Featured in
February 29th’s Christians In Recovery, Cruse explores the impact
harmful names and messages can have on our psyches.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Let yes’s and no’s be that
Choice is an often used word today. Let’s face it; we have a lot of choices at our disposal.
Experts say, on any given day, we think 60,000 thoughts
daily, 48,000 of which are negative. We choose to do that.
Yikes.
Scripture tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that
love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (Proverbs 18:21).
And, while it’s dangerous and foolish to
believe we’re all powerful, it’s just as dangerous to believe we’re all power-less.
Yet how many of us do that?
Each day, we think 60,000 thousand thoughts.
Things like, “I’ll wear this,” “I’ll drink that,” “I’ll believe of doubt this
bit of information,” “I’ll have this attitude.” The choices span the mundane,
to the extraordinary, to the life- altering variety.
Yet each thought has this in common: it has a
yes or a no possibility attached to it. That’s no small thing. If we say yes in
one particular thought, we also answer no, and vice versa.
Recently, I had a situation in which a
collective family opinion did not accept my unpleasing “no’ of an answer.
That’s not surprising. After all, how many of us enjoy being told “no,”
especially if it’s in regard to something we REALLY want?
Exactly.
Yet, for those of us in recovery, blurred
boundaries, conflict avoidance and healthy self-mage are all challenging for us.
We want to be pleasing, be a rescuer and be considered a “nice person.”
But that’s not always the healthiest choice
for us; it’s not the best choice.
Scripture gives us the permission to say “yes”
or “no.”
“Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,'
and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
Matthew
5:37
There are results from either path. And we
need to accept that. Our thoughts will produce something. Is it something we
really want in our lives? We need to think about that carefully.
And, make no mistake about it, there are no
free passes when it comes to the results of our yes or no decisions. Something
will happen. We, therefore, cannot choose both options simultaneously. To do so
is to be “double minded.” And let’s see the results of THAT choice:
James 1:8
We are to be good stewards, not perfect stewards, of our lives.
God has given each of us free will. Will we choose well?
Copyright © 2016 by
Sheryle Cruse
Sunday, February 28, 2016
But, But, But… (Imagination- Fear Or Faith)
Fear and faith are two universal issues in life. To one
degree or another, we all encounter them. Yet, for most of us, it’s probably a
safe bet to say we feel fear is the more acutely experienced situation. It’s
often easier, it seems, to “feel” fear rather than to “feel” faith, isn’t it?
Yet, each of
us, according to scripture, has the capacity for faith:
"For by the grace given me I say to every one
of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think
of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God
has given you."
However, we,
all too often, experience our capacity for feelings. And those pesky feelings
can often go in the wrong direction for us. Those feelings have us pursuing
negative faith stuff, not necessarily faith in God stuff.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence
of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the
Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Indeed, God
has some differing thoughts…
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my
ways, says the Lord. For as the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My
thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
The problem
is not God’s thoughts; it’s ours (what a shock). That’s where the fear comes
in, the negative faith which tries to convince us doom and destruction are the
only things headed our way. The often used acronym for fear goes as follows: False
Evidence Appearing Real. Ever hear that?
Yes, indeed,
Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s our own creative imagination that runs amok with
worst case scenarios and fuels our fears and phobias. But again, God has a
different perspective…
"Don't be afraid; just believe."
Mark 5:36
“Behold, I am the Lord,
the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?”
Jeremiah 32:27
Do we really
believe God can handle our lives? Do we really believe He’s bigger than any
fear or threat? The ideal response is “yes,” but what’s our actual response,
more often than not?
No, our
wonderful imaginations are bigger.
Yet, once
again, God offers us a solution…
“Casting down
imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge
of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”
2 Corinthians 10:5
It’s about
the final, bottom line. Is it God? Or is it an imagination, disguised as a lie,
a fear or a worst case scenario? We all need work in this department. Faith is
an ongoing, work in progress kind of thing. It isn’t about a one-time perfect
result. It’s daily, like breathing.
It’s our
response to God and His Word. Is it “amen” or is it an argumentative, “But,
but, but?”
The choice
is up to us. However, regardless of that choice, God is still an amazing,
powerful and loving God.
Imagine
that!!!
Copyright © 2016 by
Sheryle Cruse
And Action!
I was a
theatre major in college. Yes, I was “one of those.”
And part of
that involved studying directing. As a director, I was in charge of the
lighting, the staging and the actors involved the scene. Yes, Ladies and
Gentlemen, I was able to play God, be all powerful and call the shots. So, it’d
be no problem whatsoever for control freak me, right?
Yikes.
For those of
us with addictions, disorders and compulsions, it can be tempting to believe
the answer is if we’re just in control enough, perfect enough or powerful
enough, then life will be solved. And so, we chase playing God, often using our
vices to propel us to such a state in which we feel in control of our lives,
comforted and confident. But we aren’t. The exact opposite occurs, actually.
And that’s
where, yet again, we come back to God and His Word; we can’t do anything
without Him:
“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit
of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the
same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.”
John 15:4-5
That’s the
cold hard truth, whether or not we want to accept it. In fact, God’s fully
aware of our vulnerable condition.
“For he knoweth our frame; he
remembereth that we are dust.”
Psalms 103:14
And that’s
precisely why we need Jesus. We cannot “get it together” enough in our own
strength.
But, with
Jesus?
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
Philippians 4:13
We must
never forget we are not alone in life; God’s always there, always offering to
help us.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in
trouble.”
Psalms 46:1
“Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me
by my right hand.”
Psalm 73:23
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go:
I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8
But HE is
the ultimate Director, not us! Are we insisting on calling our own shots? God
knows better.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my
ways, says the Lord. For as the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My
thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the
Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Let’s allow
Him to do better by us, call action and direct us to incredible lives and
blessings! It is possible!
Copyright © 2016 by Sheryle Cruse
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Again, a Reminder... Marilyn: What Is She?
I came across this image of the late Marilyn Monroe, the famous sex symbol and
pop culture icon.
It got me to
thinking. What is our first thought, in today’s culture, when we view this
image?
Do we think
she’s beautiful?
Sexy?
Glamorous?
Or, do we
think she’s fat?
Our first
thought, indeed, tells on us; they reveal the truth of our souls and value
systems.
When I was
preparing a presentation on popular culture’s ever changing beauty standards, I
discovered that the legendary Marilyn Monroe, back in the 1950’s, was a size 12
or 14. Some even speculate she was a size 16!
Again, when
we hear those numbers, what’s our first reaction?
She’s
beautiful?
She’s sexy?
She’s glamorous?
Or, do we
think she’s fat?
And then,
when we turn the mirrors on ourselves,
what do we say about ourselves, to ourselves?
I’m
beautiful?
I’m sexy?
I’m glamorous?
Or, do we
think “I’m fat?”
The word
“fat” isn’t an innocent, neutral word though, is it? It carries with it extreme
judgment, harsh and harmful judgment. There’s no life, positive outlook or
beauty to it, is there?
But that’s a
wrong judgment to possess. After all, God clearly states…
“All things were made by him; and without him was not anything
made that was made.”
John 1:3
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully
and wonderfully made…”
Psalm 139:14
That
judgment includes the woman you believe is “too this” or “too that,” whatever
those judgments are. And it applies to you
as well.
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...”
Proverbs 23:7
So, what are
you thinking, believing, receiving and applying in your own life? Is it
positive, life affirming and helpful or is it negative, destructive and
harmful? You decide; I decide.
Each one of
us needs to be mindful of the thoughts and the judgments we entertain.
It’s not
about looking at this photo of Marilyn and thinking she’s fat. It speaks to
what we believe, value, reject and hate.
Let’s think
on God’s things!
“Finally, brothers and sisters,
whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or
praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8
That’s the
challenge; that’s the choice. And it IS achievable! Achieve it today!
Copyright © 2016 by Sheryle Cruse
An Everlasting Love...
Day 7:
Piggybacking Romans 8:38-39, we are further reminded of how God’s love is so
thorough and passionate, it outlasts time. It is everlasting.
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me,
saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with
lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah
31:3
We are that wanted.
That trumps addiction, disorder, compulsion,
failure and our very humanity. I say this, not to give excuse to sin; rather,
it’s to reassure and remind us that there is hope for the hopeless condition:
God and His love.
We underestimate that reality much of the time. We
can get negative, distorted tunnel vision, convincing us we are too far gone.
We are not. Wherever and however we
presently are, we should feel the freedom to tap into God’s love and what that
individual, unique expression of means for each of us.
It starts with God thoughts concerning us. Love is
at the center of those thoughts...
“How precious also are thy thoughts
unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count
them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with
thee.”
Psalms 139:17-18
Anyone and anything else telling us otherwise is
operating from a place of deception, not truth.
And so, when it comes to God’s “how do I love thee”
reality, God wants us to bask, accept and explore just what that means. He is
not annoyed when we do so. Rather, He feels the honor and excitement of
reaching a closer relationship with Him.
And we are all on that continuum.
Don’t be
discouraged or intimidated with your current circumstance or your past
failings. Likewise, don’t be dismayed concerning your future. Yes, with God,
there is always more.
“Now unto him that is
able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to
the power that worketh in us.”
1 Corinthians 2:9
And that’s a good thing.
“But as it is written, ‘Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard,
neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared
for them that love him.’”
Ephesians 3:20
How does God love you? Start counting the ways in
your own life right now!
Copyright © 2016 by
Sheryle Cruse
Friday, February 26, 2016
What Cracker?
“He who covers his sins will not prosper: but whoever
confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”
Proverbs 28:13
Denial: it’s
a ridiculous looking thing.
I once saw a
photograph of a mouse, looking straight at the camera, cheeks puffed out to a Saltine’s
square shape. And the tag line attached was “What cracker?”
It made me think
of my own erratic disordered eating
behaviors, including stealing my roommates’ food and dumpster diving.
“…I thought I was hiding my secret well from
the outside world. I replenished the food I’d stolen from my roommates. I
played ‘beat the clock’ before they came home to notice…
…It became a regular hide and steal,
hide and eat, hide and deny game… I knew their schedules by heart. I’d wait for
them to leave for class. I’d hurry home, skipping my own classes to ensure
enough time alone… I had to eat as much as I could before they came home…
… I’d be first to volunteer among my
roommates to take out the trash, because I knew what ‘goodies’ I’d thrown out...
…Trips to the dumpster at 2:30 a.m.
were not unusual… I’d rummage through other people’s trash bags...
…I was caught on more than one
occasion. I’d try to play it off, pretending everything was normal as people
passed by me scrounging in the dumpster. As I became more desperate, however, I
began going to the dumpster frequently in broad daylight while other students
were coming and going from class… I tried to convince myself I could ‘just act
natural’ and disguise the truth…”
I was asking, “What Cracker?”
Transparent
honesty is a big key to our recovery, especially when it comes to the addictions,
compulsions and disorders which thrive on deceit. The old adage, “You’re as
sick as your secrets” screams an unflinching truth: we can’t get better unless/until we get honest about what we’re doing.
And yes,
it’s also in the Twelve Steps:
1.
We admitted we were powerless over a
substance or behavior ─ our lives had become unmanageable.
- Came to
believe that a Power greater than ourselves could
restore us to sanity.
- Made a
decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we
understood Him.
- Made a
searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- Admitted to
God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our
wrongs.
- Were entirely
ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
- Humbly asked
Him to remove our shortcomings.
- Made a list
of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
- Made direct
amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure
them or others.
- Continued to
take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
- Sought
through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact
with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His
will for us and the power to carry that out.
- Having had a
spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this
message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
These steps confront our
cracker-eating, caught on camera, busted mouse behavior. A mirror is held up to
us, demanding we own up to what we did.
So why is it we still
ask, when all is said and done, “What Cracker?” I offer my theory. I believe
we, at our base natures, can come up with our own twelve excuses to those twelve steps.
1.
We want to believe we’re powerful and
in control. We have our lives figured out, including the substances and
behaviors in them.
- We know what
is best for our lives. We don’t need God.
- We’re
certainly not going to waste our time or give up our vices pursuing God.
We’re fine, really, we’re just great.
- Again, we’re
good. Mind your own business. We know what we’re doing.
- We’re fully
convinced we’re doing nothing wrong. We’re certainly not hurting anyone
else. Our behaviors are harmless.
- We don’t want
to change. Everything’s fine.
- Indeed, our
lives are fabulous, requiring no change whatsoever. If you can’t handle
what we’re doing, that’s your problem, not ours.
- We don’t owe
anyone any apology or explanation. We’re living our lives as we see fit.
- If anyone
challenges or disagrees with what we’re doing, we’re done with them. No
one tells us what to do.
- We are never
wrong, never responsible. We have every right to go on living our lives as
we want.
- Again, we
don’t need anyone else’s help, including God’s, here. That’s just for weak
people. We’re great.
- There’s no
need to do any unpleasant, tedious or hard work. We certainly don’t need
to help others. All we need to do is mind our own business, be left alone
and live the lives we want.
Thinking those excuses
are a tad exaggerated?
C’mon, you and I, at one time, have thought and lived those things. We have forsaken right for wrong, responsibility for pleasure, accountability for excuse and recovery for disease.
C’mon, you and I, at one time, have thought and lived those things. We have forsaken right for wrong, responsibility for pleasure, accountability for excuse and recovery for disease.
“There is a
way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death...”
Proverbs
16:25-26
And denial is at the epicenter of ALL of it, isn’t it?
Still, John
8:32 holds true:
“The truth shall set you free.”
Denying the evidence of
our real cracker situation does nothing to
promote freedom, let alone, health.
Where do we stand on our
reality? Do we believe our own denial?
Is God catching us, all
puffy cheeked and startled? When we’re caught, perhaps we should respond this way
instead:
“What do you want me to
do about this cracker, God?”
Copyright © 2016 by
Sheryle Cruse
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