This time of
year is all about the “too much.” There’s too much food, too much temptation,
too much decoration, too much noise, too much spending and too much stress.
Anything which is already an existing reality, this time of year, is seemingly
placed on steroids.
Ho. Ho. Ho.
Jolly times.
A few years
ago, an interior designer appeared on a morning talk show. She was there to
offer helpful holiday décor tips for our homes. So, I was anticipating glitter,
pipe cleaners, tinsel and every kitschy decoration known to man. I awaited
pointers on how to transform each home into the Las Vegas strip.
So, it
surprised me when she had some atypical advice...
“You don’t have to display all of
your Christmas decorations every year. Sometimes, less is more.”
If we drive
around in our city streets, it appears many people have not gotten that memo.
There are assaulting twinkling, epic strobe lights, red and green everything
and front lawn Nativity sets which also have Frosty, Santa, and Disney
characters in attendance of our Savior’s birth.
Everything
screams, “More is more! Here, let’s add some more tinsel and sugar to it all!”
Where does
this more attitude come from?
A possible
explanation may be from a spirit- and a deficit- of fear. The anxiety pops up,
asserting things will go horribly wrong unless we pull out all the stops.
For those of
us with food issues, this is a reality. There’s the
“I-may-never-get-another-shot-at-this-buffet-again-because-after-the-holidays-I’ll-be-doing-my-
New- Year’s- Resolution-Diet-so- I better-binge-while-I can!”
The
celebration spirit goes from “merry” to hedonistic, hinging upon the lie, “I will
never get another shot at happiness again. So, I’m going to go for it until I
physically can’t.”
The hidden
message can often lie in one festive word: “should.”
“Should” is
even more prevalent than Christmas cookies and Santa hats. It drives the holiday
bus...right into the ditch.
Jingle,
jingle, is that holiday stress I hear, see and feel?
And so, over
the years, in response to that stress, I find comfort and freedom in scripture.
There is, indeed, the permission to choose to say “yes” or “no” to anything,
holiday fare included. That means it is permitted and encouraged to not be
bound by oppressive, rigid constraints.
“All
things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are
lawful for me, but all things edify not.”
1
Corinthians 10:23
“All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’
or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
Matthew
5:37
There is no
one “perfect” way to deal with the holidays. Unfortunately, the seasonal pressure,
somehow, dictates we must attend every party, sign up for every bit of
volunteering, buy gifts for everyone, eat and drink everything and never put
the brakes on any request or situation. Full tilt experience: to quote the
satirical film, “This is Spinal Tap...”
“These go to
eleven.”
But this is
not only unrealistic, it is also unhealthy. For, there are many personality
types out there- and not all of them are of the social, “party-party-party”
variety.
And then,
add to that baseline, complex, real life circumstances: addiction struggles,
grief of a loved one, any sort of personal, legal or financial trouble and it
creates further cruelty to pressure anyone to perform to the rigid holiday
standard.
Self-care
needs to be at the center of this holiday season. We can tend to forget or
forsake that this time of year. It is usually viewed as selfish and
self-centered. And, again, according to holiday specifications, we all “should”
be generous to a larger than life degree.
But to that,
I offer a bit of inflight advice...
“Put on your own
oxygen mask first.”
- Airline companies
It is impossible to help, love, be generous or festive with anyone else if we cannot first do that with ourselves.
- Airline companies
It is impossible to help, love, be generous or festive with anyone else if we cannot first do that with ourselves.
Still not convinced,
you “Should Monster,” you? Okay, well how’s this?
“Don't you know that you yourselves
are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in your midst?”
1 Corinthians 3:16
If we
wouldn’t dream of hosting an all-out cocaine, sex and debauchery-fueled kegger
within our churches, why would it be okay, then, to trash our own temples in
body, mind or spirit?
Sometimes,
it is all just too much.
The party,
the expectation, the expense- it is just not good for us. The healthier option
is to withdraw, not to isolate like a hermit, but to replenish ourselves.
Even our
Savior needed to get some alone time- away from “us,” while communing with the
Father (Luke 6:12).
The “less is
more” holiday approach goes beyond how much decoration and activity we engage
in. It has more to do with finding the personal, meaningful significance and
connecting with that spiritual intimacy.
“Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper
and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.”
3 John 1:2
Sometimes,
that prospering occurs when we go against the “holiday should” expectations.
Sometimes...
... it’s the
quiet, rather than the Christmas carols...
...it’s the
subdued room, instead of the lit Christmas trees...
...it’s in
saying “no” instead of “yes...”
Each
holiday season, I find myself sharing NEDIC’s helpful advice with stressed out
people. The resource focuses on disordered eating and the holidays, but I think
it extends to the sheer stress of the season as a whole.
Predict high stress
times and places; decide which events you will and won't attend, and plan to
have some time to yourself to restore yourself and take care of your own needs.
Predict which people might make you most
uncomfortable and plan appropriate ways of excusing yourself from their
company.
Predict negative thoughts that you might
have during the holidays, and practice thinking differently.
Carry with you a list of phone numbers of
friends and crisis lines, and a list of self-soothing activities.
It may be helpful to
realize that the "picture-book" holiday sense is not a reality for
many people. Some cannot afford it, there are many single people who are not
close to their families or do not have a family, and there are many families
that do not fit into the dominant cultural model of "family." Do not
blame yourself for family or friendship conflicts. People are not different
during the holidays than any other time of the year. Remember that you are
responsible only for your own actions and for taking care of yourself.
Take
the time, the care, the priority and the gentleness you need to make it through
this season however you need to. Go easy on yourself. Liberally apply the Most High’s
grace to your circumstances.
You
and I are not perfect and we will not do life, including holiday life,
perfectly either.
Give
yourself permission to do “less is more.” And perhaps, you will find an
unlikely holiday happiness in doing so.
Blessings,
rich meaning and joy to you; may we all experience what this season is about!
Copyright © 2018 by Sheryle Cruse
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