Thursday, August 30, 2018
Ego Versus Soul
I recently
came across a little gem about the ego and the soul.
It’s quite profound.
It states things like…
“Ego looks outward. Soul looks
inward.”
“Ego sees lack. Soul sees abundance.”
According to one definition of the word, soul is
comprised of the mind, the will and the emotions. So, it stands to reason soul
would be quite vulnerable to disease. Indeed, there is a battle going on.
And, let’s
get real- a large part of that battle involves the toxic pride factor.
“Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before
a fall.”
Proverbs 16:18
“For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the
lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the
world.”
1 John 2:16
And that
pride rubs shoulders with rebellious foolishness.
“The fool hath said in his heart,
‘There is no God.’ They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is
none that doeth good.”
Psalms 14:1
And yes,
that goes for even us Christians.
It’s not about being a good little boy or girl
in the pews on Sunday. Instead, it has everything
to do with the very real, very rebellious, prideful and diseased thoughts
which have ensnared us in affliction. Saying “no” when we should say “yes.”
As is echoed
in the “Ego Versus Soul” post…
“Ego rejects God. Soul embraces God.”
Again,
profound.
And, while
we may nod our heads in agreement with that statement, do we really examine any
rebelliousness lurking in our tricky hearts?
After all,
we’re not above being deceived…
“The heart is deceitful above all
things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”
Jeremiah 17:9
For, once
upon a time, there was a certain rebel who let some audacious, prideful
attitudes rip.
“And he said unto them, ‘I beheld Satan as lightning fall
from heaven.’”
Luke 10:18
"But you said in your heart, 'I will ascend to heaven; I
will raise my throne above the stars of God, And I will sit on the mount of
assembly In the recesses of the north. I will ascend above
the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.'”
Isaiah 14:13-14
And here
were the consequences:
"…you will be thrust down to
Sheol, To the recesses of the pit.”
Isaiah 14:15
“How you have fallen from heaven, morning star, son of the
dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations!”
Isaiah 14:12
“‘Thy terribleness hath deceived thee, and the pride of thine
heart, O thou that dwellest in the clefts of the rock, that holdest the height
of the hill: though thou shouldest make thy nest as high as the eagle, I will
bring thee down from thence,’ saith the LORD.”
Jeremiah 49:16
So, one can
argue if we do not embrace God and His perspective, we’re, therefore, embracing
this guy’s attitude instead.
“For where envy and
self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.”
James 3:16
Are you
squirming yet?
You may
think I’m being over the top here. But is it really such an astounding leap?
After all,
Jesus, Himself, said, “You are either for or against me.”
(Matthew
12:30; Luke 11:23).
Addiction,
like it or not, has some rather unflattering roots in pride, envy and self-
interest, hence the ego. And, many of us have the wreckage to prove it: hurt
loved ones, lost careers, jeopardized health, financial and legal issues. The
list goes on.
But the
soul…
“In whose hand is the soul of every living thing, and the
breath of all mankind.”
Job 12:10
“Truly my soul waiteth
upon God: from him cometh my salvation.”
Psalms 62:1
“For thou hast
delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.”
Psalms 116:8
“Wherefore let them
that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to
him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.”
1 Peter 4:19
But there IS,
indeed, some good news concerning our souls; God is not us.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my
ways, says the Lord. For as the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My
thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
So, because
of those different perspectives, our thoughts not necessarily being those of
God’s, we need to intentionally approach Him with a different response that the
rebellious choices which have landed us where we are.
Enter the favorite
recovery word, surrender…and its corresponding steps, such as…
1.
We admitted we
were powerless over a substance or behavior - that our lives had become
unmanageable.
- We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
- We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
- We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
- We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
- We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
All of that
flies in the face of rebellious ego. But man,
does it ever harmonize with soul!
One of my
favorite quotes is from C. S. Lewis:
“You don't have a soul. You are a
Soul. You have a body.”
Again,
returning to our definition of soul, that of our mind, will and emotions, we
are, therefore, challenged to utilize those three components toward, not away
from, God. No easy feat. Often, it’s not fun. Let’s just get real about it.
Yet, there
is a more fulfilling, healthier path is choosing that direction.
“Trust in the Lord
with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways
acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
There is a
question being asked of us. Our response is needed.
Which one do
we choose to pursue, especially concerning our recovery?
Is it the ego? Or is it the soul?
Copyright © 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
Who Are You- Gilda or Rita?
That beautiful black
satin strapless gown with its matching opera length gloves…
That red hair
cascading over her shoulders…
That pin up figure,
often known to decorate World War II fighter planes…
What wasn’t to love
about screen siren, Rita Hayworth?
At age of twelve and
on, she was one of my earliest beauty icons.
And, of course, when I
saw her stunning 1946 film, “Gilda,” her “Put the Blame on Mame” song and dance
routine thoroughly convinced me she
was a woman reveling confident in her beauty. No hint of fear or insecurity for
miles!
She had it all
together.
But, like any beauty
icon, there was a more complicated back story going on concerning her success
and image...
“Hayworth was born… in 1918 as Margarita Carmen Cansino,
the oldest child of two dancers. Her father, Eduardo Cansino, Sr., was from… a
little town near Seville,
Spain.
Her mother, Volga Hayworth, was an American of
Irish-English descent who had performed with the Ziegfeld
Follies…
Margarita's father wanted her to become a professional dancer, while her mother hoped she
would become an actress...
…In 1927, her father took the family to Hollywood. He believed that dancing could be
featured in the movies and that his family could be part of it…In 1931 Eduardo Cansino
partnered with his 12-year-old daughter to form an act called the Dancing Cansinos…
Winfield Sheehan, the head of the Fox Film Corporation, saw her dancing at the Caliente Club
and quickly arranged for Hayworth to do a screen test a week later. Impressed by her screen
persona, Sheehan signed her for a short-term six-month contract at Fox, under the name Rita
Cansino, the first of two name changes for her film career…
Studio head Harry Cohn signed her to a seven-year contract and tried her out her in small roles.
Cohn argued that Hayworth's image was too Mediterranean, which reduced her
opportunities to being cast in ‘exotic’ roles that were fewer in number. He was heard to say
her last name sounded too Spanish… Rita Cansino became Rita Hayworth when she adopted
her mother's maiden name...With a name that emphasized her British-American ancestry,
people were more likely to regard her as a classic ‘American…’
… Hayworth changed her hair color to dark red and had electrolysis to raise her hairline and broaden the appearance of her forehead…”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rita_Hayworth
Indeed, after years of
peering beyond the beauty façade curtain, I now empathize at how fragile she
was at accepting herself.
Being rejected for her
name, her hair color/ hairline and her very ethnicity were all just the
beginning. When her career skyrocketed and she became known as a sex goddess, a
movie star and a world famous beauty, things certainly did not get any easier.
Hollywood’s definition of beauty didn’t line up with Rita’s…
“I
have always felt that one of the secrets of real beauty is simplicity… Perhaps if we
thought for a second of the classic, simple elegance of
the Spanish lady it might help
us to be ‘simply’ ourselves.”
Article written as guest columnist for Arlene Dahl, headlined "Rita
Hayworth
Sees Simplicity As Part Of Beauty" in The Toledo
Blade (11 March 1964)
Like
that of legends, Marilyn Monroe, Grace Kelly and Jayne Mansfield, poor Rita was
mostly confined to the restrictions associated with the beautiful woman. She
was viewed as only that, never viewed beyond her beautiful face and body.
And
certainly, that hindered her personal life; she couldn’t find the peace and
contentment she strongly desired in her life. Her sad admission tells of her
less than glamorous struggle…
“All I wanted was just what everybody
else wants, you know, to be loved.”
Through
the years, Rita sought that love; she was married and divorced five times, including
to actor/director, Orson Welles.
He
specifically noted her struggles with alcohol as all-consuming, a fact,
personally confirmed by that of Hayworth’s daughter, Yasmin Aga Khan…
“...She had difficulty coping with the
ups and downs of the business … As a child, I thought, 'She has a drinking
problem and she's an alcoholic.' That was very clear and I thought, 'Well,
there's not much I can do. I can just, sort of, stand by and watch.' It's very
difficult, seeing your mother, going through her emotional problems and
drinking and then behaving in that manner … Her condition became quite
bad...”
And,
again, among her most famous quotes, I’m struck by this sad one…
“Men fell in love with Gilda,
but they wake up with me.”
As quoted in Rita Hayworth : Portrait of a Love
Goddess (1977) by John Kobal
Image
expectations, self-acceptance issues and the need to be loved are all there as
human beings. Scripture taps into our spiritual need to be viewed and accepted
on that basis…
“For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.”
Psalms 103:14
“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”
Isaiah 43:4
“The
LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an
everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah 31:3
“Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.”
Song
of Solomon 4:7
Rita
was no different. Beyond the film noir of “Gilda,” beyond the glossy black and
white Hollywood photographs, there was another person- a separate person- apart
from the beauty displayed before our captive attention.
For her legacy is not
only “Gilda” and her beauty, but rather, the real, struggle-filled life she
led. In 1987, at the age of 68, she
succumbed to complications from Alzheimer’s disease.
Once upon a time, I
only saw Rita’s beauty and glamour. I didn’t see her complicated actual life.
None of us did. None of us do as we view her still and moving images years
later. Reviewing some of her more famous quotes, it’s also easy to get tunnel
vision at the aesthetic image meaning. And that is certainly there.
But, if we get past
the surface, we can experience more of Rita: the good, the bad and the ugly. We
can learn of her human struggle.
And that can be said
of each one of us. No matter what our battles are- to be loved, to be valued,
to be safe, to be sober and healthy- each of us cannot live fulfilled if we go
sleep as a lie, and wake up a fictional, untrue character. We cannot live
removed from the truth of who we are.
Perhaps, the “real us”
is disappointing, not just to others, but to our own self-acceptance. Be
honest. Are you disappointed when you wake up with who you really are, warts
and all?
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...”
Proverbs 23:7
Or, do we incorporate
the tedious, painful and imperfect process of learning and accepting that
person? That is as much of the process to life and recovery as attending any
meeting or implementing any step.
So, Rita Hayworth
touches upon a spiritual question for us all:
“Do you and I live as Gilda or Rita?”
Whatever the answer
may be, let’s choose to recognize our real
identity, in harmony with God’s estimation of us, is freeing.
“The truth shall set you free.”
John 8:32
For as alluring as the
Gilda character may be, she pales in comparison to the textured, flawed,
meaningful and real life of Rita.
Shouldn’t we dare to live
the more dimensionally accurate reality of ourselves?
And so it goes. Gilda
or Rita: it’s our choice.
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
Reaching Perfection?
“Thou shalt be perfect with the LORD
thy God.”
Deuteronomy 18:13
The
artist, Salvador Dali is famous for stating one of my favorite quotes:
"Have no fear of perfection. You'll never
reach it."
Indeed,
if you look at his art, there was a challenging of the perfect, of the
“normal,” of the expected. Surreal images were not about depicting something as
it occurred in life. Stretched out clocks and manipulated human bodies captured
that artistic representation.
If
one cannot find his depiction of perfection in his work, the same, however,
cannot be said about the existence of excellence there. It is pervasive.
Imagination, bravery and human imperfections are all there. And, I believe,
that’s part of why we identify so strongly with his art. We can relate to him;
we can relate to the images we see.
It’s
just a shift in thinking.
And
that leads me to the perfection issue itself. It really is a defeating word, isn’t
it? “Perfect.”
What
if we changed our perspective on it? What if we chose to embrace the messy,
constant and imperfect process as excellence?
What if
being imperfect didn’t cancel out our excellence and value? What if being
imperfect, in fact, made us much more
interesting?
Indeed, if
we look at the process of process instead of a finished end product, there certainly
is a more fascinating story going on.
“The law of the LORD is perfect,
converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the
simple.”
Psalms 19:7
God never
told us we wouldn’t go through a process. And that definitely covers our focus
on Him. Just because God’s in it, doesn’t mean it’s painless or easy.
“And he said unto me, My grace is
sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly
therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may
rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
And, it’s
often in this messy, imperfect and painful journey that we find out who we are;
we can discover meaningful purpose.
“Not as though I had already
attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may
apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:12
Having a
perfect, unchallenged life, however, would rarely afford us this same result.
Honestly, I
like the sound of the word, “excellent.” There’s more to it, in my opinion;
it’s more interesting.
It’s a
challenge to us all, then, to have no fear of perfection. Being who were are is
so much better.
Copyright © 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Image: Belief and the Media
It’s
difficult to live in this culture and not hit negative body image. It’s particularly
potent for those of us struggling with disordered eating and image issues.
Check out the
statistics:
·
Numerous correlational and experimental
studies have linked exposure to the thin ideal in mass media to body
dissatisfaction, internalization of the thin ideal, and disordered eating among
women.
·
The effect of media on
women’s body dissatisfaction, thin ideal internalization, and disordered eating
appears to be stronger among young adults than children and adolescents. This
may suggest that long-term exposure during childhood and adolescence lays the
foundation for the negative effects of media during early adulthood.
·
Pressure from mass media to
be muscular also appears to be related to body dissatisfaction among men.
This effect may be smaller than among women but it is still significant.
·
Young men seem to be more
negatively affected by the media images than adolescent boys are.
(Media, Body Image, and Eating Disorders:
We cannot
underestimate the influence of media. George Orwell warned us of that sentiment
years earlier:
“The people believe
what the media tells them they believe.”
Biblical
translation?
“The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh
well to his going.”
Proverbs 14:15
Indeed,
beauty and image standards have changed throughout time. This includes 17th
century artist, Sir Peter Paul Rubens, portraying the voluptuous female figure,
the roaring twenties flat-chested flapper, the curvy body type of 1950’s sex symbol, Marilyn Monroe, 1980’s overconsumption
and its power “Supermodel” and 1990’s emaciated “Heroin Chic,” complete with
its waif muse, model Kate Moss.
And, of course, now, it’s about
the derriere. Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and Iggy Azalea all exemplify this
aesthetic. Now we have women actually
getting plastic surgery to enhance their backsides.
All things are subject to
change.
But, if we’re to even think of
being emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically healthy, we’d all do well
to have an absolute about our worth which does not change.
And that absolute comes directly from God.
“…Believe in the LORD your God, so shall ye be established;
believe his prophets, so shall ye prosper.”
2 Chronicles 20:20
And here are some of His thoughts about our value:
“O my dove…let me see
your form…for your form is lovely.”
Song of Solomon 2:14
“Thou art all fair, my
love; there is no spot in thee.”
Song of Solomon 4:7
“Thou art beautiful, O
my love...”
Song of Solomon 6:4
And if we could only agree with that estimation, even siding with Psalm 139:14 concerning personal
self-image, then, perhaps, we’d
experience a much healthier and
happier life.
“…I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Belief: it’s
a powerful force. What we believe in life impacts
our lives. There’s no getting away from that.
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...”
Proverbs 23:7
Therefore, it
would do each of us some good, to examine our beliefs and our reasons for
buying into them.
We don’t
have to believe everything we’re told and presented with, image or no image.
However,
believing God can get us more of what
we truly desire: to be spiritually alive and our most magnificent selves.
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
Reflection: A Study of Life
The infamous
mirror. We do battle with it every single day, don’t we? How many of us pick
ourselves apart, critiquing, judging and hating every feature? How many of us,
upon seeing our reflection, are disgusted and disappointed with what we see?
There is a
use for everything, mirrors included. They serve a purpose. Let’s face it- if
it weren’t for mirrors, there’d be more instances of lipstick on- and spinach
in- teeth. We’d look much messier than we do when we present ourselves to the
world.
But mirrors
are not the end all, be all to our eternal worth and value. They are far from
it.
“But the LORD said…‘Look not on his
countenance, or on the height of his stature… for the LORD seeth not as man
seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the
heart.’”
1 Samuel 16:7
I once saw a
photo of the legend, Lauren Bacall, getting dressed.
You see her next to some
of her clothes on a hanger, as she adjusts her belt. And, accompanying that
photo is her quote:
“Looking at yourself in a mirror
isn’t exactly a study of life.”
Lauren Bacall
I was struck
by that. I mean, here is this world famous beauty, movie star and glamour icon
who should be paralyzed by any imperfect image reflected back at her.
Yet there
she is, looking calm and unaffected. It is like she is at peace knowing her
appearance is just a fraction of who she is.
Oh, if we
could all learn and embody that lesson.
When I was a
teenager, I drew various still life studies in my art class. I drew plants,
bottles and even a collection of old toys.
And it is
that last still life study which, years later, reminds me of how, yes indeed,
there is more than meets the eye. For, as I drew that inanimate object, that’s
all it appeared to be: inanimate. But the truth was so much more. The truth
involved hours of imaginative play. The truth involved happiness, comfort and
friendship. What appeared to just be a stuffed animal or doll could not explain
how alive, how real and how valuable the subject actually was.
The still
life just depicted a grouping of inanimate objects. That’s all.
And how similar
things are when we look upon ourselves in any mirror. We see shapes and
configurations of shapes. We see colors, lines and textures. But we do not have
our entire history and value assessed in that reflection. We cannot see
memories, traumas, scars, life lessons. We cannot see God’s ultimate purpose
and estimation of us. One can argue we cannot even see His love for us.
But it is
there. Oh, it is there.
“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the
glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to
glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 3:18
“…being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a
good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.”
Philippians 1:6
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the
Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
It’s
something to keep in mind each day as we prepare ourselves to face the world.
As we choose dresses, skirts, ties and suits, apply makeup, fix our hair and
make sure we don’t have anything in or on our teeth, let’s not neglect how
valuable our unseen qualities are.
It’s the
invisible which is most glorious. And it is what casts the largest refection.
It is so much
more than a still life. It is a masterpiece.
“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the
glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to
glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 3:18
Copyright © 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
Our Hummingbird Ways?
I love
hummingbirds. And here’s an interesting little factoid about them:
“Hummingbirds are continuously hours
away from starving to death, and are able to store just enough energy to
survive overnight.”
I immediately
thought of my anorexic experiences.
I recount my
mindset, offered in my book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the
Living Death Of An Eating Disorder.”
“… I knew that what I was doing was
wrong, but I still kept going. I had to. Progress—just a few more pounds, then
I’ll be done. So I’d continue every morning: six hours of boot camp torture on
little or no food or water. I had gotten to the point now where I feared
drinking water would make me fat.
Every morning, my heart and pulse
would pound and race. I could feel throbbing from veins that were sticking out
on the backs of my knees and the crooks of my elbows. Every morning, I would stand up, shaky, dizzy already, only to then have everything go black.
And then, I’d wake up, lying on the floor. Passing out was now a regular part
of my day.
I was scared now, not only for my
health, but scared of the danger of being discovered. What if I did this in
front of someone? You see, these daily blackout sessions always happened during
my exercise routine at midnight. I started exercising at midnight because I
could be alone for my required six-hour exercise punishment...”
I didn’t
know it at the time, but I had my own obsessive hummingbird thing going on. It
was driven by fear- and it didn’t have to be that way.
Fear had
convinced me the absolute worst things in the world that could happen to me
were eating and gaining weight. So, the torture game became “don’t eat- go as
long, as far as you can without eating- just keep going.”
But, what I
didn’t know was that this was not what God wanted for me. He didn’t want to
punish me; that was not His Will towards me. This, rather, was, instead:
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the
Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
God never
created me to be like the every frenetic hummingbird. He wanted me to have a
life- and one which wasn’t running desperately on fumes.
“…I am come that they might have life,
and that they might have it more abundantly.”’
John 10:10
The fear I
was experiencing, driving me to emaciation, exhaustion and misery was not of God.
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear;
but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7
I didn’t know that at the time.
I didn’t
know that fear is a spirit, distorting the truth of things; fear lies to us. It
tries to convince us God doesn’t love us, God will fail us and life is a
horrible, hopeless thing.
All lies.
God repeatedly
tells us NOT to fear…
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am
thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee
with the right hand of my righteousness.”
Isaiah 41:10
“Fear not: for I am with thee…”
Isaiah 43:5
“Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good
pleasure to give you the kingdom.”
Luke 12:32
“And he saith unto
them, ‘Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?’ Then he arose, and rebuked
the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.”
Matthew 8:26
This last scripture struck me especially hard as I looked at the words “there was a great calm.”
Ever see a
hummingbird? Not a lot of calm going on there.
And that’s
the reality check. For those of us struggling with eating disorders and
obsessive/compulsive thoughts and behaviors, are we acting more like a frantic
hummingbird or a peaceful child of God? Where are we falling within that
spectrum? We are somewhere.
So, wherever
we are, how imperfectly we are, let’s first start with Psalm 46:10:
“Be still, and know that I am God…”
From there, let’s live
as His Child. Let’s cease from our hummingbird ways.
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
“I’m So Happy You’re Not Ugly” (The Poison of the Fairytale Image)
Allow me, if
you would, to rail on the toxic image pressures of the common fairytale.
I came across
a humorous pop culture meme from the famous, “Beauty and the Beast.” It was our
beast, transformed into the handsome prince gazing at Belle, our beautiful
ingénue, with the caption, “Thank God. I’m so happy you’re not ugly.”
And, however
exaggerated it may be, we do, in fact, often echo this sentiment when it comes to
a female’s value. It is implied for most, if not all, “happily ever after” princesses.
And it’s specifically tied to her beauty.
In many
fairytales, we’re presented with the evil and ugly villains of stepsisters,
stepmothers and witches, all contrasting, of course, to that of our beautiful,
virtuous “good” heroine princess.
So, good
equals beauty princess; bad equals ugly crone? Yikes.
Indeed, when
it comes to our measurement of aesthetically pleasing standards, there isn’t a
great deal of variety in the princess beauty spectrum. It is largely about the
ideal ingénue, preferably blonde and white, with the facial features and bodies
of shapely, yet dainty, teenagers.
And yes,
perhaps we may have gotten more diversity in recent years: Ariel was a
redheaded mermaid, Belle was a brunette, Mulan was Asian, Pocahontas was Native American, Tiana was
African- American and Jasmine was of Middle Eastern descent. Disney, for what
it’s worth, attempted, however unsuccessfully, to display “authentic” ethnic characteristics.
Years ago, I remember a lot of hubbub about Jasmine’s “big nose” and the
pronounced cheekbones of Pocahontas. There were arguments as to whether or not their
features would be viewed as pleasing or attractive enough.
Still, when
it comes to each of these princesses, there’s not one without a tiny waist,
accentuated curves and- well, let’s just call it out- an impressive
décolletage. C’mon, really? That’s the deal?
Anyway, these
image depictions ask some questions. Was our female character’s incredible
beauty brought about by her innate goodness? Was she outwardly beautiful only because her inner beauty, usually
pleasing to males somehow, radiated from within, hence, activating those exterior features?
Isn’t that
the lie? Inner beauty, translation, inherent
value, is only accomplished
through the manifestation of a certain look.
It would
seem so. After all, we place so much emphasis on the outward appearance, to the
exclusion, or secondary importance of “inner beauty” qualities, like kindness, personality,
intellect, creativity and a sense of humor.
And so,
we’re left believing, following, saying or requiring the following sentiment in
life:
“…I’m so happy you’re
not ugly.”
Disordered
image involves more than just outward appearances. It’s the message we internalize,
amplify and accept as all-important Gospel. It’s the price we attach and expect
from our young people, mainly, our young females. I see it in the multitudes of
little girls who prize pretty over smart, thin over fat, extreme beauty/diet
tactic over health. Those imprints can follow a female, lifelong into her
adolescence and adulthood. Honestly, how many females in our society are 100%
content with their appearance, including their body size and shape?
Exactly.
That’s the
problem I have with this fairytale value estimation. It prizes beauty- a narrow
definition at that – above all else in a female’s life. It discourages one’s
own self-acceptance and discovery. Instead, we’re reduced to this statement…
“Thank God. I’m so
happy you’re not ugly.”
No, that’s not a fairytale ending- and yes, it IS
quite ugly!
We can,
however, view ourselves differently. Dr. Margo Maine has a spectacular list of
body-positive affirmations. Apply them to your own life. Share them with your
daughters, mothers, sisters and friends. There’s much more “happily ever after”
in these self-acceptance principles.
Body Image Links
20 WAYS TO
LOVE YOUR BODY!!
Compiled by Margo Maine, Ph. D.
Compiled by Margo Maine, Ph. D.
- Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.
- Create a list of all the things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.
- Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.
- Create a list of people you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments.
- Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.
- Don't let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.
- Wear comfortable clothes that you like and that feel good to your body.
- Count your blessings, not your blemishes.
- Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!
- Be your body's friend and supporter, not its enemy.
- Consider this: your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver every six weeks, and your skeleton every three months. Your body is extraordinary--begin to respect and appreciate it.
- Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.
- Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.
- Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don't exercise to lose weight or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good.
- Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age.
- Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself--without mentioning your appearance. Add to it!
- Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, "I'm beautiful inside and out."
- Choose to find the beauty in the world and in yourself.
- Start saying to yourself, "Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."
- Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.
Reprinted
with permission from the National Eating Disorders Association. For more
information: www.NationalEatingDisorders.org.
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
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