Allow me, if
you would, to rail on the toxic image pressures of the common fairytale.
I came across
a humorous pop culture meme from the famous, “Beauty and the Beast.” It was our
beast, transformed into the handsome prince gazing at Belle, our beautiful
ingénue, with the caption, “Thank God. I’m so happy you’re not ugly.”
And, however
exaggerated it may be, we do, in fact, often echo this sentiment when it comes to
a female’s value. It is implied for most, if not all, “happily ever after” princesses.
And it’s specifically tied to her beauty.
In many
fairytales, we’re presented with the evil and ugly villains of stepsisters,
stepmothers and witches, all contrasting, of course, to that of our beautiful,
virtuous “good” heroine princess.
So, good
equals beauty princess; bad equals ugly crone? Yikes.
Indeed, when
it comes to our measurement of aesthetically pleasing standards, there isn’t a
great deal of variety in the princess beauty spectrum. It is largely about the
ideal ingénue, preferably blonde and white, with the facial features and bodies
of shapely, yet dainty, teenagers.
And yes,
perhaps we may have gotten more diversity in recent years: Ariel was a
redheaded mermaid, Belle was a brunette, Mulan was Asian, Pocahontas was Native American, Tiana was
African- American and Jasmine was of Middle Eastern descent. Disney, for what
it’s worth, attempted, however unsuccessfully, to display “authentic” ethnic characteristics.
Years ago, I remember a lot of hubbub about Jasmine’s “big nose” and the
pronounced cheekbones of Pocahontas. There were arguments as to whether or not their
features would be viewed as pleasing or attractive enough.
Still, when
it comes to each of these princesses, there’s not one without a tiny waist,
accentuated curves and- well, let’s just call it out- an impressive
décolletage. C’mon, really? That’s the deal?
Anyway, these
image depictions ask some questions. Was our female character’s incredible
beauty brought about by her innate goodness? Was she outwardly beautiful only because her inner beauty, usually
pleasing to males somehow, radiated from within, hence, activating those exterior features?
Isn’t that
the lie? Inner beauty, translation, inherent
value, is only accomplished
through the manifestation of a certain look.
It would
seem so. After all, we place so much emphasis on the outward appearance, to the
exclusion, or secondary importance of “inner beauty” qualities, like kindness, personality,
intellect, creativity and a sense of humor.
And so,
we’re left believing, following, saying or requiring the following sentiment in
life:
“…I’m so happy you’re
not ugly.”
Disordered
image involves more than just outward appearances. It’s the message we internalize,
amplify and accept as all-important Gospel. It’s the price we attach and expect
from our young people, mainly, our young females. I see it in the multitudes of
little girls who prize pretty over smart, thin over fat, extreme beauty/diet
tactic over health. Those imprints can follow a female, lifelong into her
adolescence and adulthood. Honestly, how many females in our society are 100%
content with their appearance, including their body size and shape?
Exactly.
That’s the
problem I have with this fairytale value estimation. It prizes beauty- a narrow
definition at that – above all else in a female’s life. It discourages one’s
own self-acceptance and discovery. Instead, we’re reduced to this statement…
“Thank God. I’m so
happy you’re not ugly.”
No, that’s not a fairytale ending- and yes, it IS
quite ugly!
We can,
however, view ourselves differently. Dr. Margo Maine has a spectacular list of
body-positive affirmations. Apply them to your own life. Share them with your
daughters, mothers, sisters and friends. There’s much more “happily ever after”
in these self-acceptance principles.
Body Image Links
20 WAYS TO
LOVE YOUR BODY!!
Compiled by Margo Maine, Ph. D.
Compiled by Margo Maine, Ph. D.
- Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.
- Create a list of all the things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.
- Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.
- Create a list of people you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments.
- Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.
- Don't let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.
- Wear comfortable clothes that you like and that feel good to your body.
- Count your blessings, not your blemishes.
- Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!
- Be your body's friend and supporter, not its enemy.
- Consider this: your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver every six weeks, and your skeleton every three months. Your body is extraordinary--begin to respect and appreciate it.
- Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.
- Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.
- Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don't exercise to lose weight or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good.
- Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age.
- Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself--without mentioning your appearance. Add to it!
- Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, "I'm beautiful inside and out."
- Choose to find the beauty in the world and in yourself.
- Start saying to yourself, "Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."
- Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.
Reprinted
with permission from the National Eating Disorders Association. For more
information: www.NationalEatingDisorders.org.
Copyright © 2018 by
Sheryle Cruse
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