Words.
As a writer and a speaker, words are my tools. I
cannot deny their importance. They are communication and often, life itself.
And two words, in particular, which have been particularly
powerful for me since childhood are “right weight.”
Mom introduced this phrase to me as a young girl. It
was a promised land goal as we both struggled to cope with the abuse we endured
in our home. We fluctuated from being “food buddies” to “diet buddies,” on
again, off again, on again, off again, for years.
I talk about its impact in my book, “Thin Enough…”
“Our
buzz phrase was, ‘When we get down to our right
weight…’ Of course, that must mean we were at our wrong weight... I was
becoming so very aware of exactly how unacceptable I was... It was frequently
pointed out to me. Diets were first. Then came the insults, the jokes, the
strategies… Comments like, ‘You’re looking a little pudgy lately,’ and ‘Be
careful, honey, you don’t want to get much fatter now’ came from my family and
neighbors...
…I
hated one comment most of all... In a patronizing, sickly sweet voice, someone
would say to me, ‘You have such a pretty face, if you’d just lose some weight…’
There! So my body was what was wrong with me after all! It hurt even more
because this comment dangled the hope of beauty, and yet placed the blame on
me, a little girl, for not achieving it. It was my fault...”
So, what was set in motion was my eating disorder road
of anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, self-hatred and a spiritual crisis, all hinging
upon the following lie:
“I am not acceptable.”
“Right weight…”
I risked my life, health and spiritual connection, all
due to the negative gravity of those words.
And, even though my mother never was anorexic or bulimic
herself, she still has spent her life grappling with the
over-promise/under-delivery of those words to be her ultimate answer.
She’s been what is considered, by medical standards,
to be “morbidly obese” for well over thirty years now.
And she has not been unscathed by chasing that dangled
carrot of “right weight.”
She has now been diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. She
has high blood pressure and has had at least two strokes which have left her
unable to walk. She spends most of her time in her wheelchair.
Yet, even to this day, when I attend her doctor’s
appointments or care conferences, she still talks about getting down to her
“right weight.”
I am challenged by feelings of frustration, hurt and
defeat when I hear her still speak that way.
Sobering. There’s no denying it. We believe words.
It’s just a matter of which words
capture our minds and our mouths.
Disturbing… Provoking…
And, years later, as I face other young people,
hounded by their own self-destructive words, I feel, more than ever, we need to
go on the offense when it comes to teaching healthier self-image to our
children. It’s an uphill battle, at best.
Nevertheless, here are a few tips, especially if it
involves a parent/child dynamic…
What
To Say To Someone Struggling With Disordered Food Or Body Image Issues...
1) Don’t
diet as a “buddy project.” If there is a legitimate health concern, seek
professional help.
2) Don’t
participate in “fat talk” or body shaming of any kind.
3)
Be aware of both what her values, opinions and feelings
on beauty, weight and personal worth are; likewise, be aware of and
differentiate your own as well. Don’t
belittle him/her on the basis of his/her differences.
4)
Don’t compare and comment on any other person’s looks
(including his/hers or yours) in a critical, negative manner.
5)
Don’t equate terms like “right weight,” “perfect
weight” or a specific dress size or number on the scale as being the solution
to a happy life or a rewarding sense of self. Instead, emphasize health: mind,
body and spirit, which incorporates a
lifestyle of healthier foods and moderate, not punishing, exercise.
Let’s be
AWARE of what we say- to ourselves and to others. Words DO have power. Let’s
use them wisely.
Copyright © 2022 by Sheryle Cruse
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