They say that one of life’s
greatest stressors is moving.
Years ago, I came across this
Scottish proverb…
“Learn to unpack or rebuke.”
The imperfect lesson.
And nothing like moving captures
the totality of processing and deciding what to do with stuff, personal
possessions or personal feedback and issues.
People have told you who you and I are.
Do we believe that? And, if so, why so?
It’s all a big mess.
Unpack:
When we make the lifechanging
decision to move, be it across town, across the country or across the world,
part of that process involves the look of utter devastation. Our in-process
transition, from one place to another, essentially looks like our abode was
ransacked. There is stuff everywhere, because there needs to be stuff
everywhere: our possessions, boxes galore, packing tape, suitcases. It needs to
look worse before it begins to look better. We need to unpack those things, in
order to see what we have and deal with it accordingly.
We reason we need to deal with it all.
It’s overwhelming. Some of us feel the pressure to execute things perfectly. We
place pressure on ourselves to get it all done, all at once.
Rebuke:
And, of course, this is
unrealistic… and unhealthy. Therefore, we need to rebuke this thought. It cannot
be done, all at once. No one can simply wiggle their nose and, presto,
change-o, it’s accomplished.
Likewise, regarding our life and
personal issues, it can appear that everything needs our immediate attention,
including things like relationships, finances, marriage, children, work, legal,
addiction and abuse issues.
It seems like it’s all laid bare,
presented before us as urgent, maybe even, life or death. We need to do
something!
Assessment.
Unpack:
We need to keep first things first.
If we get too overwhelmed by the sheer overwhelming appearance of it all,
concerning this move, we will blow a gasket before we even begin.
Where are we? Who are we? What does
this move, this new phase of our lives, represent to us?
And are we even willing and able to
ask the questions, to face the reality that is our current predicament?
Rebuke:
In a moving context, we determine
what things we need, what things we use and how often we use them. Is there
some furniture on its last legs? What things have we kept for the past ten or twenty
years, never using it once? What have we outgrown?
It’s even more intensified
concerning our personal issues.
What to Keep, What to
Rid Ourselves Of…
Unpack:
In a moving context, are our
possessions and furniture, consistent with what our lives are?
Are we moving from a house to a
one- bedroom apartment?
Can we take those five china
closets with us in this move? Probably not.
Is our current situation consistent
with our new home, our new city, our new phase of life?
Moving requires we change our
lives.
Not easy, by any stretch of the
imagination.
Many of us are so intimidated by
the prospect of it, we procrastinate, distract ourselves and do everything in
our power to avoid it. Even though we have looming deadlines. We need to
be out of our current situation: our house, our apartment, our town or city by
this date or that date. The movers are coming. The U-Haul is rented. We have a
certain amount of stuff we need to cram into a certain number of boxes.
Rebuke:
No one wants to do any of it. Why
not?
Because it involves the drudging up
of who we are, our issues, problems and pain. Material possessions represent
that drudging. We have affixed meaning, trauma, grief and nostalgia to certain
things.
And, just like our response to
being rebuked and corrected in real life, we don’t want to be rebuked for these
possessions that are loaded with meaning and issues. We don’t want to face
truth and possibly say goodbye to things, for what they represent, including…
The death of status
quo…
The death of a dream…
The death of a standard
of living…
The death of economic
prosperity…
The death of a
meaningful relationship…
The material possession is the
totem of power, impacting us, for good or not so good. We may have a pull
toward an actual physical object, in and of itself.
But again, it often goes much
deeper than that.
Rebuking the old way of life, with
or without a material possession attached to it, is painful and
difficult. We don’t want to lose and give up the things that require us to engage
in that painful difficulty.
For some of us, that means we need
to let go of things like baby stuff, because our children have grown up, our
wedding china and/or our wedding ring, because divorce has ended our marriages,
a family heirloom, because looking at it reminds us of the pain it represents…
and that’s all we can see each time we look at it.
Personal issues, however, only
present more complex, painful and soul-shaking actions. We are faced with
tackling more than the material possessions we have accumulated. We need to
tackle, things like fear, anger, and shame. We need to decide what to unpack
and what to rebuke concerning these issues.
We are charged with energy,
generated by the “stuff” we have accumulated in our lives.
Beyond the physical object, we are
inundated with mistaken thoughts, beliefs and words that we have hoarded, for
one reason or another. What was said to us? What was done to us? What damage
was caused? What has been the fallout from that damage?
Many of us are operating from
harmful words that were inflicted upon us by a family member, childhood bully
or circumstance beyond any mortal’s control. What do we do with that? Do we
confront it? Neglect it? Change it?
Here’s the work of both unpacking
and rebuking.
And it can start by asking a
question, from an objective, even clinical, stance, “Is this true?”
Researching for “facts” to support
or dispute that thing in question, can help us determine whether we give
credence to something as valid, or take the baby steps of healing to “let it
go.”
The authentic life demands moving;
our lives cannot, and will not, be static. Whether or not we ever change houses
or locations is immaterial.
How we change our lives, learning
what to keep and what to release, however, is.
Copyright © 2022 by Sheryle Cruse
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