I’ve had
experience with the “or else” fear mentality of anger. Coming from abuse, it
was difficult to feel anger and love coexisting simultaneously. Years later, as
an adult, it’s still been a challenge to untangle the two.
And, in my
eating disorder recovery, I’ve frequently encountered individuals who have also
been plagued with the struggle of anger versus love. Most of the time, in talking
with young girls and women, if there’s ever been a disagreement, they often view
it as me “hating” them, all of a sudden. Not true.
Even if/when I’m angry about something, it’s
not hatred. But, because of the importance subscribed to approval, unless there
is an overjoyed, enthusiastic “yes response,” rejection, hatred and all manner
of negative conclusions are viewed to be the only result.
We have
gotten the anger thing quite twisted. Scripture tells us anger will come. How
we respond to it is the greater issue:
“Be ye angry, and sin not…”
Ephesians 4:26
Easier said
than practiced, I know. But I think a key to it is recognizing anger does not
equal hatred/loss of love. We can be angry and
love fiercely at the same time.
Someone once
said the opposite of love is not hate; it’s indifference. Good point.
After all,
how many love relationships gone sour have had individuals who are unaffected
by them? There’s usually some revenge fantasies, some desire to hurt the other
party. We, as our base natures, want to hurt the one who hurt us. Not exactly
lovely and noble, but human? Oh yeah! There’s tons of humanity oozing there!
If we’ve
come from a background of abuse and perfectionism, it’s especially difficult to
remain neutral. We are affected all over the place! We become sensitive to any
perceived slight or rejection, all because we determine love must be constantly approving of us, be
perfect and never hurt, especially if we’ve been abused. There is a premium on
the “love as action” element. And, it’s further complicated if we cannot
separate OUR “who” from our “do.” We want approval for every action, forsaking
the reality that love approves of us as human beings, but not necessarily of
every human action.
God loves us
unconditionally. There’s nothing we can do to get Him to “un-love” us.
“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”
Isaiah 43:4
“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”
Isaiah 41:9
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me,
saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with
lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah 31:3
Yep, there’s
a lot of love going on. There’s nothing we can do to make Him love us less- or more.
He loves, beyond our finite understanding of the word and the experience.
But does
that mean that God is absolutely thrilled with everything we do? Of course not.
In some instances, God may even be peeved with us. But He never hates us. He
just isn’t always happy with our choices.
Some of us,
however, may have encountered abusive experiences in which love was
conditional, carrying perfect expectations and wrathful violence if a standard
was not achieved and maintained. The “or else” sense of dread can paralyze and
confuse us; we never know where we stand.
And, if
that’s how it is with human relationships, how much more powerful is this
dynamic with a perfect ultimately powerful God?
But there’s
no “or else” to God’s love for us, regardless of how He feels about our
choices. He loves- constantly…
“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels
nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor
height nor depth nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from
the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39
In fact, He
got there first…
“We love him, because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:19
And, because
of that “first love,” He gave us Jesus, even while we were imperfect, sinning,
careless and, perhaps even, unloving?
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his
only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have
everlasting life.”
John 3:16
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while
we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8
Let’s face
it. If God had to wait until we got our perfectly loving act together, He’d
STILL be waiting for it to happen! Again, I repeat this scripture…
“We love him, because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:19
He loved us
while being pleased, frustrated, hurt by, concerned for, aware of, merciful and
gracious with us. And yes, during that whole love fest process, God has been
angry. An angry God is scary. We’re taught about “the fear of the Lord” in
scripture (Psalms 19:9; Psalms 34:11;
Proverbs 9:10; Proverbs 10:27; Proverbs
14:26; Proverbs 14:27; Proverbs 19:23). But that has to do with respecting Him, not being afraid of Him.
Nevertheless,
we need to remember God’s attitude to His anger…
“For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favor is life: weeping may endure for a
night, but joy cometh in the
morning.”
Psalm 30:5
We’d benefit
tremendously to adopt this perspective in our own lives, in relating to God and
others. Scripture tells us to “let it go,” in fact…
“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your
wrath.”
Ephesians 4:26
If our
relationships don’t reflect that, they need to be examined and corrected; they
may be abusive and toxic. If our view of God or even ourselves runs counter to Ephesians
4:26, it’s self-destructive; it’s not God’s chosen best for us.
Isn’t it
time to free ourselves from the stifling conditions we place upon love? God
loves, anger or no anger. He never takes that love away.
Whatever
your experience has been with love and anger, please rest in God’s love being
more powerful, more eternal than any temporary and/or inaccurate situation
you’ve encountered.
God loves
you.
Here. Now.
Forever.
“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels
nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor
height nor depth nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from
the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39
Copyright © 2016 by
Sheryle Cruse
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