Triggering Influence

The power of our words cannot be underestimated; the power of our influence cannot be as well.

Recently, pop singer, Gwen Stefani called herself 'chunky' in a 1983 photo, one in which she met

another celebrity superstar, Sting.

In this photo, the teenage Stefani is getting his autograph; there’s nothing glaringly hideous about her. Not that there ever would be.

Nevertheless, she says the following about that photograph:

"Chunky me 1983. getting @officialsting autograph backstage. cut to . . ."

That statement, however blew up on Twitter, with criticism including…

“Please don't call yourself chunky."

"Too many girls and women look up to you for you to talk like that."

Agreed.

However, this wasn’t the first time negative comments were made about her body. In fact, an old interview with Stefani from 1996 further catches her calling herself "chubby" growing up.

"I was like a chubby girl, a chubby kid my whole life. So that's something that I've always had to work on."

She also revealed at the time that her mom put her on a diet at a young age.  

"I had a really a big Italian grandma, like this big . . . like a house," she said. "She was really cute and I used to cuddle in her chubby arms."

And again, here’s where I shudder, flashing back to my own experience with my mother…

“...Our buzz phrase was, ‘When we get down to our right weight…’ Of course, that must mean we were at our wrong weight...

            ...I was becoming so very aware of exactly how unacceptable I was... It was frequently pointed out to me. Diets were first. Then came the insults, the jokes, the strategies… Comments like, ‘You’re looking a little pudgy lately,’ and ‘Be careful, honey, you don’t want to get much fatter now’ came from my family and neighbors...

            …I hated one comment most of all... In a patronizing, sickly sweet voice, someone would say to me, ‘You have such a pretty face, if you’d just lose some weight…’ There! So my body was what was wrong with me after all! It hurt even more because this comment dangled the hope of beauty, and yet placed the blame on me, a little girl, for not achieving it. It was my fault...”

(Excerpt taken from “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder).

I cringe whenever I hear “fat talk” or body shaming of any kind. And it’s something we’re ALL guilty of at one time or another, mother to daughter, sister to sister, friend to friend, fashion industry to the world at large.

C’mon, how many times have we not only heard, “I’m so fat,” but have also said it too?

Exactly.

However, it’s still toxic…

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

Proverbs 18:21

This is an issue which goes beyond fame. It’s about influence. And we all have that power, whether or not we’re celebrities.

It’s reflected in our words, in what we allow and don’t allow. And we are being watched by someone.

Experts say that, on average, each of us has an influence of at least 16-50 people a day, on any given day. Influence comes via our places of work, school, social media, as well as through our mode of dress, conversation and value systems expressed in numerous ways. We influence for the positive or for the negative. And our young people are the most vulnerable. They don’t call ‘em “impressionable” for nothing.

This is not an attack on Stefani; it’s a cautionary reminder for ALL of us. Who’s watching us? Who’s watching what we say and do? Who is influenced by our attitudes?

It’s sobering. I am sobered by the warning as I remember this particularly disturbing image:

God help me to avoid being a toxic teaching tool. It’s a tall prayer to pray.

Copyright © 2014 by Sheryle Cruse