemy.
11. Consider this: your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver every six weeks, and your skeleton every three months. Your body is extraordinary--begin to respect and appreciate it.
12. Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.
13. Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.
14. Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don't exercise to lose weight or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good.
15. Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age.
16. Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself--without mentioning your appearance. Add to it!
17. Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, "I'm beautiful inside and out."
18. Choose to find the beauty in the world and in yourself.
19. Start saying to yourself, "Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."
20. Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.
Maine & Weinstein Specialty Group, LLC
Margo D. Maine, Ph.D.
Robert J. Weinstein, Ph.D., M.B.A.
Used with permission
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