“Death and life are in the power of
the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
Proverbs 18:21
When I say the word, “abuse,” what first
springs to your mind?
Broken bones? Bruises?
Unfortunately, there are many different kinds
of abuse out there. The most obvious is physical abuse. But there’s also sexual
abuse, spiritual abuse, emotional and verbal abuse. And, when it comes to
emotional and verbal abuse, the impact is not so easily seen. Yet, the damage
is devastating.
Hence, the broken plate point…
Brilliant and on point.
So, below, I’ve attached an article by Beth J.
Lueders about emotional and verbal abuse.
Emotional and Verbal Abuse
by Beth J. Lueders
Denying
someone access to other relationships. Taunting on the playground. Yelling
degrading remarks. Downplaying accomplishments. Threatening to take the
children away.
From
bullying and manipulative mind games to sexual harassment and elder care
neglect, emotional and verbal abuse is rampant in our society. No one is immune
from encountering abusive people, but everyone can make healthy choices to end
destructive relationship patterns.
Emotional abuse
Emotional
abuse is difficult to define and many cases are never reported; nevertheless,
it's clear that this form of destructive behavior is based on power and
control. An emotionally abusive person may dismiss your feelings and needs,
expect you to perform humiliating or unpleasant tasks, manipulate you into
feeling guilty for trivial things, belittle your outside support system or
blame you for unfortunate circumstances in his or her life. Jealousy,
possessiveness and mistrust characterize an emotionally abusive person. Widely
recognized signs of emotional abuse include:
Rejecting or denying a person's value or
presence and communicating devaluing thoughts and feelings to another person.
Degrading, ridiculing, insulting or
name-calling to lessen the self-worth and dignity of another person. Examples
include humiliating someone in public or responding to a senior as if he or she
is not capable of making decisions.
Terrorizing by inducing intense fear in
someone; intimidating and coercing; or threatening physical harm to a person or
a person's loved ones, pets or possessions. Stalking, threatening to leave and
forcing someone to watch violence toward a family member are all types of
terrorizing.
Isolating, physically confining or limiting
another's freedoms. These restricting behaviors include denying a person
contact with others and controlling someone else's financial affairs.
Exploiting someone's personal rights and
social needs or using another person for profit or advantage. Enticing someone
into illegal activities for financial gain (drug selling, prostitution) is an
example of exploitation.
Detaching and denying emotional care or
affection. Shunning a person's efforts to interact or neglecting someone's
mental health needs are forms of this type of psychological abuse.1Although emotional abuse can occur on its own, all types
of abuse involve some form of emotional abuse. Similar to other forms of
relationship violence, emotional abuse happens most often to individuals with
the least power and resources. Over time emotional abuse brainwashes the
victim. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, it is
clear that for many, emotional abuse is even more devastating than physical
abuse.
Emotional
abuse tears at a person's self-esteem and can greatly impair psychological
development and social interaction. In children, emotional abuse can hinder
attention, intelligence, memory and the ability to feel and express emotions
appropriately. For both children and adults, emotional abuse can manifest
itself in social withdrawal, severe anxiety, fearfulness, depression, physical
complaints, avoidance of eye contact, self-blame and substance abuse.
Emotionally abused seniors may feel extreme guilt, inadequacy, depression or
powerlessness. Unfortunately, many psychologically abused elderly people are
labeled "senile" or "inept."
Because
emotional abuse is not as regularly reported as other forms of violence,
statistics are sparse. A Canadian study on abuse in university and college
dating relationships revealed that 81 percent of male respondents admitted they
had psychologically abused a female partner.2
According to a 2000 report by the National Institute of Justice, an estimated
503,485 women are stalked each year in the United States. Emotional abuse is a
worldwide problem for people of any age and any sex.3
Verbal abuse
The
well-worn chant, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can
never hurt me" is just not true. As Dr. Grace Kettering writes in her book
Verbal Abuse, "Cruel names and labels can hurt us — dreadfully! Many times
the emotional damage is unintentional. Crippling comments may seem so trivial
to the speaker as to be soon forgotten. But at a crucial moment or from an
important person, certain words spoken to a vulnerable, receptive individual
can make or break a life."
Verbal abuse
takes on many forms including criticizing, insulting, degrading, harsh
scolding, name-calling, nagging, threatening, ridiculing, belittling,
trivializing, screaming, ranting, racial slurring and using crude or foul
language. Disparaging comments disguised as jokes and withholding communication
are also examples of verbal abuse.
Hurling
hurtful words at another may sound like: "You're a nag just like your
parents!" "You don't know how to do anything right." "It's
your fault!" "You're too sensitive." "Come on, can't you
take a joke?" "That outfit makes you look fat." "You're
worthless in bed." "Who asked you?" "You don't need that
second helping." "All you do anymore is go to church stuff."
"Your ex sure screwed you up emotionally." Verbal abuse can happen
anywhere, at any time. Individuals who are teased and pressured at work or
school may in turn take out their pent-up frustrations at home. "Kicking
the dog" is not enough; instead, they verbally attack their spouse,
children, parents, close friends — no loved one is safe.
Wounds that
typically accompany emotional, physical and sexual abuse must not be ignored.
Both men and women inflict verbal abuse, but women tend to be more often on the
receiving end of this destructive behavior. What may seem innocent and infrequent
at first can escalate. Verbal abuse frequently plays a major role in violent
crimes. According to a 1998 U.S. Justice Department report on violent crimes,
women are five to eight times more likely than men to be victimized by an
intimate partner.4
All forms of
abuse follow a pattern that, left unchecked, will only increase over time.
Injuries from verbal and emotional abuse can run deep and leave lasting scars.
Many emotionally and verbally abused people reason that, because there are no
bruises or broken bones, their abuse must not be serious. But it is.
Fortunately, support and resources are readily available to guide individuals
into safe, loving relationships. In their well-received book Boundaries,
Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend state that, "Our pain motivates us to
act." If pain motivates you to act against emotional and verbal abuse,
then listen and act. You may be saving more than your life.
1
The National Domestic Violence Hotline, http://www.ndvh.org/
2
Ibid.
3
Ibid.
4
Ibid.
Copyright © 2002 Beth
J. Lueders. Used by permission.
See yourself here? There is help and hope. God
never wants you abused in any way! He loves you and has blessings for you
instead:
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto
me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with
lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”
Jeremiah
31:3
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the
Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
God wants to
restore your broken plate!
Copyright © 2014 by
Sheryle Cruse
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