I love
hummingbirds. So, when I saw a beautiful photo of one recently, I zoomed in on
it.
And, upon closer examination, I read this little factoid right here:
“Hummingbirds are continuously hours
away from starving to death, and are able to store just enough energy to
survive overnight.”
I immediately
thought of my anorexic experiences.
I didn’t
know it at the time, but I had my own obsessive hummingbird thing going on. It
was driven by fear- and it didn’t have to be that way.
Fear had
convinced me the absolute worst things in the world that could happen to me
were eating and gaining weight. So, the torture game became “don’t eat- go as
long, as far as you can without eating- just keep going.”
But, what I
didn’t know was that this was not what God wanted for me. He didn’t want to
punish me; that was not His Will towards me. This, rather, was, instead:
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the
Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
God never
created me to be like the every frenetic hummingbird. He wanted me to have a
life- and one which wasn’t running on fumes.
“…I am come that they might have life,
and that they might have it more abundantly.”’
John 10:10
The fear I
was experiencing, driving me to emaciation, exhaustion and misery was not of
God.
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear;
but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7
I didn’t know that at the time.
I didn’t
know that fear is a spirit, distorting the truth of things; fear lies to us. It
tries to convince us God doesn’t love us, God will fail us and life is a
horrible, hopeless thing.
All lies.
God repeatedly
tells us NOT to fear, in fact…
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am
thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee
with the right hand of my righteousness.”
Isaiah 41:10
“Fear not: for I am with thee…”
Isaiah 43:5
“Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good
pleasure to give you the kingdom.”
Luke 12:32
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear:
because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love
him, because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:18-19
“And he saith unto them, ‘Why are ye fearful, O ye of little
faith?’ Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great
calm.”
Matthew 8:26
This last scripture struck me especially hard as I looked at the words “there was a great calm.”
Ever see a
hummingbird? Not a lot of calm going on there.
And that’s
the reality check. For those of us struggling with eating disorders and
obsessive/compulsive thoughts and behaviors, are we acting more like a frantic
hummingbird or a peaceful child of God? Where are we falling within that
spectrum? We are somewhere.
So, wherever
we are, how imperfectly we are, let’s first start with Psalm 46:10:
“Be still, and know that I am God…”
From there, let’s live
as His Child. Let’s cease from our hummingbird ways.
Copyright © 2014 by
Sheryle Cruse
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