A Rewarder of Those Who Diligently Seek Him

 

I don’t know who it was who said, “There’s no such thing as an overnight success. It takes at least ten years to happen,” but man, they weren’t kidding! Waiting. At any given time, each of us is waiting on something. A lot of the time, we can feel that it’s never going to happen. But never say never!

That’s an experience I personally lived as my book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder” was published! This was not an “overnight success!”

It all started in February of 1995, with my rededication to God. It sprung from my eating disorder struggles; I spent my young life in denial, fleeing from the ugly truth of it. I argued and wrestled with God about admitting the truth of my disordered, chaotic nature. God kept telling me that I would not get a closer relationship with Him, nor a better, more fulfilling level in my own life unless and until I faced the truth, the disorder-and dealt with it. After much wrestling with God and my own fears, I finally came to my “point of surrender.” I didn’t have a dramatic altar call experience; I didn’t even pray out loud. All I said was, “Fine, God, if other people know about this, fine. I just want you.”  Little did I know just how powerful those words would be; they worked to unlock my future, my freedom –and yes, my published book. But, no, it didn’t happen overnight.

After my surrender to God, I was flooded with an intense spiritual and creative intensity. I started writing constantly, inspired by the personal revelation of the account of Jairus’ daughter (Mark 5:35-43). I was energized and on fire for God, believing that my life would speed to an extraordinary destiny overnight (two weeks’ tops). I wrote what, at the time, was a fairly goofy performance art piece (I was a drama queen and matching theatre graduate, after all). But I was convinced that yes, this was going to happen, even for someone who lived in a rural small town setting in Minnesota. This was going to happen!

So, life rolled on and I sent out the piece, only to receive “declination responses.” That’s a nice way of saying “rejection letters.” None of them felt nice, however. I was shocked. You mean to tell me that this wasn’t going to happen within two weeks, let alone in 1995? How about 1996? I continued to write, rewrite, send other versions to publications, again, only to receive that dreaded, very polite “declination response.” So, 1997 came and went, as did 1998- and 1999… Are you getting the picture here?

By 1999, however, my husband, Russell and I were relocating to Portland, Oregon; I never saw myself living there. But God was working, nevertheless! Sometimes, it’s all about “location, location, location!” In fact, this move facilitated the reality of my first real spiritual home, New Beginnings Christian Center. This church mentored and guided me beyond my wildest expectations. Quite frankly, I literally wrote my book longhand, within the church’s walls! So, was it going to happen in 1999 then? Well, not quite…

Waiting. When, Lord, when? As the years ticked by, not only had I had my share of rewrites to publishers and agents, I also had my “give up” moments as well. There were times when, frustrated, I shoved it on a shelf, convinced that it would “never happen.” Never say never. At various points, I thought I’d convinced myself that I was through with this silly pursuit. But still, I could not let it go. Or rather, God would not let it go.

In the meantime, I still had more life to live. I went to Christian writers’ conferences and groups; I also became an active intern in my church, exposed to various ministry departments and experiences. I had stuff to do, occupying most of the years, 2000 and 2001 for me. As that intern, I worked on yet another performance art rewrite.

 I finally showed it to a pastor at my church; it’s 2002. Was it an instant publication kind of response now? Nope. In fact, the pastor encouraged me to restructure the entire project as a self-help kind of book. No performance art, only the telling of my story. I was not jumping up and down with enthusiasm. But something about this thing, whatever it was, would not let me go.

I was frustrated, yet still convinced that I was “onto something.” Whenever I was writing, I felt closely connected to God; I felt “on purpose.” The best way I can describe it is that you feel the most like your fully realized, honest self. I felt that. It’s what kept me, most of the time, from throwing my computer out the window or tearing the hair out of my head, strand by strand.

Upon completion of this self-help rewrite, I was, therefore, armed and ready to submit it again; it was now 2003. I consistently sent out about ten submissions a month. Cover letters were typed, proposals were written, copies were made and envelopes were addressed. Tedious doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of this process. But, again, I submitted. And submitted…

So 2003 was the year it happened, right? Nope. “There’s no such thing as an overnight success.” I honestly wanted to (with all Christian love and fellowship, of course), strangle that person now! But, I was in too deep; I had to keep going. The year 2003 turned into the year 2004. The submission process now became habit. Like clockwork, weekend, I’d take my stack of submissions into the Post Office. During the week, like clockwork, I’d also receive my stack of “declination responses” in the mail as well. Day in, day out- that is, until one day was different…

That day was July 24th, 2004. That was the day the editor from New Hope Publishers finally contacted me, by email, not with a declination response, but rather, with a “yes!” Did that mean that I was “instantly published?” No. My official publication date, in fact, was February 1^st, 2006. That’s the way the publishing world publishes.

Waiting never means that something isn’t going to happen. Likewise, seeking God never means it has to be a perfect search or it’s useless. Most of the time, our pursuit of God is messy and imperfect. Faith and feelings are two different things. God’s working, nevertheless. An overnight success is a myth. However, God is not! He’s working for you, right now, even as you read this!

Are you frustrated? Feeling hopeless about your dream? Please keep Hebrews in mind.

“But without faith [it is] impossible to please [him]: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and [that] he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”

Hebrews 11:6 (King James Bible)

Remember, God rewards and He doesn’t require perfect faith from us. But we each need to settle that God is Who He says He is; He’s a rewarder to anyone who seeks him.

 

 

So, how can He reward you today?

Copyright © 2015 by Sheryle Cruse