As we get
closer and closer to the holidays, the anxiety levels seem to amp up. Or am I
the only one feeling it? We’re inundated with family, obligations and all
manner of “should’s.” Festive, isn’t it?
And it’s
during this time, fear, guilt, regret and resentment come hurdling toward us. A
running thought is whatever we do or don’t do, “it’s not good enough.”
Again,
festive.
So, I’ve
become quite aware of an important holiday word. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?
No.
Not snow.
Not ho, as in ho, ho, ho. No.
The
holidays- let get real- are just too much. Too much food, too much decoration,
too much too much stimulation, too much stuff. And it all demands we say “yes”
to it.
And, in
doing so, we are anything but merry.
So, this
holiday, let’s give a different kind of gift- the gift of no. It, perhaps, is
not the most noble or fuzzy choice, but it’s still very much an acceptable one
for each one of us.
We have
limits, even concerning the holiday season and everything surrounding it.
We need to
keep in mind the people pleasing thing running amuck, driving us into some kind
of emotional, physical or spiritual ground. It’s okay. If no one has told you
that already, please let me be the one to tell you now.
It’s okay.
You have permission to say no. The world will not end.
I love the
advice from NEDIC, advising eating disorder sufferers on how to navigate the
stressful holiday season. Here are a few of their tips. I believe they work for
us all:
Predict high stress
times and places; decide which events you will and won't attend, and plan to
have some time to yourself to restore yourself and take care of your own needs.
Predict which people might make you most
uncomfortable and plan appropriate ways of excusing yourself from their
company.
Predict negative thoughts that you might
have during the holidays, and practice thinking differently.
Carry with you a list of phone numbers of
friends and crisis lines, and a list of self-soothing activities.
It may be helpful to
realize that the "picture-book" holiday sense is not a reality for
many people. Some cannot afford it, there are many single people who are not
close to their families or do not have a family, and there are many families
that do not fit into the dominant cultural model of "family." Do not
blame yourself for family or friendship conflicts. People are not different
during the holidays than any other time of the year. Remember that you are
responsible only for your own actions and for taking care of yourself.
For more info:
NEDIC
Bulletin: Vol. 7, Coping With the Holidays
Again, it’s
okay. Say no if you need to.
And
remember…
Have a
wonderful and guilt-free holiday season!
Copyright © 2020 by
Sheryle Cruse
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