Thursday, December 31, 2020
Reaching Perfection?
“Thou shalt be perfect with the LORD
thy God.”
Deuteronomy 18:13
It really is a defeating word, isn’t
it? “Perfect.”
What if
being imperfect didn’t cancel out our excellence and value? What if being
imperfect, in fact, made us much more
interesting?
Indeed, if
we look at the process of process instead of a finished end product, there certainly
is a more fascinating story going on.
“The law of the LORD is perfect,
converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the
simple.”
Psalms 19:7
God never
told us we wouldn’t go through a process. And that definitely covers our focus
on Him. Just because God’s in it, doesn’t mean it’s painless or easy.
“And he said unto me, My grace is
sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly
therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may
rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
And, it’s
often in this messy, imperfect and painful journey that we find out who we are;
we can discover meaningful purpose.
“Not as though I had already
attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may
apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:12
Having a
perfect, unchallenged life, however, would rarely afford us this same result.
Honestly, I
like the sound of the word, “excellent.” There’s more to it, in my opinion;
it’s more interesting.
It’s a
challenge to us all, then, to have no fear of perfection. Being who were are is
so much better.
Copyright © 2020 by Sheryle Cruse
Wednesday, December 30, 2020
Abracadabra
This magic
phrase is actually Hebrew in origin, meaning, “I create what I speak.”
Wow.
Once again,
the power of our words is in full force. Scripture backs this up…
“Death and life are in the power of
the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
Proverbs 18:21
And that’s
no small thing. We so often underestimate the power of our words, what we say
to and about ourselves.
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...”
Proverbs 23:7
Yes, it all
starts with our thoughts, our self-concept. And then, eventually, we speak out
that estimation. We create something; we frame our worlds with our words.
Yikes.
So, it might
do us all some good if we learn, absorb and speak The Most High’s Words and
thoughts. They’re powerful, positive and helpful.
“For the word of Elohim is quick, and
powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing
asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of
the thoughts and intents of the heart.”
Hebrews 4:12
“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my
ways... For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher
than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.’”
Isaiah 55:8-9
Do we
embrace that or reject that? It’s our decision what we do with those messages.
We’re saying
abracadabra about our lives. What do we create when we speak?
Copyright © 2020 by Sheryle Cruse
Bumping Into Things
“For what I am doing, I do not understand...”
The Apostle Paul in Romans 7:15
I recently
caught this viral clip of a cat bumping into things.
And I found
myself relating. I believed I knew exactly what I was doing.
You need to laugh
right here.
And, for
those of us in recovery from disorder and addiction, it, indeed, seems absurd.
Really, are we truly experiencing
only fantastic results from our erratic, out of control choices?
“There is a way that
seems right to a man. But its end is
the way of death.”
Proverbs
14:12
Whether it is
alcohol or drug-fueled decisions, binges of food, gambling, shopping or any other extreme behavior, we are,
sooner or later, bumping into walls like our feline friend here.
And we’re not really sure WHY we’re doing it
in the FIRST place!
“For what I am doing,
I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice: but what I
hate, that I do.”
The Apostle Paul in Romans 7:15
But God
knows.
“For He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust.”
Psalms 103:14
He gets our
desperation and its demanding, self-destructive choices.
“For all have sinned, and come
short of the glory of God.”
Romans
3:23
“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to
face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”
1 Corinthians 13:12
Yet He
promises to lead and guide us.
“Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, This is the
way, walk in it, whenever you turn to the right hand, and whenever turn to the
left.’”
—Isaiah 30:21
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go:
I will guide you with My eye.”
—Psalm 32:8
However,
it’s up to us to ask for and seek that
wisdom and leading. And that’s where we need to get real with ourselves. What
do we really want?
“…‘Do you want to
get well?’"
John 5:6
Or, again,
do we want this?
We
can decide if we want to keep bumping into walls. This behavior is not working;
we look as ridiculous as this cat.
The viral clip is worth pondering for the state of our
lives, isn’t it?
Copyright © 2020 by
Sheryle Cruse
Trick Images
I recently
came across a souvenir my mother received from her British pen pal in the
1950’s. It’s one of those trick images of Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip;
who you see depends on the angle of the portrait.
It brings to
mind the following scripture:
“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to
face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”
1 Corinthians 13:12
And it made me think of my distorted image issues:
“…I stood in my bedroom, in front of my
three-way mirror. I’d seen so many versions of myself. I’d been fat and thin,
feeling both unworthy and worthy. Yet I was never satisfied...”
(Excerpt taken from Cruse’s book,
“Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating
Disorder”)
Images and mirrors don’t delve into great detail about each trauma,
milestone, issue and phase of our lives. They don’t accurately depict things as
they are. Smudges and warps can alter what reflects back at us. And these
images and mirrors certainly don’t predict the future or explain the Most High completely.
So, perhaps, we need to adjust our expectations about them.
Like Mom’s antique souvenir, we may be looking at ourselves one way, yet
there’s another facet that is not as easily seen.
We may fully believe we’re seeing, metaphorically, the Queen.
But instead, it’s the Prince.
And, even more complicated still, it can be a combination of them both at
the same time.
Nothing ever is as simple as it appears; nothing is as it seems.
And so, we need to go to God.
“For if anyone is a hearer of the word and
not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for
once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what
kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law
of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an
effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.”
James 1:23-25
“And be not conformed to this
world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove
what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
Romans 12:2
Let’s reflect on His view of us.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him;
male and female created he them.”
Genesis 1:27
There’s more than meets the eye; there’s more to what we think we see.
There’s more to who we are created to be.
Seeing through a dark
glass these days about yourself? Take heart. There’s so much more to your life
than what you think you see.
Let my mother’s
souvenir remind you of that.
“But we all, with
unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being
transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of
the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 3:18
Copyright © 2020 by
Sheryle Cruse
My Best Enemy
“I’m my own worst
enemy.”
Isn’t that how the saying goes?
Yet, for a lot of us, perhaps, there’s a more accurate
phrase by which we live:
“I’m my own best enemy.”
We get a payoff for self-loathing, judging and berating
ourselves.
“But mine enemies are lively, and they
are strong: and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied.”
Psalms 38:19
It can give us a license to continue our self-destructive
ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we’re so awful, so unworthy, so ugly, so unlovable.
Therefore no one, not others, not God and not ourselves should require anything
more of us, right?
Wrong.
But we love to revel in being wrong.
And, come on, it takes far less hard work to hate than love, to reject than accept, to destroy
rather than to build.
So, we often take this path of least resistance. We create
and nurture our own best enemies, be they addictive behaviors, disorders or
unhealthy choices.
However, it’s not hopeless.
After all, we have God- and His perspective on enemies:
“Ye
have heard that it hath been said, ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate
thine enemy.’ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you,
and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in
heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth
rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what
reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your
brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye
therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”
Matthew 5:43-48
“But I say unto you which hear, Love
your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and
pray for them which despitefully use you. And unto him that smiteth thee on the
one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloak forbid not
to take thy coat also. Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that
taketh away thy goods ask them not again. And as ye would that men should do to
you, do ye also to them likewise. For if ye love them which love you, what
thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to
them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the
same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for
sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love ye your
enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall
be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the
unthankful and to the evil. Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is
merciful.”
Luke 6:27-36
I know, I know. It’s a tall order. I guess these scriptures
fall under the heading of Isaiah 55…
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your
ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
His thoughts, our thoughts. But here’s the things about
God’s thoughts: there’s nothing enemy about ‘em…
“For I know the thoughts that I think
toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a
future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
So, nine times out of ten, if there is an enemy in our midst, it’s coming from us. We are our own
worst/best enemy.
And again, that would be completely hopeless, were it not
for one thing: God (Thank God)!
And His different perspective on the enemy issue. God
doesn’t seemed to be intimidated by it at all.
He appears to have a plan, even while our enemies, outside
ones or self-inflicted, are creating havoc in our lives.
“Thou preparest a table before me in
the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth
over.”
Psalms 23:5
In fact, there’s even some built-in reconciliation going on
there, in spite of us…
“For if, when we were enemies, we were
reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we
shall be saved by his life.”
Romans 5:10
With that being said,
however, there’s still some work which needs to be done on our part; we’re
responsible for our thoughts and their impact on us:
“For
as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...”
Proverbs
23:7
“Death
and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the
fruit thereof.”
Proverbs
18:21
It’s not entirely up to us; after all, there’s God. But we
DO need to accept responsibility for our part in the behaviors.
We need to get honest with the unflattering reality.
And then, it’s up to us to choose what we’ll do from then on…
“I call heaven and earth to record this
day against you, that I have
set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life,
that both thou and thy seed may live.”
Deuteronomy 30:19
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things
are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever
things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good
report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these
things.”
Philippians 4:8
And so, once again, concerning our self-destructive thoughts
and behaviors, be
they addictions, disorders or compulsions, we can purposely
concentrate on viewing ourselves differently. We can choose NOT to be our own
worst/best enemy.
As one recovered from disordered eating, these affirmations
are just a sampling of positive affirmations.
Body Image Links
20 WAYS TO LOVE YOUR BODY!!
Compiled by Margo Maine, Ph. D.
- Think of your body as the
vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.
- Create a list of all the
things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.
- Become aware of what your
body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just
an ornament.
- Create a list of people
you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or
the world. Consider whether their appearance was important to their
success and accomplishments.
- Walk with your head held
high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.
- Don't let your weight or
shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.
- Wear comfortable clothes
that you like and that feel good to your body.
- Count your blessings, not
your blemishes.
- Think about all the
things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend
worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!
- Be your body's friend and
supporter, not its enemy.
- Consider this: your skin
replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your
liver every six weeks, and your skeleton every three months. Your body is
extraordinary--begin to respect and appreciate it.
- Every morning when you
wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can
enjoy the day.
- Every evening when you go
to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to
do throughout the day.
- Find a method of exercise
that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don't exercise to lose weight or to
fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it
makes you feel good.
- Think back to a time in
your life when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel
like that again, even in this body at this age.
- Keep a list of 10
positive things about yourself--without mentioning your appearance. Add to
it!
- Put a sign on each of
your mirrors saying, "I'm beautiful inside and out."
- Choose to find the beauty
in the world and in yourself.
- Start saying to yourself,
"Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."
- Eat when you are hungry.
Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of
your inner strength and beauty.
Reprinted
with permission from the National Eating Disorders Association. For more
information: www.NationalEatingDisorders.org.
Scripture gets right to the point…
“What shall we then say to these
things? If God be for us, who can be against us?”
Romans 8:31
God’s not our enemy. But if WE are our own best adversary,
what are WE going to do about that?
Copyright
© 2020 by Sheryle Cruse
Discovering the Ever Changing Image…
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” That’s
how the saying goes. But what if that eye keeps changing?
As someone who’s
in recovery from disordered eating and image issues, I’m inundated with the
physical image factor. In my childhood, like many other females, I
wholeheartedly believed beauty looked a certain way…and that estimation was an unchanging,
certain gospel. And, of course, the lion’s share of that gospel message was a thin aesthetic. That’s part of what
contributed to my dicey experiences with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating and
diabolical self-loathing.
Over ten years
ago, I just scratched the surface of these issues when my book, “Thin Enough:
My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder” was
published. Now, however, I’m not only navigating through my dysfunctional body image potpourri, but I’m also encountering
females, younger and younger, plagued by it as well. Perhaps, once upon a time,
only teenagers and young adults were predominantly vulnerable to eating
disorders. However, now, it affects children who are afraid to “get fat.”
Still, an
insidious issue impacting the female gender is specifically linked to beauty.
Think about it. From the time we hear our first fairytale or see an animated
depiction of it, princesses, heroines
and good fairies are beautiful. And part of that beauty involves their slim bodies.
“No fat girls allowed” appears to be the message indoctrinated, early on, into
the female gender’s value system. For all of the supposed strides we’ve made
with body acceptance, diversity and beauty definitions, come on, let’s get
real; the thin standard is still the look we flock to the most. It’s a default
beauty setting.
But it has not
always been this way. Part of the recovery work I do is exploring and
discussing the ever changing beauty image.
Most of the time, young girls come to me fully convinced only an emaciated
image is attractive. Since they are not that image naturally, they often develop
eating disorder behaviors to achieve that look. And, of course, they reject
themselves during the entire process. Often, unfortunately, these females are unaware
of and immune to the reality of changing image.
Discovering this
reality of the ever changing beauty aesthetic can, indeed, be liberating. There
have been varied definitions existing throughout time. And the meaning they
possess reaches beyond the actual image itself. It’s about representation and dangled
promises. Therefore, awareness of
these beauty trends and their representations may be a key to more accepting self-perceptions.
The application of knowledge IS power- and toward a healthier and happier life
to boot.
So, let’s take a stroll
down beauty history lane and see what images were heralded as the “must have”
look.
We begin with the
17th century artist, Sir Peter Paul Rubens. He was obsessed with the
voluptuous female figure in his work, including his ode to the spectacular derriere, “The Three Graces” (1635).
This was long before Jennifer Lopez.
“Rubenesque” women possessed rounded backsides, breasts and abdomens, all representing
prosperity. Their bodies looked like that because
they could afford to eat well. And hey, wealth has always been attractive,
right?
And, speaking of wealth, what
about 19th century’s corset trend? The tiny waist was in demand as it
exemplified well-bred beauty, again, associated with the rich crowd.
So, “Tight Lacers” were born. A little ditty
from the time period…
“In my hourglass corset I’m laced every day. My little wasp
waist is shrinking away. The stays squeeze me inwards so small and so nice, in
a pattern of lacing that grips like a vice.”
Yes, women often fainted while pursuing this beauty trend. And this was just one
of the various health complications experienced while striving to be a tight
lacer. Some women suffered serious harm to their internal organs as whalebone
corsets actually reshaped their bodies
to the rigid form of the undergarment.
Delightful.
Next, we enter the 1900’s,
complete with its moving pictures. We have our first film star, Mary Pickford,
“America’s Sweetheart.” With her head full of ringlets, she resembled a
porcelain doll; there
was no hint of sexuality- or womanly curves. Simple, uncomplicated and
reassuringly girlish, Pickford embodied the easily controlled female. Her
helpless beauty signaled to all she needed to be taken care of.
So, when the
roaring twenties with its notorious flapper exploded, it was an unsettling game
changer. Now, all traces of the virginal ingénue were gone. In her place,
instead, was the rebellious, sexually free party girl. She smoked cigarettes
and drank booze. Her hair was bobbed short and her small busted silhouette exposed
a lot of leg in her short, fringe dresses. This look was a declaration of
independence.
But we’re
just getting warmed up.
With the
1930’s in full swing, here comes screen siren Marlene Dietrich. Often dressed in tailored men’s suits, she took
it a step further; she flirted with sexual identity. Both her style of dress and her body needed no one’s permission to look that way. Indeed, Hollywood was
clueless what to do with her
bisexuality. Everything is up for
grabs.
Which is, perhaps, why 1940’s war time returned us to the conventional
safety of the curvy female form. Betty Grable and Rita Hayworth were its notable
pinups, decorating fighter planes. Dependable depictions of traditional beauty
soothed us with Americana: Mom, God and apple pie. And, since there was the presence
of Rosie the Riveter in the workplace, filling the gap left by men in the
military, beauty, possibly needed to
be a traditionally safe feminine image.
And so, curves continued their popularity in the postwar 1950’s, as American
suburbia and family became the focus. Rosie the Riveter was required to be
domestic again. Women were encouraged to be wives and mothers, while
exemplifying the ultimate feminine demeanor. So, now we celebrate our best known
sex symbol, Marilyn Monroe, as the ideal of womanhood.
And here’s a reality check, everyone; Marilyn was a size 14.
Still, it appears the curves of Betty, Rita and Marilyn had a limited
shelf life as, with the 1960’s, change comes again. Now we have Audrey Hepburn
from the 1961 film, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and First Lady, Jacqueline
Kennedy. There seems to be a streamlining occurring, exalting the thin female appearance.
And this lays still more groundwork
for the thin body type to solidify its presence as the 1960’s continue. Emerging
from Great Britain’s Mod scene is the model, Twiggy. Named for her stick-
like legs, she showcased short hair, painted on eyelashes and a gamine form. This
was a radical departure from the curvy association with feminine beauty. But perhaps
this trend’s message wasn’t strictly about fashion. Could it be that during
this turbulent decade, with the Vietnam War, civil rights and a strong baby
boomer presence, curves were now seen as antiquated and irrelevant?
Regardless, image trends continue to change.
Next, the 1970’s promoted the “natural girl;” this included models Lauren
Hutton and Cheryl Tiegs. The standard emphasized health food, nature and less
make up. Maybe, because of the disillusionment from the Vietnam War and
Watergate, there was an emphasis on being real. The less artifice, the less
smoke and mirrors, perhaps, the better.
Contrast that “less is more” trend
with that of the excessive 1980’s; fashion, image and lifestyle are all larger than life. “Supermodels”
Cindy Crawford and Naomi Campbell were two of its dominant icons, driving the frenzy to be “model thin.”
And the 1980’s fitness explosion certainly
did nothing to discourage that sentiment. Jane Fonda’s aerobic workout
tapes fed a lucrative diet and fitness industry which validated the decade’s
doctrines: “You can never be too rich or
too thin,” “Feel the burn” and “No pain, no gain.”
So, once the 1990’s and Seattle’s music scene arrived, yet again, there
seemed to be a gigantic shift. Grunge bands, Nirvana and Pearl Jam wore flannel
shirts and were disinterested in glamour. Were we, therefore, moving into an
era unaffected by physical appearance?
Not so fast. For now, we have “Heroin Chic.” This look embraced Grunge’s flannel
on its fashion pages and runways, via its emaciated muse, Kate Moss. Designers
like Calvin Klein courted controversy for their use of Moss and similar waif-looking
models. Ads were filled with provocative imagery which often suggested drug use
and child pornography.
So, the beauty image continues to have a disturbing, ever changing, go of
things.
And yes, those changes continue into the Millennium. With the information
age, surely, now, we can embrace a healthy
and accurate view of image?
Right? Right?
Perhaps. Yes,
there has been some body type diversification
in this new century. Celebrities like Jennifer Lopez, Kate Winslet and Beyonce
are famous for their prominent derrieres. Yet, despite their “fuller figures,” there
is still the emphasis on svelte and toned frames.
And this preoccupation ushered
in yet another troubling trend
post-2000: the “Scary Skinny” movement. Its goal was “Size 0,” and, in
some extremes, “negative sizes.”
Celebrities who experienced extreme weight loss, like former Spice Girl/style
icon, Victoria Beckham, actress, Lindsey Lohan and pop star, Lady Gaga have all
been held in question. Were they extremely thin because of healthy lifestyle choices or were they, in fact,
suffering from anorexia, bulimia and/or substance abuse? Speculation circulated.
But the severity of their appearances could not be denied: frail looking
frames, prominently jutting shoulder blades and the now disturbingly coveted
“thigh gaps.”
Ah, yes, here we go…thigh gaps…
With prominently hollowed
spaces between the legs, this trend currently
occupies many “thinsperation,” or “thinspo,” pro-eating disorder websites. It
is now a desired “beauty” image.
And, who knows what the next big beauty trend may be? It is coming, just as surely as any of
these other looks have arrived.
Image is cyclical. What is old is new again. “Retro” looks litter fashion
lines. There’s a hint of the 1940’s here, the 1960’s there. And so on and so
on…
All things are subject to change. That’s important to remember in any life issue. But the changing image factor
is certainly a fickle beast. And, yes, that beast changes its body image with
the fashion du jour.
Regardless, we need to be consistent with ourselves, to accept ourselves,
as ourselves.
Indeed, what remains a constant is how spectacular we already are.
Therefore, in all of your discovery about the ever changing image, please
discover that truth for yourself!
Copyright © 2020 by
Sheryle Cruse
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