When I was a little girl, I watched
the royal wedding of Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana. I bought into
the excitement and the promise of the fairytale. And yes, I wanted to be a
princess. So, I woke up at four in the morning to catch the internationally
televised coverage of the epic event and live vicariously through it. There I
was, with a bowl of cereal in hand, watching that gilded carriage pull up,
carrying the young Lady Diana Spencer and her father.
And when she stepped out of that carriage? That incredible
extravaganza of a wedding dress! Over the years, I heard people discussing that
moment, likening it to an exquisite creature emerging from a large chrysalis.
Yep,
that’s about right.
As I watched the 1981 wedding and
years later, the 2011 royal wedding between Prince William and Princess Catherine,
I noted how the power of the fairytale continues to hit us hard. We still want
to buy into the belief that if something appears beautiful, it’s perfect, pain
free and “happily ever after.” I know I certainly bought that concept. It
spilled over into my food, weight and body image issues until, years later, I
found myself in the grips of disordered eating. I believed, wrongly so, beauty,
a/k/a being thin, would make my life perfect and fairytale “happily ever
after.” Unfortunately, I discovered that wasn’t the case. In that promise’s
place, instead, were harmful, miserable compulsions, thoughts, self-hated and
spiritual disconnection with God. Certainly, there was no reassuring feeling I
was a beautiful, valuable princess.
And it’s not entirely lost on me the
profound nature of the word “princess” in the “thinspiration” or “thinspo”
movement. This destructive force has taken off now, largely due to the
internet. With a proliferation of websites, blogs and social network sites,
devoted to the encouragement and instruction of developing and maintaining
eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia, “thinspo” has seeped into our
consciousness. And, of course, it targets young girls and women, promising them
a perfect, controlled, beautiful life, if only they could be as thin as
possible. Therefore, disturbingly, often the term “princess” is used to
describe those females who victoriously keep their eating disorders going and
their weight numbers down.
Since writing the book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through
the Living Death of an Eating Disorder,” I encounter many young
girls and women, at various stages in their disorders and recovery. And yes,
some of them claim to be “princesses.” I often get asked if I am one as well. I
tell them I’m pro-recovery, not pro-eating disorders, but I don’t know how much
of that registers. They still seem to have “princess”- a thin princess, anyway- on the brain. Some things don’t change, do
they? Fixating on that perfect princess often follows us in life.
Princess. Yes, most little girls want
to be princesses. Think about it: fairytales, dress up, costumes, wedding days.
All princess stuff. We’re groomed to desire the pink girly dreams, seemingly,
right from the start.
What is a princess then? Is she
beautiful? Sweet? Lovable? Let’s be honest, do you and I feel like those traits
every single day? I didn’t think so. And is this princess the reflection
staring back at us? Most of us would probably answer “no.” Whether it’s seeking
that ideal through beauty and size, even to the extremes of eating disorders or
looking at a tangible female role model to embody that image, “princess” is
never far from our thoughts. And still, we have difficulty accepting our
inherent value in God’s eyes.
So, let’s look at the late Princess
Diana. She was, after all, more than that breathtaking bride in the fairytale
wedding. Years after her death, we continue to see her impact. In the 1980’s, she
educated the world by touching and hugging people with HIV, something unheard
of from a royal family member at the time. She sent the message that loving human
touch is safe and vital to anyone who is suffering. And that included the
mystifying disease of AIDS. Sounds like a princess to me.
And just before her death, she also
brought attention the anti-landmine cause worldwide by walking through Angola,
dressed in protective gear. Is that act becoming of a princess?
And, of course she raised two sons,
Princes William and Prince Harry, both who continue her legacy of charity and
service. Attributes of a princess?
Look at her life; look at who she was,
apart from her title. Yes, she was
beautiful, glamorous and, by royal title, indeed, a princess. But she was also
a daughter, a friend, a girl, a woman, a wife, a mother.
And she was also imperfect. That
imperfection surfaced as she dealt with her own eating disorder of bulimia.
Yes, a princess had an eating disorder. That wasn’t in the perfect fairytale,
was it? Did that reality turn us against her, make her any less appealing? No.
In fact, we connected with her vulnerability and her humanity. Those of us
dealing with eating disorders and recovery also empathized with her struggles.
Being a princess didn’t prevent her from experiencing those painful challenges.
When she passed away in 1997, she was
named “the people’s princess.” But that title had more to do with her
compassion and her kindness expressed to others. It didn’t hinge on physical
appearance or weight. It was about her heart.
So, are we, like her, princesses in
our worlds? What does that mean to us? Is there the association of “thinspo”
attached to it? Is there unrealistic beauty pressures attached to the
definition? Are we only princesses, only valuable if we reach and maintain a
certain physical criteria? What about our
hearts? Where does that factor into the princess designation? Look around at
your loved ones, your family and your friends. We just don’t get how much we’re
loved and valued by others, do we? We just don’t get how much we’re loved and
valued by God!
“Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their
lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love
you.”
Isaiah
43:4
“I have loved you…With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.”
Jeremiah
31:3
It doesn’t matter who you are and what
you’ve been or done in your life. God has a soft spot for you, in which He sees
you as His Princess. He sees ALL of
you, every facet; you are this wonderful jewel!
So, the challenge, I suppose, is for
each of us to view ourselves as a “princess,” recognizing that the word speaks
to our uniqueness, not a crown on our heads, not ever changing beauty trends, not
“thinspo” pro-eating disorder mindsets.
I have a different definition of the
word. Yes, then. I’m a Princess. You are too! Walk with your head held high;
you are that important child of the Most High God!
Copyright © 2014 by
Sheryle Cruse
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