The Abstract Arise

I once came across a painting by the artist Hyett Moore, entitled “Jairus’ Daughter.” Because of the personal impact this scriptural passage on my own recovery, I am, therefore, drawn to any artistic portrayal of it (Mark 5:35-43):

What is, perhaps, the most striking depiction of Moore’s work is its abstract effect. It reminds me of a rain-streaked window pane. This art differs from most expressions of the scripture; most, quite frankly, depict a white Messiah and a white little girl. It’s the European, Hollywood interpretation of the individuals.

And, in my opinion, it adds a stumbling block to recovery that need not be there.

It places limits of what “healing” is supposed to look like.

The word, “arise” means “to emerge; become apparent; stand up; get up.”

Recovery is present within that powerful word. But are our preconceived notions and prejudices standing in the way? They were for me.

And again, it was connected to Jairus’ daughter.

Blue-Eyed Robert Powell:

As a child, what really did it for me was the NBC television miniseries, “Jesus of Nazareth.” Here was where I fell in love with the Savior. Or rather, Robert Powell, the actor portraying the Savior.

For, as I watched that 1970’s miniseries, I believed Mr. Powell. What mesmerized me the most were his blue eyes which never seemed to blink. I don’t know if that was a conscious choice on the actor’s part, but the effect was captivating.

In addition, the miniseries cast an actress playing Jairus’ daughter who was a few years older than me; so, I related to her.

There was no cynicism or doubt in that film scene. The scripture came alive in my heart and on my television; Divinity was looking at me without blinking.

But, here was where I first limited its healing effect.

As that child, I bought the dazzling fairytale of the scripture, never understanding how, not only was it inaccurate, it was also confining.

For Mr. Powell, the miniseries and the account of Jairus’ daughter, itself, could not create a pain-free existence for my life. Expecting that was to be unrealistic.

I grew up. And, as an adolescent and young adult, I gathered questions and doubts. I fell into disordered eating and image issues and became convinced I was only damned and hopeless. The dazzling fairytale did me no good whatsoever.

Jairus’ daughter seemed nowhere to be found.

That was, however, until post- college; I then fused Jairus’ daughter with my eating disorder struggles. And, it dared to reintroduce healing again to me.

When I finally submitted my will (as much as control freak me could) to embrace, not hide, my eating disorder truth, everything opened up. My writing flourished. Even though it would be years before my book, “Thin Enough” solidified, my life was altered after this latest bout with Jairus’ daughter. Mark 5:35-43 changed me.

“…‘Behold, I make all things new.’…”

Revelation 21:5

Jairus’ Daughter: An Ongoing Story...

But, The Most High also understood life would bring its many different changes in my faith development.

“Search me... and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Psalms 139:23-24

And, like the uncomfortable physical growth spurts, there would, likewise, be some awkward stages concerning The Divine, image associations and my imperfect recovery process.

And no, back when I was intoxicated by this spiritual experience and all of its heady promises of renewal, I hadn’t counted on that. I hadn’t counted on the constant NEED to challenge my beliefs, my perception of faith, my definition of recovery and just, what exactly, I believed both the figure of the Savior and the dying girl alike, were supposed to represent for me?

The “arise” now transcends eating disorder recovery for me. It speaks to the deeper healing of my faith.

“Behold... is there anything too hard for me?”

Jeremiah 32:27

Again, the word, “arise” means “to emerge; become apparent; stand up; get up.”

Healing cannot be pigeon-holed.

And, I think that’s where we can get this “Higher Power” thing wrong. He is infused in every step. “Arise” is embedded in each step.

1.      We admitted we were powerless over addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

We “emerge, become apparent, stand and get up” in our attitude and action of each step.

But, it still doesn’t change that our faith and recovery walks often feel abstract, at best.

Unique personal rising is usually not clear, much like Hyett Moore’s painting. We may feel like the rain-steaked window.

Jairus’ daughter means different things to me now than it did years ago. Now, it challenges me to look at nothing at face value: recovery, healing, faith and default settings of what first comes to my mind on any subject.

We do ourselves a disservice to believe that, once we embrace a “Higher Power,” recovery steps or even just a commitment to change, things will all fall crystal clear into place. They don’t.

Nevertheless, if we return to the rain-streaked Hyett Moore painting, we see that, despite its smudgy image, unclear, open to interpretation, it is still the image of healing. That image of healing depicts each of us.

The challenge is to locate, for ourselves, just what our own “abstract arise” looks like and rise to that reality.

Copyright © 2018 by Sheryle Cruse