Saturday, March 30, 2019

Discovering the Ever Changing Image…


 

 “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” That’s how the saying goes. But what if that eye keeps changing?

As someone who’s in recovery from disordered eating and image issues, I’m inundated with the physical image factor. In my childhood, like many other females, I wholeheartedly believed beauty looked a certain way…and that estimation was an unchanging, certain gospel. And, of course, the lion’s share of that gospel message was a thin aesthetic. That’s part of what contributed to my dicey experiences with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating and diabolical self-loathing.

Over ten years ago, I just scratched the surface of these issues when my book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder” was published. Now, however, I’m not only navigating through my dysfunctional body image potpourri, but I’m also encountering females, younger and younger, plagued by it as well. Perhaps, once upon a time, only teenagers and young adults were predominantly vulnerable to eating disorders. However, now, it affects children who are afraid to “get fat.”

Still, an insidious issue impacting the female gender is specifically linked to beauty. Think about it. From the time we hear our first fairytale or see an animated depiction of it, princesses, heroines and good fairies are beautiful. And part of that beauty involves their slim bodies. “No fat girls allowed” appears to be the message indoctrinated, early on, into the female gender’s value system. For all of the supposed strides we’ve made with body acceptance, diversity and beauty definitions, come on, let’s get real; the thin standard is still the look we flock to the most. It’s a default beauty setting.

But it has not always been this way. Part of the recovery work I do is exploring and discussing the ever changing beauty image.  Most of the time, young girls come to me fully convinced only an emaciated image is attractive. Since they are not that image naturally, they often develop eating disorder behaviors to achieve that look. And, of course, they reject themselves during the entire process. Often, unfortunately, these females are unaware of and immune to the reality of changing image.

Discovering this reality of the ever changing beauty aesthetic can, indeed, be liberating. There have been varied definitions existing throughout time. And the meaning they possess reaches beyond the actual image itself. It’s about representation and dangled promises. Therefore, awareness of these beauty trends and their representations may be a key to more accepting self-perceptions. The application of knowledge IS power- and toward a healthier and happier life to boot.

So, let’s take a stroll down beauty history lane and see what images were heralded as the “must have” look.

We begin with the 17th century artist, Sir Peter Paul Rubens. He was obsessed with the voluptuous female figure in his work, including his ode to the spectacular derriere, “The Three Graces (1635).
This was long before Jennifer Lopez. “Rubenesque” women possessed rounded backsides, breasts and abdomens, all representing prosperity. Their bodies looked like that because they could afford to eat well. And hey, wealth has always been attractive, right?

And, speaking of wealth, what about 19th century’s corset trend? The tiny waist was in demand as it exemplified well-bred beauty, again, associated with the rich crowd.

 So, “Tight Lacers” were born.
A little ditty from the time period…

“In my hourglass corset I’m laced every day. My little wasp waist is shrinking away. The stays squeeze me inwards so small and so nice, in a pattern of lacing that grips like a vice.”

Yes, women often fainted while pursuing this beauty trend. And this was just one of the various health complications experienced while striving to be a tight lacer. Some women suffered serious harm to their internal organs as whalebone corsets actually reshaped their bodies to the rigid form of the undergarment.

Delightful.

Next, we enter the 1900’s, complete with its moving pictures. We have our first film star, Mary Pickford, “America’s Sweetheart.”
With her head full of ringlets, she resembled a porcelain doll; there was no hint of sexuality- or womanly curves. Simple, uncomplicated and reassuringly girlish, Pickford embodied the easily controlled female. Her helpless beauty signaled to all she needed to be taken care of.

So, when the roaring twenties with its notorious flapper exploded, it was an unsettling game changer.
Now, all traces of the virginal ingĂ©nue were gone. In her place, instead, was the rebellious, sexually free party girl. She smoked cigarettes and drank booze. Her hair was bobbed short and her small busted silhouette exposed a lot of leg in her short, fringe dresses. This look was a declaration of independence.

But we’re just getting warmed up.

With the 1930’s in full swing, here comes screen siren Marlene Dietrich.
Often dressed in tailored men’s suits, she took it a step further; she flirted with sexual identity. Both her style of dress and her body needed no one’s permission to look that way. Indeed, Hollywood was clueless what to do with her bisexuality. Everything is up for grabs.

Which is, perhaps, why 1940’s war time returned us to the conventional safety of the curvy female form. Betty Grable and Rita Hayworth were its notable pinups, decorating fighter planes.
Dependable depictions of traditional beauty soothed us with Americana: Mom, God and apple pie. And, since there was the presence of Rosie the Riveter in the workplace, filling the gap left by men in the military, beauty, possibly needed to be a traditionally safe feminine image.

And so, curves continued their popularity in the postwar 1950’s, as American suburbia and family became the focus. Rosie the Riveter was required to be domestic again. Women were encouraged to be wives and mothers, while exemplifying the ultimate feminine demeanor. So, now we celebrate our best known sex symbol, Marilyn Monroe, as the ideal of womanhood.
 

And here’s a reality check, everyone; Marilyn was a size 14.

Still, it appears the curves of Betty, Rita and Marilyn had a limited shelf life as, with the 1960’s, change comes again. Now we have Audrey Hepburn from the 1961 film, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and First Lady, Jacqueline Kennedy.
There seems to be a streamlining occurring, exalting the thin female appearance.

And this lays still more groundwork for the thin body type to solidify its presence as the 1960’s continue. Emerging from Great Britain’s Mod scene is the model, Twiggy.
Named for her stick- like legs, she showcased short hair, painted on eyelashes and a gamine form. This was a radical departure from the curvy association with feminine beauty. But perhaps this trend’s message wasn’t strictly about fashion. Could it be that during this turbulent decade, with the Vietnam War, civil rights and a strong baby boomer presence, curves were now seen as antiquated and irrelevant?

Regardless, image trends continue to change.

Next, the 1970’s promoted the “natural girl;” this included models Lauren Hutton and Cheryl Tiegs. The standard emphasized health food, nature and less make up.
Maybe, because of the disillusionment from the Vietnam War and Watergate, there was an emphasis on being real. The less artifice, the less smoke and mirrors, perhaps, the better.

Contrast that “less is more” trend with that of the excessive 1980’s; fashion, image and lifestyle are all larger than life. “Supermodels” Cindy Crawford and Naomi Campbell were two of its dominant icons, driving the frenzy to be “model thin.”
 

And the 1980’s fitness explosion certainly did nothing to discourage that sentiment. Jane Fonda’s aerobic workout tapes fed a lucrative diet and fitness industry which validated the decade’s doctrines:  “You can never be too rich or too thin,” “Feel the burn” and “No pain, no gain.”
 

So, once the 1990’s and Seattle’s music scene arrived, yet again, there seemed to be a gigantic shift. Grunge bands, Nirvana and Pearl Jam wore flannel shirts and were disinterested in glamour. Were we, therefore, moving into an era unaffected by physical appearance?

Not so fast. For now, we have “Heroin Chic.” This look embraced Grunge’s flannel on its fashion pages and runways, via its emaciated muse, Kate Moss.
Designers like Calvin Klein courted controversy for their use of Moss and similar waif-looking models. Ads were filled with provocative imagery which often suggested drug use and child pornography.

So, the beauty image continues to have a disturbing, ever changing, go of things.

And yes, those changes continue into the Millennium. With the information age, surely, now, we can embrace a healthy and accurate view of image?

Right? Right?

Perhaps. Yes, there has been some body type diversification in this new century. Celebrities like Jennifer Lopez, Kate Winslet and Beyonce are famous for their prominent derrieres.

Yet, despite their “fuller figures,” there is still the emphasis on svelte and toned frames.

And this preoccupation ushered in yet another troubling trend post-2000: the “Scary Skinny” movement. Its goal was “Size 0,” and, in some extremes, “negative sizes.”

Celebrities who experienced extreme weight loss, like former Spice Girl/style icon, Victoria Beckham, actress, Lindsey Lohan and pop star, Lady Gaga have all been held in question.
Were they extremely thin because of healthy lifestyle choices or were they, in fact, suffering from anorexia, bulimia and/or substance abuse? Speculation circulated.

But the severity of their appearances could not be denied: frail looking frames, prominently jutting shoulder blades and the now disturbingly coveted “thigh gaps.”

Ah, yes, here we go…thigh gaps…

With prominently hollowed spaces between the legs, this trend currently occupies many “thinsperation,” or “thinspo,” pro-eating disorder websites. It is now a desired “beauty” image.

And, who knows what the next big beauty trend may be? It is coming, just as surely as any of these other looks have arrived.

Image is cyclical. What is old is new again. “Retro” looks litter fashion lines. There’s a hint of the 1940’s here, the 1960’s there. And so on and so on…

All things are subject to change. That’s important to remember in any life issue. But the changing image factor is certainly a fickle beast. And, yes, that beast changes its body image with the fashion du jour.

Regardless, we need to be consistent with ourselves, to accept ourselves, as ourselves.

Indeed, what remains a constant is how spectacular we already are.

Therefore, in all of your discovery about the ever changing image, please discover that truth for yourself!

Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse

 

The Wandering of Distractions


 

“He wandereth abroad for bread, saying, ‘Where is it?’…”

Job 15:23

Within recovery, there is often the need to commemorate the struggle, the courage and the life-affirming process, via tattoos and piercings.

Indeed, I’ve encountered many young people who have significant dates and meaningful logos marked on their skin. Likewise, eyebrows, nostrils and lips are also pierced, in the declaration of some kind of personal freedom from pain.

John Lennon once stated in his lyrics, “Whatever gets you through the night, it’s all right, it’s all right.” I certainly can understand that viewpoint. My darkest moments had me looking for any point of light. When one is desperate to overcome seemingly hopeless circumstances, any avenue will do.

“For what I am doing, I do not understand...”

The Apostle Paul in Romans 7:15

In my communications with young people, pursuing the tattoo and piercing avenues, the argument is often made about how getting a certain body modification will reinvent, empower, and heal them from whatever they have faced in the past. This includes abuse, disorder, addiction, loss and pain. Indeed, many have, therefore gotten NEDA heart logo tattoos, a date of his/ her last drink or a pierced septum to symbolized freedom from self-defined slavery. The list goes on and on, unique, specific and personal.

And, while they may know exactly what they want and what they think it represents, all too often, they may be clueless about the why question and the state of their hearts.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”

Jeremiah 17:9

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

Proverbs 4:23

“Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:”

Ephesians 4:18

So, these commemorations becomes distractions- and can produce that disappointed result of feeling continually lost.

 

“He wandereth abroad for bread, saying, ‘Where is it?’…”

Job 15:23

The tattoo or the piercing is not the problem; rather, its significance is. When that body modification becomes the answer, there’s where the idolatry and unrealistic answers can often come in.

“For all the gods of the nations are idols: but the LORD made the heavens.”

Psalms 96:5

The word’s definition reads as follows:

1) image of a deity, etc., as an object of worship. 2) the object of excessive or supreme adulation, a graven image icon, effigy, symbol, fetish, totem, god, hero or heroine, star, celebrity.

Yes, if we’re looking for any kind of mark on our physical bodies to be our answer and our salvation, we are setting ourselves up for great disappointment. The Most High is the only way the lost can be found.

 “That the saying might be fulfilled, which he spake, ‘Of them which thou gavest me have I lost none.’”

John 18:9

“For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.”

Matthew 18:11

Accept no substitutes. Body modification stops at the body. It does not transcend the soul and spirit.

Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse

 

 

 

"It happened to me to" cannot be denied...


Some Helpful Advice...


Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Gaman



“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,”

Hebrews 12:1

Gaman is a Japanese term of Zen origin which means "enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity". The term is generally translated as "perseverance" or "patience."

And, within Scripture, this principle is, indeed, a faith focal point.

“... we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience. And patience, experience; and experience, hope:”

Romans 5:3-4

“For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.”

Hebrews 10:36

I don’t know about your physical education experience when you were a kid, but my class always participated in the annual presidential physical fitness test.

Is anyone out there groaning yet?

As part of that test to assess kids’ fitness levels, things like pushups, sit ups and pull ups were measured. But the thing which caused me the most dread- and the least success- was the 600 yard run.

Now, is anyone out there groaning?

If you’re not familiar with this test, let me break it down. It required some hyped up kids running around the football field twice to measure their personal stamina and speed. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? Perhaps, if you’re a long distance runner, you wouldn’t sweat the field one bit. But, for me, year after year, I feared it, anticipating the worst possible outcomes: face plants, side aches and of course, coming in last.

And, sure enough, each time I ran this race, clumsy me would surface as I endeavored to complete the run. I’d start out, running fast, with my blue Nikes pounding the grass. Sometimes, at the start of the race, I’d even think, “this isn’t so bad.”

But reality would show up soon enough.

Eventually, one by one, the other kids would pass me. “Everyone else” seemed to finish as a herd, in a timely fashion, while I was the one stray loser, stumbling to the finish line. And, as I crossed that finish line (if that’s what you want to call it), the other kids laughed at me.

It was further confirmation I was subpar. And it impacted my life, into adulthood.

 I repeatedly set myself up for failure. How? I required perfection of myself. Whether it was by procrastination, eating disorder behaviors or unrealistic expectations from ever- changing achievements, the core focus was still unrealistic and harmful perfection. It’s one I’m still working on to this day.

Indeed, part of my definition of perfection involved “getting it” quickly. I felt I never caught on to something “everyone else” seemed to automatically pick up with no problem.

How’s that for a tidy little lie?  Comparing ourselves against others is dangerous. We lose sight of ourselves.

Runners are often instructed not to look at their fellow competitors when they’re in the middle of a race. Why? Is it some savvy intimidation strategy? No. Simply put, it’s to keep the runner from getting distracted, so he/she won’t face plant into the ground because he/she isn’t paying attention to where he/she is going.

Lesson: run your own race.

“…let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”

Hebrews 12:1

Easier said than done? Yes. But is it achievable? Yes, it is.

It’s not because we’re perfect. It’s not even because we’re fast. Some of us pick up things at a slower pace.

But it’s about continuing the race, at whatever speed you and I find ourselves running-or walking-or crawling. It’s about the Gaman concept of two words, “keep going.”

“I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Ecclesiastes 9:11

There are times in our lives when it appears no movement is happening. No one is immune from these setbacks. Each of us is subject to “time and chance,” like Ecclesiastes tells us.

However, like Reverend Charles Spurgeon once stated, “By perseverance, the snail reached the ark.”

Do you feel like a snail, like you’re losing your own race? Where are you looking?

Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.”

Proverbs 4:26- 27

For every race you’ve participated in, football field or no football field, Elohim is running with you.

“For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him...”

2 Chronicles 16:9

That includes the race of recovery. It is an ongoing marathon. Therefore, within that context, 2 Chronicles’ use of the word “perfect” doesn’t mean “perfect” at all; it means focused on our Divine Source.

That’s the real challenge, isn’t it? We’re called to persevere in our lives for the Most High, however imperfectly that may be.

 “…let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”

Hebrews 12:1

Indeed, we need look no further than to that of our own Messiah. His excruciating death exemplifies the endurance.

“... the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Hebrews 12:2

Pain, trauma, recovery, self-improvement, goal setting and a healthy perspective and relationship with both ourselves and our God all require we run the race of perseverance. There are no shortcuts. But the rewards? They transcend the spiritual, touching our physical, emotional, mental and imperfect selves.

And they all contribute to our unique, personal and triumphant finish lines.

But we need to begin running our race. Movement starts within the spirit and spreads through our persevering feet.

The victorious race is meant for you; start running it now.

Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse

 

 

 

You Got This


Truth.


Monday, March 25, 2019

Different Equals Beautiful


Advice From the Beatles


The Trophy: Addicted To Achievement?


 

We can get addicted to anything.

I say that to spotlight the trophy’s importance. This was recently brought to my attention as I came across a humorous social media post:

“Ironic that every trophy store looks massively unsuccessful…”

The power, the lure, the snare of the trophy…

“For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.”

James 3:16

With all of the disordered beliefs and actions I have been mired in, an underlying common denominator existed. It was achievement.

As a child, I was driven to acquire and win. I was encouraged to earn as many badges, ribbons and trophies as possible. My first actual trophy was when I was in 4-H. My landscape painting snagged the prize in the organization’s art category.

And, as my name was announced from the makeshift county fair award stage, I felt the exhilaration of being chosen and special. I had achieved something significant. And so, it was not too long before I entertained other thoughts:

Am I significant?

If I am as this winner, will I lose this significance if I don’t keep winning?

Unconditional versus performance- based has been at the core of everything I experienced. It has covered love, value and acceptance.

Likewise, it also extends to the spiritual matters of faith, salvation, damnation and Divine grace. So, yes, there was more attached to the trophy than just the beauty of its gold-plated metal.

They became all-important to me. As long as I kept winning and earning, I was acceptable and pleasing. I just had to reach that “enough” marker of achievement: enough badges, first place ribbons and shelves of gold trophies.

And I racked up quite a number of them. For, in that moment of winning, I experienced the high of my value and the relief of being “okay” which came with it. It drove me to win more.

But, like all highs, it did not last. And it demanded another “hit” of accomplishment.

And the achievements of the past?

Well, they lost their luster and became a weird combination of disappointment and failure. After all, they could not deliver on some vague, affirming, but, nevertheless, unrealistic promise; they left me feeling hollow.

Further complicating things, I internalized their incapability to solve and heal as my personal failure.

If I were a better person, only then could these awards truly be something, meet my needs and make me whole.

“I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.”

Ecclesiastes 1:14

“So I hated life, for the work which had been done under the sun was grievous to me; because everything is futility and striving after wind.”

Ecclesiastes 2:17

And, not surprisingly, this perspective soon contaminated my faith.

I lumped the All-loving Father and Creator of everything into the same oppressive, task-oriented category. And, of course, I felt nothing but disappointment and schemes to punish me from my Maker.

In this mode of thinking, Philippians 2:12 became yet another pressure point, demanding I earn everything, my lovability and salvation included.

 “Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.”

And grace? Well, that only existed for me if I could perfectly understand, accept and apply its reality.

Maybe everyone else could absorb it into their lives while still being horribly messy, but I couldn’t. I had to “get it right.” I had to qualify for it.

But there is no respecter of persons (Romans 2:11). Ephesians 2:8-9 further reiterates that...

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.”

“...Lest any man...” covers anyone and everyone: regardless of what they do or do not do.

That may sound like a “no brainer.” Yet its realization in our lives is more complex than we realize.

For, if we subscribe to the theory of “earning” anything for ourselves, we are not that far away from addiction.

Trophies are anything which makes things-or us- “okay.” The sentiment rejects grace because the trophy, in all its glory, promises to be the “bigger, better deal.” It’s the willful, rebellious assertion we don’t need the Almighty to be our Source. It declares how, only through our own merits, the prize of grace, love, salvation and worth is achieved.

But this belief unravels at its uncertainty. Grace extends beyond our finite reasoning; it covers in spite of us.

 “And if by grace, then is it no more of works: otherwise grace is no more grace. But if it be of works, then it is no more grace: otherwise work is no more work.”

Romans 11:6

Grace doesn’t make sense; it’s unfair. It covers everyone- and everything- they do.

So, for any of to assume we could do a far better job, replacing it with our achievements, is not only arrogant, it is insecure.

For, in our trophy pursuit and collection, we have operated in a delusional thinking which soothes us with tangibility. We can, after all, reach out and touch this trophy of our desire. It is three-dimensional proof. It lies not only in a gold award, but in the comfort and/or high we experience as we drink, eat, inject or indulge physically in any representative craving. It promises us love, meaning, happiness, freedom from fear, escape, courage and some vague form of “the answer.”

Trophies are all about getting what we think we need. They can become an impenetrable barrier, convincing us we are worthwhile and safeguarded from pain.

Take those things away from us, and what are we left with?

Our fears scream, “Nothing!”

But the Most High God reassures us otherwise.

“... ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”

            Jeremiah 31:3

Nothing need be added to that Truth. It is. It is.

“Ironic that every trophy store looks massively unsuccessful…”

That’s because every trophy is a pathetic version of the one true prize: Him.

And we have already won Him.

Let’s revel in THAT Prize!

Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse

 

 

 

It Ain’t What They Call You...


 

“But now thus says the LORD that created you...‘Fear not: for I have redeemed you, I have called you by your name; you are mine.’”

Isaiah 43:1

What’s in a name?

We cannot get around that question. From the start, we are named. As life continues, we bestow more names to children, pets, toys, places, projects, et cetera.

This naming business is far from insignificant. Consequently, it can often subject to negative, extremely personal and abusive behavior. It can challenge the recovery from our individual hurts, histories and obstacles.

I’ve personally encountered this toxicity. I have had people call me derogatory names; profanity and misogyny have often been at the center of those names.

It’s startling, infuriating and potentially harmful to my health and recovery. Often reeling from these encounters, my only recourse is to run to God in prayer.

Recently, I came across a social media post about name calling. And it shed some insight regarding personal attacks.

Here are these reasons behind negative name calling revealed...

Bully

Cover up mistakes

Cause confusion

Deceive observers

Discredit or invalidate opponent

Disarm opponent

Distract or divert attention

Draw attention

Encourage criticism

Instigate reaction

Manipulate you into compliance

Manipulate perception or mislead

Manipulate your beliefs and values

Project blame onto others

Ranting

Reinforce social stigma

Personal Agenda: A Huge “Why”

“For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.”

James 3:16

As we look at this list of “reasons,” it doesn’t take long to see how a personal agenda is behind it all.

And it can become overwhelming to discern and deal with that often destructive personal agenda. Indeed, envy and self-seeking behaviors are often found there. Both share unrealistic expectation, entitlement and, yes, selfishness. Possessing these attributes is human. Like it or not, each of us is subject to falling into this humanity.

With that said, however, it still is not an excuse to eviscerate someone’s character, feelings or circumstances.

Misunderstanding is frequently at the root of negative name calling. We don’t see and know the entirety of a person, their history and their situations. So, in our uninformed perspective, we somehow justify, with unchallenged conviction, the determination they “deserve” said name attached to them.

Someone gets called a profanity, a slur or any other variation of an unflattering, hurtful word.

And here’s where we are confronted with a choice. In that unpleasant, real moment, how do we respond to a derogatory name hurled at us?

“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”

 W. C. Fields

 This tests everything: our faith, our character and our triggers. Over the years, I have tried various tactics concerning the name calling issue.

I have...

...ignored it, doing my best to not dignify it with a response...

“He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth...”

Isaiah 53:7

(Yeah, this Jesus kind of response was definitely not easy)...

...just walked away...

“Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.”

Proverbs 14:7

 (Again, it’s NOT easy).

...attempted to reason with the person, offering a plea for understanding and civility...

“Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”

Matthew 5:9

(Oh, don’t get me started here)...

...responded to verbal attack by stating, “Stop it!”

“Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”

Matthew 5:37

(This, I’ve found, can shut all communication down)...

...put the particular name through my questioning filter, attempting to assess if there was anything “valid” to the incident...

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Psalms 139:23-24

(As if I’m not enough of a masochist already)...

And here’s where I run into a gigantic sticking point: negative name calling is DESTRUCTIVE, not CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.

“Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.”

James 3:5-6

Unfortunately, when a person is in this reactionary mode, they are often not the least bit interested in resolving, understanding or being peaceful. They, because of fear, hurt or frustration, disguised as personal offense, often only want to retaliate.

Again, no one is immune from being in this place.

Nevertheless, it still targets a pointy question for the name caller:

Why are you saying what you are saying?

It comes back to personal human agenda.

But Thank God, God is different...

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Isaiah 55:8-9

And because of our unflattering agenda portrait, we need to return to God on this issue.

When imperfect human beings make the choice to hurt with untrue, but painful verbal attacks, how much more do we need to reaffirm God’s position on the name calling topic?

Called By MY NAME...

“Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made."

Isaiah 43:7

We need to learn, apply and bandage ourselves with how God sees us and how He names us.

(Once again, this is not easy).

When painful verbal abuse is launched our way, we need to keep first things first.

Our First Love: That Settles It...

 “We love him, because he first loved us.”

1 John 4:19

Our inherent value and lovability are secure and decided upon long before we were ever in a circumstance which challenged us to believe a harmful lie of a degrading name.

We were specifically, intentionally, created in His Image and called good...

“And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good...”

Genesis 1:31

 And God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness...’ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

Genesis 1:26-27

And after our creation, God celebrates us...

 “The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”

Zephaniah 3:17

That’s an important thing to keep in mind whenever we’re in a name calling moment.

 I mean, let’s face it, in that uncomfortable scenario, there is nothing celebratory going on.

Why HIS Name Calling?

“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”

Isaiah 43:4

So, whenever we feel diminished in a negative context, we need God’s affirming naming process. It comes from an agenda of love.

“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”

Jeremiah 31:3

At surface level, this feels like a no brainer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know- God loves us.

Yet, when we are bombarded with vicious, degrading and hurtful words, words which often convince us of our worthlessness, this important love thing can be incredibly difficult to accept.

Free To Transform Because God is Decided...         

“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”

Isaiah 41:9

Therefore, knowing God is already decided about His love and decision to choose us can, however slightly, make it easier for us to absorb.

And maybe this absorption can facilitate our trust inthe grace-infused process of transformation, even in spite of our wounds and issues.

 “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”

2 Corinthians 3:18

One of the reasons I frequently refer to 2 Corinthians 3:18 and an entire slew of unconditional love scriptures as  I write, speak and mentor, is because life, without any sugarcoating, is brutal. I’ve encountered many along the way who are walking wounded from someone else’s fiery tongue.

Therefore, part of the ongoing healing process is to frequently remind ourselves of these love and value scriptures.

I wish I could say I am completely finished and healed. I would love to say it’s all resolved.

But I would be lying if I said that.

 My struggle, to this day, resides in not just the memories of days and words gone by, but also in the current biting experiences from people, especially when they are family, I experience to this day.

This, unfortunately, is a common reality for many of us out there. From what name, insult or slur are you trying to process and heal? Who said it? Do you take over where they leave off, calling yourself this horrible name for yourself?

While the recovery journey of truth, acquiring tools and forgiveness unfolds for each of us, there’s one more thing which needs to also be mentioned: Matthew 12:36.

“But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.”

Do I offer this scripture because of the “get ‘em” promise of vengeance on our enemies?

No.

Rather, it is to remind us all, myself included, of the reality of individual accountability. Even on our best day, we still can only control our own actions. That does not guarantee self-control and appropriate behavior will spread to anyone else. So, yes, there is the risk of someone else’s choice for bad and hurtful behavior to be aimed at us- and name calling is included in that.

It’s important to believe God’s love and value estimation concerning us is more powerful than any person’s opinion and the toxic results emanating from it.

Again, to quote W.C. Fields...

“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”

 

Let’s commit to the challenge of accepting ourselves, called by our true names!

“...‘I have called you by your name; you are mine.’”

Isaiah 43:1

Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse