While doing research on
the internet, okay, while trying to avoid work, distracting myself with cute
animals, I came across this little guy right here.
Yes, the image of a baby
bird, being spoon-fed, can make even the hardest of hearts melt I bit (at
least, I hope it does).
Attached to the image
was this statement: “You will never regret
being kind.”
I started thinking
about that concept. Like many abuse survivors out there, I’ve been exploited
and taken advantage of, simply because, many times, I was trying to be kind.
Add to that reality, the message pressure of “Be nice” we so often hear,
especially as children, and the whole expression of humanity becomes muddy.
We can ask ourselves, “Am
I being kind?” “Am I being nice?”
What’s the difference
between the two? Which one should I choose?
The baby bird image
simplifies the issue. So, let’s return to that little budgie.
First, this little guy
is helpless, practically bald, as his pink skin barely has enough “peach fuzz”
to cover his body. He must be freezing. Someone, please get him a
sweater!
But there are no warm
sweaters for baby birds found in nature.
Instead, we see the
vulnerability of this creature, perhaps, eliciting our innate caregiving
response. So, the picture appears quiet, calm and gentle. There is no force
feeding. A spoon is gently presented to the helpless, hungry guy. I’m quite certain
music from ACDC is also not playing in the background (nothing against the
band, ACDC).
I mention this to
illustrate how, for the greater good, meaning, the survival and well-being of
this baby bird, all focus goes to taking care of him. There is no fanfare,
no attention seeking. Perhaps, that is the essence of kindness.
Now, let’s
contrast that with “Being Nice.”
There is a difference.
For, in this instance, we
go back to our baby bird and the “spoon feeder.” Here, this person declares, “I’m a nice person.”
But it’s not quite that
simple.
The image in this
scenario would probably be dramatically different. The focus would be changed.
Perhaps, this picture would
be all hand, all spoon, with absolutely no emphasis on the baby bird. Maybe,
you’d see a beak in the photo, at most.
Maybe.
This “nice” approach
may be that way, because the nice agenda dictates it be a birdfeeder spoon
photo op. It has nothing to do with keeping the helpless being alive. It
has, instead, everything to do with the perception surrounding the
spoon feeder.
Isn’t he/she such
a great person? Just look at what they’re doing!
Yes, “Nice” has an
agenda and a superiority to it. It can be self-directed, or it can be
externally achieved, via other people, outside of the situation.
The kind person,
however, says nothing. There’s no need to be validated with “How great
thou art.” There’s no need for accolades. The spoon feeder is too busy spoon
feeding the baby bird, to pay attention to what everyone else is saying.
In this instance,
perhaps, this photo would have the feeder make every attempt to not be in
the picture. There would be no identifying characteristics. It’s more than
enough to see the tips of his/her fingers.
Kind just is.
But, again,
Nice is concerned with appearances.
There is the glory of
the photo op. If a nice deed happens, and it is not caught on camera, does it
exist?
Who knows? Without
a camera present, the person might be captured tormenting the bird.
Kind doesn’t think
that way.
Kind doesn’t entertain manipulation
and abuse. Nice, perhaps, does.
Kind is concerned with
the kind act they wish to perform.
It’s a Deliberate
Decision.
The difference between
Kind and Nice doesn’t need to be confusing. It can come down to decision
making. And we all engage in decision making.
Kind makes
a decision to be Kind. Nice makes a decision to be Nice.
It’s intentional,
whether we know it or not. What drives us? What compels us? And
how will we respond to that honest answer?
How will we feed that
baby bird?
Copyright © 2020 by
Sheryle Cruse
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