Sunday, June 15, 2014

Some Thoughts About Father On Father's Day...


(Excerpt from "Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death Of an Eating Disorder) 


"...One of the main realizations I gained about my father through therapy was that he was a person too. He wasn’t my enemy, a villain, or a monster. He was a man. My father was 49 years old when I was born, and fatherhood, I’m sure, was an unexpected new role for him. Having never been parented in a nurturing home himself, he wasn’t equipped to give me that atmosphere of unconditional support and love. As I pondered this, I decided to go through some photographs. My dad, reclusive in nature, is pretty camera-shy and there aren’t a lot of pictures of him. But there is one rare one of him as a child no more than six years old. He’s sitting on some farm equipment, next to one of his brothers. As I looked at this picture, it hit me: My dad was once a child.

            As I stared at this image, at this little boy with the mop head of bangs, wearing overalls and no shoes, I couldn’t hate him. I couldn’t hate a little boy; I couldn’t hate a child. I couldn’t hate God’s child. Instead, I found myself wanting to connect with him somehow. I was nowhere near direct communication. I hadn’t spoken to him or seen him in years. But I wanted to touch him; I wanted to reach him somehow. The only way I knew how to physically touch him was to draw him. I drew the little boy.



            It sounds simple, but it did help. It didn’t matter what hurtful things he’s said to me some fifty years after that photo was taken. He was a little boy “subject” now, and I could choose to draw him any way I decided. After drawing him as this innocent little boy, I didn’t want to return to the way I’d drawn him before. Hating someone and refusing to forgive them takes a lot of energy. I was tired, and I didn’t want to do it anymore.

            I had a revelation about forgiveness. For my entire life, I’d viewed forgiveness as something that denied the occurrence of a wrong. He hurt me, and I didn’t want anyone, especially him, telling me otherwise. But forgiveness, I was finding out, wasn’t denying a wrong. It was just adding God’s healing power to that wrong. And I needed forgiveness just as much as my father did.

“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”
—Jesus in Mark 11:25

2 Corinthians 6:18:
“And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty”

“…You received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.’”
—Romans 8:15


           ... Please, wherever you are, whatever hell you may be going through, know this: God is more loving, more powerful than your problem is, and He will get you past it. Just trust Him, turn to Him. Just trust Jesus to be you Savior and Lord. And just watch. You too, little girl, will arise!"

Copyright © 2014 by Sheryle Cruse




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